Second Chances: The Bold and the Beautiful (6 page)

Steffy had come so far today. She felt like the pieces of her life were finally starting to make sense. Even though the split with Liam the night before had been awful, today truly had felt like a new day. A day she could decide to be different, to live differently. And Rick had helped her to see that. It was okay for Steffy to focus on herself, spend some time thinking about her loss, her baby. And Phoebe.

It had been a day where things had started to make sense. That despite all that happened to her, she was alive, she was here. The living had an obligation to the dead—to live fully, and well. It was time for Steffy’s next chapter.

She had a plan. She was going back to Paris to finish this time of grieving and work on planning the next stage. She knew that she would have more freedom to do that in Paris than she would ever have in LA. In LA, she was a Forrester. In Paris, she was another foreigner, enjoying the beauty of the place. No one cared who she was. No one stared.

All these things had become clear to her today. Because of the trip to the cemetery. And because of Rick.

At least, they’d made sense until Liam arrived.

When she’d seen him standing by that booth, her heart had done its familiar flip. It was as though he owned a part of her; that he only had to say the word and she would be his again, whatever had happened between them. What was it about Liam that he had the ability to take all of her carefully constructed realities and turn them on their head?

He reached across the booth for her hands again, and this time she let him take them. His skin was warm and dry, and it was as though his hands were exactly the right size and shape for hers. These hands had held hers and placed a ring on her finger. Tears swam in her eyes as she remembered, and she swallowed hard and blinked, not wanting Liam to see them.

But as usual, he saw everything. She swore he could see right into her heart, it was so open to him.

“Steffy.” Liam’s voice cracked as he said her name and he picked her hands up and kissed first one then the other, very slowly and deliberately, holding her gaze as he did. “I’m sorry, I—” He shook his head, as though he were searching for the words. “Rick was right.”

Steffy made a mental note to remember this moment, because she was almost certain they were words she would never hear again. She suppressed the urge to smile. It wasn’t the right moment.

But Liam did smile. “I know it’s not something I say often. But he was right about one thing: I haven’t been there for you. And I’m sorry. It should have been me here with you today. I should have known. I should have offered.” He paused, looking at his hands. “When I got your message, realized what was going on, put it all together, I felt terrible. I got here as quickly as I could. It wasn’t hard to find this place, and I just wanted to see you, comfort you. Tell you I was sorry. For today, for last night. For Phoebe. And—” He drew in a shuddering breath. “And for the baby.”

Steffy’s heart almost stopped in her chest. A noisy rush filled her ears and she had to work hard to hear what he was saying.

“I should never have said the things I said last night, about the baby. About
our
baby.”

Steffy nodded mutely. These were not the right words, not the ones she really wanted to hear. He had every right to tell her how he felt. But what she really wanted was for him to know her well enough to understand why she had done the things she had done. Yes, she had been foolish; yes, she had not thought enough about the consequences of her actions. But a man who really knew her would know that she would never deliberately hurt something, someone, she loved that much. He would know that she had been driven to those actions by the sight of the man she adored in the arms of another woman. And, most of all, he would be able to look at her and see how much she was hurting. How much she just needed to be held and loved. How great the loss was inside her.

It was as though Liam could hardly see her. Everyone else in her life looked at her and saw it all—the weight loss, the darkness under her eyes, the grief. Why couldn’t Liam? Was he simply too close to her? Or was he too wound up in his own feelings, his own grief, his own ego?

After tonight, hearing him with Rick, hearing him talk about her as though she were some kind of trophy, and hearing his words about Hope, she really wondered. She had grown up watching her father love two women and watching the impact that contest had on those women, especially her mother. A teacher at her school in England had once told her that those who do not learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them. Sitting here, watching Liam trying to make up with her, she knew it was true.

Was she really content with that kind of life? Always wondering, in every moment, if Liam loved her, when he might grow tired of her, or when he might reconnect with Hope? Wondering if she was good enough, sweet enough—just enough?

But he did come for her. Just like she had always wanted him to. And now he was sitting here and apologizing. He was saying he understood. He had come to find her.

She looked into those hot brown eyes and remembered the rest of it. He had punched Rick, because he did not like his things being taken from him. Like a schoolboy.

Steffy tried to focus in on Liam’s words as he started talking again.

“I don’t know what happened today, between you and Rick,” he said. “But I don’t care. Whatever it is, I forgive you. I forgive you for all of it.”

