Shelter in a Soldier's Arms (10 page)

He folded his arms over his chest. “Do you have the money?”

“No.”

She waited for him to pounce—to again make the offer of a job she was going to have to take. Because in some strange way, she was testing him.

“All right. I’ll write you a check to cover the costs. Pay me back when you can. After you graduate from college is fine.”

Not the offer she’d expected at all. She sagged against the door frame. “Who are you, Jeff?”

“Why does it matter?”

Because he was making her want to believe in him and she’d learned to never believe in anyone but herself. Besides, he couldn’t have made it more clear he wasn’t the least bit interested in her skinny self.

A knock at the front door interrupted them. Maggie rushed past, eager to greet Brenda. Ashley turned away from Jeff without answering his question and hurried after her daughter.

Brenda was already inside the house and hugging the little girl. “It’s raining this morning,” she said. “You’re going to need a jacket.”

“I know where it is!” Maggie announced, turning around and racing toward the stairs. “I’ll get it, Mommy.”

“Thank you, sweetie,” Ashley called after her, then went to speak with Jeff’s assistant.

Brenda smiled at her as she approached. “I know you’re feeling better, but I appreciate you letting me take her to school this morning. I just adore her.” The older woman sighed. “Grandkids are the best and Maggie is just as sweet as my daughter’s little girl.”

“You’re more than welcome.” Ashley glanced over her shoulder to make sure they were still alone, then invited the other woman into the living room. “I need to ask you a question,” she said. “It’s probably going to sound a little strange and I apologize if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Brenda settled on a beige sofa and grinned. “Now I’m wildly intrigued. Go ahead.”

Ashley checked again to make sure no one lurked in the hallway, then joined her guest on the couch. “To be blunt, can I trust Jeff? Through an assortment of circumstances, I’m in a difficult situation right now. Jeff has offered me a job as his housekeeper. It would mean living here with my daughter. On the one hand it’s a great opportunity. The money is good, the house is terrific. But I don’t know him very well and I do have a young child to be concerned about.”

“Don’t worry about Jeff at all,” Brenda said, lightly touching her forearm. “I know he’s a little formidable and he doesn’t talk about himself, but he’s a great guy. I’ve known him for nearly five years and I would trust him with my life. Better, I would trust him with my grandkids’.”

Which was what Ashley needed to know. “Thanks for telling me.”

Brenda tilted her head slightly, then tucked a strand of blond hair behind her ear. “At the risk of being presumptuous, I do have one more thing to say.”

“Which is?”

“He’s not a people person, so don’t expect witty banter. And he’s very solitary. As far as I know, he hasn’t had a serious relationship in the past five years. So don’t even think about giving away your heart.”

Ashley smiled. “Not a problem. I’m not interested in getting involved.”

While she might find the man sexy and appealing on a physical level, emotionally she knew better than to risk her feelings again. If she ever did that again, it was going to be with someone who could love her more than anyone else in the world.

“Then you should be just fine.”

Maggie burst into the living room. She had her jacket dragging from one arm and her backpack trailing from the other. “I’m ready,” she announced.

Ashley laughed. “Not exactly, young lady. Come here.”

In less than five minutes, Maggie was ready to leave for school. Ashley kissed her goodbye and promised to pick her up promptly at two. Brenda gave her a quick wave and a thumbs-up, then they left. Ashley was alone with Jeff. It was decision time.

She found him in his office, packing his briefcase. Had he worked into the night? she wondered. She hadn’t been able to sleep much, mostly because she’d been thinking about his offer and how badly she’d acted. What had kept him up through the long dark hours?

She knocked on the open door, then stepped inside. “Do you have a minute?”

“Of course.”

He motioned for her to take one of the seats in front of his desk. She did, choosing the one she hadn’t sat in the night before. He relaxed into his chair.

She licked her lips. “I want to ask if your offer is still open.”

“For the loan?”

“No. The job.”

He raised his eyebrows and nodded instead of speaking.

Good. At least she hadn’t blown it so much that he’d changed his mind.

