Snowbound (5 page)

You cant do anything.

She tried to smile. I can worry, cant I?

Theyd been standing here in the hall too long. He was becoming uncomfortably aware of her. Of little things: the palest of freckles on the bridge of her nose, the fullness of her lower lip, the single strand of dark hair that curved down over her brow. He resisted the urge to lift his hand and smooth it back.

The effort made his voice curt. Worrying wont help.

Her pointy chin rose. No. It wont. Hadnt we better get started? I figure theyve already been out there five minutes. By your estimate, Amy will be coming in the door in another five minutes.

I didnt mean

Its okay. Youre trying to help. I know. She smiled, a benediction.

His fingers curled into fists at his sides. She wouldnt be so forgiving if she knew about the death hed rained on the innocent.

The road to hell was paved with good intentions.

She took the girls bathroom, he took the boys. From long habit, he cleaned fast, and then carried a pile of
towels and washcloths to her. She was wiping the countertop, which took longer than in the other bathroom because of the amazing array of toiletries and cosmetics scattered there. All of which had presumably come out of their purses and bookbags.

Oh, thank you, Fiona said, seeing the pile in his arms. More loads of laundry in the making.

His laugh felt rusty. You dont look like the half-empty kind.

She smiled impishly. In this case, the washing machine is going to be a lot more than half full.

Still smiling, although it felt unnatural, John said, And I seem to remember you promised to load it.

Yes, I did. Fiona began hanging towels on racks, leaving part of the stack on the counter between the pair of sinks. What you said earlier, about IraqWas it awful? I know a lot of the returning veterans are suffering from posttraumatic stress, just like after Vietnam.

PTSDPost-Traumatic Stress Disorderwas a fancy way of saying that youd seen things you shouldnt have, in Johns opinion. It was ridiculous to talk about it as a disease, as if the right pills would cure it.

He cocked a brow at her. Are you asking if Im one of them? Maybe. Most soldiers do have some symptoms.

She flushed. Im so sorry if you thoughtI really wasnt asking, even obliquely. You havent given me any reasonOh, dear.

Great. Hed been a jackass again.

Thats all right. Ihinted.

If you need help you can get it from the Veterans Administration, cant you?

I dont need it. The gravel in his voice startled even him. He cleared his throat. What I need is todecompress. This is my way of doing that. Be around people in limited doses. Get over being jumpy without a barrage of noise around me all the time.

She looked doubtful even though he could tell she was still embarrassed. Is it working?

Some days he thought so. On others, when he awakened from a nightmare with his heart pounding and a bellow raw in his throat, he wasnt so sure.

I feel better than I did when I tried to go back to work at Robotronics. Which was truth, so far as it went.

It is peaceful up here. Shouts from outside drifted up, and her mouth curved. Or was, until we darkened your door.

Youve been good guests, he forced himself to say.

Why, thank you. She sighed. I suppose Id better go check on the kids.

He stepped aside and let her pass him, a flowery scent lingering for a moment even after shed disappeared into the hall. Had she brought perfume? No, he realized; shed used one of those fragrant bath beads.

John glanced toward the old-fashioned tub, picturing her letting her bra drop to the floor, then slipping off her panties before stepping in. Hed seen her long legs when she changed yesterday in front of the fire. Imagining the rest of her naked body came easily. Had her hair been loose, to float on the water when she sank down into the tub? Or had she bundled it up?

Loose. Definitely loose. Her hair had still been wet when she came down for breakfast.

A groan tore its way from his throat. Damn it, what did he think he was doing? He had a shaky enough hold on reality.

He forced himself to scan the bathroom with a practiced, innkeepers eye before following her downstairs.

As predicted, Amy was the one to have come in and was shedding her outerwear in front of the fire. Water pooled on the plank floor around her boots.

Its freakin
cold
out there. She shivered and hugged herself.

It was nice of you to go even though you didnt want to, for the sake of everyone else, Fiona said.

Reaching the foot of the stairs, John paused to hear the girls answer to the teachers kindly retooling of motives he was pretty damn sure hadnt been that altruistic.

Even though I went out to be nice,
Troy,
she said the name with loathing, made this big snowball and smashed it against my face. Hes aa
creep.

Well, you did go out to have a snowball fight.

But he walked right up and did it! Hes such a jerk. Him and Hopper, too.

How sad romance was when it died. A grin tugging at his mouth, John crossed the huge great room, opened the heavy front door and went out on the porch.

Snow still floated from the sky, obscuring the landscape. The steps hed shoveled last night had disappeared again.

