Too Close to Resist (24 page)

“Too bad.”

“Grace.”

“I love you, so I’ll hurt and that’ll be your fault sometimes. And sometimes I’ll hurt you and it will be my fault. I don’t think we can get around that.”

It shouldn’t make sense, but it did. It shouldn’t heal or make him hope, but it did. That simple understanding that love would equal hurt, but not always, not solely. “No, I don’t suppose we can.”

“But I don’t love you less because you hit your father. I don’t love you less because, the thing is, you don’t go around using your fists to prove a point or wield your power. You don’t do it because it gives you a perverse thrill. You did it to protect yourself, maybe not from harm, but from him making you feel any worse than you already do. I see your struggle and I don’t want to hide from it or pretend it away, I want to be a part of it. I want to be a part of you, even with all the things that loom in our future. I want to fight them by your side. Both our struggles, both our demons and fears. Together. Because you are enough, Kyle. You, as you are, are absolutely enough, and I love you.”

He sucked in a breath. It was more than anyone had ever wanted from him, of him, and it was everything he ever wanted.

He’d keep trying to be better, to avoid or circumnavigate his father’s hold on him, but if he failed, that didn’t make him Tony Clark. As Jacob had said, he was Kyle, and he got to choose who he was. For a long time he’d chosen a half-life, thinking that was the only way.

He wasn’t going to punish himself any longer.

“Say something,” she murmured, leaning into his shoulder.

“I love you.”

“Say something more.”

He took a deep breath and took her by the shoulders, pushing her back until she had to look at him. Something more? He had a million words, hopes, fears. So many things, but they all jumbled together in his brain. Until her brown eyes met his. And then the words just kind of came together. “I want all those things, too. I want us to be together, to fight together, to love together. I want...all of it, and I’ll do my best to...to be...to be...”

“Just be you, and I’ll be me, and we’ll survive anything.”

Him. Just be him. A scary prospect when he’d spent too many years hiding from himself, but with Grace by his side, the fear receded. She’d seen him. All of him, and she was still here loving him. Wanting him to be with her. Which meant he
had
to be enough, just the way he was.

So yes, together they could survive anything. He always had, he always would, and with Grace by his side it would always be better than
just
survival. Way better.

EPILOGUE

“T
AKE
THE
PIE
.”
Mom shoved the Tupperware container into her hands. “Your father needs to watch what he eats.”

Dad patted his stomach. “I watch what I eat. I watch it go right into my mouth.”

Grace groaned along with Jacob, but Kyle— because he was a suck-up when it came to her dad—laughed politely.

“Thank you for dinner, Mrs. McKnight.”

“Anytime, of course. And we’ll see all of you at the baseball game next week? We really think our boys have a chance to win. Jacob, bring the girl you’re seeing.”

Jacob wrinkled his nose. “Well, I think Carolynn and I are over.”

Grace groaned with her mother. “What did this one last, two weeks? What are you doing to these poor girls?”

“You know, as my mother, you’re supposed to automatically think it’s the girls I’m dating, not me, that is the problem.”

“Well, maybe the first few times, honey. But even a mother’s love can only blind her for so long.”

Grace snickered and Jacob glared at her. “Well, on that note, good night, my amazing, wonderful family.”

A round of hugs and good-nights and they were out the door. Life wasn’t perfect, but damn, it was good.

“So should we place bets on if you’ll have a date for the baseball game next weekend?” Grace asked sweetly as they followed Jacob down the walk.

“I’m done with women,” Jacob muttered, clicking the unlock button on his key. “You’re all crazy. The whole lot of you.”

Grace flipped him off with a smile, then took Kyle’s hand and headed to the car. A little giddy with happiness, Grace leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Let’s head home, huh?”

“Actually, there’s a stop I want to make.”

Puzzled, Grace sat back in her seat. “All right.”

Though she didn’t know what to expect, Kyle’s pulling his car into the trailer park he’d grown up in was so far from any possibility on her mind she couldn’t think of anything to say. He drove to the back, passing rows of dilapidated trailers and rusted-out cars.

The sun was setting to the west, but the pink of the sky couldn’t pretty up the poverty or defeat in this place.

Kyle stopped in front of a rusting blue trailer. Grace didn’t know if it was abandoned, but it sure looked it.

“Get out with me?”

Not knowing what else to do, Grace nodded and unbuckled her seat belt. She got out of the car and met Kyle in front of the hood. He took her hand, squeezed it and looked up at the rusty trailer.

“This place controlled my mind for so long...even if I didn’t look at it that way. I just wanted you to know that it doesn’t anymore. Carvelle is part of my life.” He inhaled deeply. “Our life.”

