Out of Rhythm (Face the Music Book 1) (8 page)

Together they cleared away the plates and loaded the dishwasher, the way they had so many times.

‘Another glass of wine?’ She hoped Gemma said yes, because she really needed another and she didn’t want to be drinking alone.

‘Yes. What movies have you got?’

Did she actually want to watch a movie? ‘I’m sure there’ll be something on my laptop, or we can buy something new.’

Gemma picked up the half bottle of wine. ‘Let’s go have some fun then.’

Kirsten smiled but her nerves had grabbed a hold and were refusing to let go. This was more nerve-racking than any first time naked encounter, even though Gemma had seen her in her underwear before…but it was Gemma. She cared more about Gemma, and knew more about Gemma than any guy she’d ever slept with. With them it had been lust first and a relationship second. She’d never really done it the other way around. Would it have been different if she had?

Yeah, she was pretty sure she wouldn’t have started sleeping with most of them if she’d spent years getting to know them first.

Gemma put the bottle and glass down on the bedside table, then flopped onto the bed the way she had so many times before. The TV was perfectly positioned on the opposite wall and connected to Kirsten’s laptop. She could move out of home, but renting in Fremantle and living this close to work and everything would mean she wouldn’t be able to do anything. Besides her parents weren’t trying to get rid of her — probably because they lived upstairs and she paid board and cooked dinner twice a week.

She flicked open her laptop and started looking through films she’d already purchased. ‘What do want to watch?’

‘Doesn’t matter as I probably haven’t seen it anyway.’ She smiled, her gaze drifting over Kirsten, not bothering to hide that she was checking her out.

‘In that case…’ She hit play on Sherlock Holmes despite having watched it a few times before, and then sat down next to Gemma.

After a moment she put her hand on Gemma’s thigh. When Gemma didn’t do anything, she decided it was up to her to make the first move. She turned and kissed her; the desire was there, simmering below the surface, but uncertainty created ripples that she wasn’t used to. Gemma responded, her tongue brushing Kirsten’s lip, then tasting and dancing.

‘I don’t want to rush you,’ Gemma murmured as her hand trailed over Kirsten’s hip and pulled her closer.

‘You’re not.’ It wasn’t that she hadn’t had sex before, but she’d never had sex with a woman before.

‘Okay, then I don’t want to rush. We don’t have to leap straight in. It’s cool.’ Gemma smiled, but it was strained around the edges.

‘You don’t want to?’

‘If I screw up, there’s a whole lot more to lose. Let’s just watch the movie.’ While her words pushed Kirsten away, her arm kept her close.

Kirsten settled in, well aware that even this was different. Their bodies were touching from head to toe. She could smell Gemma’s perfume and shampoo. All of it was light and floral, and almost too girly for Gemma, at least at first glance.

About halfway through the movie, Gemma spoke. ‘Why did you tell your mum about my family?’

‘I didn’t. I asked her if it would be okay if you stayed over on a more permanent basis because living with three younger brothers has to be hard.’

‘Much like living with my three older adopted brothers.’

‘It that what it’s like?’ She often wondered how Gemma survived being surrounded by guys all the time at home, and then with the band. Kirsten would go crazy being trapped with Ed for any length of time.

‘Pretty much.’

‘You’re one of the guys.’

Gemma’s shoulder shrugged beneath Kirsten’s head. ‘Not really. Sometimes they treat me like the kid sister who needs to be looked after. Which was handy in a couple of the rougher places, and they’d never let me get a cab alone. On the other hand, it can get a little weird when someone’s picked up and then they get all freaked out like I’m going to say something.’

‘Do you?’

‘Most of the time I keep quiet. If I don’t butt in, they won’t butt into my private life…that’s the theory anyway.’ She glanced at Kirsten. ‘You aren’t worried about what your parents will think?’

Not in the same way Gemma was. ‘They won’t disown me or anything, or at least I don’t think they will. Would you rather stay in the spare room tonight?’

‘You want me to stay here?’ Gemma didn’t try to hide the joy in her eyes.

‘Yeah, I do. It won’t be the first time you’ve slept in my bed.’

‘I know…but now that you know…’

Kirsten propped herself up on one elbow and looked at Gemma. ‘You don’t have to try and protect me, or yourself.’ She touched Gemma’s cheek. ‘I want you and I want to explore this with you…even if I don’t know exactly what I’m doing.’