There seemed to be a free-for-all going on, snowballs flying, accompanied by shrieks and yells. With the snow still falling, the teenagers were indistinguishable from
each other, all blurred in white. They were thigh deep and higher in the white blanket that enveloped the landscape, the shed and the cabins he could usually see from here.

John raised his voice. Time out!

The action stopped and heads turned his way.

When you get cold and decide to come in, everyone go get an armful of wood and bring it. Piles just around the side of the lodge. He jerked his thumb toward the north corner.

Girls, too? a voice squeaked.

Girls, too.

He went back inside, where Amy was elaborating on what pigs all boys were, while Fiona soothed with common sense. As far as he could see, the girl was a spoiled brat, but what did he know?

Not that much later, the kids did all carry in wood, and all three boys and one of the girls willingly went back for another load.

John nodded his approval as they dumped split lengths in the wrought-iron racks. That should keep us going for a bit.

Its a really big fireplace, the girl said. Have you ever had to cook in it?

No. The generator hasnt failed me yet.

God forbid, Fiona murmured.

He silently seconded her prayer, if thats what it was. Hed be okay on his own with just the fire. But trying to feed ten of them? No ability to do laundry for who knew how long? He remembered all too well what it felt like to go for days without a chance to do more than sponge your underarms and genitals with lukewarm water, to get
so you couldnt stand your own stink, to have sand in every fold of skin and gritty between your teeth.

Somehow, he didnt think the spoiled girl would take even three days of sponge baths and half-cooked food stoically.

I get the first bath, Amy declared, staring a challenge at the others.

Dieter pulled off his wool hat and shook his head like a wet dog. We just had baths. Why do you want to take another one?

Because Im cold, she snapped, and stomped off.

Whys she so upset? Hopper asked in apparently genuine puzzlement.

Nobody leaped to explain. The teacher was too tactful to say,
Because she didnt get her way.
The others were either indifferent or perplexed as well.

Maybe shes just having a delayed reaction to the fact that yesterday was pretty scary, Fiona said.

But were okay, one of the other girls protested.

Some people are more resilient than others. Its also possible that getting stranded this way reminds Amy of something that happened to her in the past. We all have different fears.

John shook his head. Damn, she was good. He wondered if she believed a word she was saying.

Now, she said, more briskly, lets get everything thats wet laid out in front of the fire to dry. Neatly, she added, when one of the boys dumped socks and gloves in a heap. Then the lunch crew can get started. Ahwho did I assign?

You! they all chorused in glee.

She laughed with them. Okay, okay! And, uh, Tabitha and Erin, right?

Erin nodded with composure John suspected was typical, and Tabitha made a moue of displeasure.

Next question. Fiona smiled at him. Whats on the menu?

Soup and sandwiches.

That we can handle. Right, gang?

He accompanied them to the kitchen to show them where everything was. Fiona disappeared to the laundry room to move a load to the dryer and start another one while the girls opened cans of cream of mushroom soup and dumped them in pans.

John loitered for a few more minutes, waiting for Fiona to come back. Despite his earlier discomfiture at imagining her naked, he couldnt resist watching Fiona competently slice cheddar cheese and slather margarine on bread to make the grilled cheese sandwiches shed decided on. He doubted she or the girls were even conscious of his presence. This past year, hed discovered he had a gift for invisibility.

Damn it, he could have spent most of the morning hiding out in his quarters, reading in front of the woodstove. But Fiona MacPherson intrigued him.

What he couldnt decide was whether it really was her in particular, or whether hed been quietly healing without realizing it and she just happened to be the first attractive woman to come his way in a while.

Not true, he reminded himself; two weekends ago, a quartet of women in their twenties had spent two nights at the lodge. Apparently theyd been getting
together a couple of times a year since they graduated from college. Each took a turn choosing what they did.

A couple of them were married, hed gathered. One of the two single friends in particular had flirted like mad with him. He hadnt felt even a flicker of interest, and shed been more beautiful by conventional standards than this slender teacher with the river-gray eyes.

Hed thought rather impassively that the woman who kept making excuses to seek him out was attractive. Hed been bothered then by the fact that hed felt not even a slight stirring of sexual desire. He hadnt had had a woman since the night before hed shipped out for Iraq. Hed missed sex the first months there. At some point, hed quit thinking about it. That part of him had gone numb.

It wasnt that he felt nothing. Grief was his constant companion, anger looking over its shoulder. He had unpredictable bursts of fear. Once in a while, he allowed himself to be grateful that he was alive and that hed found sanctuary.