Our life. She loved the sound of that. Leaning her head on his shoulder, she was truly struck by how far they had come. To stand here, to understand each other.

He cleared his throat. “I know you said you liked living at MC and in Bluff City, so if I’m off here let me know, but I thought maybe we could rebuild your house. Together. Like, for us.”

Grace blinked up at him. In the fading light of day, his skin almost glowed. “You...you want to rebuild my house and move to Carvelle. With me?” Grace looked back at the trailer, then him. “Honey...”

“If you don’t want to, we don’t have to. It was just an idea. I know there are many things you miss about living here, and I, well, I’m not letting it be a bad place for me anymore.”

“Kyle, I...” Build a house. Together. She’d been so sure Bluff City was a better option, but she could picture it. A little house in Carvelle. Together. She smiled. “You’re sure about this?”

“Remember when you said symbols had power? It’s kind of like a symbol. Building on that place. It’s not like it’d be far away from Bluff City, and it might be nice to have a place to ourselves.”

“Yeah, it would.” Grace slid her hand into his. “A symbol would be good.”

“So that’s a yes?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.” And then she laughed, because this was all surreal. “Well, the town will have a thing or two to say about Kyle Clark and Grace McKnight shacking up.”

“Will they, now?”

“First, the cougar talk. I am older after all.”

He laughed skeptically. “By two years.”

“Small towns. You remember how these things are.” Though she tried, a straight face was impossible.

And then Kyle pulled her into the circle of his arms and pressed his mouth to hers. Grace sighed into it. Happy. It had been a long time since she’d let herself be happy without worrying about what might happen.

The what-might-happens threatened, but she pushed them away as Kyle rested his forehead against hers. Because no matter what happened, they’d face it together and find a way to survive.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice low enough she almost didn’t make out the words. “Every forward step I’ve made has been because of you.”

Grace blinked at the tears stinging her eyes. “I could say the same for you. Actually, I think we each did a little work on our own.”

“Yeah, I guess we did.” He squeezed her hand and led her back to the car. “But I like the work we do together best.”

Yeah, she did, too.

* * * * *

Keep reading for an excerpt from ALL FOR A COWBOY by Jeannie Watt.

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CHAPTER ONE

W
AS
THERE
ANY
way she could wear sunglasses all day?

Shae McArthur tipped the dark glasses down and tilted the rearview mirror so she could see her eyes. Dreadful. As if she’d been crying all night. More like crying for a week, to the point that even if she wanted to cry again, she’d have no tears left. The last registry had been canceled, the last deposit surrendered, all the many details involved in calling off a wedding dealt with—to a degree. There was still the matter of informing friends and extended family.

And the embarrassment. No, make that the flat-out humiliation.

Shae lowered her head to the steering wheel, summoning strength. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and shut out the world for...oh...ever, but she had a huge presentation that day, which she would give with swollen eyes. In an effort to distract, she’d slicked her long dark hair into a barrette at the back of her neck and worn a bright red dress and chunky jewelry, hoping to draw the eye away from her puffy face.

Shae pushed the sunglasses back into place and opened the Audi door. At least she could wear them until she got to her cubicle. Forcing her lips into a semismile, she crossed the parking lot and pushed through the front door of Cedar Creek Enterprises: Guest Ranch Division—not to be confused with Cedar Creek Enterprises: Real Estate Division one door over.

“Way to take surprise vacation days,” Gerald Bruffett muttered as he crossed in front of her carrying a presentation board.

“It couldn’t be helped,” Shae replied.

“Floral emergency?” he called back to her as he disappeared into the conference room. Shae ignored him and walked on. Her part of the presentation had been completed before she’d left for her sister’s wedding—and the worst day of her life—exactly one week ago. She was prepared. Sort of. The fine-tuning she’d hoped to do the past week hadn’t been done, but if there was one thing Shae was good at, it was winging it. Heaven knew she’d done it enough over the past year.

“What happened to you?” Melinda Brody asked as soon as Shae walked around the cubicle wall. So much for red dresses and chunky jewelry—or sunglasses, for that matter—distracting anyone.

“Allergies.”

“Since when have you had allergies?”

“Last Sunday,” Shae said darkly as she shoved her purse into the bottom drawer of her desk. Mel had known her for far too long to be fooled by a lame excuse. She’d also been her only friend to decline the invitation to become a bridesmaid, because she spent every moment of her free time studying for a law degree. Shae sat and pulled off the sunglasses, surprised at how shaky she was—she who breezed through situations ordinary people hung back from.

She who had to tell her colleagues that the wedding was off.

“Allergies, my ass,” Mel muttered as she returned to her keyboard. Shae swiveled her chair toward her friend, who was now focused intently on the screen in front of her, and moistened her lips.

