North (58 page)

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Authors: LOUIS-FERDINAND CÉLINE

Tags: #Autobiographical fiction, #War Stories, #Historical Fiction, #Historical, #Biographical, #World War, #1939-1945, #1939-1945 - Fiction, #Fiction, #Literary, #Adventure stories, #War & Military, #General, #Picaresque literature

BOOK: North
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"Harras, the time! the times! . . . they discussed it with me in Berlin . . . von Leiden Junior . . . the cripple . . . time of decease ten p.m.? stupid! Inge would inherit! . . . no! incorrect! impossible! . . . Marie-Thérèse-must inherit! . . . she must! . . . she stays here! . . . the
Rittmeister
died first! . . . Inge's going far away! . . . the
Rittmeister
. . . let's say eight p.m.! . . . understand? indispensable!"

It's all right with us! . . . mostly I see that they'd better hurry! . . . Harras remarks . . .

"Weren't the times of decease entered by the examining magistrate? . . . his inquest?"

"The fool! . . . the fool! . . . what did he know about it? . . . he wasn't there! . . . witnesses? . . . none! . . . you were all at the
Tanzhalle!
weren't you? . . . The
Rittmeister
died first! . . . indispensable! . . . you see, Harras! the time! . . . the moment!"

Very muddled circumstances! . . . but with all its other troubles the Chancellery in Berlin saw fit to worry about such absurdities! and dubious "reports"! . . . and send a general all this way . . .

The illustrious colleague hesitates . . . of course he's free to do what he likes . . . Harras told me so . . . he can cancel the times of decease . . .

"No! . . . I prefer! . . . don't you agree?. . . much better! . . . "

He crosses out the times of decease with a green pencil . . . and writes in with a red pencil . . .
unbestimmt!
. . . uncertain!

"That will make for lawsuits . . . keep them busy! . . . what fun they'll have! . . . ten years after the war! ten years! . . . they'll still be at it! . . . am I right, Harras? your signature please!". . .

Harras signs . . .

"And yours, colleague!"

My turn . . .

And then Kracht! He signs . . .

"And now my full powers!"

He takes a big rubber stamp from his pocket . . . incredible size . . . trouble getting it out . . . the size of his hand . . .

"There you are, colleague! . . . look! I bet you can't read it!"

"I can try!"

Not so easy . . .

Everybody laughs! our Göring is in stitches! . . . I decipher . . .

"Quite a mouthful, eh?"

I read aloud . . .

"Der Reichsbevollmächtigter!"

And I translate . . . I abridge:

"The Reich Plenipotentiary!"

I'm all admiration . . . I tell him . . . he interrupts . . . he beats his breast . . .

"That's me! . . . that's me! . . . paranoiac, aren't I? . . . clear case! wouldn't you say?"

"Oh,
mon général"

"Oh yes! don't be afraid! but I'll give it back to them! . . . I've only got it for Zornhof! this mission . . . this one affair! the full powers are there! all the powers! there! as they must be! . . . you understand? the Chancellery: all paranoiacs! . . . c'est la guerre! . . . indispensable!"

"And now, colleague, I will affix the stamp!"

From his other pocket . . . more trouble . . . he extricates the pad . . . the ink pad . . . and
bam! bam! 
. . . twice under each signature! . . .

Harras turns to me . . .

"Colleague! . . . your trip to Rostock! now's the time!"

I'd been thinking about it all right, but I didn't dare . . . he dares! he even explains . . . we want to visit the coast . . . to see the beach . . . Warnemünde . . . Lili and me . . . three days! . . . vacation! . . . four days! . . . tourists! . . .

Le Vig'll stay here . . . he'll go later . . .

"Why, of course! . . . gladly! . . . what have I got the full powers for? goodness gracious!"

He takes a big sheet of white paper . . . he stamps it in three places . . . and he signs . . .

"You'll fill it out, Harras!"

Could anyone be more gracious? . . .

"And now, my friends, our travelers!"

Always in a hurry! . . . true, it's high time! . . . it's getting light . . . well, pretty near . . . only Marie-Thérèse and the
Revizor
are left in the drawing room . . . pickled! in alcohol and morphine! . . . they can't have heard anything . . . dead to the world . . . but they've vomited some . . . we won't carry the countess . . . Kracht motions to me: the
bibels
have turned up, six of them! . . . they'll carry her on her divan . . . as is! . . . first to the isba! . . . then to the wagon! . . . the wagon's warm, stuffed with straw . . . hitched . . . to eight cows . . . not very fat, but not thin . . . it's ready loaded, they've put in everything . . . bales of hay, sacks of bread, sacks of rice, cases of canned goods, boxes, bottles . . . plenty to last them to Stettin . . . if that's where they're going . . .

