Shopaholic to the Stars (26 page)

‘Maybe you’re supposed to be quite stupid?’ I suggest.

‘No!’ says April sharply. ‘I’m not. Ant!’ She raises her voice. ‘Ant, come over here!’

Oh God. I tuck my face down into her skirt and try to look as inconspicuous as possible.

‘Ant, I have a problem with my motivation,’ says April. ‘Why does Gwennie get out the scarf?’

I sneak a quick glance upwards – and Ant is staring at April as though suspecting a trick question.

‘We went through this already,’ he says. ‘It’s sentimental. She’s thinking of her lover.’

‘But why get the scarf out now, when it’s so dangerous? She’s on an enemy ship. Why would she be so foolhardy?’

There’s silence for a few moments, then Ant yells, ‘Dylan! Get over here. Please explain to April the motivation of her character.’

At once Dylan comes hurrying over, his sneakers squeaking on the floor of the soundstage.

‘Oh, OK,’ he says, sounding a bit nervous. ‘Well, Gwennie is thinking of her lover Arthur. She’s remembering the times they had together. So she gets out the scarf—’

‘Why?’ interrupts April.

‘To remember him by.’ Dylan sounds a bit flummoxed. ‘That’s her motivation.’

‘But she can remember him without a scarf. Why would she risk his life for the sake of a scarf?’

‘She’s a woman,’ says Dylan feebly. ‘She’s sentimental.’

‘She’s a
woman?
’ retorts April, sounding suddenly livid. ‘She’s a
woman?
That’s no kind of answer! Just because she’s a woman, it doesn’t mean she’s an imbecile! I’m not doing it,’ she says firmly. ‘I’m not taking out the scarf. Gwennie isn’t a moron. She wouldn’t do it.’

‘But you have to take out the scarf!’ says Dylan in consternation. ‘That’s the point of the scene!’

‘Well, you’ll have to find a different point for the scene.’

‘April, sweetie,’ says Ant, breathing hard. ‘You have to take out the scarf. If Eduardo doesn’t see the scarf, then he won’t launch the attack on the Fleet of Foes. That’s the whole second act. That’s the whole fucking
movie
.’

‘Well, it doesn’t make any sense,’ says April obstinately. ‘Becky’s right.’

‘Becky?’
Ant sounds at the end of his tether. ‘Who’s Becky?’

Reluctantly I raise my head from April’s skirts to see Ant staring at me with a thunderous disbelief.

‘Oh, hi,’ I say nervously, and risk a little smile. ‘Fab directing,’ I quickly add. ‘Really inspired.’

‘You again?’ says Dylan incredulously.

‘Who the fuck
are
you?’ Ant expostulates. ‘You’re derailing my movie!’ He almost looks like he might hit me.

‘No I’m not!’ I say in horror. ‘I mean – I didn’t mean to!’

‘You should be thanking her!’ says April. ‘The scene has a big hole in it and she’s the only one who noticed.’ She stands up. ‘Sort out your scene, gentlemen. I’ll be in my trailer. Gilly, Uggs?’

One of the wardrobe girls hurries forward and unlaces April’s button boots.

‘April!’ says Ant. ‘Don’t be ridiculous!’

‘If you don’t pick it up, the critics will,’ she snaps. She steps into a pair of Uggs and strides across the soundstage. She’s leaving. Oh my God.

‘Come back here!’ says Ant furiously.

‘Fix the scene!’ she retorts over her shoulder.

I can see Ant and Dylan exchanging perturbed looks.

‘April, be reasonable.’ Ant hurries after her. ‘Look, we’ll discuss it.’

As I glance around, all the extras and crew are watching, riveted. What do we do now?

There’s a hurried confab going on between Dino and some other guy in a headset, then Dino strides towards the set.

‘OK, lunch. Lunch, everybody.’

At once, the extras all start to head off, and Suze bounds across the set to me, as fast as she can in her big skirt.

‘What did you do?’ she demands.

‘I didn’t do anything!’

‘Well, everyone’s blaming you.’

‘Really?’ I stare at her in dismay. ‘That is so unfair!’

‘No, they’re
pleased
. They might get overtime. Shall we go and get some lunch? They might have some more of that sushi. You know, I might become a full-time extra,’ she adds as we walk along. ‘I’ve learned such a lot. There’s a special agency you join, and there’s plenty of work if you have the right look. You can make good money!’

Good money? I want to point out to Suze that she already
has
good money, what with her husband being a squillionaire, only she looks so animated, I don’t like to.

‘And if you can ride a horse that counts as a special skill,’ she’s saying, when a fresh-faced girl hurries up to us.

‘Becky? Is one of you Becky?’