“I’m interested,” she told him. “But I need to know why you’re bothering. You could get someone in here a couple of times a week to do the cooking and cleaning. Why a full-time live-in housekeeper and why me?”

He didn’t answer right away. Instead he seemed to consider the question. Which made her squirm in her seat. Was she being inappropriate with her questions? Would he get angry? Did she want to work for him if his temper had such a short fuse?

“I know you well enough to trust you in my house,” he said at last. “Besides, I like your daughter.”

Her nerves were frayed. One snapped. “Then have a couple of kids of your own.”

Thoughtful gray eyes turned toward her. “I can’t.”

She’d been expecting half a dozen answers, but not that one. “I don’t understand.”

“I have a low sperm count. It makes conception highly unlikely.”

She blinked. Her mind seemed to sway slightly as a couple hundred questions formed in her mind. How had he known? That wasn’t the sort of information one learned in a routine examination. He had to have been tested for fertility. Which meant what? That he’d been trying to get someone pregnant at one time? So at one time

“You were married?”

A slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I know that’s hard to believe.”

“No, it’s not that.”

Although it was. She couldn’t imagine Jeff on bended knee, proposing. And married? As in living with a woman? Being casual in jeans, maybe, or walking around unshaven, wearing a robe? It boggled the mind.

“I was married for several years. We tried to have children. When she didn’t get pregnant, we were both tested. The fault was mine.”

Was that why he wasn’t married anymore? Was that— She realized that it was none of her business. “I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

“I understand your concern. While I like Maggie, I don’t think of her as a substitute daughter.”

He picked up a pen and studied it. On anyone else, Ashley would swear the action was a stall for time. Finally he set the pen down.

“I don’t make a habit of being a nice guy, which is why I’m doing this so badly,” he said. “You work for me. I have no intention of firing you. If you want a loan for relocating to another apartment and your old job back, you’re welcome to both. If you’d like to try being my housekeeper on a trial basis, that’s fine, too. I don’t want anything from you or your daughter.” He paused. Something dark passed across his face. “If you’re looking for an explanation for my actions, think of them as atonement.”

“For what?”

He shrugged. “I’m damn good at what I do. I was better as a soldier. That comes with a price.”

She didn’t want to ask anymore because she didn’t want to know what he’d done. She remembered the article that mentioned his time in Special Ops. There were hints about covert assignments. Assassinations. Secret battles.

He was dangerous. She knew that in her head, but she couldn’t feel it in her heart. As if she was exempt from the ruthlessness. Was that possible?

“I have a small child,” she said. “Considering your line of work, I’m assuming you have guns in the house. Will she be safe?”

Instead of answering in words, he rose to his feet. At the far end of the room, he touched a book on a shelf and the entire bookcase swung open. Ashley rose and followed him. He pointed to the large safe built into the wall.

“There’s no key or combination lock. It requires a retinal scan. The mechanism has its own power source so it won’t be disabled by an electrical blackout. Everything dangerous is kept in there.”

She thought about asking what all might be in inventory, but figured she was better off not knowing.

“Maggie is perfectly safe,” he said. “I wouldn’t let her stay here otherwise.”

Ashley shivered. She wanted reassurance that she would be safe, too.

“I’d like the housekeeper job,” she said, shoving her hands into her jeans pockets and taking a step back. “Just for a couple months, until I get my feet under me.”

“Fair enough.” He closed the bookcase. “Are you interested in the accounting work, as well?”

In for a penny, as they say. “Yes.”

“Good.”

He stared at her. Something flickered against his irises. For a second she would have sworn she saw fire—the kind that burned bright from passion’s desire. If he had been any other man, she would have thought he was interested. But not Jeff. Certainly not in her.

Ť^ť

It took Ashley less than forty-eight hours to invade his world. Jeff had always had a biweekly cleaning service that took care of the house and washed his sheets and towels, but now he had a housekeeper.

Ashley took her work seriously. Pieces of furniture that had simply been dusted were now polished. Surfaces gleamed and the scent of lemon filled the air. He found vases of flowers on tables and light filtering in through sparkling windows. His sheets and towels were softer, his cupboards stocked with food and meals had become multi-course and nutritional. When he gave her accounting work, she did it quickly and accurately, returning it to him the following day.

