Authors: Stephanie Weiford
“Good morning beautiful,” Luke’s arm was heavy with sleep and draped across my body, pinning me in place.
I snuggled my butt backwards against him and he pulled me closer, nuzzling his nose into the back of my neck.
“Your hair smells amazing,” he mumbled.
“You smell horrible,” I replied and I felt his body shake with laughter. It’s one of the things I liked so much about him. He was just himself, all the time. He wore his feelings on his sleeves, even when he thought he was being the mysterious and confident aerialist before we came together. I could see exactly how he felt in his eyes.
I turned over and kissed him lightly. Feeling his warm lips beneath mine, pulling away just enough to trap the tingling between us and then pressing back when I couldn’t take being away anymore. It had become a habit to kiss him like this in the mornings. It had become easy for us to come together, like we had spent years building a rapport with the others body.
“Hmmm,” he hummed against my lips. I had let me hands drift forwards and by the time they had reached him, he was already thinking what I was.
“I need you Luke,” I said with a sudden earnestness. I wanted to forget about what was coming and to do that I needed him to drill it from me.
We were both naked beneath the covers so it was easy for us to touch and stoke the other. He slid over my body and ducked his mouth low to my chest. He was able to rest his weight on one strong arm and let the other slip down between my legs. I already wanted him so it didn’t take any time for him to glide in and around me there.
He brought me to a peak in no time, and when I moaned and wiggled with the beginnings of going over he removed his hand and came inside. I bucked against him as he filled and stretched me mixing pleasure with pain. I heard him whisper my name in reverence as I was swept away.
He continued taking me as the wave started to clear away, I reached out a hand and pressed against his chest to slow him. Wide eye with no desire to stop he slowed and I pushed him over onto his back without breaking our connection.
“I want to take you,” I whispered and adjusted my knees for the best leverage. His face was propped against my forgotten pillow and I angled my chest so that with each thrust it brushed the tip of his nose. His breathing was deep and strained. Letting me know he was appreciating the new view. Sitting atop him was no easy task, he was long and thick and while it gave me more than enough to work with, it also was nearly beyond what my short legs could handle to bring his head to the edge of my opening. It drove us both nuts.
I took my time, keeping us both at the same level so that when it came time at last to let go in release, we did it together. As it washed over me I called out his name, I was riding it and couldn’t continue my stride. He gripped my hips and forced me down, and again, and once more while he rode his own wave.
I came down lightheaded and rested my forehead against his. It was becoming as familiar a gesture as a hug or a kiss was between us. We were both panting and our connection remained even if it had come down a bit. I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to lose this.
“Luke,” I was near tears and he heard it in my voice at once. He wrapped both hid arms around me and brought me to him in a hug.
“I know. I know. It’s alright, we are gonna be alright,” he said softly, but even I could hear the uncertainty in his words.
“How? What are we going to do,” I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat while he thought it over. We had been careful to not talk about it this week, to just keep up the façade that everything was normal. There was no more ignoring it now. I had feelings for Luke that I couldn’t just let go of. I maybe even…
“We could try long distance. We can skype and call, and I have money Daphne, I can fly you sometimes to where the show is,” he said.
“You’ve been thinking about this?” I asked, I had been thinking the same thing on and off again.
“Yeah… it’s just…” he trailed offer. There was just one problem and it was obvious we were both thinking it.
“It’s just neither one of us wants long distance,” The tears threatened to spill again. We wanted this, the chance of waking up together, of coming together whenever we wanted or needed it.
“Damn Daphne, I’ve never wanted anything more in my life then I want you!” He sounded almost angry.
I knew he wasn’t mad at me, just our situation. I wanted him just as much, and his words were too much for me to handle. Knowing he felt the same way, it swelled my heart and my eyes and I was crying before I could stop myself.
“I’m so sorry!” I tried to push away from him so I could get some air and maybe stop the tears but he wouldn’t let me go. I folded back onto him while he patted my hair and let me cry.
