New Title 4 (17 page)

Caleb stood up when Wylma was finished and tried to walk. The first thing he did was walk right into a tree. Ow, son of a Gloria, I don t know if this is going to work.

He blinked as though he had something in his eye, because that was exactly what it felt like. Not just any something, but a whole television monitor. Instead of seeing out of both his own eyes he was only seeing with the right. The left eye, instead of picking up what was directly in front of him, was seeing everything Wylma saw. At the moment that consisted of open expanses of grass all around where she was sitting in a lotus position. There wasn t much to see, and he supposed if that was all he was getting from her at the moment he might not be so unnerved by it. But the entire left side of his face was picking up everything she did. His left ear heard what she heard, his left nostril smelled what she smelled. Presumably she was experiencing the same thing, seeing and hearing and feeling everything on his face that he did. There was no outward sign of any of this, apparently, or at least that was what Gloria told him from looking at him. If it was the same with Wylma, then they could listen in and see everything she did without anyone she met realizing it.

Sorry, Wylma said. He could hear her voice just as clearly as though it were his own, although neither Gloria nor Phil could. The spell apparently only worked on one pair of people. I could do a spell that was better if I had more time to prepare.

As long as I can keep my concentration on it. But once I lose it and the spell goes down I won t be able to do it again without anybody seeing me do it.

Caleb relayed this information to the others, and Gloria nodded. If that happens we ll try to work around it. Just whatever you do don t give away that the three of us are here. We want to keep stealthy for as long as possible.

Caleb felt Wylma bite her lip in nervousness. He felt himself mimicking the movement without really meaning to. Out of curiosity he scratched his nose, and Wylma twitched her own nose at the sensation.

Don t do that, Wylma said. Please. It s kind of distracting.
Sorry. So whatever s going down, it doesn t seem to be at the northern pavilion. Why don t you start heading towards the middle one.
Wylma started walking, and Caleb had to sit down. The sensations of moving forward while he was standing completely still made him a little dizzy. Wylma took out a cigarette from her purse and put it in her mouth, but Caleb stopped her before she could light it. Um, do you think you could hold off on that until some point where I m not sharing your taste buds?
Oh, Wylma said, and Caleb could feel her cheek flush. Sorry.
Gloria stooped down to look in Caleb s face. Hey, when you entered the park was there anybody guarding or patrolling the edge of it?
I entered the park at the same time you did, Caleb said.
Not you. I was talking to Wylma.
I didn t actually see anyone, Wylma said. I thought I heard some shuffling at first, almost like I was being followed for a bit, but when I tried to see who it might be the noise stopped. She was walking briskly across the park, taking a route that mostly avoided the hills and went straight for the middle pavilion. She slowed down, however, as it came into clearer view. Caleb, are you seeing this?
I think so, Caleb said.
What did she say? Gloria asked.
She asked if I was seeing the same thing she did.
No, before that. What did she say anyone guarding the park?
Oh. Okay, I can see how this is going to get confusing quick, Caleb said. He repeated back what Wylma said, then started describing just what it was he was seeing with her eyes. Whatever was going on, the middle pavilion was apparently the place for it. With only about half an hour to go before the official meeting time there were a couple of people milling about. Of course, milling about wasn t exactly the correct phrase for it as they were standing as far away from each other as possible while still being close to the pavilion. In the pavilion itself all the picnic benches had been rearranged into one long line with things set atop them. Two figures stood near the table each with their arms crossed in front of their chests. There were no lights on in the pavilion and Caleb couldn t see many details about the figures in the shadows, but there was one detail that he could easily see even though Wylma was still at a distance.
Smiley face, Caleb said.
Why would Wylma say anything about a smiley face? Phil asked.
She didn t. I did. It s Fluffy. The metal skull that was underneath her skin, it looks just like a smiley face.
Three guesses who the other one in the pavilion is, then, Gloria said.
Tuffy, Wylma said. I have no idea what my other two guesses should be.
