Rogue (18 page)

Jonas’ contemptuous eyes remained on me.  “If you were looking to get a quick payoff
and then run, your plan’s fucked.  If you tried that, you would be dead within hours
anyway.  You’re in this for the long haul now, whore.  You can ride with us to the
top, or you can suffer before you die.”  His smile was nasty.  “You’ll stay beside
me during the transfer.  If the Russians try anything, they won’t expect the
sweet little submissive
to knock them flat on their asses.”  He shot a taunting glance at Derek.  “My son
isn’t the only one who knows how to punish whores, so you’ll do as I say if you want
to stay in one piece.”

Derek bared his teeth, but he made no move against his father.  His eyes remained
trained on the gun that hung casually at Jonas’ side.

“Do whatever sick shit it is you do to keep her in line in the meantime.  If she tries
to betray us, you’ll be responsible for making her scream.”

With that disgusting order hanging in the air, Jonas left.  Ortiz shot me one last
look of pure hatred and spat on the floor before he followed his boss.

As soon as the door slammed closed behind them, Derek rounded on me, both his hands
closing around my upper arms.  “What the fuck were you thinking?”  His eyes were almost
feverish with a wash of fury and pain and lingering fear for me.

“I was thinking someone needs to have your back.”  I only just stopped my voice from
shaking.  Derek looked like he was coming apart at the seams, and I wasn’t sure what
I needed to do or say to hold him together.  I needed to calm him.  Swiftly, I pushed
up on the balls of my feet, raising my face to his.  My lips briefly brushed his before
he jerked back from me.

His features twisted with his ire, and his eyes burned with his pain.  “Get out, Sharon.” 
He shoved me away from him, and I stumbled back.

His world was chaos, and he was being ripped apart by it.  He needed control.  He
needed me.

“Derek, you don’t have to do this.  I’m not Charlotte.  You saw that I can handle
myself.  You don’t have to push me away to protect me.”

“Who says I’m protecting you?”  He sneered.  “You’re a liar, Sharon.  And I don’t
allow liars in my club.  Now leave.  I never want to see you in here again.”

My fingers trembled as I reached for him.  “Derek, I-”

“Get out!”  The words were barely intelligible.  It was the roar of a cornered lion. 
And he was ready to lash out at anything that came near him.

Tears burned in my eyes as I recognized my defeat.  I couldn’t save him if he wouldn’t
let me in.  Derek was going to end up dead, and there was nothing I could do about
it.

Chapter 15

I gave myself one night to fall apart, cry, and put myself together again.  Derek’s
words had hurt, and my pride told me I was a fool if I ever threw myself at him again.

But my time with Derek had helped me to see that my pride was a heavy burden, and
often a destructive one.  My determination, however, was no less important and no
less potent than it had been before I met him.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”  Smith asked, his voice soft with concern.

I knew the Rule Breaker in Chief wasn’t worried about allowing me to accompany him
to Decadence against Kennedy’s orders.  He was worried about me getting hurt.

My eyes found his silver ones.  “I can’t say I’m thrilled about doing this in front
of you, but it’s the right thing to do.  It’s the only thing to do.  If Derek doesn’t
listen to me after this, I don’t think there’s any way for me to get through to him.”

My fierce friend offered me an uncharacteristically gentle smile.  “He doesn’t deserve
you, you know.  And if it makes you feel better, I won’t check out your ass.”

“You’d better not check out anything else, either.”

“I make no promises.”

“Smith!”  I slapped him on the arm, and he chuckled.

“I promise I won’t look at you.  Not like that.”  His expression turned more serious. 
“I don’t think of you like that, Sharon.  You’re like my very deadly, very hot little
sister.  And I’ll kick the ass of anyone who looks at you in a way I don’t like. 
You’re safe here with me.”

The words awoke a warm glow in my chest.  The depth of his affection for me was unexpected
and more welcome than I could have imagined.  I had always worked so hard to prove
I could be one of the guys.  It had never occurred to me that they could value me
as anything else.  Smith didn’t view me in the same way he did Clayton, but he still
cared about me.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

I glanced around the club, hunting for Derek.  Smith and I stood just inside the entrance,
and I had yet to spot him.  I had to get on with this before I lost my nerve.  “It’s
now or never,” I mumbled as I toed out of my flats.  Smith would look after them –
and my coat – for me.

My fingers clutched at the lapels of my khaki trench coat, twisting in the fabric
with a brief shot of nerves.

“Hey.”  Smith gave my arm a little squeeze.  “You’ve got this.”

Taking a deep breath, I nodded and began to undo the five large buttons with trembling
fingers.  Cool air hit my midriff when the fabric parted.  It slid over my skin with
the coat, making every inch of my flesh pebble as it was revealed.