‘That’s me,’ I say, a bit nervously.

‘Miss Tremont would like to see you in her trailer.’

Suze and I look at each other, agog. A trailer! A proper movie star wants to see me in her trailer!

‘Can my friend come too?’ I say.

‘Sure. This way.’

I’m
slightly
disappointed in the trailer, to be honest. I was expecting it to be full of roses and champagne buckets and cards from the producers and maybe some signed photos from George Clooney, not just look like a mini-caravan with magazines and bottles of Evian and energy bars scattered around. April is on the phone as we enter, and I sit down cautiously on a bench-thing next to Suze.

I wouldn’t mind having a trailer, I find myself thinking idly. Imagine if, everywhere you went in life, there was a little trailer waiting for you to go and relax in whenever you felt like it.

Imagine taking a trailer
shopping
. God, yes! You could put all your bags in it, and have a little rest, and make yourself a cup of tea and—

‘Becky.’ April puts down her phone and smiles at me. ‘How are you?’

‘Er, fine!’ I say. ‘Thank you. This is my friend Suze.’

‘Hi, Suze.’ April bestows her radiant smile on Suze, then turns back to me. ‘I just wanted to make sure you were OK. I don’t want you getting any backlash from Ant. You have any trouble with him, you let me know.’

‘Thank you!’ I say, touched.

‘Well, I owe you.’ She sighs. ‘I should have picked up that issue at the read-through. Or someone should have. Those guys are idiots.’

‘What will they do now?’ I say, in slight trepidation. ‘Have I really derailed the whole movie?’

‘Sheesh, no!’ She laughs. ‘They’ll write another scene. They’ll fix it. That’s their job. But I’d like to do you a favour in return, if I can.’ She looks earnestly at me. ‘Do you have an agent? Do you need a better one? Would you like a contact? I know how tough it is out there, anything can help.’

‘Actually, I don’t have an agent,’ I start to explain. ‘This isn’t
really
what I do—’

‘I’d love an agent!’ chimes in Suze. ‘I want to be an extra. I really think it could be my new career.’

April Tremont surveys us both curiously. ‘You’re not actors?’

‘I went to drama school,’ says Suze quickly. ‘I’ve got a diploma. I was highly commended in my modern speech.’

‘I’m in fashion.’

‘We got on the film because of Tarkie.’

‘Tarkie’s her husband,’ I explain. ‘He finances films.’

‘
Now
I find out,’ says Suze bitterly.

‘So everyone was like, Do you want to watch a film being made, and we said, No, we want to be in it.’

‘So here we are!’

We both come to a halt and look expectantly at April. It seems as though she’s having slight trouble following.

‘So
you
need an agent,’ she says to Suze.

‘Yes please!’ says Suze.

‘And
you
need …’ She turns to me. ‘Do you need anything?’

‘I’d love a job in styling,’ I say. ‘That’s what I do. I used to work in Barneys, and I’m trying to make it in Hollywood, but it’s really hard to get a foot in the door.’

‘Bex is brilliant,’ says Suze loyally. ‘She makes
anyone
look good. Even my sister-in-law Fenella, who believe me …’ She makes a face.

‘She’s got good shoulders,’ I say. ‘You just have to focus on the shoulders.’

‘OK,’ says April thoughtfully. ‘Well, how about this? I have a friend who’s a stylist and she’s run ragged. I know she’s always looking for talented people to work with her. How about I fix up a meeting for you?’

‘That would be
amazing!
’ I gasp. ‘Really?’

‘We’ll both be at the Actors’ Society Awards, Friday night. How about I get you a ticket? I’ll get you both double tickets. It’s a fun evening.’

‘Thank you!’ I grin delightedly at Suze. ‘Thank you so much!’

‘My friend’s name is Cyndi.’ April scribbles the name on a piece of paper. ‘She’ll be there with her new client. You can meet her too. Maybe you guys will all end up working together!’

‘Wow!’ I take the piece of paper. ‘Thanks. Who’s her new client?’

‘Lois Kellerton,’ says April, and I freeze. I’m aware of Suze opening her eyes wide and I try desperately to ignore her.

‘What’s up?’ says April, sensing the tension. ‘Do you know Lois?’

‘No,’ I say quickly. ‘Not at all. No. Never met. Why would I have met Lois Kellerton?’ I give a shrill, unnatural laugh.

‘OK. Well, Lois’s lovely,’ says April. ‘We’re friends too, in fact we’re neighbours. We’ve both lived on Doheny Road for ever. You’ll get along great.’

This is the first time I’ve heard anyone describe Lois as ‘lovely’ and April clearly notices my surprise.

‘What is it?’ she says.

I know I should keep my mouth shut, but I can’t resist it.