Fiona MacPhersons pretty gray eyes and cloud of curly dark hair wouldnt have been enough to draw him from his preferred solitude. Not if something else about her hadnt sliced open the layer of insulation that had kept him distant from the rest of humanity.

So what was different about her? What had he sensed, from the moment their eyes first met?

He kept following her around in search of answers, not out of lust.

John gave a grunt that might have been a rusty laugh.
Well, not entirely out of lust,
he amended.

The sound hed made brought her head around,
although neither of the girls seemed to hear. When Fiona saw him leaning against the wall, she smiled. As if
glad
he was still here.

There, he thought in shock, might be his answer. She saw him. Really saw him. Not as a Heathcliff she was bent on seducing as part of a weekends adventure, but as if she were interested in him as a person. As if she might even like him.

In fact, she was the only person outside family and old friends whod ever bothered to wonder if he suffered from PTSDand he could tell she had been curious, even if she hadnt meant to ask. Hed only admitted to having served in Iraq to a couple of other veterans whod stayed at the lodge over the past year. They had recognized each other. If others had speculated after seeing his scar, theyd kept the speculation to themselves.

What he didnt know was whether Fiona MacPherson looked at everyone the way she did at him. Why that mattered, he didnt know. In a few days, shed be gone.

But he still wanted to know.

F
IONA COULDNT BELIEVE
John Fallon had thought she would come right out and ask if he suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder. She didnt know him anywhere near well enough to be that personal. The embarrassing part was that she
had
wondered, and he could probably tell.

In the privacy of the laundry roomwhere she was shifting loads again perhaps an hour latershe groaned aloud. He must think she had no better manners than Amy! She couldnt even blame him.

Should she apologize once more? Or would it make things worse if she brought the subject up again?

Definitely worse, she decided.

Folding towels in the same style he did, lengthwise in thirds, she couldnt help thinking about what hed said. He needed to decompress, which must mean he
was
having trouble withShe didnt know. People, noise, nightmares? Of course, there was his limp, too. Shed seen how much his leg hurt him on occasion. Hed go utterly still, his jaw muscles locking, and a sheen of sweat would break out on his face. Was he continuing to do physical therapy, or had he recovered as much as he was going to?

Gee, why dont I just ask him? she said aloud, rolling her eyes.

His voice came from behind her, mild but impossible to ignore. Ask him what?

Fiona froze. Her fingers tightened on the towel in her hands and she said the first thing that came to her. Oh, um, whether you have more laundry soap.

Why? Are we running low? He came closer to her and peered into the tall plastic bucket. Which was half full.

Even more flustered by his nearness and the woodsy scent that clung to him, she babbled, No, no, Im just afraid well use it up. I thought maybe we should start hanging the towels after baths instead of washing them incessantly.

We have plenty of soap. He nodded past her, where half a dozen plastic buckets were stacked against the wall.

Oh. She gave a weak laugh. Im practically tripping over them. Well, now I feel dumb.

Dont.

Her laugh became slightly more genuine, if a touch hysterical. There he went again. Anybody else would have said,
Its okay, you were being considerate.
Or,
Anybody could have missed seeing them.
But if John Fallon could compress twenty words into one, he did.

She grabbed almost at random for something to say. You must get sick of laundry during your busy season.

He reached for a towel from the basket and folded with quick efficiency compared to her more deliberate efforts. He was reaching for another by the time she was
half done with one, even though his hands looked too large to be so deft.

If youre here for long, well put the kids to work on laundry, too.

Her embarrassment was fading, thank goodness. She chuckled. The beauty of unpaid guests.

Maybe I should lower my rates in exchange for labor.

You could make the whole stay do-it-yourself, Fiona suggested. Kitchen privileges, bathroom privileges, but leave em clean.

You cant imagine how appealing that is. His tone was heartfelt, less guarded than usual.

Oh, I dont know. After a few days of cleaning up after them she nodded toward the kitchen Im sure Ill be in complete sympathy.

Theyre done in the kitchen.

A non sequitur? Or not?

She braced herself. Is it clean?

Ive seen worse.

But youve seen better.

He shrugged. Theyre kids.

She should have continued supervising. Ill finish up.

I already did.

She winced. I wish you wouldnt do that.

He raised his brows. Do what?

She forgot she held a towel in her hands. Work nonstop. I feel guilty.

Youve worked nonstop today, too, he pointed out.

But theyre my job. My responsibility.

