Uncle John’s Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader

BOOK: Uncle John’s Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader
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Uncle John’s Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader
Michael Brunsfeld
Bathroom Readers’ Press (2012)

 

 

Uncle John’s Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader
Michael Brunsfeld
Bathroom Readers’ Press (2012)

Uncle John’s

FAST-ACTING
LONG-LASTING

B
ATHROOM
R
EADER

By the
Bathroom Readers’
Institute

Bathroom Readers’ Press
Ashland, Oregon

OUR “REGULAR” READERS RAVE!

“I love to read your books. They make the world a better place.”

—Dan A
.

“I worship your books. They are the best. Congratulations on making the only book I’ve read in five years that I wasn’t forced to read. Rock on!”

—Vincent D
.

“My four children, ages 12 through 18, have learned more from the
Bathroom Readers
than any other book. Can’t wait for the next edition to come flowing out of the bookstores! You deserve a seat on the throne. You have helped us freshen up our intellect!”

—Linda L
.

“I have finally found a place of refuge in the worst of times. The BATHROOM. With your
Bathroom Reader
and an iPod, my bathroom experiences are great. Thanks. Keep bringing those books.”

—Tony C
.

“I learned a lot from
Bathroom Readers
. I only read two but it’s like reading 500 regular information books.”

—Randy R
.

“My son is CRAZY for
Bathroom Readers!
Every October he says, ‘Don’t forget my new
BR
for Christmas, Mom.’ And, of course, he gets one. (He got his buddies at work hooked on them, too.)”

—Marie S
.

“I love the
Bathroom Reader
series. Your books are funny, clever, informative, and at times, quite touching. They’re a cross between the
Encyclopedia Britannica, Poor Richard’s Almanac
, and
Mad Magazine
. Keep up the great work!”

—Your #1 celebrity fan, Eddie Deezen (The guy who played Eugene in
Grease
, Malvin in
WarGames
, Dopey in
Attack of the Killer Bimbos
, and has voiced dozens of cartoon characters)

UNCLE JOHN’S
FAST-ACTING LONG-LASTING
BATHROOM READER
®

Copyright © 2005 by the Bathroom Readers’ Press (a division of Portable Press). All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.
“Bathroom Reader” is a federally registered trademark of Baker & Taylor, Inc. “Uncle John” is a trademark of Baker & Taylor, Inc.
For information, write:
The Bathroom Readers’ Institute,
P.O. Box 1117, Ashland, OR 97520
www.bathroomreader.com
888-488-4642
Cover design by Michael Brunsfeld,
San Rafael, CA (
[email protected]
)
BRI “technician” on back cover: Larry Kelp
Uncle John’s Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader®
by the Bathroom Readers’ Institute
ISBN-13: 978-1-60710-600-5
E-book edition: Februrary 2012

*        *        *

Miss Nevada, 1959, was Dawn Wells. Five years later, she starred as Mary Ann on
Gilligan’s Island
.
Hiya Sophie! Hiya Jesse!

THANK YOU!

The Bathroom Readers’ Institute sincerely thanks the people whose advice and assistance made this book possible
.

Gordon Javna

John Dollison

Thom Little

Jay Newman

Julia Papps

Brian Boone

John Gaffey

Jeff Altemus

Malcolm Hillgartner

Jahnna Beecham

Michael Brunsfeld

Angela Kern

Rain Thering

Sharilyn Hovind

Gideon Javna

Sydney Stanley

Paul Stanley

Allen Orso

Jenny Baldwin

Nancy Toeppler

JoAnn Padgett

Jolly Jeff Cheek

Scarab Media

Jef Fretwell

Kristine Hemp

Dan Schmitz

Connie Vazquez

Richard Staples

Jeremy Busch

Debi Taylor

Kyle Coroneos

Rad Welles

Jack Mingo

Erin Barrett

Jennifer Thornton

Jennifer Browning

Dan Mansfield

Maggie Javna

(Mr.) Mustard Press

Steven Style Group

Mana Monzavi

Keziah Veres

Shannon Kehle

Angela Worthington

Barb Porshe

Paula Leith

Chris Olsen

Rebecca Kaiser

Porter the Wonder Dog

Thomas Crapper

*        *        *

“Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster is goes.”

—Andy Rooney

Huh? The word
school
comes from the Greek word for “leisure.”

CONTENTS

Because the BRI understands your reading needs, we’ve divided the contents by length as well as subject.
Short
—a quick read
Medium
—2 to 3 pages
Long
—for those extended visits, when something a little more involved is required
* Extended
—for those leg-numbing experiences

A BLUNDERFUL LIFE

Medium

Oops!

Uncle John’s Creative Teaching Awards

Hamburger 911

The Doctor is Out (of His Mind)

Oops!

Fake News

Oops!

BATHROOM NEWS

Short

Bathroom Names

Medium

Uncle John’s Stall of Fame

The Dawn of Fertilization

Bathroom News

Uncle John’s Stall of Fame

LIFE IS STRANGE

Short

Ironic, Isn’t It?

Food of the Gods

It’s a Weird, Weird World

Medium

Too Risky for Guinness

Cheddar Man

Go, Granny, Go

Double Trouble

Weird Beauty Pageants

It’s a Weird, Weird World

You Call That Art?

Edited for Sensitivity

Ironic, Isn’t It?

Bad Granny

The Pajama Report

Long

“I Know Someone Who Looks Just Like You”

TV OR NOT TV

Medium

Wacky TV

Alternate TV Guide

The Vampire Slayer

Long

*The Miniseries

CRÈME DE LA CRUD

Medium

Bad Musicals

Video Stinkers

Lemons

HUT HUT HIKE!

Short

Football Names

Hut 1…Hut 2…Hike!

Medium

Pudge Goes Pro

Halftime

Long

The Birth of the NFL, Part I

The Birth of the NFL, Part II

FORGOTTEN HISTORY

Short

Life in 1902

Life in 1966

Medium

The Woman Emperor

Forgotten History: Shays’ Rebellion

Infamous Weapons

Vanished!

Secret Subway

Long

The Great Pig War

Just Plane Amazing

POP-POURRI

Short

You’re My Inspiration

Firsts

What Does it Take?

Uncle John’s Page of Lists

Famous Lasts

Unplanned World Records

Dubious Achievers

Longest Lasting…

Medium

What Side Are You On?

Unplanned World Records

Nudes & Prudes

Nudes & Prudes

BUSINESS

Short

Odd Promotions

Plop, Plop, Quiz, Quiz

Finger Lickin’ Quiz

Medium

Capital-ism

Brand Names

But Wait! There’s More!

Here Comes the Spammobile!

Pain in the…

Funny Business

Long

But Wait! There’s
Still
More!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Short

Origin of Nachos

Medium

They Are What You Eat

Name Your Poison

You Want Fries with That?

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