Raven (4 page)

Letting the tears fall, I flip my head forward, piling all my hair on top and tying it in a bun. “Can you just take me home
, please?”

“The game, Rian. You’re supposed to go with me.”

“Fine, but after the game, I’d like to go straight home. I’m in no mood to laugh and be happy when my best friend just told me he’s leaving me … again. It hurt when I was thirteen, it kills now.”

****

I spend the majority of the game in the bathroom, trying not to vomit. The remainder, I do exactly as promised—cheer him on from the bleachers with a smile on my face. As soon as the game ends and Garrett receives his pats on the back from the coaches, he drives me straight home. The second we get in the truck, the grin fades and I have no problem showing my true emotions.

Terrified.

Petrified that no matter how hard we’d try, it won’t be enough and I’ll be alone yet again. It’s hard enough thinking that in a few months he’s going to graduate, and come next August, I’ll start my senior year without any real friends. At least if he was in college nearby, it wouldn’t be so hard. But he won’t be. He could be halfway around the world with no contact with me at all. Some women are cut out to be with men in the service, I’m just not one of them.

“Can we talk about this, Rian?” Garrett pleads.

“Not tonight. I really need to think. I don’t know if I can be with you, only to watch you walk out of my life again. It was because of the Army you left me the first time. It wasn’t your choosing, but this time…”

“It’s not my choice anymore, Rian. When I enlisted, I didn’t know you’d be moving here and we’d end up together. I just followed the plan my dad set for me the day I was born. I won’t lie and say I wouldn’t have enlisted if you had been here, but we
could’ve talked about it. I signed the papers, Ri. I’m property of the government and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

He’s right. Short of running away to Canada or Mexico, he’s stuck. Even if he did run, I’m sure that’s a crime and he’d be in a lot of trouble.

“I really just need the night to think about everything. I’ll see you in the morning, if you still wanna go to the lake,” I say as we pull into the parking lot of my apartment complex.

“I’d like that. Call me when you get up. Rian,” he says, stopping me from getting out of the truck, “
see you tomorrow.”

“
Yeah,” I return his gesture with another fake smile plastered on my lips that probably looks as terrible as it tastes. I hate being fake. I hate putting up a front. All I can think about is how long my mom kept everything hidden before I knew things were bad with her and Tom.

My mom.

That’s who I need right now. She’d know exactly what to do. Since I don’t have her anymore, all I can do is talk to Elaine and hope she has some advice for me.

If not … I’ll just hope my mom sends me a sign somehow.

Chapter 6

Walking into the dark apartment, it’s clear that Elaine has already gone to bed for the night. Getting up at five in the morning to work a second job so she can support me pisses me off, but what can I do
? With summer right around the corner, I’ll be in a better place to get a job and start contributing. It’ll be much easier since I don’t cheer anymore. I have more than enough free time.

Free time.

That’s exactly what I’ll have once Garrett leaves. This is probably one of those times that I have to grow up and act like the adult I damn near am, but it’s not as easy as one might think. All I want to do is spend time with him. After missing him for so long, I finally have him, and now I have to send him off to boot camp like it’s normal.

Stepping into my bedroom, I find all my clothes washed and folded, lying on the bed. Elaine really is the best. My mom’s
estate money came in this week and I think it would be pretty cool to buy Elaine something special for being so good to me. Especially since she doesn’t have to. It feels wrong to leave all that money just sitting there.

Throwing my dresses and blouses on hangers, I look at the picture of me on the nightstand every time I come back for something new to hang.

“You found your Bobby, baby girl.”

I wished for a sign to show me that Garrett and I
are meant to be, and I think I found it. Even when he leaves, and I’m miserable, a few months of being with him would be
more
than enough to last a lifetime. Deciding to call Garrett and let him know my decision, I dial his line.

“Hello,” a friendly, warm voice answers. One that I know very well
and forgot how much I missed.

“Hi, Mrs. Rhodes. I’m sorry it’s so late, but is Garrett home?”

“I think he’s pulling in the driveway right now. May I ask who’s calling?”

“Sure, it’s Rian.”

“Oh, Rian, sweetheart. How are you? It’s been so long.” Her gleeful voice makes me smile and remember all the times I spent with her growing up.

“I’m good, thanks for asking.”

“Garrett told me about your mom. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. If you need anything, you call me immediately. When Garrett told me you moved to town, I just knew it was fate. You two were always inseparable as kids. I’m so happy you have each other again.”

“Yeah. I miss her, but it’s really, really nice to have a familiar face in a new town. Garrett’s been looking out for me. He’s a good
one.” Saying his name widens my grin.
This is the real thing.

