You'll Think of Me (5 page)

“What do you mean, ‘put everything on the line’?” Melanie stood and edged to the door. “I can’t accept what we did anymore—I need to know you want me, not just my body.”

“I wish you’d stay.”
I love you.

“Convince me.”

He opened his mouth, but no words came. The anguish in his heart blotted out anything he needed to say.

Tears slipped from her eyes and left tiny dots of colour on her blouse. With shaky hands, she grabbed the doorknob. “Goodbye, Cade.”

Before he could hide his depression and replace it with the blank façade he preferred, she fled the room. “Dammit!” When the back door slammed, he hung his head. Talk about fucking up. When had he switched from telling her he loved her to ‘get the fuck out’? About the same time he forgot his heart and let the darkness take over.

“Bastard.”

Without looking up, he nodded. Rhett’s voice, though telling the truth, still grated on his nerves. “Go to hell, Rhett. I don’t need your attitude right now.” He didn’t want the pity party either.

“Fuck you. I’m going to my room, unless you want to kick me out, too.”

Lacing his fingers behind his head, Cade turned to stare at his best friend. “What?”

Rhett clenched his fists and puffed out his chest. “You shoved the best thing that ever happened to you out the door.” In a deliberately slow motion, he kneaded his fist onto his thigh. “She cares about you, dammit, but she’s got dignity.”

Cade pounded his balled up hand into the wall, fed up with everyone laying blame in his direction. “It’s not that easy for me to trust her when I don’t trust myself. I won’t bring her into my nightmare.”

Rhett surged across the room and stood mere inches from Cade’s face. “You don’t get it, do you?”

Irritation deeper than Cade understood surged through his veins. He stepped back and glared. “Apparently not.” There wasn’t anything to get. Despite her words, Melanie didn’t love him anymore.

As Rhett shrank away, he shook his head. “Have a fucking great time with Ginn, but don’t come crying to me when she dumps your ass. She’ll treat you like shit again and you’ll come back for seconds.”

“Fuck you.”

“No. Stop letting all the shit from Afghanistan fuck with you. You don’t need a fuck friend. You need someone who loves you.” Rhett pressed both fists into his forehead and growled. “But what do I care? I don’t have to live with you.”

As Rhett left the room, Cade hurled a bottle of beer at the wall. Amber liquid stained the ivory wall and glass scattered on the floor. The perfect opportunity to talk to Melanie had stared him right in the face and he’d blown it because of his anger.

Well, hell.

Chapter Six

An hour later, Cade walked into the kitchen. With a mirthless chuckle, he flattened the empty pizza box and shivered. When Melanie used to sit on the counter and make fun of his cooking, the room seemed homey and warm. The chill of her absence settled deep in his bones. He ran his hand over the note with Melanie’s new phone number. His fingers itched to grab the phone. He longed to beg for her forgiveness. The words he’d planned to say before she left rushed into his brain.

I love you.

Cade grabbed his cell, but when Rhett shuffled into the room, he closed the device and shoved it into his pants pocket. “Hungry already?”

“A snack would do my body good.” Rhett rifled through the cupboard and shut it before heading to the pantry door. Sighing, he closed it. “I know we’ve been gone for a while and all, but you really need to stock up, man.”

“I asked Mel to shop for me. If there’s no food, then blame her.” Cade chuckled and raked his fingers through his hair, feeling anything but joy. “If anything else went to shit, then blame me.”

Crossing the room, Rhett grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. “
Blame…
You’d say something so stupid. Mel doesn’t deserve the guilt here.” He took a swig from the bottle and smacked his lips. “She wants you to tell her what your problem is! She wants to be with you, asshole! Talk to her. ”

“What do you know?” Cade narrowed his eyes. “You’re talking in circles. She doesn’t need me.” And he didn’t need to argue with Rhett, yet he couldn’t seem to stop.

“Oh, please.”

“Do you love her, Rhett?”
Please, God, no.

“Get your head out of your ass for once.” With a thunk, Rhett smacked his bottle onto the wooden kitchen table. His tawny brows pinched as the corners of his mouth lifted. “I know you hate Hallmark moments, but I think it’s time you and I had a long talk.”

The doorbell rang, interrupting any further discussion.

“I’ll get it, but we aren’t through here, numb nuts.” Rhett headed to the front door and growled. “Correction—we’re through for now. It’s
her
.”

Cade raced into the living room. “Melanie?” His shoulders sank. Ginnifer stood on the other side of the screen door. Not the woman he wanted. “Hi Ginny.”

Ginnifer toyed with the strap of her pale pink sundress. The flimsy material slipped down her shoulder, revealing too much of the top of one creamy breast. The v-neck dipped well past her cleavage to her stomach. Three slim rows of amethyst beads kept her modesty under wraps. She chewed the corner of her mouth and cocked her head. “Can I come in?”

With a snort, Rhett eyeballed Cade. “Since I’m not wanted here, I thought I’d shower or something.”

Sighing, Cade nodded. “We can talk on the porch and give him some privacy.”

She twisted a lock of hair around her fingers. “We could join him since I missed out.” One thin brow arched and her emerald eyes sparkled as she winked. “I hear you two are superb lovers.”

Blowing out a laboured breath, Cade gripped the door handle. “Not that you’d know, but we gave
that
up over three years ago. Since Mel I don’t need more than one woman at a time.” Holding the screen door wide, he stepped onto the porch. “So, what brings you by?”

As he asked the question, Ginnifer threw herself into his arms. “I came here for you. You said we were through. But what we had is too strong to ignore.” She nibbled his jaw and her nails scratched the skin on his back. The scent of her perfume, something expensive if he remembered correctly, churned his stomach.

