Lost (17 page)

“I know you took my suit,” Jessie
hissed. “I bet you hid it!”

We were in a
dressing room at Target while Jessie tried to find a bathing suit that would be
passable to her picky tastes.

“Mom! None of
these are right! Can’t we go to the mall?” Jessie wailed.

“Nope. Not
going to the mall on a Saturday.”

“Can I ask Amy
to take me?”

“Fine!” I just
wanted to get out of there.

I left after
telling her to get dressed and to put the suits back on the hanger—nicely!

“Did Cinderella
find anything?” Maggie asked. She had been sitting patiently looking at a
magazine.

“Ugh! I’m
exhausted,” I joked. “Your sister is a beast.”

Maggie shook
her head. “I know. All this over her dumb suit.”

I smiled and
ruffled her short bob.

“Mom, give me
your phone,” Jessie requested as she came out of the dressing room.

“Excuse me?
That isn’t how you talk to me. Go put the suits back on the rack, and then try
again.”

Little snot!

She did what I
said, and then came back with a sheepish look on her face. “Sorry, Mom. Can I
please use your phone?”

“Why?”

“I just want to
call Amy and see if she can take me.”

“Okay,” I
sighed, fished my phone out of my purse, and handed it to her. “You be polite.
Got it?”

“Mom? Really?”
Jessie felt the need to remind me that I was obviously stupid, and with that
she took the phone from me and walked a bit away from us.

Maggie and I
started to walk toward the electronic and book section when Jessie came
squealing up behind us.

“Amy said she’d
love to take me shopping for a new suit! She said she’d come pick me up in
about an hour.”

“Umm... Mom
said we’re gonna go have lunch after this,” Maggie reminded her.

“Ugh. Mom.
Please, can’t we just go home? Amy said she’d take me to Veggie’s for dinner!”
Jessie begged.

The idea of
spending the afternoon with Amy was exciting for Jessie. Amy and Jess were two
peas in a pod and could wander the mall for hours—digging through the racks,
trying on shoes, and playing with makeup. The idea did not appeal to me in the
least, but I figured I could then spend some one-on-one time with Maggie. She
and Jimmy were so low-key, they sometimes got overshadowed by their more high
maintenance siblings. It would be good for my Magpie.

“Magpie, why
don’t we finish up here, and then run home? After Amy picks up Jessie, you and
I can do something. Cool?”

Maggie didn’t
even take time think about it, which warmed my heart. “Cool, Mom.”

I let Maggie
and Jessie pick out something to read on the ship. Maggie got a Ramona Quimby
book—I used to read those books, and I loved that the girls had found them.
Jessie asked if she could get a few magazines. I said that was fine, and
GL
and
Teen Vogue
were dumped into my cart.

“
Teen Vogue
?”
I raised my eyebrow at Jessie. “Isn’t that a little... much?”

“Mom, Amy said
fashion has no age limit and good taste is timeless.”

“O. M. G.”
Maggie rolled her eyes. “That sounds silly.”

I just had to
laugh. I don’t know how many times I’d heard Amy say those exact words—usually
in a vain attempt to get me into something way too revealing.

“So can I get
it?” Jessie asked.

She looked so
earnest that I picked up the magazine. Flipping through it, I saw it to be
essentially harmless and told her that was fine. I grabbed a few magazines for
myself—
Vogue
was not among them.—and threw them in the cart.

“Okay, girls.
Let’s grab some sunscreen and shampoo, and we can head out.”

The girls
trailed after me, as I pushed the cart toward the beauty supplies.

“Hey, Mommy.
That lady keeps watching us.” Jessie hurried to my side. Maggie was right
behind her.

I stopped and
looked quickly around. “What lady?”

The girls
looked around sheepishly.

“Her. Over
there.” Maggie pointed subtly.

I followed
Maggie’s finger. However, by the time I focused on the intended target, the
woman must have sensed that the girls said something to me, because she was
walking away quickly in the opposite direction. All I saw was long brown hair
and a red shirt.

“Girls, I’m
sure it was nothing. Maybe she thought she knew Mommy or something. Come on.
Let’s go pay.”

But the message
on my van played in my mind.
Should I be worried?

