Uncle John’s Heavy Duty Bathroom Reader@ (73 page)

PERFORMER:
Idina Menzel, a Tony Award-winning actress

SHOW:
In January 2005, Menzel was performing in the Stephen Schwartz musical
Wicked,
playing the part of Elphaba, the misunderstood, green-skinned girl modeled after the Wicked Witch of the West from the L. Frank Baum story
The Wizard of Oz
.

STOPPER:
Near the end of the play, the character Dorothy throws a bucket of water on Elphaba…and she “melts.” Here’s how the effect is done: a trapdoor in the stage floor opens, exposing a platform; Menzel steps onto the platform, which is then lowered while Menzel wails and flails her robes, giving the appearance of melting. But that night someone lowered the platform too early and when the trapdoor opened, the Wicked Witch of the West fell into the hole and broke several ribs. The curtain was dropped, actors and crew rushed to help the actress, and she was taken to the hospital. The show was stopped for 45 minutes—but did eventually
go on, as Menzel’s understudy got into costume and finished out the performance. Unfortunately, the following day’s performance was slated to be Menzel’s final show—after a 14-month run—and for her, the show did not go on. What was supposed to be Menzel’s grand finale was, in fact, performed by her understudy.

Low-fat food? Most commercial hot dogs are about 55% water.

PERFORMERS:
The Who

SHOW:
On the night of May 16, 1969, the Who played the Fillmore East in Manhattan.

STOPPER:
A few songs into their set, a disheveled-looking, heavy-set man climbed up on stage and grabbed the microphone out of singer Roger Daltrey’s hand, right in the middle of a song. Daltrey stood there stunned, while bassist John Entwistle and one of the band’s roadies grabbed the guy. Then guitarist Pete Townshend walked up and kicked the interloper right in the “bollocks.” Then they threw him off the stage and finished the song. (Drummer Keith Moon hadn’t stopped playing at all…and possibly hadn’t even noticed what was going on.)

A minute later, Pete Townshend said, “I smell smoke.” Someone walked out from backstage, whispered in his ear, and the band quickly left the stage. Why? The five-story apartment building and supermarket next door were on fire. The audience was asked to exit the theater quietly (which they did). Unbeknownst to the band, the man who had jumped onstage was a plainclothes cop trying to tell everyone about the fire. The NYPD nearly charged Townshend with assault; he eventually paid a fine and the matter was dropped.

BONUS.
We didn’t have to read a rock ’n’ roll history book to research this item. Why? Because a very young Uncle John was there that night. And—amazingly—he remembers it! (But we researched it anyway, just to be sure.)

TWO RANDOM FACTS

• In an early draft of
Raiders of the Lost Ark,
Indiana Jones’s weapon of choice was brass knuckles, not a whip.

• Gustave Eiffel, designer of the Eiffel Tower, had a fear of heights.

Per capita, the British eat 1,000 times as much chocolate as the Chinese.

THINKING OUTSIDE
THE BOX

As anyone who works in a large office knows, the corporate workplace is dominated by little boxes called
cubicles.
On
page 327
we told you the history of the cube. Here’s what you have to look forward to
.

A
NEW WORKDAY IS DAWNING

However flawed it may be, the office cubicle is still a very flexible and economical way for an employer to give workers a bit of privacy, easy access to their equipment and files, and a place to put up Dilbert posters. So don’t expect cubicles to be “made redundant” anytime soon. But new designs are being tested with the knowledge that the workplace is different than it was in 1980, and different than what it will be in 2020. Workers aren’t the same, either. Due to a combination of factors—improved technology, cheaper outsourcing, corporate downsizing, and the changing economy—there are fewer low-level positions such as receptionists and data entry personnel, and more specialists, middle managers, salespeople, and creative types. All of them must multitask more than ever before, and very few will get an office of their own.

