What I've Done (6 page)

I take a deep breath in, letting the fresh air fill my lungs. The California climate is so unlike the harsh seasons of Minnesota. I know it is something we will effortlessly adjust to. I have always despised the brittle cold winters in the Midwest, even though I had enjoyed the times my father had taken me sledding as a little girl.

By now my mother’s body is probably lying on a cold table in some morgue. I have no idea what kind of situation constitutes the need for an autopsy, but I guess they will be more concerned about her identity than anything at this point. Since I had left her without any identification, maybe they are going through a list of all the passengers. My mother had given a false name when buying the tickets, so that would only provide them with another dead end. It will probably come down to the social workers back home becoming concerned when they are unable to reach my mother and decide to start a search of their own.

My heart seems a little less burdened when it dawns on me—my mother is finally at peace. We haven’t gone to church since I was a little girl but I have always believed there is a heaven. I still remember the prayer my father used to say with me at bedtime—
if I die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take
—and hope that is true for her.

My mother hadn’t always been a raging drunk or a drug addict. There was a time she was so lovely and full of life. She would make our family meals, clean our house and do all the things mothers were supposed to do. Her laughter was once contagious and there was a sparkle in her eye that was brightest when she was with my father.

My father had always believed in angels and spoke of them often to me, although not in the same paranoid delusions my mother would later have. Hopefully if my mother is now among the angels in heaven, she is back to the radiant person I remember her being as a little girl. She may have been the reason for all of our troubles and misery but I still held on to the mother I had known as a young child and my love for her never died.

Looking back at the memories involving my father, it seems a whole lifetime ago since I was last really happy and knew I was really loved. I begin to cry for the loss of my father, as well as for the mother that once loved me unconditionally and didn’t have any addictions. Once I let the tears flow it becomes almost impossible to make them stop. It has been so long since I have let myself feel that kind of sorrow.

A sudden flare from the sinking sun becomes so bright I hold my hand over my eyes to block the intense light. When it finally dissipates I lower my arm and see a figure walking toward me. My heart thumps wildly in my chest when I realize it is Gabe. He is dressed in nothing more than a pair of long black striped swim trunks, holding a pizza box in one hand and a large cloth bag in the other. I become nervous at the thought of him bringing supper to us. How am I ever going to pay him back?

I wipe the tears away with the back of my hand before he can see them, wishing I at least had a tube of mascara with me, but I know luxuries like that will have to wait until the basic necessities have been taken care of.

Gabe smiles warmly when he is only a few yards away. “Hey. I know you said you ate already, but since you’re new to San Diego, you really have to try this pizza. It’s pretty legendary.”

“You really didn’t have to do that,” I answer with a drawn out sigh. “How much do I owe you?”

He continues to smile, his white teeth flashing in all their brilliance. “It’s my treat. I brought some milk and cookies for dessert, too. I figured Barbie would like that.”

Obviously the polite thing would be to thank him, but he is really starting to irritate me. I push my lips together into a tight line. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?” He is attempting to sound innocent but from the small smirk playing on his lips I know he is aware of exactly what it is I am talking about. To my pleasure, he sits down in the sand beside me. It will be easier to have a conversation when his tanned chest is not directly in my line of sight.

I throw my hands up to my sides in frustration. “Why do you say her name like that?”

“No disrespect to your parents, because I’m sure they meant well, but it has been a long time since I met someone with that as their real name. It’s quite amusing.” He places his arms over his knees and gives me that maddening smile.

“Would you rather I call her Barb?” I ask through clenched teeth.

It seems as if he is openly mocking me over her name, as if he knows it to be false. He laughs and nudges me with his arm. “No, it’s okay. That was rude of me. I’m sorry. I promise I will quit teasing you about it.”

My eyes linger on him a second longer than they should. His dazzling, dark eyes have been alive with happiness ever since we first met and they bring with them warm feelings that make me blush. I turn away when the redness creeps into my cheeks.