Göring inspects . . . "They'll be all right . . ." I ask Harras . . .

"Which way?". . .

"I've told you, first Stettin! . . . the
Kommandantur
has been notified . . . they'll give them a sleigh . . . Stettin's not far! . . . three days . . . four days . . . very slowly . . . they'll change the escort, different SA-men . . . then east and north . . . Danzig . . . Königsberg . . . then up toward Memel . . . the countess will be at home! . . . in her forests! with her daughter and little Cillie . . . the Stettin
Kommandantur
will take their cows . . . and give them horses . . . little Tartar horses . . . special for the snow . . . you see, it all hinges on the cold weather!"

He can say that again . . . it's the end of October . . . the main thing is they should get started! . . . the general and Harras think they'd better go see . . . they haven't time . . . here they come! . . . they're ready . . . first the Kretzers in tears . . . don't seem to have slept much . . . holding each other by the arm . . . she's pressing the two tunics to her bosom . . . they stagger to the wagon . . .

"Say, are they tight?"

"No! no! it's grief!"

I can see Le Vig"s getting, ready to provoke them . . . I calm him down . . .

"All right! . . . all right!"

So then he starts singing . . . well, humming . . . the Kretzers sit down on the sacks . . . she's still sobbing . . . the
bibels
bring the countess on her divan, bundled up in blankets . . . they lay her down divan and all on the straw . . . very gently . . .

"Ah, colleague, you know . . . this brings back memories of my youth! . . . the Embarkation for Cytherea! ° . . ."

This embarkation makes him pensive . . . he's looking on . . . our Surgeon-General, I mean . . .

"You know, colleague, I used to dance here! many times! . . . old Count von Leiden, not the
Rittmeister 
. . . his father Hugo . . . gave big balls . . . I was a medical corps lieutenant then, in the Grenadier-Guards, stationed in Moorsburg . . . I often danced with little Thor Thorfels . . . Lord, how unbeautiful we are now! . . . me and my rubber stamp, she and her forests! . . . her monument! as big as it is gloomy! her castle! . . . you'll see! A Teutonic Bastille! two wars! . . . going on three! . . . ludicrous! . . . ludicrous!''

First time I've seen him laugh . . . nothing like Harras's
oh-ho-ho
, but still a laugh . . .

"Ah, my friends, that castle! you could put all Königsberg in it! . . . and all the bears and their families! . . . and the Russians! . . . even the count couldn't stand, it . . . he hunted all day . . . the poor thing now, all alone . . . I can see why she takes in anybody she can find! . . . did she talk to you about Paris?"

"My dear colleague, all she thinks about is Paris!''

"Nothing new . . . her Obsession even as a child . . . and speaking French! . . . same with Inge von Leiden, but less so . . ."

All this makes it clear that he's a lot more than forty . . . he seemed young at first sight . . . "You know the city of Königsberg? . . . the home of obsessions! . . . look at Kant! . . . tomorrow you! . . . and me, if we go there! . . . we won't go! . . . or to Cytherea either!"

We all laugh! . . . we won't go! but where will we go?

"This Marie-Thérèse! the one who's staying here . . . I knew her as a little girl . . . the heiress! . . . too young to dance . . . she came to watch . . ."

Kracht cornes out of the isba . . . he's not alone, Inge all in black, with a black handkerchief knotted under her chin . . . little Cillie's holding her by the hand . . . Kracht helps them into the wagon . . . Inge first . . . the Kretzers are in the middle, right over the axle . . . Countess Thor Thorfels hasn't a care in the world, they've put her divan down in the turnips and hay and alfalfa . . . she's sawing wood . . .

"Where's Léonard?"

Harras is asking . . . he hadn't seen him . . . he's there . . . but not the same man as in the barn . . . soaked in urine, coated with cowflop! . . . oh no! . . . absolutely clean, washed . . . even combed . . . I can see why we didn't spot him at first! . . . unrecognizable! . . . he's the boss now . . .

"Everything in order, monsieur
l'Oberarzt!
. . . shipshape! . . . cows shod . . . fodder for at least five, days . . ."

He's not kidding . . .

"Splendid! splendid, Léonard!"

An object lesson . . .

"You see, colleague, everything's in order! . . . and so are they! . . . never let them run around loose! . . . never! . . . give them responsibility! . . . a command! a precise function! . . . and quick! a promotion! . . . signed and stamped . . ."