Steffy studied her fingers, wrapped in Liam’s, and focussed on each breath. He forgave her. Surely this was what she had wanted. It wasn’t just Liam who blamed her for the baby. She blamed herself too. Hated herself, in fact. But she knew now she had to get over that. She had known it standing at the cemetery, talking to Phoebe. And Rick had helped. Now she knew she didn’t need Liam to forgive her—she had to work out how to forgive herself.

She needed more now. She needed him to understand his part in this. If they were ever going to have a partnership, he needed to understand that he had played a role too. That actions have consequences. That he had hurt her very badly, being with Hope.

She studied his face, impossibly handsome in the low light, even with the cut marring his boyish beauty. She was just not sure what she wanted right now. She knew one thing: she did not want to come to heel, to accept his forgiveness unquestioningly; to be the Steffy who had always been there, wanting him at all costs.

The he smiled at her and her breath caught in her throat. “But I won’t share you, Steffy. I won’t share you with Rick.”

She startled at Liam’s words. It wasn’t like that. It hadn’t been like that between her and Rick today. Couldn’t he see that?

“Liam,” she said, squeezing his hand. “You’ve got it wrong. Rick has been kind today, wonderful, in fact—”

He snatched his hands away at her words and refused to meet her eyes. “I don’t care what he has or hasn’t been, Steffy. I won’t have him back in your life,
our lives
. You’re going to have to choose. It’s him or me.”

Steffy’s hands balled into fists. This was so unfair.

“I want you, Steffy. I want you back. I want to be the husband you’ve always wanted me to be. It’s only you I want. I see that now. I saw that so clearly today, when I got your message, and then tonight when I walked in and saw you sitting here with him. I wanted to tear him from that seat and murder him.”

Steffy blinked. Was that what this was all about—Liam Spencer, having to have it all, just like always? Liam needing to beat Rick? Liam needing to have exactly what he wanted, without anyone getting in his way?

She tried hard to focus on what Liam was saying, but the low rushing in her ears was getting louder.

Liam held her hands tightly, and looked into her eyes the way he hadn’t looked at her for a long time—not since before the baby. “We can have whatever you want, Steffy,” he said. “You know what we have together. I can make you so happy, baby. I know it. Anything you want. And if, in time, you want to have children. I mean—” He broke off, and Steffy’s heart ached for him as she watched him try to find the right words, searching her face. “I mean, whatever you want. Children, or no children. But if you want them, we can work that out. This does not need to be the end of that dream for you, Steffy.” He squeezed her hand hard. “There are other ways, you know that. And I just want to be here for you. To love you, whatever you want.”

Steffy closed her eyes and let herself imagine it: a life with Liam and a family, in time. The security she had always craved. She had wanted time to work things out, to decide what it was she wanted. But she had always wanted Liam. Maybe he could help her work through it? Maybe he could be by her side as she learned to forgive herself, and start the next phase? Steffy felt hope spread like warmth and light across her skin.

“But I mean it, Steffy.” Liam’s voice was low and serious. “You need to choose. No more Rick. Not after today. I don’t want you to see him again.”

Of course. Liam would not share. Liam would not see that Rick had been a friend to her today. He was making demands on her that she had never made on him.

The warmth that had suffused Steffy turned to ice.

She shivered as she watched Liam’s eyes on her face. “And what about Hope?” The words were out before she could stop them. She had always promised that she would not be that woman, the one her mother had been. The one obsessed with the other women. But here she was. “Will you stop seeing Hope? Will you never see her again?”

Liam frowned at her, shaking his head a little. “Steffy, this isn’t about Hope. This is about—”

“Check’s taken care of,” Rick said, stopping at their booth. He looked down at Steffy with understanding eyes. “What would you like to do, Steffy? I can give you a lift, or you can go with Liam, if you like. I totally understand.” He was steadfastly avoiding meeting Liam’s eyes.

“Yes, Steffy,” Liam said, and Steffy heard it again, that challenge in his voice, the one that made her feel like the prize piece of meat he was fighting for. “What would you like to do?”

Steffy didn’t doubt she loved Liam. Every cell sang when she was near him. But tonight, perhaps for the first time, she wondered if it was enough. Liam was asking her to decide, right now, if she wanted him. But more, he wanted her to reject Rick completely. Just because Liam could not bear to see them together. And yet Steffy had experienced so much heartache, watching Liam with Hope.

