More Than He Expected (10 page)

“You’ve been holding that same drink for an hour,” Gwen said,
coming up to him.

Damn. It was bad enough to feel sick, but he certainly didn’t
want to be sick around Gwen. “I’m not feeling much like drinking tonight. Too
much sun at the beach, I think.”

Gwen watched him curiously for a moment, her eyes narrowing.
“You look a little green.”

“I’m fine.”

“Alex, I’m a nurse, remember? You can’t fool me. Are you
feeling seasick?”

He gritted his teeth and gave a curt nod. Before he could say
anything else, the ship rocked and the battle was over. Alex ran around the
corner out of her sight and hung over the back of the ship to return his dinner
to the sea. When there was nothing left, he rinsed his mouth out with ginger ale
and spit it out. Feeling a hundred times better, he closed his eyes and slumped
over to rest his forehead on the white metal rails.

Gwen didn’t speak, but he knew by her scent the instant she
sidled up beside him. Something soft and cold pressed against the back of his
neck. “This wet towel should help,” she said. “And suck on one of these.”

Alex opened his eyes to see one of her peppermint candies in
her hand. He unwrapped it and put it in his mouth. The mint was surprisingly
soothing to his upset stomach. It wasn’t long before he started feeling normal
again.

“Feeling any better?” she asked.

“Yes. You’re an excellent nurse.” He attempted a grin, but his
heart just wasn’t in it.

Gwen gently rubbed his shoulder, then turned to grip the
railing and look out into the water. “The moon is beautiful tonight.”

Alex looked at her, the moonlight making the pale skin of her
face glow against the dark tangle of curls that hung loose around her shoulders.
Her dark burgundy satin dress was sexy and short, tying just above the waist,
accentuating the swell of her pregnancy and leaving her nicely shaped calves
gloriously bare. She was wearing low heels tonight so the daring, V-cut neckline
of her dress brought the soft curves of her breasts a touch closer to tempt him.
“You look beautiful tonight, too.”

“Thank you,” she said, her nose wrinkling as though she was
uncomfortable with the compliment.

Alex never understood why women were always hesitant to accept
compliments. Despite accusations that he was a ruthless charmer, he didn’t hand
them out lightly. He always meant what he said. He was a lover of women. Seeing
them smile, hearing them laugh, watching them blush… He did whatever it took to
coax their best from them. If that made him a charmer, it made other men
lazy.

“Do you need another drink? Some club soda, maybe?”

Alex shook his head. “I already have ginger ale, thank you.
Besides, you following me back here and fetching me drinks won’t look good. You
called me on being too obvious this morning. How subtle is the two of us
disappearing to be alone on the ship?”

“It doesn’t matter. We’ve been outed.”

“Adrienne?”

She nodded. “Apparently neither of us has a future as a ninja
or spy.”

“So much for my retirement plans.” Alex pulled the towel from
his neck and tossed it into a bucket on the deck. He leaned his forearms onto
the railing, bringing his height more in line with hers. “She have much to say
about it?”

“Not as much as I expected, but she put in her two cents.
Mainly, she advised me not to fall in love with you.”

“That’s wise,” he agreed. “It’s hard to be in love with someone
who isn’t into relationships.”

There was a short hesitation before Gwen responded. “Is that
really true?” she challenged. “That you aren’t ‘into’ relationships? Or is it
just a convenient excuse?”

Alex frowned and snorted dismissively. “And what exactly is
your diagnosis, Nurse Wright?”

“It’s hard to say, since I don’t know much about how you were
raised or what experiences you’ve had, good or bad. Adrienne said she gets the
feeling you’re running from something, and I agree. Intimacy, maybe? You’ve just
decided you’d rather act like you’re too cool to settle down, when the truth is
you’re trying to avoid the pain of a failed relationship.”

“That’s a very bold guess for someone who admits they know
nothing about me.”

“It feels true. You do everything you can to avoid letting a
woman become important. Short or onetime encounters, buying expensive but
meaningless gifts, traveling all the time, moving from one woman to the next… It
just makes me wonder.”

“Wonder what?”

“It makes me wonder who hurt you so badly that you refuse to
even take the chance on something great happening.”

Alex tried without success to swallow the lump that formed in
his throat and took a sip of his drink to see if it would help. It didn’t. He
had never realized he was that transparent. Maybe it was only obvious to Gwen.
She saw things other people didn’t bother to notice. She’d just said something
to him that no one else in his entire life had had the nerve or interest to ask.
She was nothing if not honest, direct and sincere. He supposed she deserved the
same. “I don’t believe in love.”