“He better be. I raised him to be that way,” she jokes, laughing softly. “Oh, well, here’s my son. It was really nice talking to you again, Rian. Don’t be a stranger. I’d love to catch up.”

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you.”

“She didn’t talk your ear off did she?” Garrett asks, taking the phone from his mom.

“Yeah, we talked about that one time when you were eight and wet the bed. Then we went through your Backstreet Boys phase.”

“Are you serious?”

“No, we didn’t talk for long, plus, I know how much you loved N*Sync. I missed her.”

“
Ha. It was so Ninety-Eight Degrees that I wanted to be like. Is everything okay? What’s up? It can’t be more than twenty minutes since I dropped you off.”

“Just wanted to let you know
that I think I can deal with the Army stuff. I mean, I can. I don’t want to, but I’ll do anything for you. I’ll miss you, but I wanna be with you.” I impatiently wait for his response. It feels like hours have gone by before he finally speaks again.

“You have no idea how happy that makes me. It’s gonna be hard, Ri, but there’s a reason you’re back in my life,” he whispers.

“Well, I’m gonna get some sleep. I’m excited for the lake tomorrow.”

“Me too, baby. I’ll see you in the morning. I love you
.” Garrett immediately back peddles, trying to take back his last sentiment. “Rian, I’m sorry … I didn’t mean … I mean, I
do
love you … Shit,” he stutters and all I can do is blush. In one breath, he’s managed to call me a pet name, which hasn’t ever happened to me before,
and
he told me he loves me.

“Don’t be sorry, Garrett. I love you, too. I think I have from the second we met. I’m actually kinda glad you said it first. I didn’t wanna be that girlfriend that’s professing her love after only dating for a little while,” I respond, needing to calm his nerves. I
do
love him. He’s been my knight in shining armor for as long as I can remember and knowing that he feels the same for me has my heart racing.

“I just wanted it to be special when I told you, that’s all. I screwed it all up,” he mutters. I can picture him in my head, pacing back and forth, picking at his fingernails and his head burrowed
into his chest to disguise the embarrassment. It’s actually quite adorable.

“Everything you say to me is special. Say it again.”

“Don’t. I’ll make it up to you. I’ll make it perfect, I promise.”

“Garrett. Tell. Me. Again.
Please
.”

“Rian,” he pleads. My face hurts from smiling for so long. Garr
ett is one of the most stubborn perfectionists I’ve ever known. I should leave him alone and let him do it his way, but I crave to hear those sweet words pass his lips one more time.

“Alright then, I’ll let you go and see you tomorrow,” I say, a little disappointed.

“Rian, I love you. I love you so damn much. I wanted to wait until tomorrow, at our place, but now that I’ve said it once, I can’t
not
say it again. I love you. I love you. I love you,” he blurts out, all sounding like a giant run on sentence, but I got my way and it’s heaven to my ears.

He loves me.

“I love you, Garrett.”

After five more minutes of him saying “I love you” as many times as he can fit into one breath, then the fighting over who’s going to hang up first, I nestle in my bed, the phone still clutched to my ear. Sometime about an hour or so later, I manage to close my eyes and listen to him breathe as I drift off to sleep.

****

It’s no surprise that I wake extra early the next morning. Containing my excitement, I wait until after eight to call Garrett
to let him know I’ll be ready soon for our date. Taking a quick shower, I let my hair air dry, throw on a skirt and tank with my bathing suit underneath and sit on the stoop until I hear his truck pulling into the lot.

“Hey,” he says as I pull myself into the cab. He offered to come help me, but for some reason I feel the need to show him I can do this on my own. Maybe it’s my subconscious working, telling me that I can get by without him when he’s gone.

Climbing across the bench seat of his pickup, I rest my head on Garrett’s shoulder as he drives to the lake. I take his hand in mine, threading our fingers together. If I’m only going to have a few months with Garrett until our lives change forever, I’d be a damn fool to not take advantage of it. There’s that old saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all,” or something like that. I heard it a lot in books and movies. Maybe I’m growing up because I understand and agree with that statement.

So deep in love. It’s terrifying. For the second time in my life, Garrett has the capability of shattering me into pieces by leaving. And again, I’m going to let him.

When we get to the lake, we find it abandoned. I was sure that some other kids from school would be here, seeing as there aren’t any clouds in the sky and it’s already over seventy degrees. I’m not complaining, I’m actually really looking forward to some alone time with Garrett.

“Do you wanna swim before we go on the pontoon?” Garrett asks, dragging me from my thoughts.

“Pontoon? Since when do you have one?” I’m obviously caught off guard and the sweet smile, showing off only the top row of his perfectly aligned, white teeth causes me to return the grin.

