The Blank Canvas (Apartment #2) (18 page)

“Who said anything about ‘have to’? I
want
to. Besides… I don’t feel right letting you drive off like this. You’re starting to worry me.” With that she finally looked up, and Ethan could see the tears collecting in the corners of her eyes. “Lily, please tell me what’s wrong! I won’t know how I fucked up if you don’t tell me.
Communication
, remember?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, I swear. I’m just being stupid.” When she tried to look away again he reached out and grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him.

“Hey, I’m serious. Tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s just that… nobody takes care of me. It’s usually the other way around.”

“Lily, it was just a Pop Tart.”

“I know,” she sniffed. “I know. But it was just a sweet, considerate thing to do. I guess I was just overwhelmed for a minute.”

“Overwhelmed by what?”

She tried to look away again but he wouldn’t let her move. “By how much I love you,” she whispered.

Ethan tried to ignore how much his heart soared at her words, focusing instead on whatever had her upset. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. I’m constantly overwhelmed by my feelings for you, by how strong they are, and I love it.”

“It doesn’t scare you?”

“No, honestly. It makes me feel alive.” He leaned down and kissed her gently. “I’ve never felt as alive as I do when I’m with you. Why are you scared?”

She took a deep breath and decided that it was now or never. She had to be honest with him or else the stress of worrying all the time would eat her up inside. “Because… I won’t be able to take it this time if you leave again. I already need you too much as it is.”

“Okay, give me this shit.” He grabbed the cooling Pop Tart and her purse and set them on the roof of his car before grabbing her face with both hands. “Look at me. Are you listening?” At her silent nod, he continued. “You have every right to feel that way after how I left before, but I need you to know that it’s never going to happen again.
Ever
. Do you understand me?”

“But what if—”

“
No
. No ‘what ifs’. I tried to fool myself into thinking that I didn’t need whatever this is between us, that I could live without it, and it nearly ruined me. I kept telling myself that I didn’t do anything wrong because I never promised you anything, but that was a lie.”

“What are you talking about? I was the liar. I was the one who was engaged to another man. You didn’t owe me anything.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. From the first moment these hands touched your skin, I promised you my heart. I belonged to you from our very first kiss, and every kiss after that only bound me to you even more. When I left, I turned my back on that promise. I should have stuck it out and told you how I felt, but I ran away with my tail between my legs.”

“We’re both guilty of that,” Lily sighed. “I should have ended my engagement the day I met you. I knew after that very first night that I would never feel that way again with any other man… even attempting to would have been pointless.”

Ethan smiled down at her, sliding his fingers across her cheek to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “This connection between us is too powerful to fight, I know that now. I have no interest in even trying to exist in a world without you. Can we just… I don’t know… start over?”

“I thought that’s what we were doing.”

“Yes, but we need to have faith in each other. I’m with you now, and I’m not going anywhere. I need you to believe that, or else you’re always going to doubt me.”

“I don’t doubt that you love me, Ethan. I can feel it every time you look at me. I can hear it every time you say my name. I’m just… apprehensive, I guess. I’m worried that it could all disappear again. I’m scared that I’ll get too attached and you’ll just be able to let it all go.” Lily could feel the hot tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

“That’s what I’m talking about. I need you to stop holding me at arm’s length.”

“What do you mean? I love you and I want this to work. I don’t want to be without you.”

“I know that, but if we are going to have any real chance of starting over, you’re going to have to give me the benefit of the doubt. I am head over heels in love with you. Hell, my entire family is head over heels in love with you, and I’m pretty sure they’d choose you over me if I ever fucked up again.”

“Oh, stop,” she blushed, trying to look away again as she wiped at her eyes.

“No, it’s true and you know it. I’ve opened up my life and my heart to you more than anyone else in my past, and that includes a relationship that lasted ten fucking years. I’m ready to give this everything I have, but you haven’t even told your father about me yet, have you?”

Lily blinked a few times, shocked by his question. “Well… no. Not yet.”