We stayed that way for a long time. By the time I was all cried out my tears had made our skin stick together. I peeled away slowly and then we both laughed at the silliness.
Runaway with me,” Luke was looking me straight in the face when he said it. He didn’t flinch and this wasn’t a joke to him. How he felt, I could see it in his eyes, it was overwhelming. My heart kicked up into over drive and all I could hear was the blood pounding in my ears. My chest closed up tight and I couldn’t breathe. I was hyperventilating.
“Daphne!” he exclaimed worried. I held my hand up to let him know it would pass; I just needed to let it run its course. I was prone to panic attacks when I had been a teen, but it had been a long time since something pushed me into one.
Not knowing what else to do Luke brought me water, a cold compress, aspirin, and his robe. He was also hovering with his phone in hand like he was ready to dial 911 should I pass out. It was pretty comedic to me, not that it was actually funny, but it calmed me and I was able to pull myself out of it after a while.
“I’m alright now,” I coughed and smiled.
“You sure?” he asked, I nodded and he sat down on the edge of the bed with me, pulling his extra robe over my shoulders. “Sorry,” he added after a moment.
“For what?” I asked, taking the aspirin and water.
“I guess what I said, about running away with me, was too much,” he hesitated saying it, afraid it would set me off again.
“I mean it is a lot, but this whole situation has been piling up. It just finally got to be too much,” I said honestly, he just nodded.
“Will you think about it? I want you with me Daphne,” he asked careful not to look at me. I studied his face. I knew Luke well enough by now to know that this was something he would leave up to me to decide. He didn’t push, he wouldn’t make me. If I decided to go with him, it would have to be because
made that choice.
“And if I can’t?” I asked. What would he do then?
“That’s up to you too Daphne. Whatever you want from me, I’ll give it to you. If you want to try long distance, I’ll do it. If you want me to quit the show, I will… Just don’t say you want nothing, because it will kill me,” and I knew he meant it. He meant every last word. Whatever I wanted he would give. Could I really ask him to drop out of the circus and stay with me?
Could I just really go?
Carolyn picked me up from the circus entrance so I could go home and get ready for… whatever I decided to do. Luke had walked me to the front gate. When she arrived he held me so tightly I could feel my ribs bruise but it still wasn’t close enough for me. He had work to do before the midday normal show, and the preparations for the night show later.
“I’ll be back tonight, I promise,” I told him.
He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes which made me ache. I started to walk away but before our hands pulled apart he tugged me back again and kissed me swiftly.
“Daphne, I know this Peter guy is your boss, and I know you’re not interested in him like that, and…” he was rambling and his eyebrows were knotted together.
“Spit it out Luke,” I said playfully soft. He smiled a little brighter.
“It’s just, I know you feel obligated to go out with him tonight… but don’t. Call it a man thing, but while you may not be into
, he is most certainly into
, and, well, your mine,” he shrugged. I laughed. It was that open honesty of his that I adored. I kissed him again and hopped in the car with Carolyn. She waved at Luke and we drove off.
Back at my
apartment I was walking a path in my carpet. Carolyn had come up with me and was trying to scavenge food in my bare kitchen. I hadn’t been to the store once since Luke had come into my life and so the pickings were slim. She scored a box of cookies and started up the coffee pot.
“I don’t know what to do! What am I going to do?” I exclaimed when she settled down on a bar stool.
“Well let’s think about this reasonably,” she fished out a cookie, sniffed it, and popped it into her mouth. “What do you need to do first,” cookie crumbs flew as she spoke.
“Hmm,” I stopped my pacing. What did I need to take care of first? “I guess that would be dumping Peter.” She nodded in reply.
“Yeah, and it would be good to break it to him now, that way he has time to find another date or something and it’s not last minute. This way you’re still polite-ish,” She chowed down on another cookie.