She didn t mean that literally, Caleb said.
What did she say? Gloria asked.
Okay seriously, Caleb said to Gloria, if you wanted to know everything she was going to say word for word then you should have been the one to volunteer to be the magical walkie-talkie.
Gloria frowned but didn t say anything.
Caleb, Phil said. What about the other two?
I don t know yet, Caleb said. I waiting for Wylma to get closer.
Wylma s voice dropped to more of a whisper as she got closer. Actually I think I recognize at least one of them. The guy standing closest to me, I think that s Moorealan.
Caleb definitely knew the name, but he had never actually seen the man s face before. If Wylma was something of a recluse on the Hill, then Moorealan was a full on hermit. No one had ever actually seen him outside the cardboard box he called home in an alley off 14
^th
Street, but it was a huge box. Or at least it was supposed to be on the inside. On the outside it just looked like a normal box on its side, not even big enough that a human should have been able to fit in it. The inside, however, supposedly housed something along the lines of a mansion full of ancient antiquities. Moorealan was dressed in a dirty trench coat and had incredibly long hair and a beard to match. Normal people passing him on the street might have just thought of him as a homeless kook, especially considering he was known to rant to anyone who would listen about the value of worshipping ancient Roman sock puppets. That didn t change that he was supposedly the most brilliant sorcerer on the Hill, a true genius.
Caleb told Gloria and Phil this, and they both whistled. I wonder how they even contacted him, Phil said. Supposedly he completely shuns technology, so he wouldn t have a cell phone.
Probably something similar to the spell we re using right now, Caleb said. Oh, wait, I think I recognize the other person now. I think that s Mary McPhisto.
Well shit, Gloria said. That s not exactly happy news.
Caleb had to agree. Mary McPhisto owned the Club McPhisto just down the street from the OneStop Mart at the edge of the Hill. It was one of the trendiest and hottest clubs in the city, but it tended to cater more to mundies than the regular denizens of the Hill. Most people of the Hill weren t that stupid. As Wylma got closer Caleb could see Mary standing in a trendy dress with a reinforced briefcase in hand. The thing that confused most people about her was that she only kept the same shape for about two or three weeks at a time. Tonight she had strawberry blond hair and perfectly tanned skin, and the dress did much to flatter her significant breasts. Too bad for some poor woman out there, though, because those were not Mary s breasts, nor her hair or her skin. She must have just stolen this skin recently, however, because if it had been a while Caleb would have been better able to see the slightly misshapen skeleton underneath that was the telltale sign she was a demon. The only outer sign that told Caleb who she was exactly were the glowing red eyes. No matter how many outer shells she stole from others, she couldn t hide the eyes.
Caleb relayed the details of this to his companions, and Gloria stood upright and started pacing in front of him. Does this strike anyone else here as not adding up?
Gloria, none of this has been adding up for me all night, Caleb said.
You said Mary McPhisto has a briefcase, right? Gloria asked. I bet you it s safe to assume it contains all the money she plans on using to buy the artifacts. Wylma, how much money did you bring with you?
Wylma was close enough that both Moorealan and Mary McPhisto nodded in acknowledgement of her presence. Moorealan seemed to pay her more interest than McPhisto did, who instead started looking around herself impatiently. Wylma didn t actually speak, but she gave a very small shrug and a shake of her head that only Caleb could feel.
I don t think she wants to talk aloud right now, Caleb said, but maybe she s trying to tell me that she doesn t have a lot.
And she wouldn t, Gloria said. She s not that well off, right? At least nowhere near as well off as Mary McPhisto. And it s basic knowledge that McPhisto could buy pretty much anything she wants. So why even invite Wylma then? Or the Lunatics. They re not going to be able to compete with her, either. And Moorealan, hell, he doesn t even believe in money.
Maybe he s involved in it, Phil said. He s certainly powerful enough.
