Royally Screwed: British Monarchy Revealed (14 page)

And the people lined up for days, through the night and in the rain to leave messages for their Princess.  And it was evident, as it is written, that the leaving of only four books meant she was considered a lowly woman by the Palace, but the long lines conveyed she was a worthy woman by the people.

And the Palace had underestimated the power that the Princess had held over the people. For the people had loved her and felt a loss in their life as if she had indeed been one of their own and yet for most they had never met or spoken with her.

For the Palace had only seen her as a ‘nuisance’ and a ‘loose cannon’, and therefore deemed it only necessary to leave thousands of people only four books.

And the Moor (Al Fayed) who owned the Great Shoppe in Knightsbridge, London who had heretofore been an enemy to the people because he sold weapons to men who would kill them, saw their tragic plight and understood their pain, as he had lost his son in this same unnatural accident.  And the Moor brought food and drink for all the people who were waiting in the line and ‘Port-a-Potties’ for the line was long and the wait was great and it was hard for the people to hold it.

And the Palace underestimated the people’s love for their Princess because she meant little to them but a great deal to the people.

And the people turned with anguish to their Great Queen and demanded that she leave her summer retreat because they needed to know if she understood their pain and their grief; because they needed to know if the Queen was of the same mind as her people.

And the news came that the funeral would be a small family affair, and the people felt rage and demanded that this not be so.  It was the people who loved her, not her family, who had betrayed her, and the funeral needed to be for the people, for she was their Princess, and not for the family that had betrayed her.

And the Great Queen returned to her palace and the people shouted ‘about time too’.  And they noted how the Princess’ elder son “had her face”.  For the people worried about the two young sons for they had little faith in their father, the Prince.

And the Great Queen spoke to her people and they were pleased that she did but did not believe that she shared nor understood their grief, nor had much love for their Princess.

And it came to pass that within a few days , the Palace were forced to change their plans for a small affair and give the Princess a funeral 'fit for a Queen' for the people felt she deserved no less.  And the people walked for miles and lined the streets and threw flowers at the coffin as it passed.

And a great ceremony took place in the great Abbey at Westminster and famous men and women came from all over the world to be part of the ceremony and the people watched great men brought low in their grief and they understood their pain.

And thousands of people lined the streets and sat on the grass outside the Abbey, for the day was fine, and they watched the great ceremony on great screens provided.  And Sir Elton John paid tribute to her dignity and grace in a song he wrote entitled: “Goodbye England’s Rose”.

And her two sisters read poems and her younger brother, Charles, the Earl of Spencer, raged at the Royal Family and at the poor treatment of his deceased sister.  And when he finished speaking a great cheer left the Abbey and travelled around the city like a huge wave because he expressed the great rage that the people of Ol Blighty where feeling.  And the grief for this princess was felt around the world, for the funeral was watched by over 350 million people.

So it came to pass, the 'People’s Princess' was gone, and the people slowly came to terms with her passing and they watched as her sons began to grow and reunite with their father and become a family without a mother.  And the people watched how they behaved together, and believed that a great deal of the romping and playing with father and sons appeared awkward and “stage managed” because verily they were.

And it came to pass after many years that the Prince now felt it was safe to appear in public with the ‘ye olde’ crone, his long time mistress.  And the press took pictures and deemed them to be a couple and noted how “happy” the Prince appeared.  And the people were told how important it was that the Prince be “happy”, for whence he became King, he could not be a King known for his depression and misery, but a King, filled with joy and happiness.  And some of the people were taken in by this, because time had passed and they had thought that the people had forgotten about the Princess and the distress that this infamous couple had caused her.

And it came to pass that the great Queen who once called the adulterous crone a wicked women was worn down and was convinced that an official union was best for England.  For at heart, although she was a Queen, she was still a mother and would try to do what was best for her son. 

And it came to pass that the great day of doom and despair was arranged, albeit the great Queen was unable to attend the initial ceremony which took place in a lowly Office of Registry, close to her castle at Windsor.  For it had long been decreed, since the beginning of Monarchy, that no Royal should deign to appear or even marry in such lowly, humble places.  For even though His Royal Highness Prince Chucky was himself Royal and indeed intended to be King, and though these rules applied to every Royal since the beginning of time, he ordained that it did not apply to him.  And even though he knew that he was breaking the law by marrying for the 2
^nd
time in England and not Scotland as decreed by the Marriage Act pertaining to Royalty since 1949,  verily, it was an olde act and really not worth adhering to. And so it happened that the great Queen Elton, married in the very same office the following month to his longtime partner and Bride, David Furnish. But indeed, neither party was Royal, even though both were gay and considerably more attractive.

For verily, once divorced, Royalty were not to marry again, as t’was written in ye olde constitution.  But the new Archbishop was weak and believed that t’was time to change the Law.  For verily, as we stated before, it was olde and there was no point in keeping it.  Thus the blessing went ahead in a Church in the eyes of God.  Although God’s eyes were closed for this was a spectacle He did not wish to see.

And it came to pass, that the great Pope, John Paul II, went into a coma and died.  And the Great Queen insisted that the Doomsday Wedding be postponed for a day as the Prince, ordered by his Mother, went to pay his respects to the Pope.

And verily the Pope’s funeral was deemed an occasion of nobility and elegance, and the glorious and the mighty attended and admired the grandeur and majesty. 

As it is written, the Pope’s funeral being a day of magnificence heavily weighed against the following day which a wedding was deemed miserable and one of intense embarrassment.

And the mighty and the fabulous attended the Great Pope’s funeral and the lowly and the unnecessary came to the Royal wedding.

Yeah, as it is written, this wedding was attended by the grass growers; the tree huggers; the chicken pluckers; the hedgehoggers; the fish farmers; the bum sniffers and all manner of toadies who were in employ of the Prince, who came (and were paid) to cheer the repugnant couple and line the streets and wave flags as they passed.

And it came to pass that the wedding was one of shame and misery.  And the air in the Church was filled with sin and wickedness, and ye olde Bride and ye ancient ‘Groom-e’ knelt before God and the world and begged forgiveness for their evil deeds, the disgraceful pair spake thus, ‘we acknowledge and bewail our manifold sins and wickedness… provoking most justly Thy wrath and indignation against us.’

And the Great Queen turned her back on the adulterous couple as they spake thus, and the people listened and were appalled that the situation had come thus far, and had no belief that this dreadful couple recognized their evil and they believed in their hearts that this couple were sorry for little and bewailed shit!

And the people understood that the person to whom they needed to apologize was no longer able to hear their words and they turned to God for justice.

And it came to pass, that nine years hence, whence over half the population in Ol Blighty believed that their Princess had indeed been 'done in', the truth began to slowly emerge.

It came to pass that it was seen that the French investigation was ‘une grande cock ouppe’.

The driver was indeed not drunk.  It took over an hour to get the Princess from the car into the ambulance and another 50 minutes to drive four miles to the hospital.  And all this took place whilst the people of Ol Blighty slept and by the time they awoke, their Princess was already gone and the only news they were able to report came from the French!

As it is written, we may never know why this happened.  And verily though we understood the facts in the year of our Lord, nineteen hundred and ninety seven, we were no wiser in the year two thousand seven (10 years after), even though we were possessed of infinitely more facts; none seemed to lead closer to a truth.  Only this seemed to make most sense… that this accident was verily a unique accident and unlikely, an act of God.

Let us pray, that the truth will out and justice be seen to be done in the lifetime of the people who were witness of all the events that came to pass.

And may we say thus,

“God Save Us All”

(From Queen Camilla)”

Amen.

All Millie’s Achievements