“You’re sure Jessie said she was
watching you?” Amy asked me.

Jessie was
upstairs changing, and Amy and I were in the kitchen.

“I’m positive.”
I sat down at the table next to my friend. “Jessie came over to me and said
that she was watching us. They both made a point to tell me that.”

Amy looked
concerned. “And you didn’t see her? Didn’t recognize anything about her?”

“The only thing
I saw was her back as she hightailed it out of Target.” I looked around to make
sure the girls weren’t behind me. “Honestly, I’m starting to wonder...” I
trailed off and suddenly felt ashamed.

Brian had been
faithful to me, never gave me any reason to distrust him for almost 20 years,
and suddenly, there I was wondering if something had happened that I had been
blind to.

“Don’t you
think for one second that Brian had an affair,” Amy said quietly, but with
vehemence. “That man loved you with every fiber of his being. You know that,
Julie. I’m sure this is some misunderstanding, or maybe the girls were just
imagining it.”

I nodded, aware
that could very well be true. We had been active in the community—Brian more so
than me. Through his company, Brian sponsored Little League teams and football
teams. Brian and I, as well as some of the guys from his company, would run 5K
races that gave to local charities. So maybe the woman just recognized me and
didn’t know what to say.

“You’re right.
God, I feel like shit now!” I looked down at my lap.

I heard Amy get
up, and I felt her arms come around me.

“Don’t you
dare.” She knelt in front of me and took my hands. “Honestly, Bee and I would
think the same thing if we were in your shoes. First your van and now this? But
let it go. Go have a nice afternoon with Mags. I got Jessie.”

He knew someone
was
watching her.

It was the
first time he’d been able to venture out during the day. His head still hurt,
and he still wasn’t as strong as he should be. But he was starting to regain
some of his strength.

At night, when
he slept, he dreamt. Two little girls laughing were always there. They looked
like her.

Other times, he
would see her—under him—naked and holding her arms out to him.

Why couldn’t he
remember?

“Okay, Magpie. What are we doing?” I
turned to Maggie as she buckled up her seat belt.

Amy and Jessie
had already left, and we were settling into the Charger. I backed out of the
garage and down the driveway, but didn’t pull out onto the street.

“Can we go to
the bookstore and look around?” Maggie asked me hopefully. The bookstore was
not a favorite of Jessie’s.

“Sure. Want to
just go to Miller’s Crossing? It’s a beautiful day. We can walk around, hang
out at the bookstore, have some lunch.”

“Can we get
some ice cream too?”

“Sounds great!
Let’s do it.”

I pulled out of
the driveway, and we were off. It was a beautiful day—not too hot, which was
odd for Virginia in July. In just a few days, we would be on the ship getting
away from all of this. I couldn’t wait.

Maggie was
listening to the music happily and singing along, and before I knew it, we were
looking for a place to park.

“I guess
everyone had the same idea we did, kiddo.”

“There are a
lot of people here,” Maggie agreed with me.

But there was
plenty of parking, and since I had the Charger, I parked as far out as I could.
We pulled into a space, and I put the top up. I grabbed my purse and let Maggie
out of the back. We locked up the car, and she took my hand. Jessie was too
cool for that, but when we were alone, Maggie often held my hand. She simply
liked the closeness it provided, and I certainly wasn’t going to complain. I
had parked near Barnes & Noble, so I figured that would be our first stop.
I opened the store’s door and felt the blast of A/C hit me.

“Hey, Mags. Let
me grab a few magazines, and then we can head back to the kids’ area, okay?” I
figured I could thumb through them as Maggie looked for something she was interested
in.

“Sure.” She
happily followed me through the store, and the woman from the morning was
forgotten.

My afternoon with Maggie was wonderful!
I adore all my kids, but Maggie is most like me - my little tomboy cutie. I
stocked up on magazines, and Maggie found a book from her summer reading list
that she wanted. We paid for our things, and then decided to have some lunch.
We were hungry, so we kept it simple and just ate at the food court—a chicken
Caesar salad for me and nuggets for Maggie, and of course we had to split some
cheese fries! I figured I could get in an extra mile later, so we hit the ice
cream stand and shared a banana split. Yum!

