Odin Blew Up My TV! (7 page)

“The Utgard Chasm!” Sigurda exclaimed. “I was not expecting this.”

“What do you mean you weren’t expecting it?” said Greg. “This is your country, isn’t it?”

“In supplanting golden Asgard with your earthly town,” said Sigurda, “Loki has thrown the entire land into disarray, confounding its myriad elements.”

“What’s she saying?” Greg grunted.

“She says the geography of Vanaheim is all mixed up because of what Loki’s done,” Susie translated.

“Like chucking a rock into a pond,” said Lewis. “By dropping St Andrews in the middle of Vanaheim, Loki’s sent ripples out over the whole country.”

“Okay, I get that,” said Greg. “Why didn’t she just say so instead of spouting all that gobbledygook?”

“She’s a warrior maid of Asgard,” said Susie. “You can’t expect her to speak like somebody out of River City.”

“Loki makes havoc where he cannot have victory,” said Sigurda, “like a petulant child who, finding a wooden puzzle
too difficult to solve, hurls the pieces to the floor in anger.”

Lewis gazed at the huge gulf. “So how do we get across?” he asked.

“We must find the dragon,” Sigurda stated decisively. She set off at full stride northwards along the chasm’s rim.

“Are you saying we have to fight a dragon before we can cross?” asked Greg, hurrying after.

“There is no need to fight,” said Sigurda. “It is already slain.”

Thick groves of pine trees and steep boulders forced their path away from the chasm as they struggled to keep up with Sigurda.

“So about this dragon…” said Lewis.

“What do you mean it’s already slain?” Greg asked.

“It was Thor, the god of thunder, who slew him in an age long past,” said Sigurda.

“An awful lot of stuff went on in these
ages long past
,” said Greg.

Susie gave him a dig with her elbow. “Shh! I want to hear this!”

“In that time,” Sigurda resumed, “the dragon Affnar dwelt in a cave at the bottom of this very chasm. When he heard travellers passing above, he would rise up from his hidden lair and devour them. When Thor walked this ground seeking some means to cross over, Affnar ascended on his mighty wings and attacked the god of thunder. Long and furious was the struggle between them and many are
the songs sung of it even to this day. At last Thor struck a mortal blow, splitting the dragon’s skull with his hammer. Affnar fell dead and Thor crossed safely to the other side.”

“How did killing the dragon get him across?” asked Susie.

“You shall see,” Sigurda replied. “You shall see.”

Lewis took a fresh bite from his apple. Perhaps it was the effect of the magical fruit, but he was starting to enjoy this wild country. The air was clean and filled with the scent of pine. The trees grew straight and proud, and the distant calls of unseen birds were like music floating on the breeze. There were no roads here, no phones, no computers. It felt as if his normal life were the fairy tale and this world of warriors and flying beasts the reality.

“Hey, look! There’s something up ahead!” Susie announced.

She had spotted a row of greyish-white rocks laid out end-to-end, increasing in size as they curved away out of sight behind the trees.

“Stones wouldn’t naturally lie like that,” said Greg as they drew closer. “Somebody must have put them there.”

“That’s not it,” said Lewis. “I think they must be…”

“Bones!” said Susie.

“Bones?” Greg echoed. “But look at the size of them!”

When they reached the strange structure they could see that it was the skeletal tail of some immense beast, so long it stretched away out of sight among the shadows of the trees.
Sigurda led them along the length of the huge tail until they came to the Utgard Chasm once more. The skeleton of a gigantic dragon was stretched right across the chasm.

On this side were the tail and hind legs, the claws of its enormous feet dug solidly into the earth. The dead monster’s spine formed a bridge across the crevasse to where its front claws were dug in on either side of a skull as big as a house. From the centre of the skeleton, extending towards the sky, rose the bones of its wings, like the framework of a pair of vast sails.

“So this is the dead dragon,” Susie gasped.

“Verily you speak in sooth, Susie,” Sigurda confirmed.

“I didn’t know you could speak Sooth, Spinny,” Greg joked. “Have you been taking lessons?”

Susie silenced him with a jab in the ribs as Sigurda continued her story.

“As Affnar writhed in pain from the blow struck by Thor, he finally fell dead directly across the gap, affording the god of thunder easy passage.”

“It reminds me of that whale skeleton in the Dundee museum,” said Lewis.

