TVA BABY and Other Stories (6 page)

Five o’clock came and went. She put on her lipstick, a touch-up, and that was all. Deep Rose.

“It’s Rose,” I said. “Your name. I finally got it.”

“I was beginning to wonder,” she said, pulling on her panties and lighting a Camel, our last one. It was also white. She left off the little pink brassiere.

Her not so little nipples were also pink. Wet pink now.

“I guess we’re both out of a job,” she said. “What now?”

“You mean forever, or this evening?” I asked. I took the cigarette from her fingers, being careful to touch them as I did.

“Both,” she said. “Let’s start with this evening.”

“For that, my sweet Rose,” I said, “there are Protocols.” For once she looked worried. “Protocols?” “Chinese or Thai?” I said. “Eat out or order in?” “Thai,” she said, smiling. “And I’d hate to have to dress for dinner.”

“I Agree,” I said, picking up the phone.

Hi Mom

Yo ho ho from your son on the High Sea at last. Aunt Bea says HLO. The cabin is so small but thats OK because the ship is so big. There aren’t many other kids aboard, mostly old folks like Unc and Aunt Bea. The ship doesn’t have any masts or sails but there are 2 swimming pools, one on deck and one inside that’s not so nice. The sailors don’t dress like sailers. They dress like waiters in a restraunt. Hope we see Pirates or have a big storm soon.

PS, thanks for the Pirate hat, Unc says it makes me look fearfull.

Yo Bug

Yo ho ho, its me, ahoy from the High Sea. I am sailing on the frigate African Princess. Its not really a frigate but a cruise ship filled with old people, but they have a Game Room where I can send email. Its send-only tho so I cant get any back. Mom and dad sent me on a cruise with my uncle and aunt (ugh). Well be gone a week. The games here suck but they have a kids version of Grand Theft Auto (duh). Maybe there will be sharks and Pirates. Or Rogue Waves like on that TV special.

HI MOM

Aunt Bea says HLO. She wont go out much because she is sea sick almost every day even if the water is smooth. I am hoping for a Rogue Wave but so far everything is smooth. I saw a dolphin yesterday. They swim along the bow of the ship like they are racing it. That’s the front. Tell dad HLO. Unc is in the Casino all day. He doesnt like the ocean much. He told me to muse my self so I am in the Game Room where there are 6 computers. The food is xcelent and we can have all the desert we want. There are 2 pools.

Yo Bugg

The ship is 22 thousand tons. I have a friend in the crew, his name is Curtis and hes from Cape Town like us. Hes Coloured but very cool. He has heard of Rogue Waves but never seen one. Hes not xactly an Old Salt! Yesterday we made 194 knots which is more than 200 miles. I wish the African Princess had sails instead of big engines you can’t even see. We saw a sail yesterday but it was just a yacht from Durban with a topless girl. Ugh. No Pirates yet! We are heading up the coast and will go through Suez next week. Curtis says its like driving through the desert. Maybe I will see a camel like the one we saw pissing on the school trip last year. And Arabs too! Its a canal.

Hi Mom

There is lots to do for kids but not many kids, only 6. Two of the boys are super stupid but one has a Gameboy. There is a movie theater xpecialy for us. Today they showed Pirates of the Caribbean with Johnny Depp. I sat next to a girl named Estelle from Johannesburg. She calls it Joeburg. I never herd that before. Curtis my sailer friend, says there arent Pirates anymore and he’s glad but I am not. I am wearing the Pirate hat you gave me everyday. Curtis and the crew dress like people in restraunts. Unc says HLO. He is in the Casino all day and Aunt Bea is sea sick in the cabin so it smells super bad. They dont have any friends. wish you and Dad were here.

Yo Bugg

Saw a Pirate yesterday! NOT. It was just a crew sailer named Curtis in a Johnny Depp mask. They had a Pirate Day for the kids and they gave us all Pirate hats but theres were just paper. Mine was the only real one. Curtis made us all walk the plank at the pool. His cutlass was plastic. The girls wore there bathing suits (ugh). Then we had songs and Estelle tried to kiss me. She is crazy. Tomorrow we are crossing the Equator. It is an invisible line. Whats so hot about that? I wish there were real Pirates. The ocean is BO RING!

