Roses & Thorns (14 page)

"A
letter from home, my Lady?"

In
relief, Angelique breathed again.

"Yes."
She lifted a welcoming gaze as the hooded Drew neared. "It's from Mama.
She writes that Aloysius has come down with his usual summer cold even though
the house has never been warmer. Since his business is thriving, he apparently
has all the hearths burning night and day."

"I
am glad they are doing well for your mother’s sake."

Angelique's
smile faltered as she watched black-gloved hands move from her sight.

"I
am sorry I am late for tea." Drew offered a small bow. "I did not
expect your company."

"You
must be hungry." Angelique stood. A magickal command whisked the letter
off to her bed chambers, and she moved to the table. "Would you like sugar
or honey?"

"Honey,
thank you."

The
lid to the silver pot rattled and threatened to slip. Angelique set it down
with a betraying bump. The cups clattered with the jolt.

"Are
you alright? Angelique?"

She
turned at the concern in the voice, leaning back to grasp the edges of the
table, and admitted honestly, "Only nervous, my Liege."

A
half-step drew the other forward, and then that hesitant pose emerged. "I
must apologize for last night, my Lady. I —"

"Drew."
Angelique's voice was breathless with anxiety. A palpable tension hung in the
air between them. "I want you to promise me something."

"That
would depend on what it is you ask."

"Promise
me that you won't run away today."

Startled,
Drew took a step backward. "I am not sure I can give you such a
promise," she said quietly.

"I
just want to talk with you, Drew. There are things I need to say. Will you hear
me out, at least?"

"Do
I listen so poorly, my Lady?"

"Sometimes,"
Angelique admitted, refusing to extend a false reassurance even though her
heart so much wanted to. "Sometimes you only hear the part that reinforces
what you are so certain is true, and nothing else. I need you to listen to everything,
Drew. To really listen."

"I
will do my best. You have my promise on that."

"And
you will stay? No matter what?" Angelique pressed.

"You
have my word, Angelique."

"I
want more than your word, Drew. I want you."

"I
am here. Say what you have to say."

Angelique
sighed. Already Drew was not listening. Angelique stepped forward, offering her
hands. Drew grasped them obediently, and Angelique pulled them close to her
breast, holding them tightly in defiance of escape. She glanced down at the
black leather gloves. "I thought we were done with these. Why have you put
them on again?"

Drew
hesitated. "I dare not risk —"

"What?"
Angelique challenged softly, her eyes searching the dark void. "The
feelings that you awaken in me when your hands touch my skin? The feelings the
touch awakens in you? Simply because ignorant people believe that one woman
should not touch another woman in love?"

Drew
started and began to pull away, but Angelique held tight to her hands.
"No. Listen to me, Drew. You promised to listen to me. I know you are a
woman. I saw you ride in with the children this morning. I know your skin has a
pallor that cries out for the kiss of the sun and a softness that cries for a
woman's touch. I’ve seen your hair lift in the breeze. Why do you hide it under
that terrible cloak? I know the shape of you now, Drew. The curves the cloak
hides. I know you are a woman, Drew. But what I don't know is why I should fear
you. Where is this abomination you spoke of? I saw nothing but a beautiful
woman too long denied everything."

Drew
pulled away sharply. Turning her back, she reached up to cover her face with
her hands. Angelique moved swiftly toward her, but stopped short of embracing
that taut figure from behind. "Drew," Angelique whispered. "You
are beautiful. There is nothing horrible about you. Please, don’t deny me any
longer."

There
was no answer. There was no movement. Slowly, Drew lifted the cloak from her
head and let it fall to the ground. She pulled the gloves off unhurriedly. Like
shadows melting with the rising sun or smoke blown from a fire, the cloak and
gloves disappeared.

The
breath caught in Angelique's throat as the taller woman turned. The darkest
sable-hued eyes she'd ever seen stared at her, so full of fear that Angelique
felt her heart would burst. She longed to smooth the knotted brow, ease away
the years of self-hatred and doubt. Moving closer, she raised a tentative hand
and brushed a tendril of ebony hair aside, letting her fingers linger on its
silky softness. Her fingers slipped beneath its satin weight to cup the nape of
Drew's neck. Tugging gently, she pulled Drew’s mouth toward hers.

"This
is wrong," Drew protested fearfully. "This will damn you to
hell."

"No,"
Angelique murmured. "It was your stepmother who was sent to hell for her
hatred and greed. You are not damned, beloved. And neither am I."

Angelique
kissed her, pressing her lips softly and tenderly against Drew’s. The other
woman did not respond at first, but Angelique persisted until she felt Drew
begin to relax into the kiss. A flood of desire opened within her and she
pressed against Drew, remembering a thousand casual and not so casual touches,
the feeling of Drew's fingertips on her skin, the tender mouth against her
shoulder. She pulled back reluctantly as Drew broke the kiss to find tears
streaming down Drew's face.

"I
hope those are tears of happiness," Angelique said softly as her hands
cradled the warm, wet cheeks.

But
a sob caught in Drew's throat, and she pulled away. Helplessly, Drew shook her
head. "I can't. Not with you."

"Only
with me," Angelique corrected swiftly.

"No
—"

"—
but you love me!" Angelique protested. "I know you do!"

"Because
I do...."

Drawing
a short breath, Angelique bit her tongue hard to stop the retort. She thought
for a long moment, waiting while Drew gathered herself together. "Does it
make any difference that I love you, too?"

"You
cannot."

Angelique
glared at her, warning, "Don't tell me who I can or cannot love, Drew. I
am the mistress of my own heart and I have given it to you."