“Yes, except this is twenty times bigger,” said Greg, “and it’s a dragon.”

“Are you sure it’s safe to cross?” Lewis asked.

“There is no safety on the warrior’s path,” said Sigurda.

“Thanks,” said Greg. “That’s really reassuring.”

A sudden rustling in the woodland behind them made Sigurda spin around and draw her sword. She eyed the trees suspiciously.

“Ringwearers, make your way across,” she instructed. “I shall guard the rear.”

“I’ll go first,” said Susie, hopping up onto the tail. Like a gymnast on a balance beam, she moved rapidly up to where it joined the body.

“Take it easy, Spinny,” Greg cautioned her. “Those bones are really old. They could easily fall apart.”

“Greg, if this thing’s been here for centuries, it’s not likely to choose this moment to collapse, is it?” Susie pointed out.

“I’m just saying to be careful,” said Greg.

“I’ll send you a postcard from the other side.” Susie headed along the spine holding her arms straight out at her sides for balance. The bones shifted and creaked slightly under her feet but Susie didn’t let that disturb her.

Since she was three she had been climbing up onto narrow walls and walking along them fearlessly, even when her anxious parents pleaded with her to come down. She knew that the secret was to concentrate on each step, then the next, and not think about anything else. Especially not about falling.

“You’re next, Lewis,” said Greg.

Lewis gazed along the length of the dragon skeleton and swallowed. It looked like an awfully long way. “Why me?”
He hated how squeaky his voice sounded.

“Because you’re the next lightest,” said Greg. “We want as little weight as possible on the thing.”

“That sounds sensible – for once,” Lewis agreed unhappily.

He placed a tentative foot on the tail and took his first step. Then another.

“Come on, Lewis, speed it up,” Greg urged.

Soon Lewis had taken his first steps over the chasm, his eyes firmly fixed on Susie, who was continuing to make confident progress far ahead.
Don’t look down,
he told himself.
You’ll be fine as long as you don’t look down
.

As he reached the halfway point he saw Susie hop up onto the dragon’s cracked skull. She walked lightly down its snout and jumped onto solid ground on the other side. Twirling about on the grass, she laughed in relief.

Now that Lewis was in the centre of the dragon’s body, the great sail-like structures that had supported the wings rose up around him. He was sure he could see them moving. He tried to block out the crazy notion that the dragon was coming to life, like some sort of giant lizard zombie. It must just be the wind moving the ancient wings.

But it was still worrying.

It also prompted Lewis to wonder how a creature this massive had ever managed to fly. Perhaps the bones, for all their size, were hollow, so they didn’t actually weigh much.
That thought made him nervous. If the bones weren’t solid, then maybe this whole structure was a lot more fragile than it appeared.

“Lewis, what are you stopping for?” came Greg’s voice.

Lewis twisted his head around and saw that Greg had started out after him. Greg was heavier than Susie. Suppose the dragon bones were too light to support the two of them?

“I know what you’re doing,” said Greg accusingly. “You’re thinking. Now cut that out and get moving.”

Lewis turned his eyes away from Greg, but as he did so, he accidentally glanced down. The chasm seemed to fall away forever into black shadows where an unseen river dashed along, ready to sweep away the dead body of anyone who fell.

Immediately he started to sway, letting out a yelp as his arms whirled about in a desperate effort to maintain his balance.

“Lewis, you’re fine,” said Greg loudly. He tried to think of some really good words from his
Verbal Ninja
book to calm his brother down. “Maintain your composure and move with alacrity.”

“Composure?” Lewis echoed. “Alacrity? Where did you get that from?”

“I’ll tell you once we’re on the other side,” Greg told him with a laugh.

Lewis found himself laughing too, and once he took his mind off his fears, he found he could start walking again.
The long bony spine actually felt quite firm beneath his feet.

His confidence was coming back – when it was abruptly shattered by a mighty roar.

Lewis and Greg both swivelled their heads to see what was going on behind them. Sigurda had just started out across the bridge when an immense bear with thick black fur came roaring out of the forest.

It reared up to full height, twice that of a man, and raised great paws above its head to show off savage claws. Then it dropped to all fours and bounded forward in pursuit of Sigurda. As it landed on the dragon bridge, the whole structure shook like it had been hit with a hammer.

“Steady, Lewis, steady!” Greg called.

But it was too late.

Lewis lost his balance and, with a startled squeal, he fell.

