The Captive (15 page)

“Nicole,” I said, “I must. I must.”

“Yes,” she said slowly, ‘you must. If you do not, soon you will be sent to the Pasha. Your skin is becoming very white. You have put on flesh and no longer look like a skeleton. You are different from when you came. Rani is pleased with you. It will be soon . perhaps next time he sends. “

“He is away now.”

“Yes, but he will come back. When he comes back he always sends … Rani will say, ” Yes, the fair one, she is ready now. How pleased he will be with me for giving him such a prize . something he has not had before. ” He will like you, I dare say. He may keep you with him.

You will surely have a child. The Pasha will like you very much because you are different. He may like your child more than Feisal . more than Samir. Chief Eunuch says that Pasha is very interested in the West. in England particularly. He wants to know more of it. He wants to hear about the great Queen. “

“No … no,” I cried.

“I hate it. I won’t stay here. I’ll get away somehow. I don’t care what they do to me … but I won’t stay for that. I’ll do anything … anything. Nicole, can you help me?”

She looked steadily at me and a smile played about her lips.

She said slowly: “The Chief Eunuch is a friend of mine. He would not want me to be replaced as Chief Lady. He wants me to stay the mother of the next Pasha. Then we work together. We are friends, you see. I learn from him of outside and he learns from me of here … inside.

I know what goes on here. I can tell him. He pays me back with information from outside. Perhaps . “

“Perhaps?”

“Well, just perhaps … I might discover something.”

I took her arm and shook her.

“If you can help me, Nicole, if you know something …”

“I will help,” she said.

“No one must replace Samir. Besides, we are good friends.”

Hope. It was the last thing left to me and I was learning that it can mean everything to those in desperate straits.

The note and what I had heard from Nicole gave me that much-needed hope now.

I thought of all the dangers through which I had passed since that night when disaster had overtaken the Atlantic Star. I had had amazing good luck. Could it continue? Nicole would help if she could, I knew.

It was not only that we were friends but she thought I might be a threat to her position. Nicole was a realist. But the Chief Eunuch favoured her. No doubt he had his reasons. But did it matter what they were, as long as they worked in my favour?

I was desperate. I needed all the help I could get.

I had reason to hope. Two of the most important people in the seraglio were on my side. And Simon was not far off.

Indeed there was hope. For the first time since I had entered this place, escape did not seem a complete impossibility.

Rani was indicating pleasure in my appearance. She grunted with satisfaction when she massaged my person.

My heart sank. In the cold light of reason, escape seemed ii9

remote. I had allowed myself to be carried away on a wave of euphoria.

How could I escape?

That afternoon I went into the dormitory and lay on my divan. The blinds were drawn and the heavy drapes made the room cool and dark.

Someone crept into the room. Through half-closed eyes I saw Nicole.

“You are sick?” she whispered.

“Sick with fear,” I replied.

She sat down on the divan.

“I am afraid that nothing is going to save me,” I went on.

She said: “Rani plans … next time … she will send you.”

“I … I won’t go.”

She shrugged her shoulders, a habitual gesture with her.

“Chief Eunuch says that he will be away for a week. When he comes back he will send …”

“A week. Oh Nicole, what can I do?”

“We have a week,” she said.

“What can we do?”

She regarded me steadily.

“Chief Eunuch likes your man. He wants to help him. They have talked. Rani wants very much to show you to the Pasha. She wants him to know that when you came here you were not very good … apart from your hair and that was without lustre. Now it shines. She has made you fit for the Pasha and now that you are as you are, you should be sent to him. He will be thankful to the man who brought you, who was the Chief Eunuch, but it is Rani who has nursed you back to health. But… as I say … we have a week.”

“What could we do? Please tell me.”

“Your friend will have to take care.”

“What would they do to him if they knew he had written to me?”

“Most certainly make a eunuch of him. They may do that in any case.

That is the fate of a number of young men who are sold to the pashas.

