Read Ms. Leakey Is Freaky! Online
Authors: Dan Gutman
Ms. Leakey Is Freaky! (5 page)
The New Health Teacher
Well, word got around pretty fast that Ms. Leakey was stuffing her face with junk food. Everybody was wondering if she would come to school the next day. And sure enough, she was nowhere to be found. We even looked in the Dumpster.
Me and the guys went to Mr. Klutz's
office to find out what happened.
“Where's Ms. Leakey?” I asked.
“I fired her,” Mr. Klutz said. “You know how she was always running away to go exercise? Well, it turned out that she was just running to the Dumpster to eat junk food.”
“So you fired her just because she ate junk food?” Ryan asked.
“No,” Mr. Klutz said,
“I fired her because she went overboard.”
“She fell out of a boat?” I asked.
*
“No, no,” Mr. Klutz told me. “Ms. Leakey just went too far with all that health food stuff. I think it's okay to have junk food once in a while, as a treat. You just have to be careful not to overdo it.”
“So I guess we don't have a health teacher anymore,” Michael said.
“Sure we do,” said Mr. Klutz. “Let me introduce you to our
new
health teacher.”
He took a remote control out of his pocket and pushed a button. And you'll never believe who walked into the door at that moment.
It was Mr. Slug! He actually walked right into the door!
“OUCH!” said Mr. Slug. “Iâ¦HITâ¦MYâ¦HEADâ¦ONâ¦THEâ¦DOOR.”
“Mr. Slug is our new health teacher?” I asked. “He doesn't know
anything
about health.”
“Sure he does,” Mr. Klutz said. “He'll show you what you shouldn't do if you want to be healthy.”
“Iâ¦FEELâ¦LOUSYâ¦,” said Mr. Slug. “NEEDâ¦TOâ¦LIEâ¦DOWN.”
“Maybe you should go outside and get some exercise,” Ryan suggested. “Then you'll feel better.”
“OUTSIDE?” said Mr. Slug. “AREâ¦
YOUâ¦CRAZY? YOUâ¦COULDâ¦GETâ¦HITâ¦BYâ¦Aâ¦BUSâ¦OUTâ¦THERE. EXERCISINGâ¦ISâ¦DANGEROUS. LET'Sâ¦JUSTâ¦CHILLâ¦INâ¦HEREâ¦WHEREâ¦ITâ¦ISâ¦SAFE.”
“Is it okay if we go eat some of the junk food in the Dumpster?” I asked.
“WHATEVER,” said Mr. Slug.
Well, that's pretty much the way it happened. Maybe Ms. Leakey will stop hiding under my bed and stalking me in supermarkets. Maybe the police will find Ms. Leakey's twin sister buried in the farm in her office. Maybe McLeakey's restaurant will get some food people want to eat. Maybe my mom will start making square pizzas. Maybe I'll go to Antarctica and eat Twinkies with the penguins. Maybe I'll try asparagus again. Maybe Mr. Slug will quit smoking and stop walking into doors. Maybe the teachers will stop arm wrestling with each other. Maybe breakfast will stop thinking it's so important. Maybe
they'll let us do sword fighting in fizz ed. Maybe our teachers will stop dressing up like food. Maybe people will stop talking about boats all the time. Maybe Mr. Klutz will show us his plastic bag full of hair. Maybe I'll find the GPS that Ms. Leakey put in my brain.
But it won't be easy!
Dan Gutman
has written many weird books for kids. He lives in New Jersey (a very weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com.
Jim Paillot
lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn't that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com.
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Cover art © 2011 by Jim Paillot
MY WEIRD SCHOOL DAZE #12: MS. LEAKEY IS FREAKY!
. Text copyright © 2011 by Dan Gutman. Illustrations copyright © 2011 by Jim Paillot. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Gutman, Dan.
Ms. Leakey is freaky! / Dan Gutman; pictures by Jim Paillot. â 1st ed.
p. cm. â (My weird school daze; #12)
Summary: Ella Mentry School hires a health teacher who tries to force the students to eat healthy foods and exercise, whether they want to or not.
ISBN 978-0-06-170403-1 (lib. bdg.) â ISBN 978-0-06-170402-4 (pbk. bdg.)
[1. SchoolsâFiction. 2. HealthâFiction. 3. Food habitsâFiction. 4. ExerciseâFiction. 5. Humorous stories.] I. Paillot, Jim, ill. II. Title.
PZ7.G9846Mwl  2011       2010022975
[Fic]âdc22 Â Â Â Â Â Â CIP
AC
FIRST EDITION
EPub Edition © January 2011 ISBN: 978-0-06-206973-3
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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*
What's up with that? We never assemble anything. They should have assemblies with no assembly required.
*
My friend Billy, who lives around the corner, told me that if you walk backward really fast, you can travel through time. I tried to do that once, but I smashed into a tree.
*
What a dumb name. If you drove through a window, it would break. You'd probably get cut by the glass, too.
*
Well, not a
real
lightbulb. That would have been weird.
*
Why are people always talking about boats?