Revive Me (24 page)

“I’m sorry, Dawson,” she whispered, truly looking sorry.

I wasn’t the one she needed to be apologizing to. She hadn’t broken my heart and left me. “I don’t want your apology. Today isn’t about you for once, okay? This is about Tessa and her accident.”

“Accident?” she asked, looking at me baffled. “She tried to kill herself. That is not an accident.”

I pulled myself up from my chair. Maybe I was wrong calling her here? “Don’t try to talk to her about that shit tonight. If you would’ve stayed around or at least answered her phone calls, you’d understand that Tessa hasn’t been in the right state of mind lately, so it was an accident. She’s in room two eleven if you want to go see her. If you do, don’t fucking upset her more.” I moved around her new guy’s large frame, stalked across the room, and smacked open the doors to the stairway.

Tessa

D
awson had stayed with me for hours, sitting at my side, interlacing our fingers, and occasionally running his thumb across my bandage, as we both watched TV silently. He’d move out of the way when a nurse came to check on me, but as soon as they’d finished, he’d be back by my side. Eventually, my eyes began to feel droopy, the TV screen blurry, and I let exhaustion take over my body. When I woke up, he was gone. I hoped I wasn’t dreaming. I drug the blanket closer to my body and looked up at the TV at the same time a knock came from the open door. I sat still, waiting for Dawson to come around the white curtain blocking my view of the hallway, and my heart skipped a beat when I saw her.

“Hi,” she said nervously, fidgeting with her hands as she slowly walked across the room and sat down. I blinked, certain the meds they had me on were giving me hallucinations. I’d tried calling her a few times after she’d left for Atlanta, but got nothing. I’d finally given up after two weeks. I didn’t have anything to say to my best friend who had abandoned me. I’d been there for her every time she needed me, but she couldn’t return the favor.

I focused my eyes on the TV and ignored her. Why was she here? I didn’t want her to be here. She needed to leave me the hell alone like she had for months. She couldn’t come in here after ignoring me and want to act like she was worried now that I’d hit rock bottom. That’s not how friendships worked.

“What happened?” she asked. I finally turned my head to take a good look at her. She looked good. Her dark hair was brushed, clean, and pulled up into a ponytail. Her clothes were clean, and she had a slight hint of make-up on her face.

“I tried to kill myself, obviously,” I spat out angrily. Maybe if I acted like a bitch she’d leave.

She winced at my hostility. “I know that, but why?”

“I just couldn’t deal with it anymore,” I explained, raising my IV-covered hand and rubbing my temples to ward off a headache. “It just became too much for me to handle.”

She looked at me sharply. “You couldn’t deal with it anymore? I didn’t want to deal with it, either, but you can’t just go off yourself because you can’t deal with real life anymore. That’s not how it works.”

I crossed my arms across my chest and rolled my eyes. She had no idea what I’d been going through. “Whatever,” I muttered in exhaustion.

She shook her head at me. “I’m being serious. There are so many people that love you, and it would kill us to lose you, too.”

She’d hit a nerve. “Screw you, Daisy!” I screeched, pointing at her. “Not everyone can run away from their problems and leave their best friend. I had no one here for me!”

She looked up at me like she’d taken a slap to the face. “I’m sorry,” she said, sadness in her voice. “That was insensitive of me.”

“For which part?” I fired back.

“Everything,” she answered, surprising me. “For leaving without saying goodbye, ignoring you, and for what I just said. I’m sorry.” A small tear dropped down her face, and she pushed it away with her finger quickly.

I took a deep breath. “My twin was gone, then I lost you, too. My parents are practically catatonic. They just move around like freaking zombies everywhere, refusing to take care of Derrick and me. I just felt so damn alone, and I wanted to be with him.” It felt like a chip had broken off my shoulder at my confession. My shoulders drooped as a sob tore through my chest. “I knew he could make me feel better.”

She nodded in understanding. “I know it sounds easier, but think of everyone it would hurt if you did that. Your parents, your little brother who depends on you, me.”

I sighed loudly. “I know.”

A nurse suddenly walked into the room and looked between the two of us. “Sorry to interrupt, but visiting hours are over,” she informed, coming to my side and checking my vitals on the beeping machine.

Daisy nodded. “Thank you for coming,” I whispered to her. “Even if we only had a few minutes, I was hoping you would.”

“Me too,” she said, sending me a shy wave and walking out of the door.

I was happy she’d visited me, but it still wasn’t the same. We didn’t hug or laugh like old times, but it was better than nothing.