“Lewis!” Greg cried. He stretched out a hand but his brother was too far away to reach.

As he toppled from the dragon’s spine Lewis bumped against one of the huge ribs and instinctively threw his arms around it. Fearfully he shut his eyes and slid down a short way before coming to a halt. Only when he had stopped moving did he dare to look around.

Greg was directly above him now, but too far off to reach. To his left he spotted Susie darting nimbly back down the spine to join Greg.

Sigurda had turned and was facing the bear, her sword drawn. The creature slashed at her with one claw, but she deflected the blow with her blade. Every time the bear lunged, the whole skeleton shook and Lewis had to cling on for dear life.

Above him Greg swayed but managed to keep his balance as he slipped off his light daypack. He lay down full length, holding one strap, and dangled the pack below him so the other strap was only a short distance above Lewis’ head.

“Here, Lewis, grab on!” he said.

Lewis was terrified that if he let go of the rib with one hand, he would lose his grip and topple into empty space.

Susie lay down on the spine so that the top of her head was almost touching Greg’s. She wriggled out of her daypack and lowered it in the same way, so there were two loops hanging just above Lewis.

“Grab hold of one, Lewis, then the other,” said Susie. “We’ll haul you up.”

Lewis was just mustering the courage to make the attempt when the whole skeleton shook once more. The bear was taking another swipe at Sigurda, but the Valkyrie held her ground.

With all four of them on the dragon bridge, and a bear that probably weighed as much as all of them combined, Lewis was sure the bones would give way.

“Come on, Lewis!” Greg urged. “You can’t hang around there all day.”

“Hang around!” Lewis muttered. “That’s a bad joke, even for you, Greg.”

The risk involved in grabbing for the dangling backpack scared him a lot. But so did the knowledge that eventually he would lose his grip and plunge into the abyss.

“Lewis, I think you’d better move now,” said Susie.

Lewis saw at once what she meant. The rib he was holding onto was breaking loose of the spine.

Lewis sucked in a deep breath. Taking his left hand
off the long curved bone, he grabbed hold of the strap of Greg’s pack. His other hand immediately slipped free and he dangled there, his feet kicking the empty air.

Taking a firm grip on the dragon’s vertebrae, Susie slid herself further down so she could lower her pack closer to Lewis.

“Susie, be careful!” Greg exclaimed.

“Come on, Lewis, grab a hold!” Susie called.

His legs swinging in the air, Lewis stretched his right arm until it ached. He just managed to get his fingers over the strap of Susie’s pack.

“Hold on tight, Lewis!” said Greg. “Come on, Spinny, heave!”

The two of them pulled hard and dragged Lewis panting and puffing up onto the spine beside them. They had barely stood up when another angry roar shook the bridge again. They threw themselves flat and clung on to the shaking spine.

This time, however, the bear halted its advance. It had noticed that each time it moved to attack the strangers, the bony surface beneath it rocked and swayed. The bear was not used to the ground behaving like this and found it unsettling. It decided that the intruders had learned their lesson and would not trespass on its territory again.

Carefully the bear moved backwards onto solid ground. Once the earth was firm beneath its feet again, it reared up
to full height and delivered a final warning. Then it dropped down onto all fours and padded majestically back into the forest.

“Good riddance!” said Greg. “I don’t think the bridge could
bear
his weight.”

The three of them scrambled to their feet and Susie and Greg slung their packs over their shoulders.

Sigurda gestured at them with her sword. “Separate!” she ordered.

“She’s right,” said Lewis. “Standing all together, we’re putting too much strain on the bridge.”

Even as he spoke they could feel the bones bend under their weight with an ominous cracking sound. The rib Lewis had been clinging to came loose and plummeted into the chasm. It seemed like a long time before they heard it splash down in the river far below.

“I’m out of here,” Susie announced, darting nimbly towards the dragon’s head.

“On you go, Lewis,” urged Greg, giving his brother a gentle shove to get him moving.

Once they were spread out the bridge stopped bending. Lewis felt better when he reached the neck and followed it up onto the crown of the dragon’s huge head. He could see clearly the gaping crack Thor’s hammer had made in the monster’s skull. He passed between the round empty eye sockets, so big you could ride a bike through them,
then hurried down the long snout to join Susie on solid ground. When he looked back, he saw the dragon’s huge teeth grinning at him like two rows of gravestones.