After we had
our fill, we just wandered around. I did end up buying Maggie a new dress. The
cruise ships always do formal nights, and the boys and Jessie enjoy dressing
up—surprisingly—well, not surprising in Jessie’s case. Our little fashionista
would use any excuse to don a fancy dress and get her hair fixed, and because
of that, Jessie already had a dress. However, on our last cruise Maggie opted
to hang out at the kids’ club instead. This time she agreed to go to formal
night, so we picked out a pretty dress for her. I was surprised that she agreed
to it. It looked more like something Jessie would wear. It had a combination of
frills and sparkle, but it was a dark purple, so Maggie deemed it “not that
girly” and gamely tried it on. She looked so cute, and she seemed excited,
which was all I could ask for at this point.

We decided to
call it quits, and I suggested stopping by Tony’s to grab some pizza for
dinner.

“Alright, Mags.
Let’s do it!” I pulled into Tony’s and parked next to my van. Carey seemed to
be enjoying his job, and Tommy was great about giving him a week off for the
cruise.

Maggie hopped
out, and we headed into Tony’s.

“Hi, Mom!”
Carey called as we entered. The place was packed, but no one was in line at the
register at the moment.

“Hi. How’s it
going?” I asked him as we sidled up to the counter.

“Pretty good. I
should be home for dinner tonight,” he told me. “Hey, Magpie. What’s hanging?”

“Hey. Not much.
Mommy bought me a purple dress,” she answered.

“Really? You’re
going to wear a dress?” Carey was as surprised as I was.

Maggie laughed
and nodded, then wandered over to the video game systems.

“Gonna take
some pizza home?” Carey asked me. He knew me well.

“Yeah. I didn’t
take out anything to cook, so why not?”

I ordered an
extra large cheese and a large pepperoni hoping that would be enough for
everyone. I had leftover salad in the fridge too.

Carey rang us
up, being very professional. “$21.96, Mom.”

I handed him my
debit card and smiled at him proudly as he swiped it.

I leaned in.
“I’m really proud of you, kiddo.”

Brian would
have said the same thing to him.

Carey shot me a
quick smile and a wink and turned around to put in our order. A wink! I didn’t
even think he knew how to!

That was always
a joke with Brian and I. Brian couldn’t wink. He would try, but it often ended
with him looking constipated. He just couldn’t do it effortlessly, smoothly. Me
on the other hand... smooth as silk. Sam inherited Brian’s inability to wink,
and Jimmy and the girls just didn’t have the swag to pull it off yet, so they
never really tried.

“Oh, Carey,
that was good,” Maggie told him. She had wandered back over to us in time to
catch his sly wink at me. “Much better than Daddy used to do.”

Carey laughed
and gave her another wink.

“I think he’s
practicing for someone special,” I whispered to Maggie. “Someone named Lessa.”

Maggie
understood subtlety much better than her sister, and she just nodded and
attempted her own wink at her older brother. He smiled at her, and I just
watched.

 I was glad
that the kids all got along for the most part. I’ve never had the patience to
deal with petty sibling squabbles—that was more Brian’s thing. I had a
tendency—on the few occasions the kids
did
get into it—to wade in, break
them up, and yell at both parties. It usually worked as none of the kids liked
being in trouble with Mom, but it always gave me a headache and left me feeling
guilty. I was a pushover when it came to the kids.

“Carey?” Maggie
whispered loudly. “Did you ask her out yet?”

I took a subtle
step closer. I wanted to hear the answer too.

“I did,” Carey
told Maggie, leaning down so he was closer to her. “We are going to go out
tomorrow night, if Mom is cool with that.”

He looked over
at me with that last bit. I nodded. Of course I was cool with it! Lessa was a
great girl.

His first
date! Oh... maybe he needs a new outfit.

I played it
safe out loud. “It’s cool. We can talk later about curfew and stuff.”

Should I
take him to get his hair cut?

“Mom, pizza’s
ready.” Carey had two large boxes and was holding them out to me.

“Oops. Sorry.
Daydreaming!” I took them and told him we would see him at home later.

“Bye.” Maggie
waved to Carey and ran ahead to open the door for me.