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Authors: Heppermann,Christine

Poisoned Apples (9 page)

BOOK: Poisoned Apples
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T
rue, no one teases me now. My new friends

and I, we don't talk much at all, really.

It's hard to make conversation

while we're gliding back and forth across

the mirror, bowing to our majesty.

For a thrill I like to shut my eyes and pretend

I never left the reeds where I waited

out that ugly winter, survived the plain

brown autumn watching the hunter's hounds

charge past me on their way to prettier game.

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Big Bad Spa Treatment

Y
ou
are the most important ingredient in this scrumptious day of pampering!

First our expert staff will tenderize those tired muscles with our patented deep-tissue Massage Mallets, leaving you loose and

gristle-free. Next, you'll soak for at least two, preferably four to eight, hours

in a tub filled with our world-famous Aromatic Marinade & Moisturizer

made from the finest extra-virgin olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, and just a hint of

cayenne to give you that all-over spicy glow. Could your Big Bad day be any yummier?

You bet! Whether your complexion is dry, oily, or combination, our honey

barbecue facial mask will leave skin youthful, pink, succulent, delectable, and omigod . . .

 

Sorry. As we were saying, we apply the mask while you soak, and the best part

is, there's no need to rinse it off! It absorbs directly into your pores to seal in

the juices. From the tub, it's mere steps back to our Ergonomic Butcher's Block

Massage Table for a sea salt and black pepper rub, though we might throw in

a few bay leaves if we're in the mood, and you know we are. After that, all you have left

to do is lie back and relax in our sauna, always set at a therapeutically optimal

400 degrees. Close your eyes. Feel the heat deep in your bones. We'll come and get you

when you're done.

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Human Centipede Two
for Alexia

i
s even grosser than

Human Centipede One
,

my friend tells me

frequently

during third-period lunch

as I lift the bun to blot suspicious fluid

from Wednesday's burger

or Thursday's Sloppy Joe.

In the first movie the villain is a surgeon.

In the second he's just a guy with

a staple gun,

dirty knives to sever tendons,

and laxatives.

My friend lines up twelve chubby

Goldfish crackers tail-to-head to represent

the victims.

Did I know that most of the sound effects

were made with cuts of raw meat?

That at the premiere they put barf bags

on all the seats and stationed an ambulance

outside the theater for a joke, but then

a woman ended up needing it?

It's a mark of good horror,

my friend read online,

when it turns your own body against you.

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Spotless

E
very edge and surface

in my darlings' cozy cottage

must be better than perfect.

So I whet one razor

after another against the stony

flesh of my leg until in barely

any time at all I have seven sharp

lines

as deep as the silence of my days,

as straight as the path I ran from

the huntsman,

as red as those three drops

for which my mother named me,

or so the story goes.

They say she pricked her finger

patching a hole in my father's robe.

Dangling her hand from the window,

she thought her own blood on the snow

was the prettiest thing she'd ever seen.

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The Beast

S
hut behind these walls only the two of us

can see the loathsome creature I am now—

in truth, have always been.

Every night the sumptuous spread,

me at the head of the table, when I really

belong on the floor, begging for scraps.

Every night the harpsichord sings

the same cruel song about love

breaking the spell,

the skimpy rose sheds another petal,

and my kind companion gazes at me

as if I am not a monster in silk and lace.

Every night the same question,

the same answer, the same stumbling

from the room while he howls

the lie that has always been my name.

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Art TK

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..................................................................

Bird Girl

I
might as well have wings.

My hands were never good for much.

Whether braiding rugs or bread or my own hair,

my work was lopsided.

The dust in the corners felt safe

watching me wield the broom.

Fumbling. Careless. Such taunts

do not apply to the creature I am now,

one without palms and knuckles

punished by scalding wash water.

In this cage, in this feathered skin,

I am born anew.

I stretch toward the golden bars

and sing.

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..................................................................

BOOK: Poisoned Apples
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