When I stood in nothing but my see-through black lace bra and panties, I could no
longer meet Smith’s eyes.

“You look beautiful.”  There wasn’t a trace of lustful heat my friend’s words, only
genuine admiration.  “No matter what happens, I’ll be here for you.”

My first steps away from the safety of Smith were small, hesitant.  My eyes searched
the club.  No Derek.  If I couldn’t see him, I would just have to make myself nice
and visible.

Calling upon my determination, I embraced its steely kiss, allowing it to cut away
my fear and self-consciousness.  I placed one foot in front of the other, and soon
I found a steady, confident stride.  Curious stares rolled over my flesh like dozens
of little cold marbles.  I allowed myself to find the sensation interesting rather
than frightening or repulsive.  If anything, it was… empowering.

Heels clicked along the floor beside me as someone joined me on my short journey to
the center of the dungeon.

“Everything okay?”  Clara asked.

“Fine.”  I confirmed simply.  This was none of Clara’s business, and for once I didn’t
care to pry into hers.  I was here for Derek, and nothing else.

Content that I was well within the view of everyone who cared to look, I sank down
on my knees, positioning myself in the slave pose Derek had taught me.  I settled
back on my heels and spread my legs.  My hands rested on my thighs, palms-up.  My
head was bowed, my back straight.

Clara was silent above me for a moment, then sighed.  “I’ll go find him for you.” 
Her stilettos clicked off, becoming fainter before being swallowed by the pulsing
music.

I settled in, keeping my focus inward rather than allowing myself to think about all
of the people watching me.  I was dressed as a submissive.  Hell, I was barely dressed
in anything at all.  And I had presented my nearly-naked self to dozens of people.

It was my own personal form of penance.  I had never allowed anyone but Derek to see
me as a submissive.  I had hidden my submission away in the private rooms.  This was
a declaration, an apology he couldn’t ignore.

I hoped.

I recognized his furious footfalls seconds before he reached me.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”  His anger slammed down on me hard enough
to make my shoulders slump.

I straightened them within seconds, but I kept my eyes appropriately downcast.  “I’m
apologizing, Sir.”

“Get out,” he seethed.  “Put on some goddamn clothes, and get out of my club right
now.”

“No.”

“
No?
”  The word was heavy with furious incredulity.  “You don’t get to say no.  That was
an order.”

My eyes lifted to his, revealing my defiance.  “Well, I’m not feeling very obedient
this evening.  I guess you’ll have to punish me.”

“Get up, Sharon,” he snapped.

I shook my head.  “I told you; I’m not feeling very obedient.”

His jaw ticked and his muscles bulged with his frustration.  He was every bit as shredded
up inside as he had been the night before.  My heart ached to see him so tormented. 
He needed to find control so badly, but I had hurt him too deeply.  His trust wouldn’t
be won back easily.

But there was nothing easy about what I was doing.  I had stripped away my clothes
and my pride for him.  If he threw me out, I would be just as destroyed inside as
he was now.

“Please, Derek,” I breathed.  “I’m sorry.”

“We are not doing this here,” he ground out, running a frustrated hand through his
hair.

“Then where do you want to do it?”  I kept up my implacable façade.  He had to know
I wasn’t going to back down from this.

Molten gold churned in his eyes.

“Everywhere,” he growled.  “If you don’t leave now, I’m going to fuck you everywhere,
every way.  I’m going to punish every inch of you, inside and out.  So I suggest you
get out, before I can’t stop myself.”

Fear and something more delicious stirred low in my belly.

“I don’t want you to stop yourself, Sir,” I whispered tremulously.  He needed this. 
I needed it.

Absolution.
  I needed his punishment so badly it made my heart hurt.  I needed his forgiveness
every bit as much as he needed to punish me for hurting him.

A vicious, hungry rumble vibrated from his chest and through his corded arms as they
closed around me.  I closed my eyes in bliss at his touch, and I felt the world tilt. 
Air left me in a rush when my abdomen collided with his shoulder.  Blood rushed to
my head, and everything turned upside down.  My hair swayed as I began to move

I was slung over Derek’s shoulder.  He was carrying me away from the dungeon, away
from the curious eyes watching us.  For a moment, I feared he was going to physically
throw me out into the street, but then I recognized the corridor that lead to the
private rooms, and relief washed through me.

“Thank you,” I said softly.

“Don’t thank me.  You’ll regret it soon enough.”

Anger still pulsed through his every word, but there was a new surety to his cadence. 
He needed this from me, even if he wouldn’t admit it.