“Mel?”

“Yeah?” her friend asked, still studying the screen.

Reed called off the wedding.

The words stuck in her throat. She was gearing up to try again when Gerald stuck his balding head around the wall, somehow looking both harried and smug. “Wallace wants to see you,” he said.

Mel, who answered directly to the division manager, started to get up, but Gerald shook his head. “He wants to see Shae.”

“Thanks,” Shae said with a frown and Gerald disappeared again.

“Any idea?” Shae asked Mel. She hated going in blind if there was something she needed to know.

Mel shook her head, her eyebrows drawn together in a faintly perplexed expression. “Not a clue.”

Risa Lewis, Wallace’s associate, who, as usual, was wearing way too much makeup, smirked at Shae as she walked by. Risa always smirked at her, so that was no big deal, but this smirk seemed particularly self-satisfied, making Shae’s stomach tighten as she approached the open door of Wallace’s office. Something about this felt off, and when the division manager glanced up at her, all business, Shae’s midsection tightened even more.

“Close the door, Shae, and have a seat.”

Shae smiled, hoping it actually looked like a smile. “Thank you, Wallace.” She sat on the other side of the cluttered oak desk, smoothing her skirt.

“Shae, there’s no easy way to do this, so I’m just going to lay it out. We have to let you go.”

For a moment Shae simply stared at him, very much as she’d stared at her ex-fiancé less than a week ago, trying to wrap her mind around what he’d just said. This had to be a joke, something he’d cooked up to drive home the point that she’d taken vacation days at an inopportune time for the company.

“I have a marketing presentation today for the new acquisition,” she blankly.

Wallace gave his gray head a firm shake. “Risa has a marketing presentation today.”

Shae’s eyebrows shot upward. “You gave
her
my part of the project?”

“No. You did that.”

“I don’t understand.” And the numbness spreading through her insides as she realized just how serious Wallace was about firing her was making it hard to breathe.

“For the past eight months your mind has not been on the job.”

“I—”

He raised a hand. “You have been immersed in planning and executing not company business, but a wedding instead.”

“I’ve done my job—”

“Not with your full attention.” He leveled a hard stare at her over the top of his glasses. “You could have done better.”

Shae swallowed drily, desperately trying to come up with a strategy, but her brain, which always came up with a solution—except with Reed—seemed paralyzed.
Do. Something.

She cleared her throat and said in her most reasonable voice, “If you’d given me some warning...a chance to redeem myself... If you would perhaps consider this a warning?” She smiled at him hopefully. Wallace had always liked her; surely he’d change his mind. Give her just one more chance. After all, she was good at what she did—especially when she was focused on it, and damn it, she
would
focus on her job, and only her job, in the future.

“Miranda is adamant that we need to cut back.” One corner of his mouth tightened ominously at the mention of the company owner’s name. She was a woman people tended to tiptoe around, but Shae had always prided herself on getting along well with their demanding boss. So why had she now been singled out?

“I’ve spent the past four days going over employee performance,” Wallace continued.

The four days she’d been gone. Things started to fall into place. “I took legitimate vacation days,” she protested.

“With very little warning.”

“I had a personal emergency.”

Wedding related?
He didn’t need to say it. Shae could read it in his face. “I’m sorry about this, Shae.”

“Reed called off the wedding,” she blurted. “I needed a couple days to deal with it.”

A look of dawning comprehension crossed Wallace’s face. “I can understand that,” he said after a few silent seconds. “But it doesn’t change things.” His voice softened as he said, “I know this is a shock, but it’s not negotiable.” He pushed a packet toward her. “I’d like to go over the severance package with you.”

Shae didn’t hear a word he said about the packet, but she must have nodded at the right times, because he continued to explain while she tried desperately to think of some way to save herself. She’d always been able to save herself. Finally he said, “Vera will escort you from the building and be in contact in case you have any questions regarding severance.”

That got through to her. Shae’s head snapped up. “Escort me?” As in, she’d have to walk past Risa and out the door with Vera dogging her?

“Company policy.”

“I need my purse.”

“Vera has already collected your things.” And sure enough, when she walked out of Wallace’s office, the older woman was waiting near Risa’s desk with a cardboard box, Shae’s Dooney & Bourke purse balanced on the top of her other belongings. Shae reached for the box, but Vera stepped back.

“I’ll carry it, dear.”

Shae tilted up her chin, inhaled as she focused on the exit thirty feet away and started walking, wincing a little as her phone began buzzing from inside her purse. Last week it would have been a caterer or florist. This week it was probably her family, checking up on her.