“Barbie is probably starving by now,” I say, uncrossing my legs and standing before jogging down the wet sand into the cool water to where my sister plays. We are far enough away from Gabe that I am able to keep my voice low and know we won’t be overheard.

“I have a special friend I’d like you to meet. His name is Gabe. Now remember your new name is Barbie and mine is Tasha. We have to make sure we use those names around my new friend, okay?”

Rose’s big eyes look beyond me and widen when she sees where I left Gabe sitting alone. “Is he a movie star?”

Turning back to look at him, I giggle. He cocks his head in question when he detects my amusement. “I don’t think so,” I answer, although I have to agree he is good looking enough to easily be one. “But it would be better if you didn’t tell him anything about us, just in case. Movie stars don’t like to hear that kind of stuff. It’s too boring to them.”

I have to get creative in trying to get her to keep our secrets and that seems like a safe enough way to do it. I can almost see the little wheels turning in my sister’s head as she processes my reasoning.

“Oh, okay.”

We return to where Gabe is spreading a blanket on the sand.

Holding my hand out to them, I introduce the two. “Barbie, this is Gabe.”

Gabe offers his hand to Rose and she places her little hand inside it, giggling when he shakes them. “It’s nice to meet you, Miss Barbie.”

She giggles at him again but stops all at once when her eyes find the box of pizza.

“Can I have some?” she asks him, turning to look up at me before adding, “please?”

I dip my head at her in approval. She is normally such a polite little girl but I know her little tummy is most likely empty by now. Gabe kneels down to open the box and my stomach grumbles furiously when the smell begins to drift toward me.

“I brought it just for you.” He places a heaping slice on a plate and hands it to her. “This right here is the best pizza in all of San Diego, Miss Barbie. You can have as many pieces as you can fit into your stomach.”

“Thank you!” Rose beams happily, sparing no time to sit down on the blanket and begin eating. I am glad when she doesn’t stuff her face eagerly but takes small bites, giving care to smile at us between each one.

“And here’s one for you,” he says, handing me another plate with a slice.

I thank him before sitting and try to take my time eating but the warm goopy mess tastes so wonderful and I am so hungry that I devour it in record time. Embarrassed, I look over at Gabe to see if he has noticed. Without saying anything he slips another piece onto my plate and grins down at his piece of pizza before he continues to munch on it.

“May I please have something to drink?” Rose asks with a mouthful of pizza, eyeing the empty cups.

“Of course,” Gabe answers. He opens the large canvas bag and brings out a small, soft-sided cooler. When he unzips the cooler to produce a small container of milk I catch glimpse of a few apples and handful of grapes. After filling one of the cups he hands it to Rose and she happily slurps it all down. I am becoming convinced that I have made the right decision in trusting him and grin happily as he continues doting on my sister.

“Why weren’t you swimming with her?” Gabe asks me between bites. “Is it because the water is ice cold this time of year or are you just afraid of the ocean?”

He is quite obviously smirking as he says this, although his head is bent down as he says it.

I toss my hair behind my shoulder and sit up taller. “I have never been swimming in the ocean before, so no, I’m not afraid of it. Our stuff is still on its way from Texas and I don’t have a swimming suit here yet.”

“Well, as soon as your things get here maybe I can give you some surfing lessons.”

I laugh at the thought of myself trying to surf. I have never played any kind of athletic sport other than in phy ed class since most everything involves extra money. “That could be interesting. Are you sure you want to take that challenge on?”

He shrugs. “It would be a good excuse to get to know you better.”

I consciously take slower bites of my second piece, not wanting to appear as famished as I truly am. Rose has already finished her first piece by now, although she didn’t touch the crust as usual.

“Can I go swim again?” she asks, wiping a dab of pizza sauce across her face with the back of her arm. I laugh and dab the sauce away with my finger.

“You’re not supposed to swim right after eating,” I tell her.

Gabe shakes his head. “You can splash around in the waves a little. That silly rule is just for Olympic swimmers and the sort. You’re not going to try out for the swim team anytime soon, are you?”

Rose giggles. “No.”