Undoubtedly! the living proof! . . .

"At the Chancellery they understand . . . oh yes! they're not all idiots, but much too slow! . . . life goes on! . . . if you don't graft at once! . . . infection! . . . gangrene! . . . take Inge von Leiden here! a criminal, absolutely! obviously! . . . but her husband, the invalid, the cripple . . . was out to kill her too! . . . day and night! no other thought! . . . what's to be done? . . . big Nicholas too! . . . they leave together! the only solution! . . . don't, you agree?"

"Oh yes! . . . absolutely!"

"Psychoses get worse in one place, they evaporate somewhere else, change of scene . . . a murderer hits the road . . . he stops at a bridge and starts fishing . . . from that moment on his thoughts are serene! . . . a new man! . . . am I right, Harras? hundreds of affairs like this! in France . . . in Poland . . . in Germany . . . but here so near! . . . seventy miles! . . . I've said it . . . I say it again . . . impossible!"

The illustrious colleague has no regrets . . .

"I wouldn't have had the pleasure of meeting you! . . . and Madame! the great honor! they're going away, that's the main thing! movement! Moorsburg! they'll be all right in Stettin . . . and points east! . . . they're expected . . ."

It's all right with me . . . expected? . . . expected? . . . La Kretzer is clutching her two tunics . . . plenty of time to exhibit them between here and Königsberg!

Looks like they're going to shove off!

The two SA-men in back . . . one on each side . . . they'll walk . . . Nicholas up ahead, leading the first pair of cows . . . a sign from Kracht and the cows pull ahead . . . very slowly . . . we wave good-bye . . . nobody waves back . . . neither Inge nor the Kretzers nor Nicholas . . . they don't even look at us . . . the wagon's finally moving . . . it hasn't any springs . . . Harras observes . . . "neither has the tank!" . . . he fills me in. . .

I'll leave my buggy here, the armored car . . . for you and Kracht! . . . and four SA-men . . . to keep order! the police force! you've lost your beadle! . . .
oh-ho-ho!
and your pastor! . . . but morality? . . . and order? are they to perish? no! . . . you'll have no more trouble!"

"I understand!"

"A thousand regrets, Madame . . . sincerely sorry . . . but now I must be leaving . . .immediately!"

"On foot?"

"No! . . . no! . . . in the tank! . . . with; our colleague the general! and all the motorcycles! . . . in front! . . . in back!"

"Are the roads mined?"

"Oh, of course! . . . of course! by the Germans! by the Russians! by the prisoners! . . . and God knows who else!
oh-ho-ho!"

"But. . . ?!"

"Ave Caesar! boom!
our ladies in the wagon . . . less danger! after Stettin maybe . . . after Stettin, yesl . . . us right away! . . . tank! junk! . . .
oh-ho-ho! boom!"

He sure thinks it's funny . . .

The general is more serious, he takes a few steps . . . he talks to the SA-men with the wagon . . . he pulls out a map . . . he shows them a village . . . a name . . . their route . . . he points . . . that way! . . . good! . . . not so much bombing in the east . . . but in the south! where our two eminent comrades are going! . . . the pyrotechnics! . . . sky! . . . clouds! . . . earth! . . . not to mention the roads! . . . they'll get their money's worth! . . . the gulls are used to it . . . they glide, they wheel . . . they skim over the cows . . . snow falling, but not very much . . . we're not in snow country here . . . the snow comes after Rostock . . .

Now the official good-bye! . . . we all step forward! . . . we raise our arms! . . . Léonard and Joseph . . . and the
Dienstelle
girls . . .
heil!
 
heil! 
. . . the general, Harras, Kracht . . . and the three of us, Le Vig, Lili, and me . . . 
heil!
 
heil!
 Nicholas answers . . . 
heil!
 . . . not the others . . . oh yes! Cillie! . . . 
heil!
 
heil! 
she holds out her little arms . . . 
heil!
 
heil!
 she's, happy . . . having a fine time . . . a trip! . . . a trip! . . .

They don't take the surfaced road . . . no . . . a different one, very muddy . . . through the fields . . . Göring must have shown them . . . they roll along . . . they've nothing to hurry about . . . a patch of clear sky! . . . a bit of sun! . . . you wouldn't believe it! little Cillie wasn't a gay child, I never saw her gay at the farm, but now real joy . . . a trip! she's still
heiling
us! all by herself! nobody else! . . . la Thor von Thorfels is out cold, shell wake up after Stettin! . . . the lady on the divan! all of a sudden Göring has an idea! . . .

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