Vision of Shadows (9 page)

“But he was wearing a baseball cap.”

“Well, football helmets are really uncomfortable for casual wear,” he responded. “Now
, if it had been a party…”

“Uh huh,” I said. “You are kidding, right?”

“I should be asking you,” Payne answered. 

“Tell me about Jared.
You were close?”

Payne suddenly looked uncomfortable and that feeling of guilt rolled off him again. “Yes, we were. He was younger than I was. He kind of…
I don’t know…”

“He looked up to you,” I said. “Like an older brother?”

“Maybe,” Payne answered. “Maybe more. His father died a few years earlier. My grandfather told my father to look out for Jared. Which meant it fell to me. My dad’s not really someone…” Payne thought better of finishing whatever thought was on his mind. “Point is, Jared kind of followed me around like his puppy followed him. And it could be kind of cool, but I was twelve when he vanished. I guess there were times I just wanted to be without a ten-year-old shadow. I had stuff of my own to deal with and… you get it.”

I
took his hand. “You were a kid. You hung out with him, but you needed your own space. It’s normal. You were never cruel to him.”

Payne looked into my eyes. “How do you know that
, Bristol? How can you possibly know if I was cruel or kind to him?”

“Payne, it’s not in you to be cruel to a child who looked up to you.” 

Payne smirked. “I can be a piece of work.” 

“I’ll bet,” I said.

“I’ve never met anyone like you before in my life,” Payne said.

Now it was my turn to grin. “Yeah, girls
who talk to ghosts are rather unique.”

“That’s not what I mean,” Payne insisted. “You’ve never told anyone about your secret before, have you?”

I didn’t answer, but I didn’t need to.

“I cannot begin to tell you how touched I am,” Payne said
. “Not only that you’re helping me, but also that you trust me. I know how big a deal it is.”

“It’s not
.” I shrugged. “Not really.”

Payne touched my cheek
, and my skin tingled underneath his fingers. “It is. Bristol, you’re braver than I am.”

I looked up into Payne’s magnificently dark blue eyes and saw it. The emotion that I always saw in my
Payne loves me
dreams. It was the look in his eyes he got when we were making love, or at least would get if we ever did. There was a connection between us that went beyond anything I’d ever known. I knew Payne could feel it, too.

Payne brought his other hand up, gently caressing both sides of my face. In that moment there was no doubt he would kiss me. I was ready. I didn’t care about anything else. 

When I heard the laughter from behind me of a little boy, it took me a second to blink back into reality. I backed away, and Payne’s face fell.

“We’re not alone,” I explained.

Jared McKnight had appeared, his little dog sitting obediently by his feet, its tail whipping back and forth. Jared had his hands by his eyes as if ready to cover them. A huge smile was plastered on his face.

“I can’t believe Payne was gonna kiss a girl!”

I closed my eyes and sighed.
Well, he was!

It took Payne a few moments to realize what I was talking about. “He’s here?
Now?”

“Yup
.” I nodded. “And his dog.”

“Are you Payne’s girlfriend?” Jared asked. “Do you guys
, like…
kiss
all the time?”

“No, that would have been the first,” I explained, feeling quite ridiculous. “Payne is really here for you.”

“Why?” Jared said. “I don’t want to kiss him!” He started to howl with laughter.

“Ask what happened,” Payne demanded. “Ask him where his body is
.”

Jared looked startled at Payne’s
statement. It looked like he might fade away.

“Jared, please don’t go,” I implored. “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to.”

Payne turned to me, confused. I signaled to take it down a notch.

“Has Payne kissed a girl before?” Jared asked, his humor returning.

“I don’t know,” I answered. Then looking at Payne and realizing that he’d probably tripped over all the girls throwing themselves at his feet, I decided to amend my answer. “Probably, but I’m not asking him that.”

“Asking me what?” Payne said. I ignored him.

Jared started to move around, his puppy trailing behind him. He was watching me with both amusement and suspicion. Often times, spirits didn’t wish to talk about what killed them. It was a very unpleasant memory. Sometimes it’s completely blocked out, or they simply didn’t know. 

“Can you ask Payne a question for me?” Jared said.

“Anything you want. What would you like to know?”

“How’s my mom?” Jared asked. “She must be lonely. And ask him about Cooper
, too. I miss him.”

I turned to Payne
, who was trying very hard to be patient. “Payne, Jared would like to know how his mother and Cooper are doing.”

Payne nodded. “Tell him…”

“You can just tell him,” I said. “He can hear you even if you can’t hear him.”

Payne continued
, “Well, Cooper is fine. He misses you like crazy, but he’s playing baseball and going to school. He still goes to see your mom. As far as your mom, um… your mom is okay. She uh…”

Payne looked to me, unsure of how to proceed

“Just be honest,” I urged. “He needs the truth.”

Payne seemed to steady himself. “Jared, she’s still grieving. Still praying for a miracle that you’ll turn up
, even though she tells me that she knows in her heart you’re gone. I try to look out for her, but she hasn’t ever been the same. She loves you so much…” Payne was unable to continue.

Jared sat on the ground
. His very hyper puppy seemed to sense he was upset and nuzzled into his arm. 

“I miss her
, too,” Jared said. “I was supposed to do some stuff like paint the fence and clear the yard. Me and Cooper were gonna do it. I kept putting it off.” Jared raised his head to look at me. “Do you think she’s mad at me for not getting it done?”

“Oh
, sweetie,” I said. “Of course not. She doesn’t care about the fence or the yard. She loved you.”             

“Jared,” Payne interjected, “the fence got painted. The yard is done. Me and Cooper get together every year in the fall and rake her leaves, every summer to cut her grass. We take care of her.”