Gwen turned to him and gave a soft nod of understanding.
“Sometimes, I’m not sure I do, either. What convinced you?”

“Because I’ve never seen it last longer than the hormone surge.
By the time that wears off, odds are you’ve done something stupid like get
married or pregnant and now you’re stuck with someone you find you don’t even
like.”

“Like your parents?”

A smile curved the corner of Alex’s mouth. She was an
insightful little minx. “Well, they
are
a child’s
closest example of how relationships work. Mine taught me they don’t. They’ve
always been miserable together, but they keep up the ruse for appearances’ sake.
They’re rarely in the same room together. My father escaped into his work. I
almost never saw him growing up, and when I did, he was buying me something. My
mother used me to get what she thought she wanted, then blamed me my whole life
when it backfired on her. They smile for the cameras on family holidays, but
that’s about it. Doesn’t exactly make you want to run out and get married, does
it?”

Gwen shook her head. “My parents never married. My father split
before my mother was even as pregnant as I am right now. She’s spent every
moment since then trying to catch and keep a man. Her quest was the most
important thing in her life. Even more important than her only child. Her
priorities are so messed up. It just makes me more determined not to be like
her. I tend to fall for the kind of guys who aren’t going to stick around, so I
don’t bother with getting attached.”

“And to think, I thought you liked me for my smile.”

Gwen gave him a watery grin and turned back to focus on the
ocean. “But lately I wonder if I’m missing out on something. It’s like I’m the
only kid in school who doesn’t believe in Santa, so I’m not getting any
presents. Maybe for Peanut’s sake, I want to believe. I want love and happy
marriages to exist because I want it for her. Is that weird?”

“No. People want better for their kids than they had. At least,
they should. The problem is when people have children for the wrong reasons.
Although my mother would never admit to it, my father told me when I was grown
that she deliberately got pregnant with me so he would marry her. That certainly
worked out well for her.” Alex couldn’t keep the bitter sarcasm from slipping
into his voice.

“Are you worried someone would try to do that to you? Trap you
with a child? I could imagine that would be a good reason to be such a condom
fanatic.”

Alex had been called a great many things in his life, but that
was a first. “I suppose you could say that. I know it’s hard for people to
understand, but when your estimated worth is plastered across the pages of
different newspapers and magazines, you’re naturally a target. Of competitors,
swindlers and gold diggers alike. I don’t trust a woman to be genuine with me.
They all want something from me. Except, maybe you.”

Gwen turned to him with a confused look that drew her delicate
eyebrows together. “I’m not sure if I should be flattered or not.”

“Be flattered. It puts you above millions of other women in New
York.” Alex paused and listened for a moment to the music playing on the deck.
“Do you hear that? They’re playing our song.”

Gwen wrinkled her nose. “We have a song?”

“I’m insulted,” he said, pushing away from the railing and
sweeping her into his arms. “This is the song we danced to at the
reception.”

Alex didn’t make any fancy moves to keep the seasickness from
returning but held Gwen against him and gently circled around their private
section of the deck. She swayed easily and comfortably in his arms to the slow,
sultry music. He thought for a moment she might let their conversation lapse,
then he heard her speak quietly into his lapel.

“So, is it that you don’t believe in love, period, or you don’t
believe anyone will ever love you for who you are?”

Alex shrugged. “What does it matter? I can’t change who I am.
So whether it exists or not, that means no love or family for me.”

“You don’t want children at all, then?”

There was a touch of disappointment lining her eyes when she
asked the question. It didn’t surprise Alex. Gwen told him she didn’t believe in
love and marriage, but even since they’d been here, he’d noticed a change in
her. There was a touch of sadness in her eyes when she watched Will and Adrienne
together. The same sadness that was there after the woman had confused them for
a married couple.

She wanted it. And not just for Peanut. Judging by the way she
was looking at him, part of her entertained the idea of having it with him
someday. The fair-haired babies of yesterday’s fantasy popped back into his
mind. Surprisingly, he’d been guilty of those thoughts as well.

Alex sighed. “It’s not that, so much. The idea of having
children by choice doesn’t bother me. I just don’t think children should be
brought into a marriage without love. And I don’t believe in love, or marriage,
so kids are automatically out of the question.”

“I suppose that’s why you almost choked on your tongue when you
saw me pregnant.”

“Not exactly.”

Gwen frowned at his response. “What does that mean?”