“Then you’re probably okay, if your sister says that it’s okay.” He turns to me and raises an eyebrow playfully. I laugh and shoo her along. She runs full speed into the waves, letting them splash directly into her face.

“You really don’t have to be so nice to us, you know. Seriously. You just met us and everything.” I look down as I say this. Being humble is not something I do well. I feel his eyes on me and I can’t help but look back up. “But thank you.” Our eyes lock and I feel a kindness coming from inside him that is grand beyond words.

“I want to,” he answers, reaching out to briefly rest his hand on my arm.

This time when I feel the electrical jolt pass through us he simply smiles wider before dropping his hand. The longing I feel for him is so strong it is as if my heart has dropped into my stomach. Startled by these foreign feelings, my eyes widen and I take a cup to fill it with milk—anything to keep busy. My hand shakes uncontrollably as I bring the liquid up to my lips. I take a long swig anyway, savoring the cool liquid against my parched throat, before setting the cup back down. I dare myself to look back into his unbearably attractive eyes. He smiles at me again and my heart pounds wildly in response.

“How about some chocolate chip cookies for desert?” he asks.

He takes a couple from the bag and then holds it out for me. We smile at each other from behind the cookies as we eat them. My sister sees what we are doing and runs back to us, asking Gabe’s permission before shoving her hand into the bag and pulling out a handful.

“You’re going to get a tummy ache if you eat that many!” I warn, unable to keep myself from smiling back at her anyway. Her own smile grows as she dashes back into to the water.

“Just don’t go too far,” I call out to her. “It’s going to be dark soon.”

Gabe laughs beside me as we watch her continue to skip in the sand. “She is too cute.”

I wish I didn’t have to lie to him. He has been so kind to us. Maybe if I am able to let my guard down a little he will be an even bigger help. I wonder how many other girls he has shared a picnic with on the beach and if they all had felt the same tingling sensation as I do when he touches me. The immediate attraction we seemed to have for each other is like nothing I have experienced before, but maybe he has a way of doing that to every girl he shows interest in.

My mother had never talked to me about boys and relationships; she had abandoned all notions of love when my father died. Everything I know about love I experienced through the eyes of my friends or characters in movies. I have heard of “love at first sight” and wonder if that could possibly be what this is.

“So I asked my mom about school this afternoon. Guess which school I am going to?”

I don’t know where this lie comes from exactly but I feel the need to see him smile brilliantly at me again. I try not to grin like an idiot but I can’t contain myself.

“Yes!” Gabe cheers, pumping a fist into the air. “I had a feeling we’d end up together.”

“But we aren’t starting for a couple of weeks,” I add in a quick afterthought. “My parents want us to get settled first.”

The thought of spending time with Gabe at school the way things are going is exciting, but I will need the extra time to figure out how to make this all happen. I can’t use our real names and there aren’t any records or anything with our aliases to give the school.

“You’ll like it out here, Tasha. I can feel it.” His words are unhurried and his eyes scrutinize me as he waits for a reaction.

I laugh, my heightened nerves making it sound flat. “How can you be sure? You don’t even know me yet, Gabe.” Things seem to be moving at a rapid rate between the two of us. Once again, I start to feel uneasy about the whole situation.

He looks over at me, his face holding a certain curiosity. “Have you ever met someone and felt an instant connection, like you’ve known them your whole life?”

I shake my head, not having experienced anything quite like that. My personality has always been easy going enough that I was always able to make a few friends in every new school I attended, but the relationships always started out slow and it took effort for me to continue them with all the things I had going on at home.

“Well that’s how I feel about you,” he says. “It’s like I’ve seen a glimpse into your soul and just know what kind of person you are. I know your little sister means the world to you and that you would do whatever it took to make her happy.”

He leans into me as he speaks. The connection between us becomes so intense I look down at his luscious lips, wondering how it would feel if I were to kiss them. If any other guy had used such a line where he talked about seeing into my soul I would have laughed and walked away. But Gabe’s words have a lot of depth behind them and I know he is not being facetious.