Jared smiled at Payne. It was a smile that conveyed so much love and gratitude that I wished Payne could have seen it. 

“I wish there was something I could do for her though,” Jared said.

And that was my cue. I moved closer to Jared and sat down next to him. “Jared,” I said. “There is something you
can
do. If you’re up for it.”

Jared knew what was coming, but he didn’t fade away. I decided that meant he was ready.

“No one knows what happened,” I said. “Because of that, your Mom can’t stop looking. You heard Payne. She believes in her heart that you’re gone. She can feel it. Because when you died, a part of her died as well, but no one knows where your body is.” I stopped a moment to let him absorb what I had said. Once again, he listened and remained unmoving. I couldn’t help but admire the courage this young boy was showing. I had seen adult spirits that broke rather than face the reality of their own demise. 

“Jared, if there’s any way you can talk to us about what happened,” I urged. “Any
way to help us bring your mom some sort of closure.”

Jared picked up his puppy and hugged him close to his chest, rocking back and forth. 

“I remember hearing something,” Jared said. “I saw a black truck. And I got real scared.”

He
continued to stroke his dog, which had fallen asleep in his lap. “Is that all you remember?”

Jared looked at me and nodded. “Yeah. Sorry. I was playing near here when I died. I can still play here, but if you keep going downstream, there’s a bunch of trees. I can’t go there. It scares me.”

“Jared, that could be important,” I said. “Do you think maybe you could show us? Take us as far as you can?”

Jared watched me carefully as he considered my request. “I’ll try.”

“Jared,” I said. “Why don’t you give me a moment alone with Payne so I can catch him up on everything you’ve told me? He’s being very patient. He can’t hear a thing you’re saying.”

“Yeah, I bet we’re driving him nuts
.” Jared laughed. “Payne’s cool. I miss hanging out with him. I just wish he wouldn’t…” Jared stopped and looked intently at Payne. “I shouldn’t say anything, but let him know I’ve seen him a few times. He shouldn’t keep pushing his luck.”

Now what was that supposed to mean? 

I went to Payne, making sure to keep an eye on Jared. I didn’t think he planned to leave, but sometimes spirits vanished on you when you weren’t looking. I quickly and quietly explained what Jared had told me, leaving out, at least for now, the last warning the young boy had asked me to pass along to Payne. Now was not the time for such a distraction. 

“So the black truck,” Payne said after taking a moment to consider what I had told him
. “Maybe it, like… hit Jared?”

“Maybe,” I agreed. “Spirits often don’t remember the exact moment of their death. We can’t assume that’s what happened. Not at this point.”

“So we follow him downstream,” Payne said. “And what are we looking for as we go?”

I shrugged. “Hopefully, we’ll know it when we see it. He may not be able to take us the
entire way. But being with us…” I took Payne’s hand. “Being with you might help. He trusts you. Your being here helps him be less afraid. You may not be able to see it, but trust me, he loves you.”

“Let’s go then,” Payne said.

I gave him a reassuring smile and started toward Jared. I noticed Jared was standing away from us, waiting. His puppy was still dancing around his feet but never left his side.

We walked for a
while in silence. Jared led the way, and Payne followed me. The silence was broken by the crunching of leaves and the snapping of the occasional branch someone stepped on. The stream flowed peacefully beside us.

As we proceeded, Jared’s face became more haunted. I could see the fear start to manifest itself on his features. Wherever we were going, we were getting close.

Then Jared stopped. He was transfixed on a cluster of trees and large rocks. Where before there had been fear, now it was abject terror written all over his face. My heart was breaking as I watched him struggle to take even one more step closer. 

“I can’t
,” he screamed. “I can’t get any closer! Please don’t make me.”

“It’s ok
ay, sweetheart.” I once again used my calm voice. “You’re doing fine. We can stop here for a while.”

But Jared wasn’t hearing me. He was slowly stepping backwards, tears falling down his face. Eli the dog was no longer a small
, playful puppy. He had grown into a full-size dog and was standing between Jared and the cluster of trees and rocks. Eli’s hackles were raised, and he bared his teeth, a low and menacing growl emanating from his throat. 

“Jared,” I said
. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”

Jared wouldn’t look at me.
His fear was so powerful, it was nearly painful. It started to engulf me, but I pushed it back. I needed to stay in control.

“Bristol
.” Payne was by my side. “What’s happening?”

Before I could answer, Jared gave one last sob of defeat and then vanished, dog and all.

“He’s gone, isn’t he?” Payne asked.

I nodded. 

Payne proceeded toward the cluster of rocks and trees. At first, he just stared as if he expected them to move aside for him. I had no doubt that if those rocks and trees could see the expression of anger on Payne’s face, they would have leapt out of his way. When they didn’t, Payne reached down, grabbed the largest rock, and started to roll it to the side. It looked pretty heavy, but Payne was determined to move it.

I went over and put my weight into helping. There were no words spoken between us. There wasn’t
a need for them. Once we got the rock tipped over, it rolled to its side.

Payne dropped to his knees and stared at the ground. His face was calm and passive, but a moment later when he looked up at me, rage blaz
ed within his eyes.

I reached down and scooped a bit of dirt into my hand. Gripping the soil within my palm, I felt myself pulled into a terrifying vision. I could hear a dog barking, smell the alcohol on someone’s breath
, and feel the coolness of the dirt that was covering my face. I winced at the pain from an injury I could not identify. I could tell I was close to death, and this is where I would be buried. Alive.

The vision lasted only a moment, but when it
ended, I gasped for breath and clutched at my side. Payne gripped me tightly and shook me gently back into the now.