True North (3 page)

I was used to being discarded by my mom and dad, but never thought it would happen with Jake. It shattered me ... again.

I smoothed my fingertips over the Celtic knot I never took off. But I didn’t even know who that boy had become. Three years had passed since I’d heard from him, and the only reason I knew Jake wasn’t dead was because his family let me and Nate know.

I didn’t want to be here at his grand homecoming. I didn’t want to see him, because part of me hated him and the other part of me knew it was going to break my heart. I would have stayed back at school, but with Labor Day weekend the dorms would be practically empty and I didn’t think I could handle all that solo time to sit and think about Jake being home, so here I was. This was my town too. I wouldn’t let him drive me out of it.

Some kid walked by and knotted a yellow balloon to my car antennae before he moved to the next one in line.

Perfect.
I thought about going outside and popping it when the last lyric to the song played. It couldn’t have been more fitting. We had never been further apart.

Chapter Two

“
Set Fire to the Rain”

Adele

Why was I letting a kiss that happened four years ago from a guy I hadn’t heard from in three years affect me like this?

I belonged in this town. My family and best friends were here.

Liv, get a grip.

I wasn’t getting a grip. I felt like I was suffocating—like there were yellow balloons being shoved into my lungs, choking me.

I drove to the outskirts of town, towards the ranch. The Norths owned the biggest cattle and horse ranch in all of the Dakotas and, as if that wasn’t enough, they found out they were settled on top of a hefty portion of the Brakken Foundation—North America’s largest, richest oil field. Talk about wealth. They owned homes in North Dakota, Montana, Washington and in the Canadian provinces of Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba. Their home here in Williston was the family’s castle—sitting on thousands of acres, it was the most beautiful home I’d ever seen. It was huge and gorgeous but not as ostentatious as it could have been. Mr. and Mrs. North were pretty down-to-earth and awesome really. They traveled a lot and, now that the kids were older, were almost never in one place for very long. In fact, Jake and his family had already celebrated his return privately in Calgary, where his parents were currently staying, a little over a week ago. I hadn’t gotten more than a couple of brief texts out of Jules while she was there, though. She’d just gotten back in town yesterday to prepare for the
real
homecoming.

I stopped the car at the corner of the family’s private drive.
TRUE NORTH,
read the green street sign. I took a deep breath and turned right. The dirt kicked up under my tires. I’d been here almost as often as I’d been in my own home, but now I was so nervous my body couldn’t decide how it wanted to handle the situation. I was choking up, starting to cry, but at the same time a storm rolled over me that said,
Don’t let this asshat make you feel this way, you belong here as much as he does
.

If I wanted to, I could just show up for a little while—make an appearance then retreat to Jules’ room—I was her guest after all.

I squeezed my eyes closed against the threat of hot tears. I jammed the button on my docking station, turning my mp3 player on. I needed something to make me strong, to turn off this shit storm!

Really?! Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep”???
Stupid autoplay!

How hard could it be to find a
Fuck you
song? I hit the button to go to the next song.

Oh! Now I started laughing—thank you, music! I bowed my head in honor to Headstones’ “Fuck You.”

I put it on replay.

Cars, bikes and ATVs were parked all over the driveway and had spilled out onto the lawn. I groaned.
Fantastic!
My hair was up in a messy ponytail, I was in a pair of running shorts with my fringed Koolaburras and Maui hoodie. This is not how I wanted to make my entrance. I’d tried to get here early enough to shower and get ready after the day’s drive. It was only three in the afternoon—Jules told me the party was happening at eight! Obviously the town was excited to greet their Man of the Year.

I listened to another round of “Fuck You” as I picked up my phone and texted Jules.

Party start early?

Sorry!

FY.

I was in a mood.

Go through side door
.
I got your back!

Now?

Do it!

I pulled up my hood as I got out of the car, grabbed my backpack and mp3 player and locked the car doors. I rushed to the side door where I saw Jules was standing guard. We took the side stairs into her room where I collapsed on the bed in relief.