But all reports about him seem to indicate he s more or less one of the good guys, Caleb said. I think you re right. Something about this stinks. Wylma watched the two other potential buyers for a moment before turning her attention to the area under the pavilion. It was clear now that the second person standing guard near the tables was indeed Tuffy, and she glared at Wylma with a tight frown on her face but made no attempt to either speak or move. Wylma took a few steps closer toward the tables, but Fluffy stepped forward and held up a hand. No entering the pavilion until our host gets here. If you need to see the stuff for auction you can look at it from over there.
Wylma stepped back. I m sorry about your clothes earlier, but I see you found something else to wear.
Fluffy stared at her. Without the outer parts of her face, it was impossible to tell what expression Fluffy might be trying to convey.
I brought all the clothes back, Wylma said. You can come get them later if you promise to behave this time.
There was a sound from deep in Fluffy s throat that might have been a chuckle. To Caleb it wasn t a very comforting noise.
Everything that had been stolen from Caleb s apartment sat on the table. Each was arranged with a card next to it showing a letter and the item s name in hastily scrawled lettering. Caleb noticed that there was no letter E, the cards going straight from D to F.
They ve got all the artifacts lined up for display, Caleb said to Gloria and Phil. Everything s there except the cube.
How do we know they re real this time? Gloria said.
I can see the bag of crumbs, Caleb said. They re glowing. These are the real things. Wylma, can you pan your eyesight across all the tables? I just want to make sure. Wylma did as he asked, and Caleb listed off each item as he saw it from left to right. The Flute of All Flesh, the Omega Sword, the One Clog, That, the crumbs, the Confused Amulet of Fire, the Osterhaggis Key, the Dread Dishrag of Dooraana, the Bad Penny, and I assume they didn t take the Pretty Pink Thing out of the box at the end. Gloria ticked off each of the items on her fingers as he said them. No, wait. That s not right. There s only ten. There s supposed to be eleven now, right?
Yeah, Caleb said. Wylma, look back over them again. He ticked off all the items in his head as she stepped closer and looked at each one individually.
Wait, stop right there. It s the Confused Amulet of Water. That s what s missing.
Why would he be displaying all the others but not that? Phil asked.
I don t think he has any intention of selling that one, Gloria said. Caleb what exactly is that one supposed to do?
It can create hey Wylma, watch out! Caleb said. He saw Fluffy coming closer to her again out of the corner of her eye, but she was too quick for Wylma to heed his words. The large cyborgs was at her side already and reaching for her.
I said stay back! Fluffy said, and gave Wylma a violent shove away from the pavilion. All the sensations and sights Caleb was picking up from Wylma fizzled out with a strange popping feeling in his head, and all Caleb could see and hear now was what was in front of him.
Crap, he said. Fluffy went all bouncer on her and she lost control of the spell.
So what are we going to do from here? Phil asked.
Well, we know where they are now, Gloria said. That means we might be able to get closer and find a place where we can watch them without them seeing us.
Why can t we just rush in and grab the artifacts? Caleb said.
Because we have an intelligence higher than 37, Gloria said. Have you been taking one of Wylma s special drugs or something to make you extra high and stupid? The artifacts are all guarded.
Yes, they are, Caleb said. By two people we took down earlier in the night. And we have Phil now to help us, plus Wylma right there and maybe even Moorealan.
Mary McPhisto might try to take advantage of the situation and go for some of them herself, Phil said, and I know I sure as hell would be scared for any of those things to get into her hands.
No, I don t think we should just go running for them, Gloria said. We need to have a better thought out
There was a rustling in the bushes from back where they had come. They all stopped and stared to the south, but Caleb couldn t see anything.
What was that? Gloria said, her voice automatically dropping to a whisper. She stuffed the night vision binoculars into her duffel bag, slung it to a secure position over her shoulder, and then took up her crossbow.
Don t know, Caleb said. but it s probably what s been keeping everyone else out of the park. There was another rustle, this time accompanied by an additional noise, one that Caleb remembered hearing before, despite not having ever actually heard it before. Caleb would have been confused by this if the sound didn t make him start worrying.