Hi Mom

Unc lost a thousand Rand in the casino and said not to tell Aunt Bea, like I would. Aunt Bea is still sea sick even tho there are no waves at all. The sea is like a big pond. I wish we had a Rogue Wave. The cabin smells like vomit. Im sorry but it does. She says the whiskey helps but you wouldnt think so. It’s the same kind you took from her at Christmas, Cutty Sark. That was a clipper ship. This is not a real ship. There was an equator ceremony today and the captain was King Neptune. He is fat! I miss you and dad to.

Yo Bug

Yohoho, guess what, today was Real Pirate day! They were in a speedboat without any sails. They raced along side the Princess and shot at us with machine guns. It was cool. They were standing up in the speedboat and firing like crazy. They hit one old man and took off the side of his head, just like in the Viking Raid game only that was an ax. The captain made the ship zig zag. We have no cannons or cutlasses whatso ever. They made all the kids hide in the Game Room. That’s where we are now. Estelle and I tried to sneak out to see the Pirates but they made us go back. She’s not so bad. We can hear the shooting tho.

Yo Dude

The Pirates were all gone when they let us out. The old people are all crying even tho only one is dead. They all ready cleaned up all the blood. Estelle looked under the sheet and saw his half head. She likes Pirate stuff. Old people donlt like Pirates or adventure at all. Whats the point of a cruise then? More later

Hi Mom

Guess what, there were Pirates yesterday, but we got away with zig zags. I wanted to see them but the crew made us stay in the Game Room. One old man was killed. I have one friend, her name is Estelle. She’s the one from Joeburg. Aunt Bea wants to go home. Not me, tho. Things are Looking Up as Dad likes to say. Curtis says maybe more Pirates today. I have my fingers crossed. He is my Coloured sailer friend. You would like him. He doesnt say there arent any Pirates any more. Yo ho ho!

Yo Bug

Big news! We have been captured by Pirates for real. Im not kidding. They are the same ones in the speedboat, but this time they had a little cannon. It was cool. They blew out all the windows out of the Bridge with one shot. That’s where the captain mans the wheel. Talk about glass every where. Then they boarded the ship, climbing up ropes just like in the movies. Nobody fought them. At first I thought they were fake because they all wore Johnny Depp masks but that was just to scare people. They are real Pirates, about twenty, all

Arabs. They wear scarfs instead of Pirate hats, but they all have guns. Some are machine guns. Can you believe my luck? They are making all the kids stay in the Game Room. But we can hear them all ready Plundering outside.

Hi Mom

Its official. The African Princess has been captured by Pirates, and it’s very xciteing. They are real Pirates. They boarded us yesterday with ropes. At first they wore Johnny Depp masks but they were just plastic so they they took them off and locked all the men in the Casino. Most of them were there already anyway. They dont have any cutlass’s but they have machine guns and revolvers, plus lots of cool knives and a chainsaw to. I guess Aunt Bea is still in the cabin. I have to stay in the Game Room with the other kids. It smells better here!

Yo Bug

Guess what, I met the Pirate captain. His name is Ali and he is just like Jack Sparrow, for real! I told him about Pirate Day and he said its Pirate Week now. Cool! He is the almost only one that knows English. Ali let me help with the Pillaging. He likes my hat. They lined up all the ladies and took their rings and jewels. Sometimes they just cut their fingers right off. I helped pick them up like little wurms. They were all begging for mercy, not the Pirates of course, they were laughing. Then they raped some. Ugh. That was like sex fighting. Pirates like the fat ones best. Theres lots of blood, xspecially on the stairs and they dont clean it up. It makes it more realistic. Yo ho ho

Hi Mom

Hello from the pirate ship African Princess. I told Ali they should change the name but they are all Arabs. They are Plundering and Pillaging all the grown ups. They call them Jew Pigs. Today they poured out all the whiskey, you would like that! Two of the men were drunk so they cut there throats Pirate style. Ali says its Pirate Week! He’s my favorite. Aunt Bea is hiding in the cabin tho. Still sea sick I guess, plus she doesn’t like Pirate stuff.