And the lodge is mine. While folding the last towel, he made it sound inarguable.

As, she supposed, it was. He couldnt want a crowd of teenagers trashing Thunder Mountain Lodge, even though he seemed less than enthusiastic as an innkeeper.

What are they up to now? she asked.

I offered some games. Most of them are in front of the fireplace playing them. I think a few are upstairs.

Not one boy and one girl, she hoped.

Amy?

Last I looked, sulking because someone else already took Boardwalk.

Oh, dear.

He frowned. Quit worrying about them.

But theyre

Your responsibility. I know. But theyre not toddlers.

No, theyre teenagers, which is almost worse.

Why did he look irritated? Was he tired of her fussing?

He picked up the piled towels before she could. Ill put these away.

I can

He ignored her, of course. Frustrated, she watched him limp out of the laundry room, leaving her to the sound of running water in the washer and the spinning dryer. Why did the wretched man have to be so hard to read? And why couldnt he be, oh, fifty years old, balding and potbellied? Or the wizened old man Dieter had said used to own the lodge?

Fiona sighed and went to see what the kids were up to.

She found them sprawled in chairs and on the floor around a couple of different gameboards. Dieter, Hopper, Tabitha and Amy played Monopoly, Kelli and
Troy Chinese checkers. Erin was curled like a cat in an upholstered chair reading. Only Willow was missing.

Anybody seen Willow?

They hardly glanced up.

Nope.

Not in a while.

Uh-uh.

Fiona hesitated, hating to look as if she was following John, but finally started up the stairs. He was just closing the door to the linen closet when she reached the top.

Missing a kid, she said. Seen one?

He shook his head. Let me know if you need help.

Fiona glanced in the first bedroom on the girls sidebeds still unmade, she sawthen knocked on the door to Erin and Willows room. Willow, you in there?

Yes. The voice sounded small.

Id better feed the fire. John passed her, his shoulder brushing hers.

Even that minor, incidental physical contact made her heart jump. Darn it, he was the sexiest man shed ever met, even with a scar and limp. And she must be feeling a little more vulnerable than usual.

The kids. Think about the kids.

She took a deep breath. Can I come in?

If you want, Willow agreed.

Fiona pushed open the door. Willow lay on the bed, curled on her side around a pillow she clutched to her middle. Fiona sat on the edge of the bed.

You okay, kiddo?

Face wan, she nodded. I have cramps.

Period starting? Thank heavens for the tampons John had produced yesterday.

Not yet. But it must be.

Have you taken anything?

She shook her head. Do you have Midol?

No, but I bet I can find you some ibuprofen or something.

Her expression became anxious. You wont tell anybody, though. Right?

That your periods starting? Fiona rose to her feet. Wouldnt think of it. Ill be right back.

Going downstairs again, she reflected on how little she knew this particular student, the youngest of her Knowledge Champs kids. Fiona had never had her in a class, and Willow had just joined the Knowledge Champs team this fall. Fiona had been surprised, because of her shyness. Most of the students who chose Hi-Q, Knowledge Champs or Debate were extroverts, noisy, funny and smart.

Willow had come faithfully to practices, but she rarely joined in the clowning or in taunting the teacher. So far, she was slow hitting the buzzer to answer, as much, Fiona guessed, out of shyness as because she lacked knowledge. Fiona thought she had been gaining a little confidence lately. Willow had confided once that her braces would be coming off in March, which should help.

Bypassing the rest of the kids, Fiona went straight to the kitchen, where she found John sitting at the table with a cup of coffee.

Do you have some Tylenol or ibuprofen?

He gave her a lightning quick assessment. You okay?

Its Willow. She isnt feeling great.

He nodded. Cupboard to the right of the sink.

There was an impressive array of medications and first-aid products there, she discovered. Which made sense, given how far the lodge was from doctors and hospitals.

Thanks. She took a couple of white pills and a glass of water back upstairs.

Willow swallowed them gratefully. I wish I didnt get cramps, she mumbled, handing back the glass of water.

It stinks, doesnt it? Fiona sat back down on the bed. Do you get heavy periods, too?

The girl nodded unhappily.

Seems to be hereditary. Your mom probably does, too.

My moms dead.

Oh, no! Im sorry. I didnt realize. The father had signed the release, Fiona vaguely recalled. She didnt think shed ever met him.

It was a couple of years ago. She was in a car accident.

Were you in the car with her?

Head shake. No, but my little brother was. Hes okay, though. He just had a broken arm. And his collarbone, too. Mom had on her seat belt and everything. But, um, this car ran a red light. They said Mom didnt have a chance.