Sliiiiim Jiiiiim.
Chapter 28

Phil s initial reaction was to call out Sue s name and run towards her voice. But even with the worry and longing that suddenly rushed through him, he had enough of a clear head to understand what that meant.

If Sue s here, Phil said. Then Lucas has to be around too.
We need to move, Gloria said. Go deeper into the park.
What the hell ever happened to coming up with a ridiculously convoluted plan? Caleb asked.
I never said anything about my plan being ridiculously convoluted.
I m sure it would have been if you had actually taken the time to come up with one.
Gloria looked at Caleb for a moment then shrugged. Huh. Probably. But we don t have time anymore.
Wait, why? Phil asked. If that s Sue then she ll resist trying to hurt us. And if Lucas is with her, then we can just all three of us go after him together.
Gloria shook her head. No. Sue will resist trying to hurt you. Me and Caleb on the other hand, she doesn t know as well. Even if his control over her is screwed up, it might not be so screwed up that she won t try to rip either of our skulls open. If we didn t care about hurting her we might be able to take her down easily, but I don t think you want us putting a hole in your girlfriend s skull.
Sue s moans for Slim Jims were growing louder now, and Phil thought he could hear a little more rustling. In truth, now that he was listening for it, he could hear a lot more rustling. Oh, Phil said. Oh, I think maybe all three of us need to get out of here. There was a second moan now, much less coherent than Sue s and much deeper. A few heartbeats later he heard a third moan, much fainter but coming from somewhere to the north. It made sense, Phil realized. Sue, after all, wasn t the only zombie that usually called Leechman Park her resting place. Every single person that had died during that long gone music video had been disposed of somewhere underneath the hills. If Lucas could control one, he could control the others. And his control of the other zombies might not be quite as flawed as his hold on Sue.
In the trees to the south several forms shambled out from the shadows. One to the right looked like it might have been Sue, a possibility that seemed confirmed when it caught Phil in its sight and stopped long enough to shake like it was having a seizure. But none of the other forms stopped. They continued to approach with their arms held out in front of them, slow but completely undeterred by the shrubs in their path.
All in agreement for literally running for the hills, Caleb said, say aye.
Phil and Gloria both raised their hands. Aye. Phil grabbed his own duffel bag from where he had set it on the ground, as well as the sword, and then ran towards the hills. All three of them got as far as the road within seconds, and Phil allowed himself a moment to look back. He immediately regretted it. Now that they were out of the tree line he could see all the way down it, and the number of zombies was far far greater than just the three they had seen approaching.
Guys, he called out to Caleb and Gloria. They were a few feet ahead but they looked over their shoulders at him as he spoke. I think we ve got a bigger problem than we thought. They stopped in their tracks when they saw what was behind them, and Phil ran right into Caleb s back. He almost jabbed Caleb in his leg with the sword, but Caleb was too distracted to give a smartass retort. Phil turned around with them and got a better look at what he had just seen.
Dear Sweet Jesus, Gloria said. That can t be right.
Phil couldn t believe what he was seeing was real either. He d done enough research on Sue s music video that he figured somewhere between twenty and thirty people associated with it had died at the hands of the real zombies. Some accounts had said that there were as many as fifteen zombies that had been rounded up for the video to begin with, and there were maybe a few more zombies roaming around the Hill than that. So there were a decent number of zombies that called the neighborhood their home at night, but it wasn t like Phil had ever seen them gathered together for any reason long enough to count them.
Except now they were gathered. As they came from their places around the perimeter of the park they started to group together. Some were coming from the north of where the three of them had been while most came from the south, and with only moonlight for Phil illuminating them he quickly lost count of how many there were.
Shit. They knew exactly where we were, Gloria said.
Kind of a leap in logic, isn t it? Caleb said. If they d known where we were we would have seen them earlier.
