Truth Meets Love (22 page)

I start to grab a plate and fill it for her. "I'll feed you, baby. You skipped lunch; you've got to be hungry."

She stiffened and rushed under my arm that was holding the plate I was dishing for her and then she hurls in the sink. Obviously, she's not feeling well.

When she was finished throwing up, Emily came over with a warm rag to give Hadley to wipe her face down and she said, "Thanks Em. I didn't even see that you were here. I'm sorry."

That's my girl, throwing up and then apologizing for it.

I took Hadley to the bedroom with a glass of warm tea that Cody made for her, which said to me that Cody approves of and cares for my wife, which means a lot to me. They are two of my most important people, along with my sister, but I am stilling getting to know her, too. Actually, they are really my only "people."

Mags hadn't even met Hadley before the day of the wedding. Mags and Shilo were a little suspicious when they found out that not only was I with someone one but that I married her in about two weeks. Mags was convinced I was just marrying her because I got her pregnant or something.

I would be fine with that, but Hadley wants to wait a little while so she has time to "plan accordingly." She is a planner and this one is important to her. When she sets her mind to something she follows a strict regimen and only adjusts to steer closer to her goal and avoid obstacles. However, having a baby with her will be a trip. She is a lot like my mom and I know she will be the best mother I could ask for my children to have. Speaking of which, I should ask Hadley about the appointment and the birth control situation, so I know if I still have to pull out.

However the scene at the sink reminds me that conversation can wait because I doubt there is any way I am getting laid tonight.

I decide it might be good for Emily to come in to visit her for a little while, and I can take Cody out for a beer at Jake's to give them an hour or so to catch up. There might even be a game on. Emily seemed pretty intent on seeing and having a chance to talk to Hadley. I go out to get Hadley her Wonder Woman slippers from by the couch in the living room. On my way by, I look into the kitchen. I see that Cody has Emily pinned to the sliding glass door from the outside. She has her back pressed to it. He kissing her… she is definitely kissing him back.

Huh. Maybe I will stay out of that one. I just hope she knows what she is getting herself into with Cody. He is not really relationship material, and Emily strikes me as that type and very deserving of a type of guy with the same ideals on that.

Chapter TWENTY TWO

I Suck At Pulling Out

Hadley-

He walked out of the bedroom in search of my slippers. When he put me in bed and stripped me down to my delicates, he noticed my toes were cold. I should still be upset or at least a little taken aback by the puking; however, all I can think about is his beautiful body as he walks away from me.

I decide that taking a bath is probably my best move to try and restore my resolve and get my sense of calm back.

When Tralen comes back into the room a few minutes later with my slippers in tow, laughing at something funny, I am curious about what has him so tickled. "What's so funny?"

"My little brother Rico Suave down there."

"With Emily? I know she likes the band and their music; maybe they were discussing that kind of stuff."

"Uh Babe, he was about to play her strings and it was clear she liked something of his, but I didn't stick around to find out what it was exactly."

"She's a virgin. I hope he is gentle," I say as I step into the bath.

When I look up at Tralen he is admiring my body as I slide into the tub.

As he starts to strip down, I want to tell him to enjoy it while he can because pretty soon my body will be taken over and I will be the only one that can fit in this tub.

I had briefly forgotten about the situation when Tralen showed me his naked form as he climbed in and sat behind me, pulling me to his chest. Then kissing a few soft kisses on my neck down toward my shoulder, he squeezed them. Then he grabbed one of my hands and lifted it, extending forward as he started rubbing my arms with Shea butter and coconut sugar scrub. His hands on me and the warmth of him behind me sends shockwaves from my arms all the way down to my fingers and toes.

I remain quiet in thought.

As he continues his sensual compressions on my hands, he says, "You feeling better, Baby?"

"Yeah, I am just hungry."

"Hungry? You just lost it in the sink. Are sure you want to try to eat again? What did they say at your appointment today?" he asks in a concerned, questioning voice.