What does this mean for cubicles? The goal is still the same: They should keep out distractions and encourage interaction, but not make the workers feel “oppressed.” To accomplish this, several design firms are working on what many refer to as “Cubicle 2.0.” Here’s a bit of what looms on the horizon both inside and outside of the box.

NEWBICLES

•
No more squares:
Many new personal workspaces are circular, like pods. A company called StrongProject sells S-shaped cubicles. High-tech cubicles resemble the command center of a sci-fi spaceship.

•
Lighting:
Because studies have shown that fluorescent bulbs cause eye strain and fatigue, some new cubicles include their own incandescent lighting systems. “My Studio Environment,” made by Herman Miller, the company that released the first partitioned
office system in 1968, comes with translucent plastic walls, which still give workers privacy but let in more light. (Most revolutionary, My Studio Environment actually comes with a sliding door.)

Not as snappy: The original name of the Snapple company was Unadulterated Food Products.

•
Noise:
After a lack of privacy, cube dwellers’ biggest complaint is that they overhear co-workers’ conversations. One solution is a device called the “Babble,” a white-noise generator that broadcasts garbled recordings of the user’s voice. If you can’t decipher your neighbor’s actual words, the thinking goes, the talking will be less distracting. (There’s also the tried-and-true method for blocking out unwanted noise—headphones.) Three other noise reduction ideas:

1) Soundproof phone booths called “Cell Cells.” Located throughout an office floor, they come with cell-phone reception boosters so workers can talk on their phones in private.

2) A 2-person soundproof pod called a “Dyadic Slice.” Two co-workers can sit inside it and gossip all they want (or work, or settle their differences) without the rest of the office overhearing them.

3) And for loud brainstorming meetings, there’s the larger, but also soundproof, “Digital Yurt.”

WAY
OUTSIDE THE BOX

•
Studio 53:
In the 1970s, New York City’s Studio 54 was
the
premier disco club. Studio 53, made by Steelcase, recreates that feeling with shag carpeting, velvet walls, and plush pillows…in an eight-foot by eight-foot cubicle. When it was unveiled at a trade show in 2006, it wasn’t meant to be taken seriously (for one thing, it cost thousands of dollars), but according to James Ludwig, Steelcase’s director of design, “Not only were people connecting to its high-concept message of ‘Don’t Hate Me Because I’m a Cubicle,’ but designers were unrolling blueprints to discuss how we could include some of the workstations in their projects.” Much to Ludwig’s surprise, Steelcase received several orders on the spot.

•
Dilbert’s Ultimate Cubicle:
In 2001
Dilbert
creator Scott Adams realized that “somehow, accidentally, I’d become a leading authority on what’s wrong with the cubicle.” Spurred on by his readers, Adams partnered with the design firm IDEO to build “Dilbert’s Ultimate Cubicle.” Though most features were intended as a spoof (the hammock and the “boss monitor”), a few have since been incorporated into actual cubicle designs, including lighting that changes in accordance with the time of day.

50% of American men wear briefs, 40% wear boxers, and 10% wear boxer-briefs.

TEAR DOWN THE WALLS

As innovative as these new cube farms are, they’re still cube farms—and employers pay a lot of rent and other overhead costs just so workers can show up and sit inside their boxes all day. Solution: Many offices of the future may not be offices at all.

In 1993 Jay Chiat, chairman of the ad agency Chiat/Day, sent shockwaves through the corporate world by removing all of the cubicles and desks from his Venice, California, office building. He replaced them with lounge chairs, couches, floor lamps, and low tables. Chiat’s aim was to create the relaxed yet productive atmosphere he’d witnessed in coffee shops. When his staff arrived at work, they’d store their belongings in lockers, check out a laptop computer, pour a hot cup of joe, find a comfy place to sit, and get to work. The idea bombed. Most employees stopped showing up, opting to work from home instead. Productivity plummeted, and Chiat was ridiculed by the industry.

