School of Charm (18 page)

chapter twenty-five

A
FTER WE GOT HOME
, I
WENT OUTSIDE AND SET
E
ARL'S
bowl on the patio. I kept my crown on. I was surprised how much I liked the feel of it. Plus, I wanted to remind everyone that I had won it. I'd really won it! I sat down in the grass and stared up at the sky for a while, wondering if Daddy could see it sparkling on my head.

I heard the screen door slam and looked up to see Charlene stalking through the grass toward me. “Don't think that crown makes you pageant material,” she said, jutting one hip to the side. “You're not. I was right about that. You got lucky.”

The sun shone right behind her, and I squinted up to look at her face, holding the crown on my head with one hand. “I know. And I don't care.”

She was quiet for a while, some of the anger seeping off her as she stared into the woods. She plopped next to me on the ground and plucked a blade of grass. “You know, you might not be beauty pageant material, but you sure are strong—like what you did today . . .”

I leaned back. “Me? Strong?”

She picked a tiny daisy and tucked it behind her ear. “Yeah. That's what Daddy always said. That you were strong. A regular chip off the old block. I heard him say that to Mama lots of times.”

“A chip off the old block?”

She cocked her head. “Yeah. Like your nickname.”

I shook my head. “He called me Chip cause of my chipped teeth.”

She raised an eyebrow, looking confused. “No. He was telling Mama you were so strong and brave when you fell out of the tree that you didn't even cry. Not at the dentist, either. That you were a strong little chip off the old block.”

“What? No way. I'm not strong like Daddy.”

Charlene gave me her favorite
Ican'tbelievehowdumbyouare
look. “He meant a chip off the old block like
Mama
. Strong like her. He said I had Mama's outsides but you had her insides. And he said that's what he loved most about Mama. Her insides.” Her voice got high and squeaky by the time she finished. Her eyes were shining and she snapped her head away from me.

My throat tightened and I didn't know what to say. My head was spinning with this news.
Strong like Mama?
I let out the breath I was holding. “Thanks. For telling me that.”

I
was
like Mama. We did have something that was the same, even if it was something you couldn't see. It was something that had been there all along.

Charlene picked a dandelion and tossed it aside. “You're lucky. There's nothing about me that's like Daddy.” She swallowed and then sniffed. “I should have spent more time with him. Like you did.” She hung her head and her hair formed a curtain, covering her face. “You were his favorite. He loved you best.”

I shook my head so hard I felt woozy, like I was on a carnival ride. “No, Charlene. He loved us all. All the same. Maybe he just loved me different because we were so much alike, we could do more things together. But he was always talking about you and Mama and Ruthie when we were exploring the woods. Honest. He said he was the luckiest man in the world thanks to us girls. And Mama.”

She pressed her lips together and tried to hold back a big sob ready to tumble out. “I miss him so much I can't even find the words to talk about it,” she said in a whisper.

I reached over and patted her hand and she grabbed it and held it tight. “Why not try talking to him? I do it all the time.”

She looked at me funny. “He doesn't answer, does he?”

I smiled. “Not with words. But I'm hoping that he hears me.” I wasn't sure about that yet; I hadn't really seen a sign from Daddy.

She let go of my hand, then curled a strand of her hair around her finger and nodded.

“Holding in the sadness doesn't make it go away,” I said. “It's still there inside you.”

She sniffed again. “It hurts to talk about it.”

“It hurts more not to.” I looked down at the ground. Charlene was digging her toes in the grass. A tiny daisy was stuck between her toes. My eyebrows shot up. “You know, Charlene, you're wrong.”

“About what?”

“You've got something just like Daddy. Something I don't have at all.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “What?”

I pointed to her foot. “Your second toe is longer than your big toe. Just like Daddy's was. He always said that second toe was trying to overthrow the big toe and that he better keep an eye on it. That's why he walked around barefoot so often.”

Charlene stared down at her toes and wiggled them. She started laughing and gave me a playful push. “All these years and I never knew.”

“See? I'm a little bit like Mama, and you're a little bit like Daddy after all.”

She tucked my hair behind my ears and straightened my crown. “And sometimes you're even like me,” Charlene said.

I leaned back from her like she was crazy. “How?”

She lifted her shoulders in a quick shrug. “You can be cool. But only once in a while.” She stood up and winked at me and walked back inside, letting the screen door slam behind her.

I smiled so wide, it hurt. I had a little bit of everybody in me. But what about Grandma? I thought about the off-limits room and all the secrets she was hiding. Once upon a time Grandma had been like me. She'd loved animals. She'd been a daddy's girl and a tomboy. But was that little girl gone forever?

I went into the living room where Mama sat on the couch with Ruthie on her lap while Grandma was putting the new crowns in the display case next to hers. I handed mine to Grandma. “I won't be getting another one of these.”

Grandma took the crown and looked at it for a long while. “You could try again, Brenda,” Grandma said in a soft voice I hadn't heard before. “Even with all your shenanigans today, you won a crown. I know this pageant was a hard thing for you to do. With a little work, who knows what you could do?” She swallowed. “I could help you. I've been thinking we could do better together next time.”

I nodded and tucked my hands in my pockets. I didn't want to be angry at Grandma anymore. And I was done trying to be someone I wasn't. “I'm sorry too. But Grandma, you and Charlene were right. I'm not a pageant girl. I like the woods and animals and nature.” I shrugged. “That's who I am. You used to like those things too, right?”

She opened and closed her mouth and looked at the floor. “It's true. I did.”