The nurse handed me a few pills before asking if I needed anything. I shook my head, and she left as the cell phone in front of me rang. Derrick had left his phone for me incase I needed anything. Dawson lied and said he couldn’t find mine. I knew he didn’t want me to see all the hurtful texts and calls that were still coming. I looked down at Dawson’s name flashing across the screen, and a tiny smile spread across my face.

“Hey,” I answered, putting the phone to my ear.

“Hey babe, everything going okay?” he asked. “I’m sitting in the parking lot about to head home, but wanted to know if you needed anything before I left?”

“No, I’m fine, thanks. I guess visiting hours are over.”

“Did everything go okay?”

“With what?”

“Daisy.”

“It did.”

“Good. I want you to know I texted her and told her you were in the hospital, but no one forced her to come. It pissed me off when she left, but she still cares about you, Tess. Don’t forget that. We all care about you. You’re not alone.”

“Thanks,” I muttered. I was beginning to get that now. I should’ve earlier, but my thoughts had been taken over by my hurt from losing Tanner, my anger towards my parents, and my weakness to latch onto anything that would make me feel better.

“Now get some sleep, beautiful. I’ll be up there in the morning. Call me if you need anything.”

“Goodnight,” I said, hanging up the phone and trying to get as comfortable in the bed as I could. I shut my eyes, but my mind was racing. I was afraid what tomorrow would bring. There would be questions, and I wasn’t ready to answer them. People thought I was crazy. I could see it in their eyes. The nurses pitied me every time they came in to help me with something. I’d overheard the doctors talking about going to an inpatient facility when I got released. There was no way that was happening. No way in hell was that happening.

Tessa

I
stayed in the hospital three days before I had the energy to move, and they released me. Daisy visited once more along with her parents, which was slightly less awkward than her first one. Dawson was there everyday, but my parents weren’t. I didn’t ask about them, and it didn’t surprise me they weren’t visiting me. They were probably drowning in bottles of liquor instead of thinking about me. Dawson wouldn’t answer my question about whether or not people were talking about me at school. He’d just shrug and say, “who the hell cares” before changing the subject or the channel on the TV.

I was getting transferred to a mental health facility. I’d tried to fight it, but my doctor insisted. He said self-harm is a hard addiction to break. It was easy to relapse. It wasn’t like a drug I could get taken away from me or be tested for, it was something that was disposable at all times; a razor, scissors, or a curling iron. The thought of going to a psychiatric ward scared the shit out of me. As much as I wanted to jump out of the window and make a run for it, I knew I’d never get better on my own. I’d go home, be well for a few days, but as soon as something went bad, he was right, I’d probably go back to cutting. There was no way around it. I didn’t know how else to deal with my problems. So I’d agreed to go and prayed I wouldn’t regret it.

There was one advantage of deciding to go. It would delay me going back to school. They’d labeled me a “tattle-telling whore” before; I could only imagine what they were saying about me now. I guessed it was something along the lines of “wrist-slitting suicide girl who’d been admitted, who also liked to call the cops and get people in trouble because she was a slut.” Oh, what a lovely reputation to have.

“Special delivery,” Dawson said, walking into the room with a duffel bag strapped on his shoulder and a bowl of food in his hand. He set my bag on the chair and handed over the bowl. I looked down, and my mouth instantly watered at the sight of biscuits and gravy.

“Thanks,” I said, opening up the bowl and taking a bite. “You packed a bag for me?”

“Sure did. I think I did a pretty kickass job, too,” he answered, clearly proud of himself.

“Did my mom help you?”

“Nope, I told her I could handle it.” I knew he was covering up the fact that my mom probably didn’t even offer to help him.

“Please tell me you didn’t go through my panty drawer?”

“Well,” he drew out, and I threw a napkin at him. “I didn’t think you’d want to run around commando, so yes I did, and you have a very nice collection I might add.”

I flipped him off. “Very funny, perv.” I tried to think of the last time I’d done laundry, hoping there were a few decent pairs in there.

“That’s a compliment, babe. I think I got everything you needed. They gave me a list yesterday. I figured you’d want to be comfortable, so I packed some sweat pants, t-shirts, and sweaters. I grabbed your hair and body stuff from your shower, but I couldn’t bring any heated products.” His eyes left me and looked down at the floor.

“That’s fine, I understand.” The Dawson I knew could barely pack a bag when the football team went away on weekend games, let alone an entire week for a girl.

“Oh, and some make-up, I’m not sure if I got everything you needed, but I tried.”