They are put into the gardens and there for a while they are normal young men, but if they are needed to work in the harem . well, how could he trust a normal young man among so many women? Hence the eunuchs. It would very likely be the fate of your friend. He will not be in the gardens for ever. Eunuchs make good servants. They can go among the harem women without temptation. “

“I cannot see what can be done.”

“You will do what you are told to do. You must remember that if you start this … you may be discovered and if you are … anything would be better.”

“I wonder if Simon will be ready to take such risks. When I think what might happen to him …”

“If you are going to escape,” she said, ‘you must not dwell on failure. Soon Rani will send you to the Pasha. Remember that. “

I was silent, wondering how I could endure such a fate. Moreover, Nicole was talking in riddles. What plans could there be?

She was vague. Sometimes I thought she was talking so to comfort me.

As the days passed, my apprehension naturally grew greater. I told myself that I must in due course face the inevitable.

The Pasha was back. I noticed Rani’s eyes on me, speculatively. She rubbed her hands together with a certain satisfaction and I knew the time had come; and when the Chief Eunuch visited Rani that evening I knew my fate had been decided.

As was the custom, five others were selected with me, for it would not do for Rani to choose for the Pasha; he must make his own decision as to which one he would honour.

Among the five was a very pretty young girl whose name

12. I discovered was Aida. She must have been about twelve years old

.

slender but just budding into womanhood;

she had long dark hair and big eyes which managed to combine an impression of virginal innocence and dawning knowledge which I imagined would be very attractive to a man whose senses might well be jaded by excess.

I was interested in Aida because I was pinning my hopes on her. I felt certain that she had a good chance of being selected. The girl was so excited; she danced round the gardens, making no secret of her glee.

Fatima grumbled that she was already giving herself airs.

I said to Nicole: “She is very pretty. Surely he will prefer her?”

Nicole shook her head.

“Pretty, yes … but so are hundreds of others … and very like her.

All the same hair . eyes . delight . eagerness. You will stand out among them. And the Chief Eunuch says the Pasha is very interested in England. He admires the English Queen. “

All of which depressed me and I felt sick with fear. What was the Pasha like? He must be fairly young. He had only recently become his father’s heir. He spoke a little English, so Nicole had learned from the Chief Eunuch. Perhaps I could talk to him . interest him in England, become a sort of Scheherazade, holding him off with my interesting tales of English life.

That day seemed endless. There were moments when I almost convinced myself that I was dreaming. How could this be happening to me? How many girls living quietly conventional lives in England had suddenly found them selves transported to a Turkish harem?

Then I told myself I must prepare for my fate. The Pasha would notice the difference in me. First I must pray that he did not choose me. If he did not, it might be decided that I was unfit for the harem. What then? Perhaps I could persuade them to let me go. Aida was so pretty.

She was so suitable to this way of life, and moreover she enjoyed it.

Rani came to me. It was time for the preparations to begin.

She smoothed my hair with her hands, almost crowing over it. She seized it and pulled it slightly; she stroked it. Then she clapped her hands and two of her girls appeared.

She stood up and beckoned.

I was taken to the bath and submerged under jets of perfumed water.

When I was dry I must lie down while the unguents, smelling of musk and patchouli, were rubbed into my skin. My hair was scented. The smell of it made me feel sick and I knew that I should never smell it again without recalling that numbing fear I felt at that time.

I was dressed in lavender silk garments with the wide trousers caught in at the ankles with jewelled bands. Over the trousers I wore a tunic which fell to the waist. It was in silk with a layer of fine gauze over it. Sequins had been sewn in profusion over the silk and shone mysteriously through the gauzy material, giving a subtle sheen. I had to admit that the costume had great charm.

On my feet were sandals with curled points at the toes. They were in satin and bejewelled.

