Shackled: A Stepbrother Romance Novel (3 page)

BOOK: Shackled: A Stepbrother Romance Novel
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Chapter Five
Jonathan

A
fter I put
my bag in the trunk, I went back into the house to wait for Fiona to finish getting ready.

I knew coming home was hard for her for more reasons than just this stupid cabin trip. But she didn’t seem to realize that she wasn’t the
only
one who was having a hard time with this entire situation.

For as long as I could remember, it had just been me and my dad. My mom died shortly after giving birth to me and there had never been any other women in Dad’s life. At least not ones I ever met. So while I
was
happy for him, moving in with a woman was a hell of an adjustment for us both. The only experience I had that came close to living with a woman was how much of my childhood had been spent with Fiona and Leslie, but look how well that ended up.

Fiona was the only one who knew how I felt about not having a mom. I wasn’t constantly crying over the loss considering I obviously didn’t remember her, but every now and then my Grandma would say something like,
“Your mother used to do that when she was your age.”
and it would remind me that I would
never
get a chance to know her.

And that reminder stung like a bitch every single time.

Fiona understood how deeply those comments affected me. She had lost a parent as well, so she could relate a lot more easily than some of the other friends I’d had over the years who were, at worst, dealing with their parents getting divorced. It just wasn’t the same.

I wasn’t entirely sure how or why, but having Fiona around helped. Hearing her memories of her father didn’t make me feel worse that I’d never get to create any memories with my mom. If anything, sometimes it made me feel
better,
like I was grateful that I didn’t have the chance to get to know her before I lost her.

Not that I ever admitted that to anyone. Especially not to Fiona. Fuck, I didn’t even like admitting it to myself.

“Sometimes, I used to wish my Dad wasn’t around. He was always the stern one—it was never mom. But now he’s not and… and I would do anything to take those wishes back.”
Fiona had confessed to me when we were fifteen, years after she lost her father.
“What if I did it, Jonathan? What if it was my wishes that killed him?”

I remember looking into her eyes and seeing how vulnerable she was in that moment. I had been desperate to fix it, but I had no idea how.

The only thing that stopped me from kissing her right then was the fact that she was my best friend and she trusted me. She was the only girl that I could lie in the same bed with and know that she wasn’t nervously waiting for me to make a move. She was the only girl I could be an asshole towards and not worry about hurting her feelings because she would know that I was only joking.

She was also the only person who had ever made me feel like I—the real me, exactly as I am—was a person worth knowing. I could just be myself around her, knowing that she accepted and liked me for who I was, not for who I pretended to be around other people.

No one else had ever made me feel so at ease. So comfortable in my own skin.

I wanted that feeling back.

Back then, I had convinced myself that if we ever crossed the line between friends and lovers, I would ultimately lose her. The night of prom, I should have
talked
to her. Not just allowed myself the panicked, knee-jerk reaction that I had actually done.

The realization that I had the same feelings for her as she did for me only occurred after the damage had been done. She never wanted to see me again. The idea that I would never be able to pick up the phone and hear her voice again had really sealed my fate.

It was unacceptable.

I wanted her back. As a friend, as a lover—as anything she would give me, even though I did have a clear preference.

Soon, I planned to tell her that. Tell her she was right all along—we
did
belong together—and that I was sorry.
So fucking sorry.

After steeling myself for the inevitable fight that I knew would come my way before we could actually move forward and hopefully become at least friends again, I made my way down the hall to her bedroom.

“You almost ready?”

Fiona turned to face me as I casually leaned against the frame of her bedroom door, her eyebrows furrowing together with confusion and making her look absolutely adorable.

“Where’s my mom?” she asked, avoiding looking at me.

Her refusal to make eye contact and the quiver in her voice were all I needed to know that she still loved me. Which was a good thing, but convincing her that I actually
deserved
her forgiveness was going to be the hard part.

“Waiting in the living room. Let’s go.”