Abruptly, he flipped me over, dropping me.  I let out a small shriek at the sensation
of falling, but my back impacted with a soft mattress almost instantly.  He was on
me before I could gather my wits.  Something clinked softly, and suddenly cool metal
clicked closed around my wrists.  I turned my head back to find that Derek had secured
me to the headboard with thick handcuffs.  I tugged against them, testing them.  Unlike
the supple leather or rough rope he had used before, these restraints would tear my
skin if I struggled against them.  Resistance wasn’t an option.

Derek’s weight settled over me, pinning my body in place, before he reached into a
set of drawers beside the bed.  He found what he wanted within seconds.  My stomach
dropped when I registered what it was.

Before I could protest, the red rubber ball was at my lips, pressing against my teeth. 
I tried to turn my head away, but Derek’s fingers closed around my jaw, applying pressure. 
My mouth opened without my consent, and the gag slipped in. 

“So I don’t have to listen to your lies,” he hissed as he silenced me.

He hastily buckled it around my head, securing the ball deep in my mouth.  Panic flared
as I struggled to breathe around the intrusion.

His eyes were merciless as his fingers closed around my nipples, pinching through
the lace of my bra.  My back arched and I cried out.

Too much.  Too much.

His cruel grip eased, and his thumbs brushed over my hardened peaks.  The bite of
pain gave way to a rush of pleasure, and my cry morphed into a moan.  Both were muffled
by the gag.

“You asked for punishment.  This is punishment,” Derek told me dispassionately.  “Is
this what you wanted?”

Blinking back tears, I nodded.  This treatment was jarring, frightening.  But I needed
this pain to allow myself to accept forgiveness.  If Derek would forgive me.

“You won’t be able to use a safe word, but if you want to stop, snap your fingers.” 
His voice didn’t soften, but even in his rage he put my safety first.  He would never
do anything that wasn’t consensual.

He palmed my breasts, massaging away the last of the pain from his pinch.  With every
pass of his hands over my nipples, little lines of pleasure sizzled to my clit, making
it throb with need.  He toyed and teased, expertly tormenting my breasts until I was
writhing beneath him.  Only then did his hand skim down my belly, his fingers playing
along the line of my panties.

Suddenly, both of his hands fisted in the delicate material, and the panties tore
with one jerk of his strong arms.  I felt the rip of the lace right through my core,
and I gasped at his raw power.

He reached in the drawers again, and this time he withdrew something small and silvery
that I didn’t recognize.  It looked like a light length of chain with a little rubber-tipped
clip at one end.

His grin in response to the incomprehension in my eyes was positively evil.  It sent
adrenaline and arousal spiking through my system.

Then his thumb brushed my clit, and I forgot all about the strange toy.  The sweet
bliss of his touch upon my most sensitive spot after my long period of teasing was
so intense that it made my eyes roll back in my head.  Pleasure built quickly, coiling
with each circular rub of his thumb.

My shocked cry was lost in the gag when the sweet pleasure was shattered by biting
pain.  My eyes flew open, and I found Derek admiring his handiwork.  The little clip
was now firmly attached to my clit.  And he was holding the short chain.

I stared down at him, and his gold eyes gleamed when they found mine.  The curl of
his lips was sensuously cruel when he gave the chain a little tug.  White lights popped
across my vision.  Pain, pleasure; there was no distinction.  There was only visceral
sensation, accompanied by deepest need.  Derek had restrained my arms and his weight
kept my legs secure, but he mastered my body entirely with that one tiny silver clamp.

My vision swam back when I heard Derek’s zipper lowering and a condom packet being
torn open.  My eyes riveted to him immediately.  He was my entire world.  Him, and
that thin chain that leashed the most vulnerable part of my body.

His cock was inches from my entrance, hard and ready and glorious.  I hadn’t really
been able to look at it properly when he had fucked me from behind.  I could barely
believe that I had taken him fully, but I was wet and ready to try again.  Desperate
to try again.

I expected him to thrust into me, but instead, he reached back for the drawers and
pumped lube into his hand.  But he didn’t need any lube.  I was more than wet enough
to take him.

“Has anyone ever fucked your sweet ass, Sharon?”

My brain paused, taken aback.  He tugged on the chain, and all of my attention snapped
back to him at the little jolt of pleasure/pain.

My head nodded before I thought.  Yes, I’d had anal sex before.  And I hadn’t liked
it.  It had been uncomfortable and short-lived.

Derek gripped his shaft and pumped, spreading the lube over his cock.

“And did you enjoy it?”

I shook my head vigorously.  I wanted so badly to ask him to fuck my pussy instead,
but I wasn’t able to talk past the gag.  The full knowledge of my vulnerability sank
into me in a heavy blanket of heat.  I was tied down, gagged, clipped.  Derek was
going to fuck my ass, and there was nothing I could do about it.