Her brain felt thick and fuzzy as she tried to work it through. She looked from one man to the other. It wasn’t as though she was choosing between them, the way Liam positioned it. But she was being asked to sign up to him. Agree to his conditions.

Her heart wanted to say yes.
Yes, Liam. Anything for you
.

But her mouth would not form the words.

“I think I have my answer,” Liam said, sliding from the booth and striding out of the bar without a backward look.

Rick let Steffy sit in silence for most of the journey home. He concentrated on the road but kept glancing at her surreptitiously. She was quiet and still and obviously in turmoil. The shadows playing across her face made her look like a statue from the Louvre. She truly was breathtakingly beautiful, and something about how slender she had become, the sharp points of her cheekbones, and the dark circles under her eyes, gave her the air of a tragic heroine. He wanted to reach out and touch her. Take one of those long curls between his fingers and rub it, feel its silky sensuality. He could almost see himself running it across his cheek, pressing it to his mouth.

There was no getting away from it—there was no one on earth quite like Steffy Forrester.

Rick’s head spun at the direction his thoughts were taking. How was this possible? He had long ago sworn off the Forrester women. He had done enough to them in the past, and there was no way Steffy or any of them could possibly take him seriously again. He felt another jolt at his train of thought.

He looked over at Steffy again, and the realization hit him. There were no halfways with this woman—she was the kind of woman who could become an obsession. For the first time, he understood Liam’s madness when it came to her. Then he thought about how Liam had been similarly obsessed with Hope, and he felt his lip curl.

Steffy deserved better than that.

His sister deserved better than that.

But surely he wasn’t thinking about himself? Today was not about him and Steffy, not in that way. It was about honoring Phoebe and perhaps, in the process, putting some of their own demons to rest. Something about Steffy at the florist this morning, so still and sad, had touched him. He wanted to make up for all the pain he had caused her and her family. But somewhere along the way, things had shifted. As he had watched her almost collapse in his office, struggle out of that sofa to confront Caroline, deal with her grief at the graveside, and then finally let go and start to relax at the little bistro, something had grown between them. Something that had perhaps never been there before. A new respect, and a new intimacy.

And when Steffy had let Liam leave without her, Rick had been even more surprised. He had been sure that Steffy would climb back into his arms the way she always did. The way Hope and Steffy
always
did.

And then there were the sketches. He had always known that Steffy was bright and talented, but seeing those sketches had taken everything he had understood about her to a whole new level. He felt as though he had a new insight into her beautiful brain, and he understood now. Finally.

There really was more to Steffy Forrester than met the eye.

But why did that make him want to touch her hair, and touch her cheek, and press her to him again in another of those bone-melting embraces they had shared at the bistro?

He couldn’t hold it back any longer. He dropped his hand from the steering wheel to her knee. “You okay, honey?”

She didn’t answer, but laid her hand over his own. He picked up her hand and held it, rubbing his thumb across the top of it. As he pulled up to the curb outside the smart apartment building, Rick squeezed Steffy lightly on the arm, startling her out of her reverie.

“Steffy,” he whispered, feeling his throat tighten as she turned to face him and he was assaulted by the full ethereal impact of her beauty. Why had he ever let this woman go?

She too seemed to be in some kind of daze, and she shook her head as though to clear it.

“Steffy,” he said again. “We’re here, back at your apartment. Are you sure you’re okay to be here alone?”

Steffy’s eyes widened at his words, and a slow smile curved her lips as she raised an eyebrow at him. “Why, Rick? What are you suggesting?”

Rick felt himself flush, and was astonished at the boyishness of his reaction. “No, oh God, no, Steffy, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean …”

She punched him lightly on the arm as she leaned toward the door. “I’m only teasing, Rick.”

Rick felt cool relief flood his system. Thank God. The last thing he needed today was for Steffy to feel like he was putting the hard moves on her. She didn’t need that. She needed comfort. She needed to feel good about herself.

“I’m fine,” she said softly, patting Rick’s arm where she’d punched it playfully. A waft of that signature perfume of hers penetrated his senses and caught him off guard.

“Steffy, I—” The words were out before he even knew what he wanted, except that he didn’t want her to go. Not just yet.

“Yes, Rick?” She smiled up at him so sweetly, that hot pink mouth almost the only thing he could see as he looked down at her. The urge to kiss her was almost unbearable.

What? What did he want to say?

Steffy, I don’t want this day to end?

Steffy, you’re beautiful?

Steffy, I’m sorry for all I did to you?