Exactly. There s so many of them that they would have run into us, but they didn t. They were specifically hanging back. She paused for a moment, then turned towards the nearest hill. It was approximately a hundred feet or so to the southeast, and Phil couldn t see anything about it just yet that struck him as strange. Lucas! she yelled. Come on out!
Um, Gloria, Caleb said. You do of realize that there s no one there?
We re being herded, Gloria said. He knew we would come and he pushed us in this direction for a reason. He has to be waiting for us, and that hill would be the most logical location. Isn t that right, Lucas?
All three of them turned to the hill and waited. Nothing came out from over it.
Your powers of deductive reasoning are brilliant and must be applauded with fervor, Caleb said. I wish I was even half as smart as you. My brain would explode with all the intelligence.
I can t be right all the time, Gloria said.
Yeah guys, that s all great and good that you can snark back and forth with such wit, Phil said. But don t forget that we do have something like sixty freaking zombies lurching right for us. Going back to running might be a good idea?
Yeah, probably, Gloria said. We should head for the pavilion. Doing a snatch and grab of the artifacts may be our only real shot now.
They didn t even have the chance to get moving again before something came rushing over the hill they had just been watching. Phil turned his head to look, but it was moving too fast and hit him hard in the ribs. He felt his feet actually leave the ground as he flew to the side, barely missing Caleb and Gloria before he hit the ground hard. The wind got knocked out of his lungs and the sword slipped from his hand right along with his duffel bag, and before he could get his bearings to try grabbing either of them the thing that had rushed him had already grabbed both and threw them aside. They fell at least fifty feet away, and Phil was in too much pain from the hit to immediately get up and go after them.
Caleb and Gloria each turned as Phil was attacked and tried to aim their weapons at the thing, but it was mostly a blur. It was definitely a humanoid, but in the low light with the speeds it was moving Phil couldn t see any details. When it slowed to scoop up Phil s weapons and toss them aside he got the impression of something hairy with long limbs, but even then the thing looked insubstantial, almost mist-like.
The thing was already coming back for Caleb and Gloria before either of them could get a good shot at it. Gloria fired a crossbow bolt, but there was a blur in the air and the bolt disappeared. There were a flurry of cracking noises and suddenly there was a shower in the air of broken splinters as the thing ripped the bolt into tiny pieces. Gloria ducked aside as she pulled another bolt from the pouch, and Caleb aimed his death ray/hair dryer at the thing before it could move any closer. The blast flashed white and Phil had to turn away to protect his eyes, and when he looked back he could see Caleb staggering backwards, his eyes blinking as he tried to see again. But the blast at least seemed to have landed where Caleb had intended. The thing had stopped moving for the moment and looked like it was even trying to keep its balance after the hit, but the blast didn t appear to have done much damage. Now that it had stopped moving, however, Phil could see it much better. It stood at about five foot five, and despite the increase in hair and slightly disproportioned limbs it looked mostly human. Maybe it was paler than normal, and it had a pair of extremely sharp looking fangs protruding from its mouth, but it was otherwise still recognizably Lucas. He was even still wearing his OneStop smock.
Lucas, why the hell are you doing this? Caleb asked.
Lucas s only response was halfway between a loud grunt and a howl. This, Phil understood, had to be what happened when he took whatever had been in the syringe. He started moving again towards Caleb, and although this time he didn t appear to be going as fast he was still moving faster than Caleb could track with his death ray. Caleb fired but Lucas dodged out of the way and the blast went wide, slicing a burned patch in the grass three feet away from Phil s head.
