Summer of Secrets (8 page)

SIXTEEN

“Go if you must,” her mother sighed at Rhi at the breakfast table the next morning.

“I've had exams all week, Mum,” Rhi pointed out. “I just need a break, OK?”

“If you'd worked a little harder for your exams, I might agree with you, Rhi,” said her mother. “But they're in the past now and we'll just have to hope for the best. Whereabouts in London are you going?”

Rhi wasn't about to give her mother details.

“I don't know,” she said, deliberately vague. “Somewhere central. Shopping, maybe.”

“It seems that's all young people want to do these days.” Her mother put the lid on the jam with more force than necessary. “Is this Lila's idea? I still think that girl is trouble.”

It was an old argument that Rhi wasn't prepared to have right now. She discreetly checked her watch. She had half an hour to catch the train.

“Can I?” she persisted.

“I said you could go, didn't I?” Rhi's mother checked her own watch before snatching up her jacket and bag. “I need to be in the surgery in fifteen minutes. I'll try to have some dinner ready when you get home, but I can't guarantee it.”

Her mother's idea of cooking was to throw some vegetables into a pot and stir vigorously for half an hour. The cooking had always been done by Rhi's dad, and Rhi's mother had never bothered to learn much beyond the basics. It was yet another thing that made Rhi mad. Her mother never acknowledged the things her dad did for their family.

The morning was blustery as Rhi walked down the hill towards the station. After stowing her guitar and outfit for that afternoon's wedding in a locker ready for her return, she stood on the platform, trying to blend in with the Saturday crowd. There seemed to be groups of people all travelling together, laughing and talking about their plans for the day. It felt strange to be standing here without her friends. Trying to look busy, she took out her phone and stared at it.

Mum would have a fit if she knew I was travelling by myself today
, she thought.
Let alone if she knew who I was going to meet.

Rhi could hardly believe it herself. Mac had replied almost as soon as she'd sent the email last night:
I'll be there
. Rhi hadn't slept well for worrying about how the meeting was going to turn out.

The train seemed to take for ever. Rhi checked her watch at every station, her book forgotten on her lap. When at last the engine pulled in to Waterloo, she hurried through the barriers and headed for the Underground, her mind in a whirl. Was this the worst idea she'd ever had, meeting Mac at Ruth's grave like this?

She forced herself to recall what Mac looked like. Summoning him to her mind brought Ruth back too, her eyes wide and alarmed as Rhi had yelled at the two of them.

How could you and Mac do this to Alex, Ruth…? I can't believe you're my sister…

Rhi flinched at the memory. That was the last time she'd seen Mac. Her parents had kept her well away from the inquest that followed the accident. Would she recognize him? She knew that she would. For all her efforts, that terrible argument was as fresh in her mind as if it had happened yesterday.

The familiarity of the street when she emerged from the Underground half an hour later took her breath away. The buses, the taxis, the shop awnings, the pavements awash with people: she paused briefly, drinking it all in. Much as she loved Heartside Bay, this area had been her home for more than twelve years. Terrible things had happened here, but good things too. She let herself remember the good things. The first time she rode a bike in the park. A class prize presented in the high street library. Herself as a seven-year-old bridesmaid in a red satin dress. She had loved that dress.

She could have found St Joseph's by the Gate blindfolded. The graves were as neatly tended as ever as Rhi made her way through the churchyard, trailing her fingers over the tops of the headstones: some rough, some smooth.

As she rounded the corner of the church, she stopped dead.

The boy by Ruth's grave looked round. Rhi stared in disbelief at his brown hat. His wheelchair. This weak, pale boy – the boy she had seen at the pensioners' wedding, and at the Heartbeat Café – this wasn't Mac. Mac had been tall. Smiling. Tanned and handsome. Not … not…

“Hello Rhi,” he said nervously.

As soon as Rhi heard his voice, she knew. But he looked so fragile in his chair, hunched and thin. As if he'd suffered in ways she couldn't begin to imagine. She never would have recognized him by sight alone.

“I'm so sorry for writing to you, and emailing you, and showing up in your life. But I had to speak to you. I have to tell you the truth. I'm asking you as humbly as I can. Will you listen to me?”

“You killed my sister,” Rhi spat. Her voice sounded harsh, even to her own ears. “Why should I listen to anything you have to say? I should never have come. I should never have arranged this.”

She turned and walked away, stumbling slightly on the tussocky grass that filled the spaces between the gravestones.
Fly with me, Rhi…

Mac had taken Ruth away from her. Nothing could change that. But Rhi found her footsteps slowing as she approached the gate that led back to the street, the Tube, the railway station and the sanity of home. She had arranged this meeting to learn the truth Mac had promised her. She had to know. And perhaps … perhaps Mac had to know her side of the story too. She couldn't carry it alone any more.