Alex swore he’d never voice these words out loud, but something
urged him to get it off his chest. Maybe saying them would send them out to
dissipate in the atmosphere instead of locking them inside to slowly poison him.
“It was the opposite, really. I mean, there was this wild mix of surprise, fear
and anger because I thought you’d kept it from me. But there was also a part of
me…”

Gwen leaned into him, her dark eyes widening in anticipation of
his words. “Yes?”

Her eagerness gave him pause. Telling Gwen how he really felt
would just open the door to an opportunity that wasn’t real. Even though the
idea of fatherhood had intrigued him, it was a gut reaction. His ancient,
caveman biology taking over. He thought better of it now. He would never marry
or have children, and he hadn’t changed his mind about that.

Raising her expectations was unfair. Really, everything he’d
said or done to her since he’d come to the Hamptons was unfair. He should’ve
walked away from the pool and not dragged her back into whatever it was they
shared. Alex needed to put the brakes on this whole thing before he did any more
damage.

A loud pop sounded in the distance and they both turned to see
a shower of white sparks fall into the sea. It was followed by a burst of red,
then green. The fireworks display had begun, lighting the sky and the water
surrounding them with bright, colorful explosions. It was a beautiful and
welcome distraction.

He watched them for a moment, then shook his head. “Adrienne
was right,” he said, taking a step back from her and ending the dance. “Don’t
let yourself fall in love with me, Gwen.”

At that, he turned and disappeared around the corner to rejoin
the others.

Nine

G
wen waited almost an hour in her room that
night before she realized Alex wasn’t coming. She’d made the mistake of thinking
that their conversation was a step forward. He was opening up, sharing his past
and his feelings. But then he’d walked away and she hadn’t spoken to him in the
hours since then. The empty space in the bed beside her only confirmed how wrong
she was. Alex hadn’t just walked away from the uncomfortable conversation; he’d
walked away from her.

She wasn’t quite sure what was going on with him, but she could
see through his suave, womanizing veneer now. He obviously chose not to let
anyone, especially women, get close to him. He had his reasons. She understood
that much, because she did the same thing herself.

She worked long graveyard shifts at the hospital and slept away
most of her days. Gwen loved her job and her work, but it left her with little
free time. She had friends, but even those people weren’t allowed to get very
close to her. They were as numerous and casual as Facebook friends. And just as
likely to be there for her when things got tough. When she’d gotten pregnant,
many had scattered.

Only Adrienne really knew and understood Gwen. They both knew
what it was like to hit the rock bottom of life. She had been trying to get out
more lately. Adrienne was pulling her out of her shell. Cutting men out of her
life had opened up some free time to do things she hadn’t before. She went to
more theater, toured more museums. She’d even come to the Hamptons for a
relaxing, fun vacation with a group of people who were mostly strangers.

When Alex arrived and offered her another go, she hesitated,
but he was a hard man to turn down when he had his sights set on you. She’d
relented, given in, succumbed to the promise of a few days of pleasure without
strings. And now, here she was, alone in bed because he’d had some kind of moral
dilemma. Well, forget that. He had pushed her until she’d relented, and she
wasn’t about to be cast off like that. They were doomed to crash and burn, but
that time hadn’t come just yet. He owed her two more nights.

Gwen flung back the covers and marched out of her room in the
tiny tank top and shorts she wore to bed. She went straight up the stairs to his
bedroom and walked in without knocking or asking permission.

Alex was sitting up in bed wearing nothing but a pair of boxers
and some reading glasses low on his nose. He had a pile of pillows behind him
and a file open in his lap with some kind of schematic drawings. Work stuff, she
assumed. He looked up in surprise when she charged in, but he didn’t move. He
also didn’t tell her to leave. She knew he wouldn’t.

She closed the door behind her and planted her hands on her
hips in irritation. “What are you doing?”

Alex pulled off his glasses and tapped the paper with them.
“I’m going over the final interior design drawings of my new high-rise apartment
building in New Orleans.”

“Is that better than making love to me?”

His hazel gaze locked on hers and he spoke without hesitation.
“Not even close.”

Gwen closed the gap between them, climbing onto the bed and
crawling up the length of his body. Without asking permission, she stuffed the
paperwork back into the folder and flopped it with a heavy thud onto the bedside
table. “Then why have I been alone in my bed for the last hour?”