Then I remember what the doctor said about the vitamins and taking them with food or I could feel nauseous. There was also the fact that I hadn't eaten but I had made two stops at Starbuck's today for Venti Caramel Machiatto's! What did I expect?

I hate keeping this from him. I want to tell be able to share this moment with him and feel all of these new uncertainties together. as parents should.

I am robbing him of this moment. I should be happy and celebrating the news with him. Instead. my guilt is mounting and I can't take it any longer. This can't be good for the baby.

When we survived the attack and we were playing cards at the table in his hospital room a couple of days after he woke up. An old country song came on his iPod, Keith Whitley's "When you say nothing at all" and he grabbed my hand and started to dance with me in his hospital gown. As he swept me slowly around his respiratory pump stand I told him that now that he was off the painkillers if he wanted to rescind his proposal I would let him out of it. All he said was, "No way, Hadley-Made, you were made for me. God hand-made you just for me. I know I will never love another the way I love you and I know I can trust you to always show me truth and be honest with me. I want you now and always."

Clutching on to that memory, I resign to my fate as I say, "Tralen, I'm pregnant"

Tralen-

HOLY SHIT. Did she just say what I think she said? I knew I sucked at pulling out. It is harder than it looks.

She is pregnant with my baby. I am floating right now, and I am trying to get the news to sink in. There is a buzzing in my ears and my body feels like it is chilled in the warm water of the bath.

I pull her to my body and she is sobbing against me.

Oh no, it was not part of her master plan. That can't be it. She wouldn't cry about that; she would just adjust her stride. Unless this is more of a hormone kind of thing. I hope she doesn't think I don't want the baby because I haven't said anything. She has probably been worried about my reaction or the all the complexities this adds to the equation. She likes to plan and be in control, especially of the big things. This is pretty big.

I am not sure what it is, but I am going to make sure she knows how much I want her and this baby and any that follow forever. I try a joke to get her lighten up. "Is it mine?"

She bolts out of my grip and into a towel as she tries to calm her breathing and gain some control. I am starting to get nervous. Is she freaking out about being a good mom? Is it hormones or something?

I climb out of tub and wrap my waist in a towel. When I walk into the bedroom she is under the blankets hugging a pillow and heaving gasps into it. I just curl around her and hold her until she gets it out.

Finally she gains enough composure to answer my bad joke with a not so funny answer. "I hope so, Tralen. God, I hope so."

At first I don't know what she is talking about and then the curtain falls for me. She doesn't know if the baby's mine? That can't be what she's saying.

So I ask just to make sure I am not jumping to some pretty-big-fucking-conclusions right now. "Are you trying to tell me that you are not sure the baby my wife is carrying is mine?"

She starts to shake as she forces the words out that about tear my heart wide open. "Yes, I am so sorry. I would never betray you, so please don't think that."

What the fuck does that mean? She obviously fucked somebody else besides me in recent months because she isn't showing yet. I need to know who and when.

"Who was he?"

She stills at my question and I know it's bad. It must be someone I know. It couldn't be Ben?!? She wouldn't have fucked him.

Her response is barely a whisper but it feels like a megaphone in my ear that hits my heart hard. "I am not sure; it was just one time a few weeks before we met."

I can tell she is trying to choose her words carefully. She must feel the heat, tension and anger rolling off me. She is telling me and she didn't betray me. She has never lied to me. I think I am more pissed about the idea of some stranger invading my territory, if I am being honest with myself.

At some point in this conversation I unconsciously find myself pacing the bedroom. I am trying to gather my composure and make sense of all these feelings coming at me as I try to absorb everything she has said. When I can't take the hopeless feelings that start bubbling up, I know I need to walk away from her before I say or do something we will both regret. I head with numbness toward the door without saying a word to her and leave the room.