Jeff hadn’t realized how careful she’d been to keep to herself while she was simply a guest in his house. Now her presence was everywhere. Her perfume lingered in the hallway. A couple of Maggie’s toys found their way to the family room. Schoolbooks stacked up on an end table. It was as if a family lived here.

A family. The concept was unfamiliar. He knew intellectually that there had been a time when he’d belonged to a family. He’d been born to parents who lived in suburbs, just like regular people. Jeff knew he’d been a part of that world once—playing sports in high school, hanging out with his friends. But those memories weren’t real to him. It was as if he’d seen a movie about someone’s past. A past that happened to be his own. He couldn’t relate to those images and he didn’t know how to act now that he was no longer alone.

He glanced at his watch. It was late, nearly midnight. Maggie was long asleep, but Ashley was still up, studying in the kitchen. The need to go to her compelled him to rise to his feet, even though he knew he shouldn’t bother her. He walked toward the light, knowing he had no right to want to be with her, even when all he expected was simple conversation.

She haunted him. Much like the ghosts of his past, she was a constant presence in his mind. Yet unlike the memories of the dead, she made him feel better for occupying his thoughts. She made him anticipate—something he hadn’t done in years. She made him need, which reminded him he was alive. But was that good or bad?

He reached the kitchen and stood in the doorway. The overhead light glinted off her dark hair. She wore jeans and a sweater. Her feet were bare and she’d tucked one up under her on the straight-backed chair.

Several books lay open across the table. She glanced at one, then returned her attention to the accounting paper in front of her.

One curl caressed her cheek. Looking at it made him press his fingers into his palm. He wanted to touch the curl

and the cheek. He wanted to feel the silk of her skin and the warmth of her body. He wanted

“Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to join me?” She spoke without looking up.

Jeff frowned. He knew he hadn’t made any noise. “How did you know I was here?”

She glanced at him and smiled. “It’s a mom thing. Internal radar. The same mechanism tells me when Maggie is doing something she shouldn’t.” She pushed her foot against the chair next to her, moving the seat toward him in invitation. “I’m due to take a break.” She pointed at the closest open textbook. “It’s cost accounting, so you’re doing me a favor by taking me away from it for a while. There are fresh cookies. Want one?”

He followed the direction of her finger and saw a heaping plate of cookies on the counter. “You’re always trying to feed me.”

She smiled. “That’s because you don’t eat very much. I’m a compulsive feeder.”

“Another mom thing?”

“Probably. I want to take care of the world.”

He moved toward the table, but didn’t take the seat next to her. Instead he settled across from her—as much to see her as to make sure he wasn’t close enough to touch. Something about the late hour made him question his ability to do the right thing. The need inside seemed to grow with each tick of the kitchen clock.

“Not all mothers are compelled to take care of everyone,” he said. “It’s about being a giver more than being maternal.”

“Maybe.” She rose to her feet and walked over to the cookie plate. After moving a couple of her books, she set it in the center of the table, then headed to the refrigerator. “What about your mother? What was she like?”

“A homemaker,” he said as Ashley poured them each a glass of milk. “She liked to sew and bake. My dad worked for Ford. On the assembly line.”

She put a full glass in front of him and resumed her seat. “Let me guess. You played football and were something of a flirt.”

“I’ll admit to the football.”

Ashley had been kidding when she’d asked the question. She couldn’t imagine Jeff as a young man. She’d never seen him out of a suit. Even now, despite the late hour, he wore a white shirt and slacks. He’d discarded his tie and rolled up his sleeves, but he hadn’t bothered changing into something more casual. Did the man own jeans?

Not that it mattered. She was glad she had the cookies and milk to give her something other than Jeff to look at and touch. Otherwise she wasn’t sure she could control herself around him. She’d never once in her life wanted to be sick, but right now she couldn’t help wishing for a bit of the flu bug to return because it seemed to be the only thing that kept her immune to Jeff’s masculine charms.