Truth Meets Love (27 page)

Tralen makes me laugh all the time, like Dez used to. I forgot how much I missed that feeling, how much healing I draw from humor. It has been my crutch over the course of life. Sometimes when your options are to laugh or cry, it is the preferred method of coping.

Now I laugh every time he "acts" like he's sucking in his spit and wiping the corner of his mouth. It is an inside joke we now share and he keeps doing it at the most inappropriate times to embarrass me or lighten my mood. Tralen just performed his saliva suck when the waiter brought our check.

He asked if he could take me to lunch before my appointment at the therapist this afternoon. He knows how stressed out I have been about meeting with Ally and Dean today and how jumbled all my feelings are. I anticipated it was just a ploy for Tralen to get me to visit the Wellness Room again with him. I was a bit surprised, however, that it really was his intent to just feed me. My trek to 200 hasn't slowed us down a bit between the sheets--or on the kitchen counter, for that matter. He says he just likes that there is now "more of me to love." The evidence of his convictions can be found by looking the marks his mouth left on my chest last night. My twin peaks have been perpetually hard and throbbing all day!

Last weekend Tralen was trying to get me to watch a Discovery channel documentary on the mating rituals of animals over Property Brothers, my favorite show. Tralen figured his best approach to get me "into it" was to present it as something I would think was pretty hot! I see the "animalistic" and "primal" angle of his strategy but looking back, it wasn't sexy. However, it was fucking hysterical!

The show was covering the mating processes of various animals. There were two birds, and the male was pouncing the female repeatedly to the ground and her wing was caught underneath him. It started as a giggle but it built as the males continued to pounce and she flailed beneath. In order to get more air into my lungs in my bout of hysteria, I had to roll off the couch over him and onto the floor, trying to say, "WOW! That is HOT!"

I gathered myself and even though the show didn't turn me on the way he was hoping, I was still turned on. Tralen just being next me shirtless always turns me on.

Later that night he was poised above me, about to release as we performed our own mating ritual. However, my arm was pinned under his as he leaned forward to empty into me. I thought about the bird and I started to giggle as I said, "Hey Big Bird, you're on my wing."

He started to cum and laughed out loud at the same time. It was dark and I was shocked when a warm liquid hit my forehead. I thought at first that he had pulled out and the force of his ejaculation had shot semen up to my hairline.

Tralen sucked in his spit and wiped his mouth and then my forehead, laughing in gasps, "SORRY, LIL' CHICKY!"

Then I realized it was his drool!

It is moments like that--stupid shit--that are nothing of real significance that still mean so much. They are memories, and he is replacing every bad memory I have with every one he gives me. Not all of them are good, but they are worth it. We like to argue and debate trivial things. We both like to be right and usually in our minds we both always are. We are learning to compromise and pick our battles. I think Tralen picks fights with me sometimes just so we can make up later. We laugh together and talk about everything. I know he is worried about Cody and about dealing with Bill if the need arises once he is released.

However, I know we will face it all together and be stronger together by forming a united front against the problems we encounter. I know Tralen is worthy of me and I am worthy of love. CLOUD-PUNCH WORTHY! I am channeling Dez. Tralen will be the only man that is ever Had-Worthy again. Well, Dad-Worthy anyway! There is an ever-growing Had-Worthy Hall of Fame, however: Michael Jordan, Heath Ledger, Paul Walker, Ryan Gosling, Channing Tatum, George Strait, David Beckham, James Dean, Dierks Bentley, Clint Eastwood. I will be adding Clint's son to the list very soon, I have a feeling. It just happens to be a coincidence that Scott, Eastwood Clint's son, resembles Tralen. However, Scott has much lighter hair. Although it is possible I could just be biased, to me Tralen is hotter than anyone on the list.

I still can't believe he is mine. I feel like I already have more than I ever knew I wanted. I have found love in this life that will last the duration and beyond. Tralen and Dez gave me that. Tralen and this baby are giving me my own chance at a family. I know the source of happiness and pride that will replace the rewards of my career lies with them. I would have to say that the challenges of building a sustainable family are going to be the most important role in any "merger" I have ever helped lead. However, the rewards could be endless.

We plan on naming the baby Jenna Dez Creed if it is a girl. If it is a boy, it will be Cody Dean Creed, which Cody got a kick out of once the water in his eyes cleared. Tralen told him the names we picked and asked him to be the baby's godfather, either way. He said he was honored and it only made sense any kid named after him would also have the initials CDC, which is interchangeable with the "Center for Disease Control." He said it is about as fitting as his own if it was pronounced as it looks. His initials were COC, which stands for Cody Owen Creed. Once we composed ourselves from the laughter that ensued at his revelation, I asked how he got that name and Tralen informed me that he had been named after Jenna's father, Grandpa Owen.

Owen had apparently had at one time played the fiddle for Hank Williams, until he met Grandma Pearl. She was working at a diner where she had taken a job at once when her former husband Don was killed about three years prior. Don had been serving in the military and was injured on an assignment overseas and had later died. Owen and some of the others in the band and crew had stopped in the diner after one of their shows. He told her he would be back for her once the road shows he was playing in finished up for the summer. Pearl was floored when about a month later he showed up at the diner, true to his word, and swept her off her feet. She lost three babies before Jenna graced them with her presence. They were both in their early 40's when she was conceived. Grandpa Owen died from complications of diabetes and Grandma Pearl died of a heart attack within three months of losing him. Jenna was only 20 at the time and was pursuing her dreams by performing on stage in a country band.

Jenna always claimed that she felt Pearl actually died from a broken heart. She told the boys that Pearl had been very active and outgoing and her health had started to deteriorate as soon as Owen passed away. She had said that what her parents had was the "real deal." Tralen said, "It was what Jenna felt we all searched for but some either never found it or didn't take the chance to grab it and hold on tightly enough to it when it was presented."

I haven't shared my theory with Tralen and I see no reason to bring it up now. However, I can't shake the feeling that Jenna had known true love in her life but from all observations or conclusions I can draw from what I have heard, it was most likely not Bill.

I look down at my now slightly protruding bump, and all I can think about is wishing I had gotten the chance to meet Jenna and that she'd had a chance to meet her grandchildren. As I think about the characteristics and traits this baby may possess, I conclude that I hope it is a girl. A combination of a little boy that has very good odds of being a lot like Tralen and even a fair amount like Cody could be a challenge, especially the first one out of the gate. However, I chuckle as I think about raising a daughter with some of my attributes, and I come to realization that either will be worth the challenge. I will just brace myself for the worst--and the best, of course.

I am a good planner and Tralen executes better than any man on earth. I think we've got a fair shake from our seat at the table. I'd bet the farm on him; what we have is worth it.

I guess I will let this cowboy give me a ride off into the sunset, after all. It has been a worthwhile ride so far. It has been more than I ever dared dream already, and it just started. All my stars are aligned and they are brighter, tighter and whiter than in all my dreams before Tralen came onto the screen. My life took on another purpose other than just survival mode and chasing the next level of the bar I kept raising on myself. I took a chance to pull those stars out of my dreams and make them a reality in my life--a chance that was so worth taking it brought me rewards that will pay it forward for a lifetime and then some.

I giggle and even snort while my inner trucker makes an appearance.
You might just be one lucky bitch after all
.

EPILOGUE

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