“Polite-ish, just what I’ve always wanted to be known for,” I laughed. “I don’t have to
him though do I? I mean a text should be fine right?” I asked. At this point if she told me that standing on my head and singing twinkle, twinkle little star would help, I’d do it.
With Carolyn in consent that a text would be fine, I took no time in firing it off to him. She got up to pour the coffee and came back with a donut I knew had to be stale. I watched in abstract horror as she dunked it in her coffee and ate it down in a half dozen bites. This was not normal behavior for my trendy, upbeat, and healthy friend.
“What’s wrong Care Bear?” I put a stopping hand on her arm as she looked ready to see what other junk food I had stored away.
“Oh it’s nothing… just Noah. I’ll get to see him again tonight,” she smiled sheepishly.
“Why didn’t you tell me you liked him this much?!” I laughed.
“Because it’s no big deal, not like with you and Luke, but we’ve been trading flirty texts all week and I going to be staying after the show to see him, maybe even the night again.” I played at mock horror.
“That’s awesome! If he is anything like his brother, I get the attraction.” I joked. I did get it though. Luke was a once in a lifetime kind of guy. I wouldn’t find anyone else like him again.
He was smart, talented, easy going, and passionate. Most importantly he didn’t settle for less of a relationship. He had said we would have this week together, whole heartily, and that was just what he gave me. We may have gotten more than we bargained for, but at least we both knew it was real because we had developed it honestly and together.
“Daphne,” Carolyn’s voice broke into my thoughts.
“Oh! Yeah, sorry I spaced out,” I smiled.
“I know, its Luke isn’t it? He is always on your mind,” she asked.
“Yes… I can’t shake him, but it’s more than that, because I don’t want to. God knows I fought against him at first, but now? It would be like ripping out a part of my soul… it can’t be done,” It was a relief saying it out loud like this. I was so grateful for a friend like her.
“Daphne, I think you love him,” she said quietly. That took me by surprise, which she saw imminently. “I’m serious, and I think he loves you too. He’s good for you, I know that much. You have been stuck in a holding pattern for a long time and he broke you out of that. You spend a lot of time wrestling with self-doubt. He is slowly giving you the confidence to make decisions you wouldn’t normally have even contemplated,” she said. I hadn’t realized she saw all that.
“Oh Care Bear!” I wrapped my arms around her neck in a hug. Every girl needed a best friend like her. “Luke asked me to stay with him! He also offered to quit, or do whatever I asked of him, just so we can stay together!” I blurted out.
“Whoa, that’s serious!” She pulled away and searched my face with saucer huge eyes.
“I know! And I think… that I might just do it…” She was right, he was changing me. Just at the moment though, I’m not sure how much a good thing that was.
“You’re going to join the circus?!” she exclaimed, nearly spilling her coffee.
“Huh? Oh! I meant ask him to stay here with me,” I replied and felt a blush start spreading across my face. She gave me a cocked eye stare, like she was studying my face for some kind of hidden clues.
“One, girl you got it
for him, and two, you can’t do that,” she said simply.
“Why? You should have seen him! He really meant it, he isn’t the type to make an offer like that lightly,” I said.
“It’s not that, I’m sure he would stay here if you asked him. But I did spend some time with him and Noah, and those two are
showman. They grew up in the circus; it’s who they are…” I interrupted her.
“Get to your point,” I said between my teeth.
“He might be willing to quit for you, but it won’t make him happy in the long run and could even eventually break you up” she said sadly. It made me mad, knowing she had a point.
“So what then?! I have a
chance at a happily ever after here, and you think I should just let him go,”
Why couldn’t just one thing work out for me!
“No, I think should you go,” her face fell as she said the words.
“What?” it came out as bark but my sudden angry flash was quickly dissolving into crippling fear.
“Runaway with Luke! Get the HELL out of this place! You deserve to be
Daphne!” she pleaded with me taking both my hands between hers.