DEFCON 1 successful.

“
He’s here. He pulled in about ten minutes before you did,” Jules said as she started unpacking my bag to see what I brought.

I tensed. What if he’d brought someone home?
Damn!
I was always hanging from a thread with him.

“
I didn’t see his Charger …” I said.

“
He traded it in for a bike.”

“
What kind?” I knew it was useless asking her, she was hopeless when it came to cars and bikes or any kind of muscle.

She gave me a sideways glance. “Is that really the question you want to ask?”

“
Are you trying to kill me slowly? Come on, J, just do it already and put me out of my misery.” I closed my eyes to ready myself for the onslaught.

She took a big dramatic breath. “He’s alone.”

Every muscle in my body released and sagged. Then I wanted to kick my own ass for caring so much. Seeing him was going to be hard, but seeing him with someone else I wasn’t ready for. “Is anyone specifically meeting him?” He’d probably hook up with some sucker bitch at the party after a few drinks but that wasn’t a date.

“
No, he’s a lone wolf. Now stop pining, tonight’s going to be fun!” She brushed her hands over my clothes to straighten the wrinkles.

I wouldn’t go straight to fun, but the entire town
was
going to be here. After about ten the crowd would probably thin out to the heavy partiers and it would stay like that until the early hours of the morning.

“
You know there will be a ton of other cute guys here tonight! Maybe even some guys we’ve never met before,” she said excitedly. “So hurry up and get in the shower, and for God’s sake shave your legs, woman!”

I trudged to her pink bathroom. “Yes, Mom.”

“
I’m doing your makeup too—not you! You suck at it.”

“
Wow. Thanks.” I rolled my eyes and closed the bathroom door.

Why did he have to be such a dick? Why couldn’t he have just kept in touch? This wouldn’t be so awkward if he had
, I thought as I squeezed the floral smelling shampoo into my mid-back length dark hair. When I looked at it objectively I knew it really wasn’t
all his
fault. He moved on. And it wasn’t
all his
fault that I was stuck in the past. The guys in my high school were never brave enough to ask me out—the North boys and my massive big brother acting like my bodyguards took care of that. Julia and I were off-limits, and everyone knew it. But at university I’d had several offers for dates and it’d only been a month. I went out a few times for coffee and to a couple parties, but no sparks. Whatever—I had a career in front of me and wasn’t really interested in getting together with anybody now anyway.

And what if Jake asked you out?

Shut up!

I stepped out of the shower and heard Jules blasting Cage the Elephant’s “Lotus.” I started towel-drying to the beat and found myself dancing. I loved dancing. Next to running it was my favorite exercise and tension reliever.

“
You know, Liv, you don’t have it that bad. At least you haven’t had to see the object of your affection every day for the last four years with him not noticing you except to make sure you’re being
good.
”

Don’t you love it when you’re wrapped up so far into your own head you forget your best friend is going through shit too? Ironically, she was unequivocally in love with my brother, Nathaniel. But Jules was almost a full year younger than me, even though we were in the same year in school (she had a late summer birthday and mine was in early fall). So there was almost a seven year age difference between her and Nate, and no matter how she tried, it didn’t seem like he ever noticed her existence in
that way.
At least
I
had the memory of the taste of my first kiss being with Jake.

“
Okay! So how are we going to knock out this crowd tonight and show them we’re no longer the babies?!”

“
I’m SO glad you asked!” she said with a sparkle in her eye.

An hour and half later we studied ourselves in the full length mirror.

She wore a low-cut, colorful, silk spaghetti-strap dress that played peek-a-boo with her knees.

I wore a blue and white bandana-style halter top that exposed my upper back and a pale yellow, embroidered lace peasant skirt that fell to my feet.

“
Yellow, huh?”

“
Shut it.” Yeah it was on purpose. I thought a moment. “Are you scared?”