Mac was still by Ruth's grave, his head bowed over his hands when Rhi returned. His face blazed with relief. Rhi sat down at the bench which backed on to the cool stone wall of the church.

“Start talking,” she said.

Mac began haltingly. “I loved your sister, Rhi. And she loved me. We hadn't planned to fall for each other, but we did. I'm not sorry about that. She was the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Rhi clenched her fists on her lap and ordered herself to keep listening.

“I was single – had been for a few months. But Ruth was still going out with Alex.” Mac swallowed. “She didn't want us to sneak around behind his back, but she was frightened of what Alex might do if she told him she wanted to break up with him. He wasn't a very stable person.”

Rhi had a sudden memory of Alex shouting at Ruth outside the house one evening, after dropping her home from a date. Her sister's boyfriend had been larger than life. He'd had a temper and got jealous easily, she remembered. He knew how to make big gestures, though. Roses used to arrive at the house, and love letters, and balloons. At twelve, Rhi had thought Alex the most romantic, most handsome boy she'd ever met. She'd envied her sister, and longed for a boyfriend just like Alex. How stupid she had been.

Tears streaked Mac's cheeks. “Ruth was scared of Alex. He was very controlling. She couldn't speak to other boys without him breathing fire down her neck, shouting at her and accusing her of being unfaithful. He smothered her. She used to come to my house and cry in my room about it. She loved
me
, Rhi. But she didn't know how to break it to Alex.”

Rhi's nails were biting into her palms of her hands.

“Then Alex found out.” Mac's voice was so quiet now, Rhi could hardly hear him. “He tracked me down, and drove me off the road. Ruth was in the car with him. We both lost control and rolled down the bank … and Alex and Ruth hit the tree head-on. There was nothing I could do. I'd had a couple of drinks that night – not much, but more than Alex. I shouldn't have been driving. I have tortured myself in prison for two years thinking about that. I might have lost the use of my legs in the accident, but it didn't seem like enough. I felt like I should have died as well.”

It was time, Rhi realized. Time to share her own secret.

“I've been torturing myself too,” she said quietly.

Mac looked surprised. “Why?”

“When I…” Swallowing was surprisingly hard. “Remember when I caught you both together that morning, in Ruth's room?” She rushed on before she lost her courage. “I was so shocked… Alex was the only boyfriend my sister had ever had. He'd been with her for so long, it was like he was part of the family. I felt like you and Ruth had betrayed that. Later on that day, I shouted at Ruth for cheating on Alex with you. And … and Alex overheard.”

If only she could take it back, she thought in anguish. Those terrible words she had shouted at Ruth on the stairs without knowing Alex was down in the hallway…
How could you and Mac do this to Alex, Ruth? He loves you!

“He overheard, and he took Ruth in the car to find you… He … the accident…”

Rhi covered her face with her hands and wept until her eyes felt raw.
I can't believe you're my sister.
The last words she ever said to Ruth.

She felt Mac pressing something into her hand. A tissue. She took it a little shakily, wiped her eyes, and made herself look at him. He looked sad and tired, but lighter too somehow.

“You were just a kid, Rhi, you didn't understand. You can't blame yourself for any of this. I was a coward for not helping Ruth confront Alex with the truth. Maybe if we'd told him earlier, been honest about it … but there's no point in dwelling on that.”

Rhi blew her nose. “You don't blame me?” she whispered.

“I'm through with blame,” Mac said. “Now I'm out of prison, my family have decided to move to Canada. I'm going with them. It's time to make a fresh start. But I needed you to know the truth: that I loved Ruth, and always will. I hope you can forgive me. Maybe not now, but—”

Rhi reached out and hugged Mac mid-sentence. He felt frail in her arms.

“I forgive you,” she whispered. “Will you … will you stay in touch, Mac? I think it will help, having someone who understands. Who loved Ruth as much as I did.”

His voice sounded close to breaking. “Of course I will. Thank you, Rhi. From the bottom of my heart.”

SEVENTEEN

Rhi walked slowly back to the Tube, her mind full of all the things Mac had told her. Ruth had always been the risk-taker when she and Rhi had been younger, but that had changed. When Alex came along, Ruth had grown quieter, more cautious. More scared of the unknown. Rhi had put it down to the mysteries of growing up. Mac had talked about water fights, dares, laughter – all the things Rhi had loved best about her sister that she thought had gone for ever. It seemed that Ruth hadn't “grown up” at all. She'd simply lost herself in Alex, and found herself again in Mac.

Rhi understood now how Alex had been the wrong person for Ruth. How had she never seen that before? A good relationship brought out the best in a person. It didn't make that person somehow less than they'd been before.

As she waited on the Tube platform, Rhi thought about her and Max. He had made her less of a person, with his cheating and his phoney charm. She had become more hesitant, less inclined to follow her instincts and quicker to believe herself in the wrong. With Brody … she felt bigger. Like she was truly in charge of her own destiny.

