Monza (Formula Men #1) (8 page)

“
The last time I saw you, everything happened so quickly I didn’t really get a good look at you, nor did it help that the lack of lighting didn’t show how wounded you are. I mean, I think I saw it, but I was just too shocked to see you again, and things spiraled quickly afterwards, so it was difficult to grasp everything. You’re definitely okay, though, right?”

I merely gave a meek nod, unsure what to make of her apprehensive attitude.

“
That’s great. That’s amazing to hear.” She nervously gave out a forced laugh before looking away with her lips pressed together. “Luca…” she whispered in a melancholy tone before trying to seek my eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“
You must know”—I felt gutted, raw, crestfallen—“I can’t stop thinking about you. Lord knows I’ve tried—God, how I tried to do just that—but nothing seems to work. I don’t know what to do.”

She stared at me gravely. “I can’t do this with you. This is insanely crazy. Please … go home,” she pleaded, appearing frantic as she clutched her silk robe.

I was aggravating her, and I felt wretched about it, but I had come this far. I couldn’t see myself giving up again just because she chose to push me away.

“
Look at me.” I sought to connect with her eyes; however, the wretched woman moved her head to the side, unrelenting. “
Dammit, look at me!
”
I heatedly hissed at her. Fear gripped me, yet hope somehow prevailed as I lovingly reached out to cup her face with my hands, beseeching. “Tell me you don’t feel this. Tell me this isn’t breaking you the way it’s doing me in.”

“
There’s a larger aspect involved here, Luca. It’s not just between you and me. I wish things could’ve turned differently between us, but at this stage, there’s nothing we can do other than accept that we’re fated to be apart.” Glassy eyed, she sought my face, imploring. “Every waking moment I spent with you … I’ll always treasure. They’ll always be some of my fondest memories. I’m sorry—I really am—but you must go.”

Why wasn’t she listening to a word I was saying?

“
I’ve
tried
.” Couldn’t she see that? It took me months to decide to seek her out. All those months I had struggled to forget her to no avail. I had all but given up the fantasy of forgetting her because I knew she was too deeply imbedded inside me, and the moment that happened; there was no undoing it. It was either I accept it or live a life chasing her ghost away. This…this was me choosing—choosing to keep loving her. “It’s all I did for the past few months. I tried to forget you, but you wouldn’t leave my thoughts. Whenever I was between another woman’s legs, I would close my eyes and think of you in her place.”

I had been looking for the wrong things, hoping it was the solution I needed to get on with my life. However, I realized that I had to do one last thing before I could fully let go, and it was that I had to fight for her first, which I should have done from the start.

Otto

“
I love you. I fucking do.” Telling her how I felt was a good start. “I know it might sound crazy and out of character, because it is, but I’ve never felt this way with anyone before. I’m not sure how or when it happened, but it did, and there’s no going back from that. I love you, Kimberly.” My declaration hung in the air between us as I watched her face contort with an array of emotions, leaving me hanging in the balance.

“
Luca…” she hesitantly murmured, seeming at a loss for words.

Unwilling to even consider having her push me away again, I hardened my resolve and continued, “That one special night when we were drunk dancing under the moonlight, and you said you loved me, was that a lie?”

Casting her eyes low, she made a small shake of her head. “No, of course it wasn’t. And it’s true. It was what I felt at the time.”

Hope washed over me, but I didn’t want to blatantly state the obvious, because a part of me needed for her to admit it out loud.

“
And now? How do you feel about me now?”

Beautiful, saddened puppy eyes glazed with unshed tears met with my determined ones. “What I feel now doesn’t matter, so whatever it is you aim to achieve, please give up. I’m never going to leave him. Sometimes, life doesn’t pan out the way we want it to. Sometimes, there are bigger things to worry about than one’s happiness.”

She was willing to deny us paradise. Couldn’t she see that I would do anything—literally any damn thing—to make her mine once more? I was laying my heart on the line, and whether she chose to butcher it or nurture it was her call.

Leaning towards her body, I slightly bent my head to whisper into her ear, unwavering. “
You still feel it
.” My hand gently placed itself against her chest where I could feel the rapid, steady rate of her heart. “You know you do, but you won’t let me hear you say those words again. That’s okay. I won’t force it out of you.”

I felt her body shiver just as her pebbled buds hardened against my chest, bolting my body into a carnal state of unparalleled passion. God help me, I wanted her like a parched man desired water in the middle of the desert, with its blistering sun scorching down on them.

The scent that was only her—her own personal aroma—enraptured my senses, filling me with profound nostalgia. “Don’t stop me. Per favore…” I rasped out into her ear before the tip of my tongue snaked out to taste her skin. To me, there was nothing more delectable than savoring the very taste of her on my tongue. “I need you, cara.”
More than anything I could imagine.
Right at that instant, in that small speck of time, I felt more alive than I had for the past months, living like an automated person, perfecting the pretention of living a normal life.

She wanted me; every pore in her body screamed as much to my touch. Her body called on my animalistic senses, pleading, craving for me to take her on a wild, passionate ride that she once couldn’t get enough of. However, I knew she was willing to block me from achieving what I ought to have sought from the very beginning—making her mine and mine alone.