“Because,” he said, shaking his head, “I’ve changed my mind
about us. I pretty much twisted your arm into having this affair, but now I’m
thinking it’s not such a good idea. You’ve got that look in your eyes. I’ve seen
it before. So I decided to take a step back before things got too serious. I
mean, Adrienne is a hopeless romantic, and even she told you to stay away from
me. That can’t be a good sign. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Gwen listened to his argument as she straddled his hips and
eased back to sit astride him. The thin cotton of her pajama shorts did little
to disguise the firm length of him pressing against her. She planted one hand on
the oak headboard by each side of his head as though she were leaning in to kiss
him, then paused a few inches away. “Since you never even bothered to ask me
what I thought about all this, I’m going to say that I think that’s a load of
crap.”

Alex’s eyes widened in surprise, his whole body stiffening, but
she’d left him with no escape route unless he was willing to physically fling a
pregnant woman off him. His jaw tightened as he watched her, considering his
words.

She didn’t wait for him to answer. It wouldn’t be the truth
anyway, just some canned response she wasn’t interested in. “I think you’re the
one that’s afraid of getting hurt.” She pressed her palm against his bare chest,
covering his heart. Gwen could feel the nervous, rapid pounding in his rib cage.
“So you’ve made up this story about protecting me so you can feel better about
running before it gets too serious.”

“Gwen—”

“No. I don’t want to hear it. You’re not just going to put me
aside like all those other women. Not tonight. You owe me two more days, and I
expect you to pay up.”

Alex swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple traveling slowly down the
length of his throat and back. He watched her for several moments, not speaking.
It felt like an eternity to Gwen. She held her breath. She wasn’t used to being
this aggressive with a man. It could blow up in her face. But at this point, she
had nothing to lose.

He sat up from the pillows, bringing his face to within an inch
of hers. There was a hard glint in his eyes. Gwen couldn’t tell if it was anger
or the rise of a challenge. His arms slinked around her, tugging her forward
with a hard jerk until she was pressed against him. His breath was warm against
her skin, his mouth hovering close but not yet kissing her. It sent a scorching
tingle through her body, the anticipation building in her belly.

Alex was just teasing her now. Punishing her for putting him on
the spot. Two could play at that game. Gwen moved her hips in a slow circle,
generating a delicious friction as she ground into the firm heat that pressed
insistently against her. A groan escaped his lips, and he closed his eyes when a
shudder traveled through his entire body. The hands on her back fisted into
tight balls at her hips. “Oh, Gwen,” he whispered, his lips brushing the curve
of her jaw.

“Do you still want me to go back to my room?” she asked, her
pelvis continuing to swirl in agonizing circles.

She felt his fingertips reach under her tank top and lift the
hem. Gwen held her arms over her head to allow him to slip the top off. He threw
it to the floor, then leaned back against the pillows. His golden gaze took in
every inch of her flesh from the full, bare breasts to the swell of her
stomach.

With a self-satisfied grin, he said, “Unfortunately, you can’t
leave without your clothes.”

Gwen could no longer resist the urge to kiss the smug
expression from his face. Their lips met suddenly, a frantic emotional energy
surging through the contact that was more powerful than anything she’d ever felt
before. It was as though they were trying to devour one another. She gave in to
the sensation, letting the unbridled passion overpower her.

His hands scrambled over her bare skin in a rush to touch every
inch of her as though it were the first, or maybe the last, time. When their
lips parted, she sucked in a much-needed breath. Alex took the opportunity to
taste her breasts, the wet heat of his mouth enveloping her aching nipples and
teasing them with his tongue and teeth until she cried out and writhed against
him.

The grinding together of their most sensitive parts sent a
spike of need down her spine. The pulsating sensation urged her to do it again,
but this time, not just to torture him. The warm pool of arousal in her belly
grew with each passing second. She wanted Alex. Needed him unlike any other man,
and she wasn’t ashamed to admit it tonight.

“I want you, Alex,” she whispered. She buried her fingers in
his blond hair, tugging him closer.

“I want you, too,” he said, his deep voice vibrating against
the hard bone of her sternum.

“Then don’t make me wait any longer.”

Alex’s mouth found hers again as his hands tugged at her
shorts. They frantically shifted around on the bed until they were both free of
the last restricting garments and he had quickly sheathed himself in the latex
he relied so heavily upon.

Gwen leaned forward, then eased back, taking every inch of him
inside her at an excruciatingly slow pace. With his arms still wrapped around
her waist, she started rocking against him in a leisurely and easy rhythm that
could go on for hours, both torturing and tempting their bodies with one wave of
sensation after another.