I shrugged again. “If you ever want to go for a walk in the woods, let me know. But I don't want to be in another pageant.” I looked at Mama and turned up my hands. “Besides, I heard hundreds of kids across America every day are rushed to the emergency room with horrible headaches from these great big heavy crowns.”

Mama laughed and set Ruthie down. She came over and pulled me into a hug. “That's my girl.”

My throat tightened hearing those words and I squeezed her back. “I know, Mama.”

She released me from our hug when Grandma called us over. “Girls, it's time to pick out your dolls,” Grandma said.

Ruthie clapped and Charlene looked excited. “This is so nice of you,” Charlene said.

The three of us spent a long time looking over the dolls, deciding which ones we liked best. Ruthie had one in each hand and kept changing her mind. I spotted the one I wanted on the bottom row. A smiling girl with wooden shoes and a handful of tulips. I pointed to it. “Can I have that one, Grandma?”

Grandma bent down and took it out of the case. She smoothed down the dress and studied it. “I got this doll when I turned forty.”

“I like it best because of the flowers.”

“Me too.” She handed it to me. Then she turned to help Charlene and Ruthie.

“Thank you, Grandma.”

She hesitated, then quickly wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “You are very welcome.” She looked back at me. “Maybe I could move some of those boxes of material out of your room and set up some shelves so you can display your things, Brenda.”

“That would be great. Thank you, Grandma.”

“It's Chip, Mother,” Mama said.

“Yes, that's right,” Grandma said.

“Do you all mind if I go outside for a while?” I asked.

“Go right ahead, darlin',” Mama said.

“Be home by eight!” Grandma said. “We'll have our celebration dinner ready.”

“Don't worry. I won't be climbing any trees.”

 

“Y
OU DID WELL
,” M
ISS
V
ERNIE SAID WITHOUT EVEN
looking up to see who was standing by her.

I set down Earl's bowl. “Thanks. But I'm confused. I didn't lose my last charm.”

She stood up and took my face in her hands, tipping my head so I was looking at her. “But you gained so much today. That charm will come off. I promise you.”

And that's when I noticed the tree behind her. It had the same flowers with the four petals as the one I had fallen out of back home, way back when I'd chipped my teeth; only these petals were a creamy yellow, not white. “That tree is blossoming. I thought trees only blossomed in spring?”

Miss Vernie threw up her hands. “I know. But this here dogwood opened up this morning flush with new blossoms.” She picked one and twirled it between her fingers.

A lump caught in my throat. “That's a dogwood?” All this time, I never knew what kind of tree had been in our front yard. Mama always called it “that dang tree” since it made me chip my teeth.

“Yes. Beautiful, isn't it?” Miss Vernie nodded. “I'm so glad to see these flowers again. Maybe the hot dry summer confused it and made it bloom again.” She tilted her head, looking at the tree. “Although, as I remember, back in the spring, the flowers were white. They're different now, but still lovely.”

I fingered one of the flowers on the tree. “They're nice.”

“Especially the second time around.”

“Why would it blossom again?”

We stared at it together. “Stress sometimes does that to trees and plants. Kind of like the way hot water brings out the tea. Stress can change things. Sometimes even people.”

“But your garden didn't dry up this summer. Not like Grandma's.”

“It's a special place back here, Chip. Sometimes when something happens like that, it's a sign. A tree flowering when it shouldn't—that can be a sign to pay attention or a sign you're not alone.”

“A sign?” My heart thundered in my chest. I expected Daddy could hear it all the way from heaven, just like I could feel him now. Tears blurred my vision as I stared at those beautiful flowers covering the tree. Then I thought about the lily pads and the dandelions and all the wonderful things that had happened in Miss Vernie's garden. And I wondered if Daddy had been sending me signs all along from the moment I'd stepped into Miss Vernie's school of charm and I just hadn't seen them. Daddy had been listening, after all.

I blew out a breath that I felt like I'd been holding for months. And a peaceful feeling washed over me. For the first time since we'd moved down here, my heart wasn't hurting. It was back in place.

“There are always signs around us, Chip, if you know what to look for. You make sure you keep looking for them.”

“I will.” I nodded and looked down at Earl. I figured he had been a sign too. But it was time to say good-bye. I expected to feel a lump in my throat, but I didn't. “Can I put Earl in your pond, Miss Vernie?”

Miss Vernie smoothed the hair along the back of my head. “It'd be a nice place for him. I think he'd adjust real fine.”

We walked down the path together. It seemed to take a lot longer than usual.

I stood in front of the pond and stared at the ripples rolling across the surface from the soft breeze. The sun slipped behind a cloud. I picked up Earl and kissed the back of his shell. I cupped him in my hand, just like I did when I picked him up the very first time. “I think you're going to be okay now. I think you're ready to go,” I whispered to him. Then I set him on the shore. He scooted down into the pond, and I watched him swim away until the only thing I could see was the trail of mud he kicked up.

“You lost your heart,” Miss Vernie said, pointing to the glint of gold settled in the muck by the shore.

I looked at her and smiled. “No. Just my heartache.” I handed her the empty bracelet.

“Keep it,” she said. “It might be nice to fill it up now, with the things you love. In fact, I have a charm waiting, just for you.” She reached into the pocket of her dress and handed me a small flower charm. A dogwood blossom.

I attached it to my bracelet and hugged Miss Vernie like I was saying good-bye for good. I knew she lived just down the road, and that I could see her any time. But I knew someone else would need Miss Vernie's school soon.

“I'm here whenever you need me,” Miss Vernie said, walking away.