She stood and grabbed the small bag that she borrowed from her mom and hoisted it onto her shoulder. I was almost certain she was just going to breeze right past me without a word, but she surprised me by marching right up to me and shoving her pointed finger against my chest.

“Let me make one thing clear,” she said, her voice low and smoky and hot enough to make my dick twitch in my jeans. “I
don’t
want to do this. I
don’t
want to bond with you. As far as I’m concerned, we will
never
be family.”

I did my best to ignore the way my dick was slowly swelling to life and gave her a cocky grin as I said, “Then we’re on the exact same page.”

“Good,” she huffed before strolling past me, purposely letting her bag slam into me on her way out of the room.

I chuckled and shut the door, trailing behind her while whistling a jaunty tune just so I could watch her shoulders tense with irritation. Fiona was certainly a firecracker these days—so easy to light up and watch explode.

A surge of regret tightened in my chest and stopped my whistling as I remembered she had no idea how I truly felt about her. Absolutely no frame of reference to understand what she had walked in on that night and she’d never given me the chance to even try to explain it.

Not that I could really blame her. Only a few short hours after she’d unexpectedly kissed me for the first time and whispered those three huge words that caught me so off guard that I couldn’t even respond… and she walks in on me fucking another girl.

That didn’t exactly make a good impression.

Hell,
I
certainly wouldn’t have given a fuck about an explanation. I was completely fucking aware that I didn’t deserve the chance to give her one.

Whether I deserved it or not—I
needed
her to at least hear me out.

Even if that meant forcing her to listen.

When I’d found out my dad was dating her mom, I knew I’d wind up with a chance eventually. It was something instinctive, and I’d promised myself that whenever the opportunity arose, I would grab onto it with both hands.

Right now, my opportunity was carefully concealed in my duffle bag, layered between my clothes so as not to make a sound. I put the bag in the trunk myself and silently prayed that no one else would bother messing with it.

“Let’s go, dumbass,” Fiona said with an exaggerated eye roll, staring at me as if I’d lost my mind.

I realized I had stopped walking somewhere between her room and the living room, staring off into space as I got lost in my thoughts. I cracked a smile at her unamused expression and breezed past her, inhaling deeply as I did so and nearly groaning at the familiar scent of her.

No matter what, I had to figure out a way to make her understand why it had gone down the way it did. I had to find a way to earn her forgiveness—and
fast
.

Because I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to keep my hands off her for three whole days.

Chapter Six
Fiona

I
sat
in silence nearly the entire drive down, hoping that no one would talk to me. I knew the only reason anyone would bother was if I acted like I was interested in a conversation. Which I most certainly was not.

I put in my earbuds and closed my eyes, letting the music on my phone distract me from reality. I didn’t even want to look at anyone right now, especially not
him
. I was still too pissed at being forced into this trip.

Luckily, our parents hadn’t made us sit next to each other for the ride. Jonathan sat in the front with his dad and I was in the back with my mom.

During the ride I fantasized about my near future and it didn’t seem so bad. As soon as we got to the cabin, Brenda would come to relieve me from this nightmare of a weekend. We’d head back into town so I could put in a few job applications. If everything went well, I’d land a job within a few weeks and then I’d split the rent of an apartment with either her or anyone else I knew that was looking for a roommate. A solid plan.

Mom tapped me on the shoulder, pulling me out of my daydreams.

“We’re nearly there.”

We never really talked about the cabin anymore, which was one of the biggest reasons I was surprised when she suggested this bonding session. It was almost as if talking about it brought us both back to the past, back to the time we spent there with my father. Whenever we did talk about it, it would only serve to make us both depressed. So over the years, we simply stopped mentioning it.

Now I was beginning to wonder if Gerald being around my mom had lessened some of the pain she felt when she spoke of it. I also wondered if they had been out there together and if anything had changed since I last saw the place.

“Do you guys come down here often? It’s been a while since I’ve been out here.”

She turned to me and smiled. “Occasionally. It’s been a couple of months since our last visit, though, so everything may be a little dusty.”