“Why not? Are you ashamed of me?” he asked, his words tainted with the slightest hint of insecurity.

“Of course not! How can you ask that?”

“Well, like I said, you’ve already met everyone in my family. They all played a part in getting us back together and know all the messy details of how we first met. Now, I’m not saying he needs to hear all of that, but I think it’s a bit messed up that he doesn’t even know I exist.”

Lily immediately felt ashamed that she’d never considered his feelings on the matter. She’d been happy to let Ethan court her and invite her into his life, but when it came to returning the favor her actions had been sorely lacking. She hadn’t trusted him enough to let him into the rest of her life the way that he had for her.

Leaning in, she pulled him to her in a fierce hug. “I’m sorry,” she said against the fabric of his shirt. She could feel his hand close over the back of her neck, stroking her skin lovingly. “I never thought about it that way. I really did intend to introduce you… I guess I was waiting to make sure this was going to work out first.”

“I understand,” he said quietly, kissing the top of her head. “I made you a little gun shy. I get it. I just want the chance to make it up to you, and if you won’t let me in I’m worried that will never happen.”

“You’re right,” she sighed.

It wasn’t fair to stand back and watch him jump off the cliff alone. It was time for her to hold his hand and take the leap together.

Lily pulled back and looked up into his patient jade eyes. “Ethan… would you come to breakfast this Sunday? I’d love for you to meet my father.” She didn’t think it was possible for his eyes to be any more beautiful, but the way they glowed as he gave her a blinding smile made her feel weak in the knees.

“I’d love to.”

Ethan had never been quite so nervous in his entire life.

As much as he wanted to share every part of Lily’s life with her, he was floundering in completely foreign territory, having never once met a girlfriend’s father before. Rachel had never been close with her parents and she couldn’t have cared less if he ever met them.

Ethan knew he had technically met Mr. Blake before, but it had barely been a passing nod in a diner and was hardly the same thing as announcing that he was the new guy giving it to his daughter. It didn’t even matter that they hadn’t officially had sex since they’d been dating, it was still understood that they eventually would, and that was already enough ammo for her father to hate him. He shuddered to think of what her father would do if he ever caught wind of what he had already done to her.

Ethan steered his rental car into Lily’s lot, panicking slightly at the imposing sight of the car that was already parked in his usual spot. Pulling in beside it, he turned off the engine and checked his reflection once more in the rearview mirror anxiously, as if he were being graded on his appearance. His entire walk across the alley and up the stairs to her apartment was set to a soundtrack in his head, a never-ending loop of worried ramblings.

Calm down, calm down! He’ll see how much I love her. Even if he still doesn’t like me, Lily won’t let that come between us. Right?

Lily met him at the door with a tight smile, her own nervousness clearly visible in her eyes. He could hear the sounds of
Sports Center
blaring in the background as she stuck her hand through the opening, grabbing his arm in a quick squeeze as she mouthed the words
I love you
. For some reason, that little affirmation was all he needed to steady his own heartbeat. This was a first for both of them, but knowing that they would get through it together helped more than any pep talk he could give himself.

Smiling his first genuine smile of the morning, Ethan nodded to her quickly, letting her know he felt the same and was ready for whatever she had in store for him. He could see some of the tension melting away from her features as her own smile brightened and she opened the door wider.

“Good morning!” she said loudly, signaling to her father behind her that their guest had arrived. Ethan noticed that the volume on the television was lowered in the background, but it wasn’t turned off. “Thanks for coming.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek quickly, stepping aside to let him through.

“Thanks for inviting me.” He stopped in the doorway and held out a half-gallon carton of orange juice awkwardly. “Uh… here. I don’t like to go places I’ve been invited empty-handed. I usually bring wine for dinner, but since this is breakfast… juice?”