Whoa man, watch it! Phil yelled as he rolled away from the smoldering ground and tried to get back to his feet. Caleb didn t have time to apologize as he tried to fire again, but this time he was able to aim the shot right at Lucas s head. The first shot Caleb made must have caught Lucas off guard, but not this one. This time Lucas s entire body seemed to phase out into the form of mist before the blast hit him, and it went harmlessly through where his head should have been. He dashed in on Caleb and grabbed the front end of the death ray, crushing it in his grip and throwing it to the ground. Caleb backed away as he fumbled with his duffle bag trying to get some other weapon out, and that should have given Lucas the time to go in for another hit. Instead Lucas jumped on the broken death ray, screaming and howling as he first crushed what remained of it beneath his feet and then ripped the broken pieces apart with his newly clawed fingers. His movements were slowing with each spastic attack on the death ray parts, and his hair and proportions were going back to normal. Phil eyed his sword, but the zombies had come up quicker than he had expected and were moving to surround the fight. He could make it to the sword, but it would have put him dangerously close to a large number of grasping decaying fingers and gnashing teeth.
Lucas! Gloria yelled. Stop! She had her crossbow reloaded and aimed at Lucas again, and he was breathing heavily as the effects of the drug wore off. Caleb moved farther away from Lucas and any last minute attempts by the guy to lash out, but Lucas no longer looked like he was in any shape to fight. All his features were returning to normal much faster now, but his skin remained pale. He looked almost sick, but that didn t keep him from smiling at Gloria.
Put the crossbow down, Lucas said.
I m the one with it pointed at your head, man, she said. I think I m the one who gets to make orders here.
Except I ve got you surrounded with all my new toys, Lucas said, and Phil looked around them. The zombies had formed a loose ring around all of them now, and they looked restless as they stared with blank eyes at the four people inside their circle. Phil glanced anxiously around and found Sue just on the outside of the western part of the circle. She was just close enough now that he could see the details of her face, and although she still appeared to be shaking slightly he saw no other sign that she saw and recognized him.
Except if I shoot you and kill you, all those zombies will go back to how they were before, Gloria said. A few may try to come after us but most will just go about their business.
Right, because you people actually think all these monsters are pretty harmless, Lucas said. Like they aren t abominations of nature.
Here we go, Caleb said. This is the part where the evil villain gives us the big long monologue about his dastardly plan.
Lucas turned to look at Caleb, and Phil was struck by how confused Lucas seemed by that. Why would I do that?
That s what all the villains do at this stage in the game, Gloria said.
But I m not the villain, Lucas said. I m the hero that s here to save the world from
you
.
Now it was Gloria s turn to look confused. I don t understand.
No, people like you wouldn t understand things like basic decency, would you? Lucas said. Drop the crossbow now. There was a sudden shuffling among the zombies, and Sue shakily moved forward where several others grabbed her limbs. A couple placed hands on her skull. She stood there and let them, but Phil couldn t help but notice how her gaze turned toward him. She could have been giving him a silent plea for help, or she could be suddenly lusting for his brains again. There was no way he could tell for sure. Lucas saw the way Phil was looking at her and sneered. Or I ll have them rips Phil s pet dead bitch apart.
Gloria frowned but didn t lower the crossbow. Phil saw several of the zombies grips on Sue s arms tighten.
Gloria, Phil said. Just do what he says already.
Phil, look, I m sorry, but there s kind of bigger issues here, Gloria said. We can t let him get out of this and get those artifacts into the wrong hands.
He ll kill her, Phil said.
Dude, she s right, Caleb said. Living people could die because of all this, but Sue s already dead.
She s not dead to me, Phil said. He tried to hold back any tears as he watched Sue. She didn t look like she was in any pain as the other zombies fingers dug into her flesh, but he could not tell for sure. Please, Gloria. What if it were Caleb?
Caleb raised an eyebrow and looked at her. Gloria looked back, then grunted. Well shit, she said, and then lowered the crossbow. She made no attempt to raise it again as Lucas came up to her and grabbed it out of her hands.
And that s exactly why you re the villains of this story, Lucas said. When faced with a choice that you think could kill people, real living people, you chose the fucking zombie. You don t have a fucking clue who the real hero is here.
Phil was sure he wasn t the only one who wondered what the hell Lucas was talking about, but he didn t have time to say anything about it before the zombies started descending on them.