‘It’s just I heard Lois was … tricky to deal with?’ I venture. ‘Isn’t her new film running into problems?’

April sighs. ‘I wish Lois didn’t have this reputation. She’s a wonderful girl. And the film will be wonderful. It’s the story of the early female athletes, you know, using some original footage from the Olympics. So smart. And yes, there have been glitches, but every movie has glitches.’

‘Sorry,’ I say awkwardly. ‘I didn’t mean to … I just heard …’

‘I know.’ April drops her hands as though in exasperation. ‘Everyone says the same. The thing is, Lois’s bright, she expects high standards, and she doesn’t necessarily win herself friends. But you’ll like her. I’m sure you will.’

A text bleeps in her phone and she reaches for it. ‘Sorry, I have to go. Give your address to my assistant and I’ll messenger the tickets over. Let yourselves out when you’re ready.’

She heads out of the trailer, clumping down the steps in her Uggs, and Suze and I just stare at each other.

‘Lois Kellerton,’ says Suze at last. ‘Oh my God, Bex.’

‘I know.’ I rub my head. ‘Freaky.’

‘What will you
say
to her? I mean, about … you know.’

‘I’ll say nothing. It never happened, OK? And I never told you, either.’

‘All right.’ Suze nods fervently, then looks up. ‘Hey, what will Luke say about you meeting Lois? Isn’t Lois Sage’s big nemesis? Aren’t you supposed to be on Team Sage?’

Oh God. In the heat of the moment, I’d forgotten all about that. Damn. I reach for an energy bar, thinking hard. OK, so it’s not ideal. If I could have chosen any other celebrity, I would have. But I can’t turn down this amazing chance. I
can’t
.

‘Luke will be completely supportive of my career,’ I say at last, a bit more firmly than I feel. ‘I mean, we don’t both have to be on Team Sage, do we? We can have Chinese whatsits.’

‘What?’ Suze looks blank. ‘Fortune cookies?’

‘No!’ I can’t help giggling. ‘
Walls
. Where you’re on different sides but it’s OK because you don’t pass on any secrets.’

‘Walls?’ says Suze mistrustfully. ‘I don’t like the idea of walls. You shouldn’t have walls in a marriage.’

‘Not real walls,
Chinese
walls.’

Suze doesn’t look convinced. ‘I still don’t like it. I think you should be on the same side.’

‘Well, so do I,’ I say defensively. ‘But what am I supposed to do? I tried styling Sage and she wasn’t interested.’

‘Style a different celebrity, then.’

‘Who? They’re not exactly queuing up for my services, are they?’ I feel a bit ratty with Suze, partly because I know she’s got a point. ‘Look, it’ll be fine. It’ll be like that film where the husband and wife are opposing lawyers in the courtroom, but when they’re at home everything’s fine and lovely.’

‘What film?’ says Suze suspiciously.

‘Er … you know. That one.’

I’m making this up as I go along, but I won’t admit it.

‘What’s it called?’ demands Suze.

‘It doesn’t matter what it’s called. Look, I’m only in Hollywood once, Suze. I have to at least
see
if I can make it as a stylist.’ As I say the words, I realize how much I’ve been wanting this opportunity; how disappointed I’ve been at all my failures. And now a real, proper chance is within my grasp. ‘Luke will understand,’ I add. ‘I’ll work it out with him somehow. It’ll all be OK.’

BACKGROUND ARTISTS UNLIMITED AGENCY APPLICATION FORM FOR ARTISTS

Title (delete as appropriate):
Mr/Mrs/Ms
Lady

Forename (s):
Susan deLaney Margaret

Surname:
Cleath-Stuart

Date of Birth:
Didn’t you know that it’s not done to ask someone’s age?

Place of Birth:
Sandringham, in the riding stables (Mummy had just been out hunting)
.

Previous Acting Experience:
I played a bumble-bee at Mrs Darlington’s Academy and then I was a rabbit, and then I was that Blanche Dubois, my most brilliant role, and then that girl in
The Merchant of Venice
. Oh, and Juliet. Except we only did three scenes, because Shakespeare IS a bit long
.

Special Skills (e.g. riding, juggling):
Oh, loads! Riding, tennis, fly-fishing, yoga, making photo frames, flower arranging, folding napkins into shapes, icing cakes (I did a course, Daddy thought I might go into catering). I’m not much good at typing but I could always pretend. And if you’re filming a movie set in an old English house, I can tell you where the knives and forks go, because you always get it wrong. And the English don’t all wear tweed the whole time. Oh, and WHY are the villains always British??

Accents:
I can do a brilliant American accent. And French. I can do Welsh but it starts to sound Indian
.