But he’d promised himself he wouldn’t make this day about seeking his own absolution. He would ask Steffy to forgive him. And Taylor too, one day soon. But he wouldn’t do it today. He didn’t want her to think that he had some kind of alternative agenda.

He took a deep breath and smiled at her. “I’d like to see you in.” He held his palms up. “No alternative agenda, I promise.”

Steffy hesitated for a moment, then nodded and smiled again. “Thank you, Rick,” she said.

He got out and walked around the car to the passenger-side door, opening it and offering her his hand so she could step out. He could feel how unsteady she still was on her feet as she gripped his arm carefully.

He guided her carefully over to the discreet lobby, where security and a doorman hovered expectantly. She paused by the revolving door and he turned to her, trying to formulate the right words with which to finish this remarkable day. But she surprised him, as she always did. She reached up and gently kissed his still-bloody cheek.

“I mean it, Rick,” she said. “Thank you.” The touch of her lips on the insulted skin was like a balm. He almost moaned as he felt them connect.

Rick saluted her and pulled her into a quick hug. He was about to move back to the car when he saw it: Brooke’s car parked right in his line of vision. And Brooke stepping out, with a determined set to her mouth and a long black leather pouch under her arm.

“Rick!” His mother’s voice was shot through with surprise and alarm. Rick felt himself pull away from Steffy as though he had been caught
in flagrante delicto
.

Steffy spun on her heel and took in the sight of Brooke advancing on her. Rick put steadying hands on her shoulders as he felt her sag against him.

*

Of all the people Steffy did not want to see today, Brooke would have to be close to the top of her list. Today had been hard enough, long enough, traumatic enough, without being faced with this.

She didn’t mean to sag so pathetically against Rick when she saw his mother, but he had been hugging her seconds before. And he was there, real and solid, and the most convenient place to rest her tired body.

“Brooke.” Steffy nodded and tried to inject warmth into her voice. Whenever Steffy saw that woman, she felt such warring emotions. While they’d become close when Steffy’s mother was missing, Brooke was also enmeshed in all the most painful moments of Steffy’s life. Then there was the lifelong rivalry between Brooke and her own mother, Taylor. Over her father.

Steffy knew Brooke was kind, and fiercely loyal. But she also knew that Brooke had broken Ridge’s heart when he’d found those text messages to Deacon so soon after their marriage. Steffy had seen firsthand her father’s sadness and loneliness in Paris.

Brooke always got what she wanted. And whatever she wanted today, she had come dressed for it: she looked a million dollars in a tight black pantsuit that showed off her formidable figure. The matching bejeweled Louboutins made her legs seem impossibly long, and her blond hair was swinging loose and girlish around her shoulders. She really did seem timeless, and Steffy wondered if she would ever age.

Brooke stopped in front of Steffy and Rick, and her soft gaze swept over them. “Hello, Steffy.” She shifted the black pouch she had been balancing under her arm into her hands. “I’ve come to see Liam,” she said. “A proposal we’ve been discussing. Brooke’s Bedroom.”

Steffy felt herself groan internally. Brooke was determined to be close to Liam, in business and in life. Steffy was sure she saw it as a way to further Hope’s romantic ambitions.

“He’s not here,” Rick said quickly.

Steffy watched Brooke’s eyes narrow, and felt Rick’s hands grow firmer on her shoulders.

“And how would you know that, darling?”

“We saw him today,” Rick said. “He’s … elsewhere tonight.”

“Oh,” Brooke said, her voice gentle but her eyes wary. Then she paused. “My God, Rick, what’s happened to your face?”

“Nothing,” Rick said, as he stepped out from behind Steffy, his hand going to his face. “A little disagreement between Liam and me today.”

Brooke seemed to suddenly still. Her eyes roamed over her son’s face and then landed on Steffy’s. “Rick, may I have a word with you?”

Rick stiffened and his jaw set. “Sorry, mother,” he said. “I need to see Steffy to her apartment. She’s had a hard day.”

Brooke bit her lip and Steffy could sense her thinking about her next words.

But Rick was one step ahead of her. “You’ll have to come back later, Mom,” he said gently. “Or maybe make a time to discuss it at the office.”

Her son’s dismissal was the spark that lit the tinder. Brooke exhaled in a whoosh and stepped sharply closer to Steffy and Rick. “Honey,” she said, brushing a speck from Rick’s shoulder. She was so close Steffy could smell her perfume. “Are you sure you want to go down this road again? Don’t you remember what a disaster this was for both of you last time?”