While I am sitting in the dark on the back porch steps petting Loosey, who has her head resting on my thigh and is being extremely somber and sweet--she must sense my sadness and unrest--I think back to how fast we got together and I scold myself for rushing into marriage when I didn't know anything about her. I should have known a woman like her wouldn't be sitting around waiting for me to show up. She obviously most likely had a more "active" social life prior to my introduction to her life.

I don't doubt Hadley loves me or that she would ever betray me; she said it herself. Not after everything we've been through together.

I know I still love her and always will, but I am still consumed with the haunting realization. I may have to face the fact our first child together may be someone else's. What if he wants to be part of the baby's life and I have to play the stepdad shit? I always told myself that if I ever got married and had children, divorce was not an option. I couldn't watch someone else playing the role I should be filling, and I really never thought the idea of being a substitute father of someone else's kid would ever be anything I needed to consider.

It is one thing to marry a woman once she already has children. You know that going into it and you prepare yourself accordingly. I get sick with the thought that I will have to watch Hadley grow in her pregnancy and possibly accept that she could be carrying a child that I may not have fathered. It makes me start to sweat and shake. It is now that I realize I have tears running freely from my eyes.

I don't flip out, break things and yell because quite frankly, all I can see in my mind is her terrified shakes and that defeated look in her normally sparkling hazel eyes. She just found out she is pregnant and potentially could become a single mother to carry and raise the child on her own. I know she could do it easily enough. She had a good support system even before I showed up. She has family all around her. They may not be blood but they love her fiercely.

Just like I will this baby, no matter what because it will be a part of her either way. I pray that he or she is a part of me too, but I can't think too much about trying to change things I have no control over.

I love her. I couldn't let her go. I couldn't watch her have to go through this alone, even if it isn't mine.

I think back to her comments about not knowing who he was and how that could be. I mean, who has sex with someone they don't even know, anyway? Well, now I am just being stupid. I know exactly how that could happen. However, Hadley doesn't strike me as the type that freely gave that up. She made me wait! Well, so she thought!

Then the ground shifts and I jump, scaring Loosey with my bolt up from the step. I am frantically wiping my eyes and start to chuckle between broken sobs when hope flares in my chest. I get the courage to let to myself believe the revelation. She must have been referring to the night we were together at Marcus and Shelby's wedding reception. I am the guy she doesn't remember possibly conceiving our child with.

Fuck. I suck at pulling out.

Well I guess that is somewhat of moot point now. I start to laugh when I realize that this works out well for me. I can shoot with both barrels fully loaded and it won't matter for the next nine months. This already being pregnant thing is the only birth control option 100% guaranteed to avoid another pregnancy.

Once she is speaking to me again after I admit the failure of my ways, I might share this news with her for future reference. I think she will be adorable barefoot and pregnant!

I could have avoided all this hurt for both of us. I should have told her. I should have told her about all of it.

How do I do that now?

Good thing she is already pregnant because she may rip my dick off when I have tell her the asshat in the hallway that night was me. I think I will leave out the Viagra bit. I hope the relief distracts her from being too mad at me for not telling her sooner.

I have got to put her out of misery. Her feeling so stressed out can't be good for her or my baby.

When I go back into the bedroom she is asleep. I bet she is exhausted. I tuck her in and softly kiss her cheek.

With a big-ass grin on my face I head back into the kitchen. I reach in the fridge and then crack open a beer and toast a cheer to myself.

I am going to be a father.

Chapter TWENTY THREE

Goatee Giveaway

Hadley-

When I wake up there are flowers all over my bedroom. What the hell? There have got to be at least 10 different bouquets, with vibrant and varied colors in each one. I think I might be still dreaming. Who would do this? Did Tralen do all of this? I get out of bed and walk over to admire each of them. The room smells heavenly and I see there is a card in each bouquet. I take the first card out and it says,

"Keep Calm and Dream On." The next one says, "Babies smell good; Diapers smell bad. Let's hope I take more after MOM than DAD" and it is in Tralen's handwriting. There are cute messages in each one that seem to have the same theme.