“
Luca, I’m married,” she pressed, as if I wasn’t already aware that she belonged to a man who didn’t have the capacity to make her happy the way I could.

Did she honestly believe she could keep me at arm’s length because she was wearing a wedding ring?

No, not in this bloody lifetime. I had already made my mind up. From where I was standing, she was still in love with me, yet she wouldn’t give me the satisfaction in openly admitting it, so we would dance about the complexity of this tricky situation. I was ready for it, however long it would take her to come back to me. I would wait forever if she would only let me.

“
I want you so much. I can’t stop craving your warm body at night. Sometimes, I reach out, thinking you’re there, but when my hand touches the cold, empty space next to me, I am reminded that you’re gone. You left me without even a goodbye.”

Captivated by my unparalleled love, I decided to enlighten her as to how far I was willing to stretch just to be with her. Attempting to penetrate her heart, her soul, I made an encouraging smile, hoping she would relent to my heart’s wishes.

“
Divorce him and I’ll marry you in a heartbeat. I’d raise this baby as if it’s my own. I’ll love you more each day, and I promise I won’t stop until I’ve truly made you happy. You won’t want for anything, and if that statement isn’t enough, I have more than enough resources—money to provide for you, your child, your entire family. I don’t care what I have to do, Kim. I’d do anything …
anything
to have you back.”

“
I made a vow,” she uttered in such a fashion that truly punctured my confidence, my stance for being worthy of her and her child. “I have a husband, and I just can’t walk away from that. A promise is a promise.”

“
But you gave
me
a promise, too
,
and yet
where is that bloody promise now
, huh?
The second I was away, you didn’t waste any time at all. You didn’t even give me the chance or a choice, for that matter. Had you told me this before, I would’ve been furious like any normal man would, but that didn’t mean I’d leave you. You should’ve known what we had was too powerful to walk away from.” It was becoming difficult to breathe, but I continued on, relentless. “You said you loved me. You said you’d wait for me. Come away with me, just walk away and never look back. I’ll take care of you. I always have.”

“
That was a long time ago…”

Maybe it was the nonchalant way she said it or the way she seemed to keep brushing me off, but I’d had enough of her lies and her colorful bullshit.

“
The fuck it was, Kim! Maybe to you it was, but not for me. Never for me!” I bellowed with conviction before I harshly directed my lips to meet hers, fervently kissing her as I used the force of my body to push her, pressing her against the door, unwilling for her to speak any longer. She had said enough; it was our bodies’ turn to talk to each other. “I want to touch you, taste you,” I said between kisses while I felt my constricted cock steadily grow as the seconds ticked by. I expected her to push me away, maybe even show a little resistance, but I was taken aback when she showed me the same amount of undeniable hunger, as if she, too, had been waiting for me to possess her.

In the back of my mind, I knew this was wrong, but this woman was mine, and she would always be mine. The rest of the bumps in the road were merely obstacles that we could overcome. I was almost sure of it.

With our lips locked in a fervent battle, I directed our bodies inside the house, caging her against the wall that was right next to the door, before I used my foot to shut it.

The ever burning fire burned brighter as I deepened the kiss and felt her body rub against my constricted length, evoking a deep growl from me. My hand pushed her robe aside, eager to seek her obliging pussy. When I found it seeping with her sweet essence, I felt my cock drip a little moisture from the idea of being sheathed by it.

“
Your cunt begs for my personal service.”

“
Luca, no,” she yelped out, halting us from moving as we both stared into each other’s eyes. Mine begged, while hers reformed back to their cold, determined purpose. “We can’t. No means no. You just have to get it through your head.”

That was rather harsh. Still, I was willing to take another shot.

“
Tell me to wait for you. I don’t care how long it takes; I’ll wait until you’ve finished with this life before making a home with me. I love you that much. I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

She shook her head, eyeing me as if I had lost all of my senses. “I’m always going to want you, but it’s not you I want to spend the rest of my life with,” she delivered with utmost cruelty. “You were my last hurrah before I had to be with the man I can’t live without. Don’t you see that, Luca? I chose him because it’s him I wanted to be with. Don’t get me wrong, those two weeks were amazing, and you were quite a stud in the sack, but that’s all it’s going to be between us, nothing more.”

“
A stud in the sack?” I calmly repeated, even though fury and hurt engulfed my entire being. “Well, good luck to you satisfying your husband with your talentless pussy.”

She released a sharp gasp, mortified by my severe insult.

She’d had it coming. What kind of woman would kick a man who was already on his knees, begging for her while he offered her his world—his life—on a platter? A heartless woman would. That was what she was, and I was glad she had finally showed her true colors. It was laughable that I had thought her sweet and kind at one point.

Good riddance. It was best. From this point on, I would never remember that woman. She would be erased and never spoken of again. I would go on with my life as if she had never existed.

Life awaited.

Nove

“
There’s an email reminder about a Power Boat Competition in Terracina for a charity event in five days that you signed up to participate in…” Gino gave me a quizzical brow, seeming skeptical as he gazed at me like I had lost it.

“
The event… right.” I had forgotten about that. I had agreed to do it eight months ago, before everything had started going awry.

It had been a week since the calamitous night, and I must say that my mentality was almost par with the old Luca, prior the talentless disaster.

Life was almost better, and it would improve even more once I was back to my healthy self.