But Alex couldn’t take that for long. After a few slow, even
strokes, he growled against her throat and lunged forward. Gwen was flipped onto
her back, a gasp of surprise slipping from her lips. Hovering over her, he
thrust into her without hesitation.

Their lovemaking was raw and intense, their bodies meeting at a
fast and furious pace. Gwen let herself give in to the pleasure, indulging in
the only part of Alex she would ever truly have. When their cries mingled in the
air, she clung to him, part of her never wanting to let go and part of her
knowing she already had.

* * *

Thoroughly exhausted, Alex fell asleep with Gwen curled
against him. He woke up a few hours later, the world still dark outside his
window. He was glad. He wasn’t ready for the night to end quite yet. Tomorrow
was the Fourth of July. He had no doubt the day would be jam-packed with
grilling and sunshine, the night colored with red, white and blue explosions
lighting the sky.

And then it would be over. Their last night at the house before
returning to the city. No matter what he’d told Gwen, Alex didn’t want any of
this to be over quite yet.

Even if he broke his own rules and they carried on their
relationship in Manhattan, things would be different. There would be work and
responsibilities, not to mention the complications of the last few months of her
pregnancy. This moment in time could never be duplicated. He wanted to savor
it.

Alex let his hand glide from Gwen’s bare hip down to splay his
fingers across the soft skin of her belly. Feeling the baby kick the other day
had been a surreal experience for him. A moment he’d never quite thought he’d
have. He’d been filled with surprise and awe and respect for the woman in his
arms. She was sacrificing so much for someone else.

He couldn’t imagine what the next few months would be like for
her. Although she put up a brave front, it was going to be harder than she’d
originally anticipated. Alex saw the way she talked to the baby and lovingly
stroked her stomach. Giving birth and handing that little girl away would be
devastating. Part of him wanted to be the shoulder she cried on. To be there for
her. It was a frightening thought. He’d never been the person that anyone
depended on for emotional support. If money or humor couldn’t defuse the
situation, he was out of it.

But after spending the last few days with Gwen, he wanted to
try. For her. The same part of him wanted to confide his secrets to her, share
his dreams with her and start a life with her. The quiet voice in his head that
wanted that baby to be theirs had grown louder with every day he spent here.

That same voice was screaming that it was tired of being an
island. This baby wasn’t theirs, but the next could be. They could have
everything he had always been too afraid to hope for. If he could just let
himself trust his heart over his brain for once.

Alex was so confused by the thoughts and feelings swirling
around in his gut. Gwen had been right when she’d accused him of taking a step
back out of fear. It seemed easier than dealing with how he felt about her. Love
and everything that came with it was a scary proposition. But so was losing
Gwen. He couldn’t imagine not having her in his arms every night just as she was
right now.

Just then, a hard thump pounded against his palm. He jumped,
startled, and noticed Gwen did, too.

“Sorry,” she murmured sleepily against her pillow. “Peanut is a
bit of a night owl. Robert and Susan may never get another full night of sleep
again once this little one shows up.”

Alex stroked her belly to soothe both Gwen and the baby. He
snuggled up against her and placed a kiss just behind her earlobe. The words he
wanted to say lingered in his mouth for a moment before he had the nerve to
speak. “What are you going to do, Gwen?”

He felt her stiffen slightly in his arms, and he tugged her
closer to keep her from pulling away. If she was going to force him to face his
fears, he was going to do the same. She was heading for a heartbreak that had
nothing to do with him, for once.

“What do you mean?” she asked, her words still muffled against
the pillow, although she was now fully awake.

“A couple months from now when you have to give her away,” he
clarified. “What are you going to do?”

“I’m going to watch the joy on Robert’s and Susan’s faces when
they hold their little girl for the first time and know I did something
wonderful for them. Then I’m going to check out of the hospital, catch a cab to
the bar up the block from my apartment and have the tallest, coldest beer I can
get my hands on.”

“Gwen.” The word was a question, a nudge, a warning and a touch
of encouragement all rolled into one. They both knew that was not what he was
asking or, even if it was, that her answer was just as scripted as his own had
been earlier.

She sighed heavily, and there was a long silence before she
finally answered. “What do you expect me to say? That it’s going to break my
heart to give Peanut away even though she’s not mine to keep? That I’m going to
cry alone in my hospital bed while everyone else is celebrating outside the
nursery? That every time I pass a woman with a stroller I’m going to be reminded
about how Robert and Susan have a beautiful life and family together and I’ve
got nothing?”