Well, now she had more bad news for them and she had no idea how to tell them.

* * *

J
ORDAN
B
RYAN
DIDN
’
T
know how much longer he could drive without finding a place to pull over and sleep. His travel partner had been drifting in and out for most of the day, but once it got dark, the poodle had conked out for good.

The poodle.

Go figure.

Once he’d made his mind up to go, Jordan had tried to slip away while the dog was on his neighborhood rounds, but Clyde had come scampering around the Arlington apartment complex at the last minute, skidding to a stop at the curb next to the car, curly head cocked to one side as if to say,
Really, man? After all this you’re running out on me?

Yeah, he was. He was running out on everything and nothing. He was running and he couldn’t even say why, except that every day he stayed where he was, doing the mindless job he’d been given, added to his raging sense of unrest.

The dog had then taken it upon himself to trot around the car to the driver’s-side door and jump up, his toenails scratching the metal. Jordan had tried to harden himself, just as he’d hardened himself that morning when he’d abruptly told his supervisor he was leaving his mercy job and wouldn’t be back, but at the last minute he’d opened the door. The homeless poodle had jumped in, scurried across Jordan’s lap and settled himself in the passenger seat as if there’d never been any question of whether or not he’d be going.

Jordan only hoped that the dog knew what he was getting into traveling cross-country in a tiny used Subaru with no air conditioning. He snorted now at the thought and wiped a hand over his tired face, his fingers grazing the numb ridges of the burn scars near his ear before he reached over to turn the volume of the radio up. Hell, he didn’t know what
he
was getting into—or going back to.

He just hoped Miranda hadn’t screwed him over.

* * *

T
HE
B
LACK
B
UTTE
P
ORTER
that Reed had left behind wasn’t working. Shae set the glass on the table and reached for the tequila, pouring a healthy shot before settling back against the teal-blue sofa cushions and staring out across the room. It looked barren without the boxes of wedding favors, her master-plan board...her dress.

The dress was listed on Craigslist for a price she’d never get but was still half of what she’d paid. The favors and master-plan board were in the trash, along with the tasteful ivory invitations embossed with indigo lettering inviting one and all to celebrate the joining of this man and this woman.

Shae socked back the shot and poured another.

She hadn’t heard from Reed in two days, but even if she did, it would just be a courtesy on his part. Whatever they’d had was well and truly over—mainly because she wouldn’t be with a guy who’d done this to her. A little notice might have been nice, before she and her parents had spent a fortune.

Shae reached for the bottle again. She probably should have had a clue that something wasn’t quite right when he’d refused to move in together to save rent after she’d pushed the wedding date back for a second time so she had time to make everything perfect. He hadn’t given a reason, but had said simply, “Let’s wait.” And since he’d seen things her way in all the other matters pertaining to their wedding, she’d agreed. It was only a matter of two months’ rent, and her apartment had been jammed with wedding stuff, anyway.

Tequila dripped onto Shae’s leg as she poured the next shot. At least he’d told her before the invitations had gone out. She’d organized her stunned bridesmaids into a phone tree, except for her stepsister, Liv, of course, who was on her honeymoon.

Liv, who was happily married.

Was she jealous?

Hell, yes.

Shae brought the glass to her lips, coughing as she inhaled the fumes at just the wrong moment. She wrinkled her nose, scowling as the doorbell rang.

What? What now? No doubt someone had just hit and totaled her new car where it was parked on the street. Fully expecting to see either a neighbor or her stepmother, she peered through the peephole to see Mel standing there, still wearing her work clothes.

Shae unlatched the door and pulled it open. Mel shoved her hands in her jacket pockets, shifting her weight uncomfortably.

Silently Shae stepped back, allowing her to come in. Once the door was closed, Mel turned toward her. “I heard the wedding is off.”

“Yep.”

“Were you going to tell me?”

“I was, but then the bad thing happened and I figured Wallace would pass word along,” Shae said, going to sit on the sofa. Mel stayed where she was.

“He did,” she agreed. She nodded at the bottle with the full shot glass sitting next to it on the coffee table. “I see you’re coping.”

“Just numbing the pain for a while. Getting fired came as kind of a shock.”

“Really.”

Since Shae had thought this to be a sympathy visit, Mel’s flat tone surprised her. “Did
you
know?” she asked candidly.

“That Wallace was letting you go? No. But I understand why it happened.”

Shae studied Mel for a moment, more than a little surprised at the answer. They’d known each other forever, and even though they were polar opposites in many ways, their friendship had remained strong since the first grade. There’d been times when they’d gone their own ways, lived their own lives without a lot of contact, but Shae knew she could count on Mel. Or she had. “Why can you understand it?” Shae asked.