Rhi realized with a jerk that it was almost one o'clock. The wedding reception started at two. The very last train she could catch was the ten past one. If she missed it, she wouldn't get to the Heartbeat on time to play their set and Brody would be left to perform by himself. The things Mac had told her had put the wedding completely out of her head. How could she have forgotten?

She sat tensely on the edge of her seat as the Tube rocked and swayed into the mainline station. Taking the escalator two steps at a time, Rhi flew on to the concourse, and anxiously scanned the departures board. Which platform did she need?

No sooner had she spotted the information on the board than it disappeared. The concourse clock ticked over ten past one. Rhi watched her train depart with absolute dismay.
I've missed it
, she thought. She sat down on the bench opposite the gates.
Brody will think I did it on purpose…

“Miss the ten past, did you?” A guard was smiling kindly at her.

Rhi nodded. “When's the next one?” she asked, dreading the answer.

“In an hour's time, love.”

Rhi groaned and buried her face in her hands. She had lost track of the time so badly. The poor couple getting married today wouldn't have the music they wanted, and it was all her fault.

“But if you hurry,” the guard continued, “you can catch the one-fifteen to Portsmouth, change at Woking and join the train you just missed.”

Rhi sprinted down the concourse and threw herself on to the train the guard had suggested. By half past one, connection safely made, she was rattling towards Heartside Bay on the train, out of breath and seriously relieved.

Talking to Mac had made her realize something very important. Something she needed to tell Brody, preferably before they were due to perform. She bit her nails and watched the sea glimmer into view on the horizon. The train journey had never felt so long.

The moment the train pulled into the station, Rhi was running like a hare towards her locker. She wrenched out her guitar and wedding bag and sprinted towards the Heartbeat Café. She had to get there before they were due to sing or she'd lose her chance.

Brody looked up as Rhi flew through the stage door, red-faced and panting.

“Brody!” she gasped, holding her side. “Brody, I'm so, so sorry. I missed the train—”

“It's OK, you're here and that's all that matters. I thought I was going to have to do it by myself.” He paused. “Wait, what train?”

“Brody, I have to talk to you. Stay there.” Rhi grabbed her wedding outfit – a bright pink dress and a small green hat Polly had customized for her with ribbons and feathers – and ran for the toilets. She had never changed so fast in her life.

“I'm still here,” said Brody, smiling at her as she raced backstage again. “Rhi, I'm so glad you came. I thought you wouldn't show up after … you know. Everything. I should have known better.”

He looked so handsome standing there in his best blue shirt. Rhi's heart was full to bursting. She caught his hands and pulled him towards her.

“I've just been to London,” she said.

He looked startled. “No wonder you look out of breath. What was going on in London?”

“It doesn't matter,” said Rhi. “What matters is what happens now. You complete me, Brody Baxter. There's no point in fighting it. I want to be with you, whatever it takes. We'll work through your alcohol addiction together. I've been very blind, and stupid and judgemental, and very slow, and very, very scared. I'm not any more. Can you … will you forgive me?'

Brody's face lit up. “Can
I
forgive you?” he said incredulously. He pulled her towards him, lacing his fingers through hers. “Rhi, there's nothing to forgive.”

Rhi put her arms around his neck and gazed into his eyes. She wanted to remember this moment.
Ruth the risk-taker would approve
, she thought. She could hardly believe she was doing this, or how good it felt.

“Someone forgave me today for something that I once did,” she told him. “Something I am very ashamed of. I'm not perfect, Brody. No one is. It's stupid to hold you up to the kind of standard that doesn't exist. The only thing we can do is be the best people we can be.” She looked intently at him. It was important that he understood. “You make me the best person I can be. You complete me, Brody.”And she brought his face to hers and kissed him on the lips.

In a flash Brody's arms came tightly around her, lifting her off her feet. The kiss was everything Rhi had imagined it would be: deep and fierce and wonderful. She wanted it to go on for ever…

Someone was announcing something.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to present … Rhi Wills and Brody Baxter!”

The stage curtain swished open. An instant later, Rhi and Brody sprang apart in surprise and looked out at a sea of faces gazing up at them on the stage.

“Hello,” said Rhi a little weakly.

There was a burst of laughter and applause. “Kiss her again!” someone shouted from the back of the room.

Brody's arms were still around Rhi's waist. He leaned into the microphone. “If you insist,” he said, grinning. He bent his head and kissed Rhi again so that she felt it in the tips of her toes. The roar from the audience this time was even louder.

“Ready to sing now?” Brody enquired, pulling back and looking into Rhi's eyes.

The bubble of happiness inside Rhi threatened to lift her off the stage completely. “Never readier,” she said.