Panic
flashed across Drew's face. "Please," she said. "Don’t. You will
only be disappointed."

Angelique
shook her head. "I will not be disappointed in you, beloved. But I
understand. I cannot expect one kiss to erase lifetimes of pain. It is
unreasonable of me to expect you to forget all those empty years in one
instant. But I am patient, Drew. And you will not be rid of me so easily. In
fact," she added, "try as you might, you cannot get rid of me at all.
You said this is my home, Drew. And I intend to hold you to your word."

Drew
said nothing and her face was a careful blank. But Angelique was not dissuaded.
"Now," she said lightly, "sit down and have your tea."

A
bird sang somewhere, and Angelique stirred, sighing blissfully at the warm sun
on her face. A light touch brushed a lock of hair from her forehead. She turned
her cheek into the soft fabric, half asleep in Drew's lap.

"We
should be thinking of going," Drew sighed, but there was no real urgency
in her voice.

Angelique
opened her eyes and stared up into the cautious, yet hopeful, face of her
companion. As their eyes met, Angelique felt desire rise within her and felt,
as though it were a tangible thing, the same feelings spark in Drew. Drew
leaned over Angelique, kissed her gently, and then pulled away reluctantly. She
still feared where giving herself permission to touch Angelique would lead
them. "Perhaps this was not such a good idea after all," Drew
managed, swallowing hard against the hoarseness of her voice.

"Yes,
it was and you know it. You needed the time away from your star charts and
calendars."

"The
work is necessary —"

"But
one cannot work all the time, my Liege."

Drew
looked off to the horizon of sun and mountains and the tension slowly eased in
her body.

"What
are you thinking?" Angelique asked.

The
question drew a chuckled from the other.

"Tell
me, please?"

"I
was thinking that you are right," Drew allowed, glancing down at her.
"This was a good idea. It has been a good day for me, despite myself and
all my initial reservations."

"A
good day for
us,"
Angelique corrected, lifting Drew's hand to weave
their fingers together.

"For
us." Drew looked upwards again, her eyes following the lines and contours
of the valley around them. "There is so much here I have always taken for
granted. I believe you may have begun to show me how precious this place can
really be."

"Everyone
should know the feeling of a true home," Angelique murmured, but her voice
trailed off as she remembered the letter she'd received last evening.

"What
is it, Angelique?"

For
a moment Angelique was silent, then said, "It is my mother. Thinking of
how much this place has become home to me reminded me that Aloysius' house has
never truly been a home for her. And now she seems worse."

"Did
the letter say that?"

Angelique
shook her head. "Not so boldly, but it was very short for Mama. She has so
little to do save dictate these letters, yet it was merely a note. That worries
me."

Drew
sighed. "I wish I could bring her here for you. I wish she was strong
enough for the journey."

"I
know she is not," Angelique admitted. "If I simply sat beside her and
moved quickly, the pain she felt was excruciating. She would never survive a
carriage ride."

"And
my magick cannot summon her unless she already belongs to this place. That
limit is part of the spell that binds me here," her companion noted.

"I
know," Angelique whispered, sitting up and wrapping her arms around Drew's
shoulders. "She cannot whisk here and back as Culdun and the caravans
do."

"Sometimes
I think my stepmother must have feared me more than I knew."

"Feared
that you would pull her into this limbo with you?" Angelique let her arms
fall and she took Drew's hands in her own.

"Not
her, perhaps. Her daughter."

"Did
you want to? Did you try?"

Drew
shook her head. "She would have had to come here freely. For a long time I
hoped that she would somehow choose to. But time passed and I grew wiser. She
is dead now of old age, Angelique. She has long been dust."

"Did
you love her that much?" Angelique breathed, caught between compassion and
jealousy, even though she knew she had no real cause to be jealous.

"I
thought I did. Once." Drew pulled listlessly at the grass beside her.
"But that was a foolish dream."

"You
were young. Do not be so hard on yourself."

The
muscles in Drew's jaw jumped. "How can I not be? I was banished for her
sake! Duped into thinking she loved me. How could I have been such a fool? How
could I not have seen that she didn't care for me? Couldn't love me? How can
anyone — " She broke off and shook her head.

"What,
Drew? Love you?"

Drew
closed her eyes and said nothing.

Angelique
turned Drew's face toward her with one gentle hand. "What will it take to
convince you that I am not like the others? That I do love you, despite your
imaginings that it is otherwise?"

"But
don't you want something more? A family? Children of your own? Loving me will
only court your damnation."

Angelique
shook her head. "Enough of that. It's ridiculous. Your stepmother twisted
religion and myth to her whim. If you know nothing else, Drew, know that I
would not choose a life like my mother's for anything in this world. A life
worn thin with a husband's demands, bearing child after child, biting my tongue
and suppressing my opinion until I believed I never had one. Only in the end to
be forsaken by lover and husband, worn through by years of incredible physical
pain that no tincture can ease. Her disease of the bones is inherited, you
know. At least here, when the pain grows too severe, I can walk into the
faeries' mist and be rid of it forever."

Horror
flickered in Drew's dark eyes. "You cannot know for certain that this
disease will strike you!"

"Nothing
is certain, no. But my aunt suffered the same ailments. There is the risk. But
with you I would not be forsaken. And neither will I be damned."

"If
you choose, I could bind you into youth. Then that pain would never touch you
at all. If you stay —"

"And
wed you?"

Drew
hesitated and did not answer.

"So,
you would ask me to stay and watch as another maid comes to break your curse
and my heart in the process?"