Oh, honey. Im so sorry. Fiona gently squeezed her shoulder.

Willow shrugged, mainly, it appeared, to hunch into a tighter ball. I really miss her.

I can only imagine. And its tough when youre at an age to need advice.

DaddyI mean, my dad tries.

I bet he doesnt know much about buying bras or what you wear to prom, though, does he?

A tiny smile flickered on her mouth. Uh-uh. But nobodys asked me to prom anyway.

They will, Fiona predicted. Hardly any sophomores go.

Do you think Ill make the A team someday?

Surprised, Fiona said, Sure I do. Very likely next year, with Erin and Troy gone. You just have to get bolder.

I know. She fell silent for a moment. Whats everybody doing?

Reading. Playing games.

Oh. She sounded wistful.

As soon as you feel better, go on down. Ill bet you can get in on the Chinese checkers, anyway.

She nodded, but said nothing.

Fiona hesitated. Its too bad you dont have a friend you could have talked into joining Knowledge Champs with you. With Erin and Troy graduating next year, we could use some more freshmen and sophomores.

I dont, um, really have any friends. We moved in August. From Denver. Dad took a new job in Portland. I guess he thought we wouldnt be as sad in a different place. You know.

I imagine that sometimes a change of scene does help. Its hard leaving friends, though.

Her eyes filled with tears. Nobody is that friendly here! I wish I could go to the public school, but Dad says Ill get into a better college if I stay at Willamette.

The prep school where Fiona taught did regularly send graduates to colleges like Stanford, Columbia and Yale. Still

Does he know how unhappy you are?

She shook her head. I dont want to make him sad again. He thinks I love it here.

Fiona wasnt sure what to say. Willow, her brother and dad were probably all pretending to be happier after the move, none of them willing to acknowledge anything was wrong with their new life. And, given her grief, Willow might not do any better making friends at the public high school.

With new determination, Fiona decided that she was going to do her darndest to see to it that Willow did make friends at Willamette Prep. A boyfriend would follow. Minus the braces, shed be a pretty girl if she came out from behind the hair she hid behind and smiled more often.

Cramps letting up? she asked.

Yeah, the fifteen-year-old said tentatively. Then, Yeah. I feel better.

Good. You want to come downstairs?

UmI guess. She released her death grip on the pillow and rolled off the bed onto her feet. I dont think Amy likes Hopper anymore.

Fiona laughed. I noticed. Shes not so crazy about Troy, either.

Willow wrinkled her nose. He was kind of mean to her. You know. Outside.

She should have dumped snow down
his
neck.

Willow giggled, then pulled her lips over her braces.

Downstairs, Kelli and Troy had just finished a game and he was saying, Im going to go find something to eat.

Kelli spotted Willow, and to Fionas relief said, You want to play a game?

Sure.

Fiona went to the small-paned window near the front door and looked out. How could it still be snowing? Another twenty-four hours of this, and the front porch would be buried! They might have to tunnel out.

Turning away, she thought of choosing a book from the tall cases along the wall beneath the staircase, but realized she ought to find out first what John planned for dinner and then decide on preparation and cleanup crews.
She
was beginning to feel like an innkeeper. Did they ever get to relax? Imagine if all the rooms upstairs were full, as well as the cabins Dieter had told her were down by the river. John must often cook for a crowd three or four times the size of their group, and this was enough work.

Troy came back from the kitchen crunching on an apple and sank down to sit beside Kelli and watch the game of Chinese checkers.

Fiona went to the kitchen.

John still sat at the kitchen table, but now had a book open. At the sound of her footstep, he looked up. Hungry?

Lunch wasnt that long ago. Only teenage boys are hungry an hour after they get up from the table.

He smiled briefly. Probably longing for her to go away so he could have some peace. Although he could
have hidden in his own room if hed wanted to be left entirely alone.

No, Fiona continued, it just occurred to me that dinner also isnt that far away and I should figure out how much help you need and who to assign to you.

His mouth quirked, although whether with a smile or a grimace she wasnt sure. I keep expecting one of them to chop a finger off when I give them knives.

They need to learn, she said firmly. Ill help, too.

He appeared to ruminate. Why dont you and I make dinner, and let them clean up?

Inexplicably her pulse speeded up. We can do that. If youre sure you dont want a whole crew?

Im sure.

Okay. Well, then. Her feet seemed to be rooted to the floor. Ill have to think about whose turn it is to have KP duty.