Then my hair was combed so that it fell about my shoulders and a garland of mauve flowers was put on my head and others about my ankles. My lips were reddened, my eyes carefully lined with kohl so that they looked enormous and a deeper blue.

I was ready for submission.

Wild thoughts came into my mind. What would happen if I refused to go, or if I tried to escape from the harem? How? The gates were locked and guarded by the Pasha’s eunuchs . big men, all chosen for their size. How could I escape?

I had to face the truth. There was no escape.

Rani took my hand and shook her head at me. She was admonishing me for some reason. It must be because I looked so miserable. She was telling me to smile, to show

12. happiness and appreciation of the great honour which might well be mine this night.

That was something I could not do.

Nicole was standing by. She was one of those who had helped to dress me. She said something to Rani, who appeared to consider.

Then Rani nodded and gave Nicole a key. Nicole left us.

I sat on the divan. I felt quite helpless. I had been brought so far for this. I had a vision of myself . chosen by the Pasha . bearing a child who would be the rival of Samir and Feisal. I had a father who was an important man, a professor attached to the British Museum. I wanted to tell them that, if the Pasha attempted to treat my father’s daughter as though she were a slave girl, there would be trouble. I was English. The great Queen did not allow her subjects to be treated in this way.

I was trying to give myself courage. I knew I was talking a great deal of nonsense to myself. What did these people care who I was? They were the rulers here. I was nothing.

Perhaps I could tell him how eager the other girls were to share his bed. Why not take one of those who were so willing, and let this one go? Would it be possible to explain to him? Would he listen? And if he did, would he under stand?

Nicole came back. She was carrying a goblet in her hand.

“Drink this,” she said.

“You will feel better.”

“No. I won’t.”

“I tell you it will do you good.”

“What is it?”

One of the other girls added her persuasion. She wrapped her arms about herself and swayed to and fro.

“She is telling you that it will make you want love. It will make things easier for you. In any case, it was Rani who ordered it. She thinks you are not eager and the Pasha likes women to be eager.”

A sort of aphrodisiac, I thought.

“I will not,” I said.

Nicole came close to me.

“Don’t be a fool,” she hissed. She was looking into my eyes, trying to tell me something. Take,” she went on.

“You will find it … good … just what you need now. Drink … drink …I am your friend.”

There was some hidden meaning in her words. I took the goblet and drank the contents. It was revolting.

“Soon …” said Nicole.

“Soon …”

After a few moments I began to feel very ill. Nicole had disappeared with the goblet. 1 tried to stand but I could not. I felt giddy.

One of the girls called for Rani, who came in great consternation. I could feel the sweat running down my face and I caught a glimpse of myself in one of the mirrors. I was very pale.

Rani was shouting to everyone. I was put on to a divan. I felt very ill indeed.

Nicole had appeared. I fancied she was smiling secretively.

I was not presented to the Pasha. I lay on my divan feeling sick unto death. I really believed my last moment had come.

I thought of Nicole smiling her secret smile. She had done this. She had feared that I would please the Pasha and bear a child who would oust Samir. Could this be so . or was she truly my friend? Whatever the answer, she had saved me from the Pasha that night.

In a day or so I began to recover and with my recovery came the belief that Nicole had done this to save me from what I had dreaded. True, at the same time she was helping herself. Why not? Nicole was French and took a realistic view of life. The fact that she could serve herself and me at the same time would make the idea doubly attractive to her.

As I began to feel better, I realized I had riot been so ill

12. as I had believed. If I had, I could not have regained my health so quickly.

Nicole told me that when Rani had sent her to the cupboard to bring the aphrodisiac which was given to some girls before they went to the Pasha for the first time, she had substituted it for a draught which she knew would make me too sick to be sent.

“Was it not what you wanted?” she demanded.

“Did you not say that anything … anything …”

“I did. I did. And I thank you, Nicole.”

“I told you I was your friend. Aida was the chosen one. She has not yet returned. She must be in high favour. She would never have been if you had been there.”