‘I’m not that experienced.’

‘No, but you’re sure in your heart. I’m not.’ At the back of her mind she wondered if Gemma would be enough. There was more to sex than tongue and fingers…and what if she needed more? ‘This might sound dumb, but don’t you ever feel like…dick?’

Gemma laughed. ‘I have a vibrator. It reaches places I can’t.’ She kissed Kirsten softly. ‘It’s the person, not the equipment.’

Kirsten felt the heat rise up her cheeks; she closed her eyes and tried to will it away.

‘Don’t worry, I asked plenty of weird questions my first few times. We’ll muddle through okay.’

This time Gemma didn’t pull away as Kirsten moved closer and stole another, deeper kiss.

There was one quick rap on the bedroom door then it was flung open.

‘I need to get my wetsuit, can you get Gemma out of the spare room...’ Ed’s voice trailed off at the end.

Gemma sat up as panic hit hard; for a second she thought she was in a hotel room, then she realised that someone was next to her. She glanced down and saw Kirsten opening her eyes, then Gemma looked at Ed who was frozen in the doorway.

She should have stayed still and pretended she wasn’t here.

Kirsten paled and rolled over, grabbing the sheet around her. ‘Could you wait until I give you the all clear before you barge in?’

Ed stood there for a few seconds longer, his gaze flicking between Kirsten and Gemma before he took a step back. He closed the door without a word, but he didn’t need to say anything. The look on his face; the way his frown had given way to realisation. He looked like he’d been given bad news and didn’t know how to swallow it.

‘Shit.’ Gemma jumped out of bed and began pulling on clothes. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t meant to be like this. No one was supposed to know.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck
. Her heart was thumping hard. She raked her fingers through her hair.

‘Do you think he suspects?’

‘We were both naked.’ If they’d put on pyjamas they might have gotten away with it, but it had been so nice to stay the night and feel Kirsten against her. It would have been nicer if they hadn’t been woken up. ‘He knows.’

Kirsten drew the sheets tighter around her and bit her lip. ‘What do we do?’

She had no idea. She wasn’t ready to be telling people anything. It was one thing to know herself, but another to make it public knowledge and put herself out there for judgment. The music was different. She could deal with that, change it. But her sexuality was part of her and she couldn’t change that.

When she looked at Kirsten’s worried face, she knew she was going to have to take the hit. Ed wasn’t her family, no matter how much time she spent with him or how close they were.

Gemma drew in a breath. ‘I’m going to talk to Ed.’

‘No. I should.’ Kirsten didn’t sound very convinced. She slid off the bed draped in the sheet, as if she were now embarrassed to be naked around Gemma.

Gemma tried to ignore the small stab, like a fine piece of glass weaving into her heart. ‘You’re his sister. Let him be mad at me first. Then you can go in and smooth it over.’

Plus it was her job on the line. It was always going to be her job on the line when she came out eventually. Perhaps that’s why she’d been putting it off; she didn’t want the ride to be over, and while the band was having a rough time she didn’t actually want Selling the Sun to break up. As she looked at Kirsten, she knew she was going to fight for her and the band. Why should she have to choose?

Did she really want to be forced out, or would she rather walk out with her chin up? She didn’t know. She’d have to go by feel.

‘He shouldn’t have come in.’ Kirsten looked like she was going to cry. ‘He doesn’t if I have a boyfriend over.’

Gemma put her arms around her. Ed had assumed that she was in the guest room. He was working on a logical assumption. It wasn’t his fault that he’d caught them in bed together. ‘It will be okay.’

‘I’m not ready for this.’

Neither was she, but hiding was no longer an option. ‘I know.’

The Vincents were going to toss her out. No, that was what her parents would do. Kirsten’s parents were better than that. She hoped. She hoped Ed would get over the shock and be cool. Yeah, and if she truly believed that she’d have come out months ago to her band mates, not done her best to act straight, or at least neutral.

‘Wish me luck.’ She gave Kirsten a kiss on the cheek. But Kirsten had clammed up, as she worried about what everyone would say.

Damn Ed. It would have been so much easier if they’d been able to keep it quiet for longer. If Kirsten changed her mind, no one would’ve known about her dabble with girls. Maybe she wouldn’t have and they’d have been happy together for the rest of their lives. She gave Kirsten a little squeeze. ‘Ed’s a decent guy.’