“Mother.” Rick’s voice was a raspy growl.

Brooke moved closer to Rick, reaching up to touch his face where the angry red cut glowed against his brown skin. “You’ve already been hurt. I don’t want you to risk getting hurt again.” She glanced back over her shoulder at Steffy. “Steffy will break your heart, even if she doesn’t mean to. It’s just how it is.”

Steffy wanted to protest that she was standing right there, that she could hear everything Brooke was saying, and that she had no intention of doing anything to Rick. In fact, all she felt right now for him was gratitude and warmth. She wanted to let out the anger that bubbled within her, but overlaid across it was a deep, bone-numbing exhaustion. All she could manage was: “It’s not like that, Brooke.”

Brooke turned, her grip tight on the pouch she was holding. “Really, Steffy? How is it?” Her eyes flashed, and Steffy felt herself shiver a little at the worry and fear she saw in Brooke’s face. “I’ve loved you, Steffy, and I’ve even defended you. But isn’t it enough that you’re ruining Liam’s life? Do you need to ruin my son’s as well?”

Steffy could not believe what she was hearing. She knew she had done some bad things in her time; hurt people, disappointed people. But was she really so awful that she deserved this? Steffy thought she and Brooke were closer than that. But as she watched Brooke light up with concern for her son, she saw what this really was. Mother love. Brooke was not trying to hurt Steffy. But for Brooke, blood would always be thicker than water.

It was just so unfair. Brooke herself had hurt Steffy’s own father so deeply. She was a fine one to talk about wanting many men.

“That’s enough,” Rick said, stepping between his mother and Steffy. “Mom, I know you mean well, but you don’t know what you’re saying. You’ve no idea what’s gone on today, and the last thing any of us need right now is a scene on the sidewalk.”

But Brooke would not be silenced. She sidestepped Rick. “I do know what I’m talking about. I know some things about you, Steffy. I know you’ve had more than your share of sadness. And I’m so, so sorry.” Brooke’s voice broke as she said the words, and Steffy knew she meant them. “But I also know that Hope is much better for Liam than you’ll ever be. Hope supports and nurtures him. She understands him. You just cause him heartache. You don’t mean to, you’re not trying to, it’s just the way things are.”

Steffy felt all her fury and desperation bubble to the surface at Brooke’s words. She stared at her. “You know what, Brooke?” Steffy’s voice was soft and deadly. “She wants him so bad? She can have him. You can all have him. You with your Brooke’s Bedroom plan, and Hope with her support and nurturing. It’s time to nurture me.”

“Nurture?” Brooke’s laugh was sad. “You tricked and trapped Liam with that baby, and then you couldn’t even do what you needed to do to protect it. I really hoped that you might have changed, Steffy. For your sake. For your own happiness. But you’re the same dangerous, wild, spoiled little girl you always were.”

Steffy’s heart hammered in her chest, and she felt fury—cold and brittle—lance through her. “Don’t you dare bring my baby into this,” she spat. She knew it; she knew what she was without Brooke telling her.  But she couldn’t bear to think about the baby.

Brooke ploughed on. Her eyes were shiny with fear and anger. “When you have a child yourself, Steffy, you’ll understand why I want to protect mine.” Brooke shook her head, then held Steffy’s gaze. “I’m sorry, Steffy, but you’re poison to whoever you get near.”

Steffy’s skin tingled and her mind whirled at Brooke’s words. My God. This really was how people saw her. How Brooke saw her. Her vision began to blur, but she would not cry in front of Brooke. She needed to run, to get away. Before she did something she would really regret. Her hands balled into fists and she felt she might explode with all the pent-up sadness and fury coursing through her.

As Brooke took a step toward her, Steffy became aware of a small crowd gathered behind the glass doors of her apartment building.

“Stop it, Mom,” Rick said, his voice very low and very angry.

But Brooke wasn’t finished. “I’ll never let you have my son.”

Steffy’s world tipped and tilted in the wake of Brooke’s words. She needed to get away from her—now.

“Don’t say another word, Mother,” Rick said, putting his arms around her, trying to move her away from Steffy. He pointed at his mother’s black car behind them. “Please go. Go and think about what you’ve said and done tonight, Mother. Sometime soon I’ll tell you about what Liam did today, and you might think some more before you speak and act. Before you jump to his defense.” He released his hold on her.