Two decades later, however, many are calling him a visionary. His idea was good, but the technology simply wasn’t yet advanced enough to make it work. Today, thanks to high-speed Internet access, Wi-Fi, versatile handheld devices, and powerful laptop computers, “hoteling” is becoming more common. Now many workers can perform most of their tasks at home or on the road. They have a desk at the main office but only use it for a few days per week. On other days, it’s used by someone else.

VIRTUAL REALITY

Proving the merits of a cubicle-free workplace, in 2009 Rich Sheridan, CEO of Menlo Innovations, a Michigan software company, removed all of his office’s partitioned walls, stating, “Cubicles kill morale, communication, productivity, creativity, teamwork, energy, spirit, and results.” Now no one at Menlo has their own desk. Instead, they do what Chiat had attempted in 1993—show up, grab a seat, turn on their laptops, and start working. Executives work alongside designers…if they’re not working from home. In contrast to Chiat’s virtual failure, according to Sheridan, Menlo’s costs are way down and productivity is way up.

So expect to see improved cubicles of all shapes and sizes, and a lot more virtual offices in the near future. For now, though, it’s time to get back to work! (Is it six o’clock yet?)

Terminal velocity—the top speed at which an object on Earth can fall—is about 120 mph.

CAUSE OF DEATH

How do you determine how someone died when they died hundreds of years ago? You do a little research, find a few clues—and make a guess
.

A
lexander the Great
died in 323 B.C. He was only 32. Greek historians later wrote that a few weeks before his death people witnessed ravens acting strangely…and that some birds even died at Alexander’s feet. After that he became ill, suffering a high fever and severe headaches. Several possible causes for Alexander’s death have been guessed at over the centuries, including poisoning, malaria, and typhoid fever, but in 2003 researchers at the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta put forth a new diagnosis: He died of West Nile virus. Ravens, they said, are especially susceptible to the disease, and can spread it via mosquitoes to humans, who usually die within a few weeks…after suffering primarily from fever and headaches.

Herod the Great
was the king of ancient Judea from about 36 B.C. until his death in 4 B.C. Jewish historian Flavius Josephus, who lived shortly after Herod, wrote that leading up to his death the king had suffered excruciating pain in his sides, intense itching, and gangrene—or tissue death—of the genitalia. In 2002 Professor Jan Hirschmann of the University of Washington concluded that Herod’s symptoms indicate that he died from a combination of kidney disease, which causes side pain and intense itching, and a rare condition called Fournier’s Gangrene, which causes swelling, itching, intense pain, and tissue death in the genitalia.

King Henry VIII
died in 1547 at the age of 56. Surviving pieces of his clothing and armor indicate that his waist and chest both measured more than 50 inches, so Henry weighed roughly 300 pounds. Paintings show him with a very round face, and it’s known that at the time of his death his legs and feet were covered in ulcerated sores—some of which he had endured for many years. In 2006 British historian Robert Hutchinson theorized in his book
The Last Days of Henry VIII
that the king may have died from a rare hormone disorder called Cushing’s Syndrome. Major symptoms of Cushing’s: upper-body obesity, a rounded “moon” face, and impaired wound-healing ability—fitting Henry to a tee.

Why did Teddy Roosevelt denounce Christmas trees? “A waste of good timber.”

WHOPPERKNOCKERS
AND SAND SQUINKS

A few more mythical beasts to keep terrified campers awake at night. (Part I is on
page 200
.)

T
he Whirling Wumpus.
The wumpus is similar to the Tasmanian Devil of cartoon fame, except that he’s about seven feet tall and has a face like an ape, giant forelegs, and front paws that are as big and hard as boat oars. It has been known to station itself by a bend in a trail, and then, when a logger happens along, it rears up on its powerful hind legs and spins so fast that it becomes nearly invisible. In this state it emits a low humming drone. As the logger wanders up to investigate the strange sound and steps within striking distance of those giant boat-oar paws, he is instantly beaten to a meaty pulp and sprayed all over the surrounding trees and vegetation. When this happens, the whirling wumpus spins to a stop and slurps up all the goo.