“I don’t, but my
parents do. They keep it docked across the lake at one of my dad’s friend’s house and said we can use it today, if you want that is.”

“Hell yeah. I wanna swim for a bit first,” I say, slipping out of my skirt and top.

While I was waiting for an appropriate time to call Garrett this morning, I made a quick trip to the store now that Mom’s money cleared. I bought a few necessities, including a new bikini that I hope Garrett appreciates. It’s nothing special, just an off the rack two piece from Wal-Mart. I hope he doesn’t think it’s too cheap, especially when the other girls flaunt around in their latest Victoria’s Secret purchases. If the desire clouding his eyes is any indication that he wants me, I know I did well.

“Are you coming?” I ask, walking into the lake until the cool water
splashes around my knees, sending a small shiver up my spine and tiny goose bumps appear on my tanned skin.

“Yep,” he responds, smirking. It takes me a second to get the double meaning of my loaded question
and
the fact that he’s staring at the thin material covering my breasts. I refuse to look down, already knowing why he’s gawking. Without breaking his gaze from mine, Garrett walks to where I’m wading and looks down into my eyes.

His tongue wets his perfectly sculpted lips, inspiring another shiver, but not like the one from before
. The moment his arms wrap around my waist, his palms inching their way up my back and toying with the thin string of my top, my body heats and my core’s set on fire with want.

Going further into the water, just above my stomach, Garrett moves even closer to me. I’m not sure if it’s instinct or what, but I find myself in his arms, legs wrapping around his middle, as he continues to go out even more. Once the ends of my
dark brown hair are dripping with water, he stops.

“I’m real glad you decided to be with me,” Garrett whispers
while nibbling on my ear lobe.

“Me too. I’m gonna miss you when you’re gone, but if I get to have you for a little while, that’s better than nothing at all, right?” The despair must
be evident in my voice. Garrett breathes in a large gulp of air, only to let it rush out quickly.

“We’re not just a little while kinda thing, Rian. We’re the ones who are gonna make it—we’re forever.”

“You say that now. You’re eighteen and are gonna travel the world. Ya never know what’s out there,” I say, partially joking, but knowing in my gut I could be right.

“And when
you’re
eighteen, I’m gonna marry you, Rian Noelle, and you’re gonna travel the world with me. We’ll create our own world. A place where nothing else matters but us.” The honesty in his words would bring me to my knees if they weren’t already wrapped around him, clenching his hips, trying to pull myself closer. His steady stare holds mine until I break to dip my head back in the water, soaking the rest of my locks.

“Rian Rhodes has a nice sound to it,” I tease, my lips
hovering just above his. Garrett moves next, covering my mouth, slowly massaging my tongue with his and tangling my wet hair with his fingers.

Slightly pulling, angling my head where he wants me, Garrett consumes me. I’m not just talking metaphorically here
, he’s taken me over—mind, body and soul. There’s no getting out of this. I’m his for the taking, and that’s exactly what he’s doing.

Garrett pulls the string of my bikini and I can feel myself immediately spill out the front. That tight little knot was the only thing keeping my girls under wraps and now that it’s loose … it’s liberating.
Moving his hands to my front, Garrett pulls the fabric away from my breasts and watches my chest rise and fall, both of us breathing heavily.

“I always knew you were beautiful, but fuck me, right now you’re gorgeous. Perfect,” he says, grunting as he takes my bare breasts in his hands, gen
tly testing their weight in his palms. On its own accord, my back arches when his thumbs skim over my rigid nipples, yearning for more of his touch. A moan echoes and I’m unsure if it was from me or Garrett.

Claiming my mouth, still massaging my breasts, I pull Garrett as close as I can, gripping on
to his shaggy dark hair. The hardness pressing into my center is unmistakable—Garrett’s just as worked up as I am. Breaking from our kiss and moving his hands from my chest to cup my backside, it’s Garrett’s turn to ask me a loaded question.

“Do you want to stop?” He rubs small ci
rcles on my bathing suit bottom, waiting for my answer. I toss around every possible scenario in my head, but the only thing I can come up with is,
if I’m going to lose my virginity, who better to give it to than the boy I’ve loved for as long as I can remember?

“Not if you don’t want to,” I answer, pulling his mouth back to mine
and wholeheartedly devouring him … showing him that there’s no doubt in my mind he’s the one.

“God no,” he mutters, trailing feather light kisses down my jaw line and neck. Leaning my head back to give him better access, I know for sure that it’s me that moans this time.

Becoming more daring than I’ve ever been in my entire life, I reach between our bodies to grasp his length. I gasp when my fingers barely touch when I wrap them around his cock.
How in the hell is something this big supposed to fit inside me?
There’s no possible way.