Greg arrived shortly after him, looking flushed and relieved. “That was a bit hairy, eh?” he beamed.

“I hope there’s a different route back,” said Lewis.

“I’ll be happy if we get back at all,” said Susie. She glanced towards the distant peak of Mount Daggerflash. “It looks like we’ve still got a fair hike ahead of us.”

Sigurda marched confidently over the dragon’s skull as if she were strolling down a broad highway rather than a shaky bridge of bones.

“That is one peril behind us,” she commented as she rejoined the others. “Who can say what further dangers yet lie in our path?”

“Could you not say something cheerful for a change?” Lewis complained. Sigurda clapped him on the shoulder. “Danger is meat and drink to a warrior, Lewis,” she declared, “for how else are we to test our mettle?”

“I don’t know,” said Lewis. “Sudoku? Table tennis?”

Sigurda laughed and led the way onward.

Directly ahead the crimson sun was sinking behind the distant peak of Mount Daggerflash. The mountain cast its long shadow across the land like a beckoning finger. As darkness fell the party made camp in a hollow surrounded by oak trees.

The three youngsters made beds for themselves out of moss and dead leaves and fell into an exhausted sleep. Sigurda slept sitting upright with her back against a boulder, her sword stabbed into the ground beside her within easy reach should anything startle her out of her slumber.

A chorus of birds greeted the first golden sunbeams next morning. After a simple breakfast of apples and water, the travellers climbed out of the hollow and continued their westward journey.

The trees before them thinned out and they found themselves on the crest of a ridge that sloped gently down towards a broad and beautiful landscape. They saw hills and valleys, wide expanses of woodland, sudden shards of rock bursting out of the earth, and the silver traceries of streams and rivers.

“The land of Vanaheim,” said Sigurda proudly, “though its features have been twisted by Loki’s mischief.”

“Hey, something’s happening to my ring,” said Lewis. “It’s like there’s a magnet pulling at it.”

“I feel it too,” said Greg.

“And me,” said Susie. “It’s yanking at my finger.”

“They are drawing you to the separated parts of the Odinstaff,” said Sigurda, “so that you might reunite them into one.”

“My ring’s pulling me that way,” said Lewis, “to the north.”

“Mine too,” said Greg.

“Well, my ring’s tugging me the other way,” said Susie, pointing to the south.

“Which way are we supposed to go?” said Greg, rubbing his jaw.

“Two of the rings are pointing north,” said Lewis, “so we should go that way first, then double back.”

Sigurda shook her head. “Time flies swiftly and with each passing hour the danger grows. We must act quickly if we are to thwart the evil intents of Loki and Ymir.”

“What’s the plan then, Sigurda?” asked Susie.

“We shall divide our forces,” Sigurda decided. “Lewis and Greg, you will travel northward. I will accompany Susie on the southward route.”

“But how will we ever find each other again?” Lewis objected.

“Methinks once we’ve found two bits of the staff,” said Susie, “the rings mayhap will lead us all to the third piece – eh, Sigurda?”

“Verily you speak in sooth, Susie,” said Sigurda approvingly.

“Spinny, what are you talking like her for?” Greg asked sourly.

“I’m starting to get into it, Greg,” Susie answered with a grin. “It’s cool.”

“So we’ll all meet up at the third piece,” said Lewis, “wherever it is.” He had an uneasy feeling it wouldn’t be that simple.

“Indeed, Lewis,” Sigurda agreed, “then we shall resume our sundered fellowship.”

Lewis and Greg glanced quizzically over at Susie, who could only shrug this time. “I guess it’s sundering time then,” she said. “Come on, Sigurda, let’s see what’s out there.”

“Menfolk that way, womenfolk this way,” said Sigurda. “May fortune smile upon you.”

“Good luck to you too,” said Greg.

As Susie set off with the Valkyrie for the south she looked round and waved. “You boys try to keep out of trouble!” she called.

“Right, Lewis, off we go,” said Greg, starting towards the north.

Lewis slouched along unhappily beside him.

“What are you looking so glum about?” Greg asked.

“I should think that’s obvious,” said Lewis. “Who knows what sort of monsters are lurking out there. At least Susie’s got a Valkyrie with her with a sword and everything.”

“Not to worry, Lewis,” said Greg, giving him an encouraging pat on the back. “You’ve got me.”