“Aw, thank you. I actually only thought to buy coffee, so this is great.” Lily took the carton from his hand, desperately trying to control the flip-flopping of her heart at the adorable face he was making. “Why don’t you come in?” She motioned to the man who was sitting on the loveseat and currently pretending that he was watching TV rather than listening to every word they said. “Dad, this is Ethan Foster. Ethan, this is my father, George.”

“Ethan,” he nodded gruffly. Lily glared at him until he finally stood up, knocking the sleeping cats off his lap.

“I’m pleased to finally meet you, Mr. Blake,” Ethan returned, holding his hand out in greeting. He didn’t care what Lily said, there was no way in hell that he was calling that man George to his face yet.

“I’d say likewise, but since I only heard about you two
days
ago,” he stressed, shooting Lily a stern look as he shook Ethan’s hand, “it would probably be more fitting for me to simply say that it’s nice to meet you.”

“
Dad
,” Lily warned, giving him a look that clearly said she wasn’t about to have that discussion again for the eight hundredth time.

“Actually, we’ve already met,” Ethan interrupted, hoping to switch the topic of conversation.

“You have?” Lily squeaked, looking back and forth between them.

“Only once, a few months back. I was with my brother Eric at the time.” He watched as George’s face lit up with recognition.

“Oh yeah, at the diner, right? How is your brother?”

“Very well, thank you.”

“He’s a good kid. Bit of a troublemaker back in the day, but always had a good attitude.”

“Well, excuse me, gentlemen, but I’m going to go finish up in the kitchen. It should only be a few more minutes,” Lily said, turning toward the other room.

“Do you need any help?” Ethan asked as she walked away.

“No, but thank you. I just have to get it all together. Stay and talk.” She winked at him quickly before continuing on her way.

“Absolutely, Ethan, have a seat,” George motioned to the open space next to where he’d just been sitting. Once they were both settled in front of the television and the volume had been turned back up, he steered the topic into more familiar waters. “So what does that brother of yours think about the Bears this year?”

“Uh… well, to be honest, I don’t follow sports as closely as he does, but I know he said that they’re looking pretty good right now. They’ll start training again before too long and I know he’s excited to be in one place for a while.”

Lily peeked through the doorway of the kitchen as she scooped scrambled eggs into a large serving bowl. As she looked back and forth between the two most important men in her life, it was as if she could feel something click into place—and she just knew.

This was right.

It might be awkward until they worked out all the kinks and everyone got used to each other, but it seemed that George was the final piece of the puzzle. Her life felt complete in a way it never had before.

“Alright, breakfast is served,” she called out a moment later, her hands full with platters of food.

“Here, let me help you,” Ethan smiled, jumping up and holding his hand out.

“Oh no, I’ve got this, but there are a few more on the counter in the kitchen if you’d like to grab some and carry them here to the table.”

“Sure thing.” He walked into the kitchen expecting to find one or two more platters of food, only to be bombarded with an entire buffet. “Holy shit,” he said to himself.

“I know,” Lily chuckled behind him, causing him to spin around and look at her. “I tend to overcook when I’m nervous. I hope you brought your appetite.”

“I’m always starving when I’m with you,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss the side of her neck.

“Hey now, none of that,” she scolded lightly, unable to hide the purr of contentment that bubbled up as he kissed her. “Let’s get this out there before it all gets cold.” As she walked back into the front room, she yelled, “Dad, turn that TV off please.”

George grumbled something under his breath as he stood up and made his way across the room. When he joined them at the table his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “Jeez, Lil, ya think we’ve got enough food here?”

“Oh be quiet. I didn’t know what everyone would be in the mood for, so I thought I’d cover my bases.”

“Well, I think it all looks delicious,” Ethan smiled.

For the next twenty minutes the conversation was fairly light as they ate, covering simple subjects like work schedules and the best places to hunt in the area. Hearing the word hunt made Lily shudder, which led her to ask Ethan if his family might have any use for a freezer full of deer meat since George was running out of room at his house and she refused to take any. After the previous hunting season was spent frying one deer steak after another, Lily was sick to death of the sight of it.