Usually.

Probably not so much now that she was sleeping with his sister.

‘If he throws me out, I’ll give you a call a little later. Okay?’ Gemma tried to sound confident. Kirsten expected her to have the answers, but she was winging it and hoping for the best. The story of her life.

Kirsten nodded. ‘Are you going to tell him the truth?’

‘I think I have to.’ Gemma released Kirsten and opened the door. She gave Kirsten a thumbs up and an overly bright grin.
I am so screwed
. Then shut the door so that hopefully Kirsten wouldn’t hear any arguing.

It might be best for everyone if he had grabbed his wetsuit and gone for a surf. By the time he got home hopefully the initial shock would have worn off and they could talk like adults. Right now she didn’t feel very grown up. She felt like that same scared seventeen year old who’d kissed her first girl and was praying no one would realise she was gay by simply looking at her. After a week she’d realised no neon sign had gone up declaring her sexuality.

This wasn’t quite the same. She moved quietly through the house, almost holding her breath, hoping he was gone. She stopped in the kitchen doorway. Ed was in the kitchen making coffee and staring out the window.

‘How long have you been sleeping with my sister?’ He didn’t turn to look at her.

‘It’s not quite like that.’ They had done more than kiss, but not much more. There had certainly been no hands in pants…no, she’d done that herself afterward. She’d had to.

‘The fight you had was a lovers’ tiff, wasn’t it?’

‘No. It was a falling out of friends.’ She had to step up and stop misdirecting him. ‘Over a kiss.’

Ed turned around to face her, he was scowling, but at least there was no anger blazing in his eyes. ‘You both have boyfriends, had boyfriends.’

Gemma nodded. ‘I outgrew mine…they weren’t what I wanted.’

Ed grimaced. ‘If you were a man I’d have dragged you out of her bed and punched you.’

‘Really? Kirsten’s had plenty of boyfriends and I don’t remember you hitting a single one of them. Or is this because you didn’t expect to see me there?’

He looked away without answering. ‘You’re supposed to be her friend.’ His voice was soft, as if he was trying to make sense of what he’d seen.

‘I am her friend, which why I’m here talking to you so you don’t tear into her.’

‘You made her do this?’

‘Get over yourself. I didn’t make Kirsten do anything. She wanted to try.’

He shook his head. ‘I don’t get it.’

‘You don’t have to. It’s between me and her.’ And it was. Ed had no right to judge either of their relationships, and they didn’t need his seal of approval. Although it could make her position precarious. What if they all voted to get rid of her and get a guy to replace her? Someone who was less trouble?

‘Is it a thing, will you grow out of it, Gem?’

Gemma rolled her eyes. This was why she’d never told anyone. The easy answer would be to agree, sure she’d grow out of it, it was a phase, whatever. But she was tired of not being able to say what was on her mind. When the guys were checking out girls, so was she and she wanted to join in the conversation.

‘I’ve known I liked women since I was sixteen. I don’t think I’m going to grow out of it.’

‘But you dated a guy last year.’ Ed’s coffee cup was in his hand and he hadn’t taken a single drink.

She’d made it look like they were dating, and Jake had been happy to play along, as he wasn’t exactly out, although he was more open than she was. ‘No, he was gay and hoping you’d notice him. We had fun, and we’re still friends even though I had to defend your straightness.’

Ed sat down heavily as if he couldn’t take anymore. ‘All this time, I thought you were shy and that was why you never talked about your love-life. You’re a lesbian.’

This was going about as well as she’d expected.

‘Actually I’m Gemma. Guitarist, vocalist, song writer…and if you can’t get your head around the fact that I like to sleep with women as much as you do, maybe you should look at replacing me.’

As soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted saying them. She didn’t want him to use that to get rid of her.

He looked up. ‘I know the band is having a dry patch, but we can get past it.’

‘Can we? How are the others going to react? I didn’t want to tell anyone because I was scared of what would happen. Kirsten and I were hoping to keep it quiet until we worked things out. We aren’t sure what’s going on.’ She placed her hands on the back of a chair and looked at Ed. ‘Don’t be a prick to her. Apologise for barging into her room and leave it at that.’