The Art of Manliness: Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man

Title page

The Art of Manliness

Classic Skills and Manners for the Modern Man

Brett and Kate McKay

HOW Books

Cincinnati, Ohio

www.howdesign.com

About the Authors

About the Authors

Brett McKay is a man. Kate McKay loves manly men. Together this husband and wife team reside in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and run the ArtofManliness.com, the manliest website on the Internet.

William Hurst and George Novak

Dedication

Dedication

To William Hurst and George Novak, members of the Greatest Generation and men who truly lived the art of manliness.

Roosevelt Quote

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

—Theodore Roosevelt

Contents

Introduction

Chapter One. The Gentleman

Dress Like a Gentleman • Getting Fitted for a Suit • How to Rock a Pocket Square • Three Ways to Tie a Tie • Bringing Back the Hat • Attention to Details • Groom Like a Gentleman • Why Every Man Should Go to a Barbershop • Shave Like Your Grandpa • Behave Like a Gentleman • How to Be the Perfect Party Guest • Table Manners for Gentlemen • The Dos and Don’ts of Conversation • Mi Casa Es Su Casa: Showing True Hospitality • How to Be the Perfect Houseguest • The Art of Thank-You-Note Writing • A Gentleman’s Guide to Tipping • Modern Technology and the New Rules of Etiquette

Chapter Two. The Friend

The History of Man Friendships • Band of Brothers: Making and Keeping Strong Friendships • Learn the Secret Handshake: Join a Fraternal Lodge • How to Help a Friend With a Problem • The Mechanics of the Man Hug • Beyond G-Strings and Keg Stands: Throwing a Classy Bachelor Party • Give a Best Man Speech That Won’t Make People Cringe

Chapter Three. The Hero

Fight Like a Gentleman • Break Down a Door • Perform the Fireman’s Carry • Save a Drowning Person • Treat a Snakebite • Be a Hero on the Road • Mayday! Mayday! Land a Plane in an Emergency

Chapter Four. The Lover

The Art of Chivalry • Stop Hanging Out With Women and Start Dating Them • Nice Guys Don’t Have to Finish Last • Give Flowers Like a Victorian Gentleman • Break Up With a Woman Like a Gentleman • How Do You Know When She’s the One? • Stop Dragging Your Feet and Make a Commitment • Asking for a Woman’s Hand in Marriage • Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Chapter Five. The Father

Take Care of a Pregnant Wife • Deliver a Babyin a Pinch • Change a Diaper • Quiet a Crying Baby • Balance Work and Family • Raise Resilient Kids • Teach Your Kid to Ride a Bike • Entertain the Kids • Have “The Talk” With Your Kids • Give Your Son a Rite of Passage

Chapter Six. The Outdoorsman

Streamline Your Camping Trip • Set Up Camp • Man and Fire • Five Ways to Start a Fire Without Matches • Predict the Weather Like a Frontiersman • Navigate Without a Compass • Four Knots Every Man Should Know

Chapter Seven. The Leader

Five Traits of Leadership • Exude Magnetic Charisma • How to Shake Hands Like a Man • Prepare and Deliver a Dynamite Speech • Give and Accept Criticism Without Coming Off Like a Cad

Chapter Eight. The Virtuous Man

Franklin’s Quest for Moral Perfection• Applying Franklin’s Pursuit of “The Virtuous Life” to Your Life • Temperance • Silence • Order • Resolution • Frugality • Industry • Sincerity • Justice • Moderation • Cleanliness • Tranquillity • Chastity • Humility

Afterword

Appendix A. One Hundred Books Every Man Should Read

Appendix B. Glossary of Manly Nineteenth-Century Vernacular

Appendix C. Words of Wisdom

Introduction

“He is going to be known as a sort of boys’ hero. He is going to be known preeminently for his manliness. There is going to be a Roosevelt legend.”

“I have grieved most deeply at the death of your noble son. I have watched his conduct from the commencement of the war, and have pointed with pride to the patriotism, self-denial, and manliness of character he has exhibited.”

“After all, the greatest of Washington’s qualities was a rugged manliness which gave him the respect and confidence even of his enemies.”

The quotes above are taken from nineteenth-century writings, and show the use of the word manliness in a way quite foreign to the modern reader: as a great compliment. In times past, manliness was a worthy and distinct characteristic, like intelligence, bravery and humor. It was a quality that boys strived to attain and men wished to have attached to their name.

A man who had mastered the art of manliness embodied many, if not all, of these manly characteristics:

• Looks out for and is loyal to his friends and family.

• Does the right thing, even when it’s not convenient.

• Is proficient in the manly arts.

• Treats women with respect and honor.

• Serves and gives back to his community.

• Sacrifices for the good of others.

• Works hard and seldom complains.

• Exhibits both great courage and tender compassion.

• Has a confident swagger but isn’t a pompous jerk.

• Is witty without succumbing to sarcasm.

• Embraces instead of shirks responsibility.

You probably have grandfathers who exemplify this kind of honorable manliness. But something happened in the last fifty years to cause these positive manly virtues and skills to disappear from the current generations of men. Fathers have ceased passing on the art of manliness to their sons, and our culture, nervous to assign any single set of virtues to one sex, has stripped the meaning of manliness of anything laudatory.

Discouraged from celebrating the positive aspects of manliness, society today focuses only on the stereotypical and negative aspects of manhood. Sadly manliness has come to be associated with the dithering dads of televisions sitcoms and commercials, the shallow action dudes of cinema who live to blow stuff up and the meatheads of men’s magazines who covet six-pack abs above all else.

Our goal with this book is to hopefully encourage a new generation of men to pick up where their grandfathers left off in the history and legacy of manliness. Many people have argued that we need to reinvent what manliness means in the twenty-first century. Usually this means stripping manliness of its masculinity and replacing it with more sensitive feminine qualities. We argue that manliness doesn’t need to be reinvented.

The art of manliness just needs to be rediscovered.

While no book could ever fully cover all the positive qualities and essential skills every man should possess, we hope this book can at least get men started down the path of rediscovering the lost art of manliness. We’ve divided the book into several sections reflecting the different roles a man assumes throughout his life. Within each section we discuss a sampling of the attributes and skills that many men today have never learned. You can read the book straight through or you can skip to parts that you find more interesting or pertinent to your own life.

Don’t let this book be the end of your journey to rediscover the lost art of manliness; it should only be the beginning. Thousands of men before us have left behind nuggets of wisdom that describe what it means to be a man. And if you look hard enough, you can find men in your own life who can teach you the important skills and qualities of true manhood. Seek out great men, both past and present, and in time you’ll become a virtuoso of the art of manliness.

Note to readers: Not only have many of the skills of the men of yesteryear been lost over time, so has a great deal of the colorful language that was once spoken in the streets and saloons of nineteenth-century cities. We’ve given the pages of this book a smart sprinkle (a good deal) of these old-time phrases and expressions. (They are indicated by small caps throughout the book.) So if you come across a word that sounds like something your great-great-great grandpa might have said, it probably is. In
Appendix B. Glossary of Manly Nineteenth-Century Vernacular
, you’ll find a glossary with these nineteenth-century slang words and their definitions.

Also, because the oft-used “douche bag” is getting as old as “bling bling,” we’ve peppered the pages of this book with unique insults from our manliest president, Theodore Roosevelt. TR was master of the creative, yet cutting, put-down. These are also denoted by small caps. To freshen up your insult repertoire, go to
Appendix C. Words of Wisdom
for a full list of TR’s humdingers.