“
Shit, yeah!” Jules’ chest rose and fell like she was out of breath. “You?”

“
Hell, yes, but we’re not going to let them see it!”

Jules had put way too much makeup on me for my taste. A little sparkle of green or blue was what I usually wore to bring out the stormy colors of my eyes—I had my mom’s green eyes—but this time she layered them with a pretty lilac lid color with a deeper green on the upper lids and a touch of silver. She used mascara that helped “grow” and extend my lashes along with a dark green eye pencil.

“
Oh, show off your knot.” She pulled my Celtic knot out from under my shirt. “It looks great with the outfit.”

I’d never told her the story of the knot, which made me feel guilty—I was a miserable best friend. I loved her, but this was
my
memory, and I wanted to feel the way I wanted to feel when I remembered it—happy, giddy, or pissed off and brooding—I didn’t want talks or lectures. I felt my fingers latch onto the charm and began to bring it to my lips like I always did when I thought hard, but the pink lip gloss stopped me.

I couldn’t let Jake see this necklace. I also couldn’t take it off, so when she wasn’t looking, I tucked it back under my shirt.

“
My mom has the cutest wedge heels ever in her closet! I’ll be right back,” Jules said, rushing out of the room.

I sat at her desk. She had a cup full of colored pens and candy canes even though it was only September. She always cracked them up to eat while she did homework. Daughtry’s “Life After You” came on from her playlist. There would be a lot of sentimental songs played tonight, so I’d have to suck it up so I didn’t cause my makeup to run south.

Jules burst back through the door, almost giving me a heart attack, and locked it fast. I jumped out of her seat.

Someone pounded a fist against the wood. “What the fuck is the matter with you? It was just a question!” Jake’s voice demanded.

At that sound of him so close after so long my heartbeat slammed in my chest without mercy.

“
I have …
friends
in here getting changed and ready for the party. You can’t come in!” she protested.

“
All the more reason to let myself in. I’ve picked the lock before, little sis,” he challenged.

“
I’ll never answer your question if you do!” Jules countered.

I held my breath.

Jake took a second and conceded. “Fine. But you owe me.”

We listened to his footsteps go back down the hallway.

“
What the fuck?” I hissed quietly.

“
He wanted to know if you were coming.”

Fuck the smile that was forcing its way onto my face.

“
He also wanted to know if you were bringing a date.”

Smile gone. “Why?” I sat on the bed. Was he hoping I’d be alone or just trying to make sure I’d moved on?

“
I don’t know, I just ran in here. I wasn’t sure what you wanted me to tell him,” she confessed. “I asked him why it mattered, but he wouldn’t say.” She sat down next to me. “He came alone, but just now in Mom’s bathroom I heard him talking on his cell, asking someone what time they’d be here. I snuck in as close as possible but I didn’t hear who it was.”

“
Really, this is totally crazy. It’s his homecoming party. None of this really matters.” I could convince myself. I had to. “He’s alive. He survived several tours in Afghanistan. Nothing else matters except that you got your brother back.”

“
I’m not so sure I did,” she answered somberly.

“
What do you mean?”

“
He’s ripped with muscles and looks so strong and foreboding. He was tough before he left but this is a whole new level. He has this constant expression on his face … I can’t think of any other words for it except he looks … dangerous and angry. He has this dark, faraway look in his eyes, like he’s not even here when he talks to you. All that put together and it feels kind of scary, like I don’t even know him.” She looked down at her mom’s shoes in her lap. Her expression made me worry for her—and for him. “He’s lost his sweetness.”

I bit my lip. Jake was rough, always had been, but he’d also always been polite and, more importantly, sweet and kind to the people he cared about the most. What she said, I expected, was true. He’d seen things we could never imagine. But did that mean the real Jake and the new Jake were two totally different people?

“
Come on. The party starts in less than an hour. He’ll be okay. He just came home from a war zone, so it’ll just take time for him to readjust.” Right? Sounded good.