I nodded in understanding, keeping my thoughts to myself. It didn’t matter to me whether it was dusty or not, considering I had no plans to stay there. As soon as they backed out of the driveway, I was calling Brenda. I had briefly considered walking so I wouldn’t have to spend any time at all with Jonathan, but the slowly growing layer of snow covering the ground stopped that idea dead in its tracks.

The car started to slow and I glanced out the window, realizing that Gerald was pulling the car onto the short dirt road that led through the woods and down to the cabin.

God only knew how it would have wound up if I had been forced into such close contact with Jonathan for the past hour. At least in the back seat, I had been able to completely ignore his presence.

“We’re here!”

I fought back my eye roll at my mom’s excited voice, wondering why on earth she thought this was a good idea. It was also slightly surprising to me that she was giving us free rein of the cabin for three days, but then again, it’s not like Jonathan and I hadn’t been best friends for years. This wouldn’t be the first time we’d spent the night together, nor the first time we spent alone together.

However, it
would
be the first time we spent time together alone as adults. Which was a little scarier to me, even though I wasn’t entirely sure why.

Oh, shut the fuck up. You know
exactly
why that’s a scary idea and it starts and ends in Jonathan’s pants. Asshole or not—you still want him.

I huffed at the thought, but deep down, I knew it was true. It didn’t help matters that Jonathan looked even better than he had the last time I’d laid eyes on him. His slightly pale skin was now covered with a tan that he’d undoubtedly gotten from working outside during the summer and the warm months of fall. Along with the tan, he’d also developed more muscle—including thick biceps that made the sleeves of his t-shirts bulge around them.

There was some ink peeking out from under the cotton that I was more curious about than I wanted to admit. I had wanted to get a tattoo ever since I turned eighteen, but my fear of needles stopped me every time the thought crossed my mind.

“Fiona?”

“Hmm?” I hummed, snapping back to reality. I glanced to my right, a fleeting image of Jonathan’s raised eyebrow as he made his way toward the cabin immediately registering in my brain. “Oh, sorry. I was zoning out.”

“I got your bag!” Gerald shouted before slamming the trunk shut.

Jonathan was already by the door and waiting for my mom to unlock the cabin by the time I finally got out of the car, trailing behind Gerald all the way to the steps. My mom breezed past us all and slid the key into the lock, then opened the door with a grand gesture.


Ta-daaa!

“We’ve been here before, Mom.”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “You’re in a sour mood.”

Well,
duh.
Can’t possibly imagine why.

“I’m fine,” I lied, forcing my lips into a tight smile even though my stomach flipped with nervousness. “I’m just tired. I think I’m going to take a nap.”

Mom frowned and tipped her head to the side, looking at me curiously before she narrowed her eyes. “Don’t forget why we brought you out here. I don’t want you two avoiding each other all weekend.”

“I won’t forget,” I promised, but I was certain that she could hear the fakeness of my cheery tone. “We’ll see you guys in a few days.”

I gave Mom a quick hug, hiding my guilty expression against her shoulder until I managed to straighten it back to neutral, then pulled away to give Gerald an awkward wave. I didn’t even look towards Jonathan, even though I could see him in my peripheral vision, leaning up against the kitchen counter and watching the entire exchange in silence.

Right when I got to the door of my bedroom, the asshole shouted, “I’ll wake you up in twenty minutes to start our bonding, princess!”

The door slammed so hard behind me I could hear the hinges creak.

When I told my mom that I was tired, I hadn’t been lying. My sleep the night before had been plagued by nightmares and I spent hours restlessly tossing and turning. The exhaustion I felt was bone deep and no amount of coffee was going to pull me out of this fog. I needed to rest.

The idea of sleeping and allowing Jonathan the chance to wake me up didn’t appeal to me in the slightest, but even so, the moment I flopped onto the mattress, my eyes slid shut and I fell into a deep sleep.

BOOK: Shackled: A Stepbrother Romance Novel
5.32Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

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