“Ginny, we dated three times and never had sex. I haven’t a fucking clue who told you I’m a good lover.” Cade disengaged her from his body and stepped out of her grasp.

With a shrug, she inched forward and walked her crimson tipped fingers up his arm. “I never found out because Melanie still lived here. Rumour has it she’s gone, so I’m coming back to claim what’s mine. You complemented me more than any man.”

“I’ve never been
yours
.” He put up both hands to block her advance. “And how did you find out Melanie’s gone?”

Crossing her arms, she bunched her breasts. “Her car isn’t here, so it’s safe to assume she’s not here either.”

Ginn had too much time on her hands. “She’s got a truck and unless you’re spying on her, she could’ve made a run to the store.” Did he have to split hairs with her?
I don’t need this right now.
Gritting his teeth, the answer became clear. He belonged to Melanie even if he wasn’t ready to accept the truth. “Look, I’m sorry to let you down.”

Crocodile tears formed at the corners of her eyes. Her chin quivered. “But you said you liked me.”

Lowering his head, he sighed and wrapped an arm around her in an awkward hug. “Honey, don’t cry.” He hated tears.

With a small hiccup, she stared at him. She wiped the moisture from her cheeks. “I don’t understand.”

Although his brain hurt and the start of a migraine pounded behind his eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to be rude. “Ginny, you’re a nice girl and a fun date, but you’re not the woman in my heart. I made mistakes over the last three years and I need to rectify them. I’m sorry if you misunderstood. I’d like to be friends—just friends.”

The corner of her mouth curled a bit. Her chest heaved, drawing his attention to her breasts. Although he tried to look away, his gaze remained glued to her cleavage. Tipping her finger under his chin, she redirected his attention. “I can handle friends, but I’m not willing to give up.” Her eyes glittered. “I know what you want. It’s a matter of time before you realise it and I can wait.”

Her smile unnerved him. What was she going to wait for? “Ginn. I’m not the kind of guy a woman waits for.”
Not you anyway.

Ginnifer smoothed her hands on either side of his face then her nails through his hair. When she planted a kiss on his lips, he gasped—but not out of desire. Mashing her body close to his, she ground her pussy into his thigh. “See? You know what you want.” With a wink, she released him and stepped back. “I’ll leave you alone for now to make up your mind. I love you, Cade.”

Clearing his throat to hide the wince, he nodded. “Bye, Ginn.”

What the hell just happened? One minute she cried and he consoled her and the next minute, she’s dry humping him? He watched her car retreat down the empty street. Why did it feel like his problems, simple only a few moments ago, were now out of control? Because he didn’t want to hurt anyone. Cade scratched the patch of five o’clock shadow on his chin. How the hell did Ginn know she loved him? She hardly
knew
him.

Half an hour later, Cade punched the vinyl sparring bag screwed onto the thickest branch of the oak tree in the backyard. A picture of Melanie flashed through his mind; the one where she grinned with the
come home soon
banner. Sheer frustration flowed through his body. He connected with the bag until his sore knuckles bled. He swore until his throat hurt. Anything to unwind the tension coiling in his gut.

The spicy smell of grilling meat and barbeque sauce swirled in the air from the neighbour’s patio. Sweat beaded on his bare torso and dampened his jogging pants, not that he felt the clammy fabric constricting around his body. Heat never bothered him before, but memories did.

In a desperate attempt to vent his frustration, he lashed out against the tough vinyl. He had Melanie on the brain. The faint scent of her vanilla body wash skated across his senses. One word played over and over in his mind.

Why?

Hell. He knew why. He’d abused her trust and stomped on her dignity with cleats. She wasn’t just a good time in the sack. She cared about him—each time she stuck around to listen when he needed a friend. Then there was the time she made the photo collage before he left for Iraq. Hell, she came to get him when he flew home. She should’ve moved on with her life and he thanked God she gave a damn about his bruised soul.

More images of Melanie rushed into his head. Each one taunted him more than the last. No matter where he looked, reminders of her came to mind. He had her name tattooed on his heart, for Christ’s sake. So why hit the bag? To reduce his anger? To get rid of stress? To punish himself for letting her go. So why not tell her he cared? The words in his heart stayed locked away when he needed them the most.

Turning his back on the house, he punched the bag once again. When he stepped back, he noticed his best friend crossing the yard.

Rhett plopped a beer on the picnic table and nodded to the west. “Sun’s going down and the ‘skeeters are out.” Rhett flipped through the pictures in Cade’s wallet to one of the snapshots. “I know you don’t want me nosing through your things, but I saw this on the counter. I always did like this shot of Mel.”

“Me, too,” Cade replied. “She looks good with her hair down.” Something thumped him hard on the back, knocking him down. He hadn’t seen the bag ricochet from his last punch.

“Dammit.” He groaned and stood.

Tossing the wallet down, Rhett chuckled. “Better keep your eye on the bag. She’s a killer.”

Cade glared. “Shut up or I’ll flatten you like I did the last time you tried to step in on my girl. And, no, I don’t like you looking through my stuff.”

“Blow hard.” Rhett snorted. He spread his knees and leant back on his palms. “You never had a girl I didn’t want.”

As he rolled his shoulders to relieve the stress, Cade found no solace. He didn’t need to be so hard on Rhett, but he couldn’t find it in his heart to ease up either. Not when most girls flocked to Rhett and his pretty boys looks.

Cade cracked his neck. He didn’t feel like talking, but he wanted the truth. “What’s eating your ass so bad that you have to come clean about it? We’ve got all the time in the world to talk.”

“Remember the Johnson’s big farewell picnic in Texas three years ago?”

Sweet memories of Melanie’s smile and glee rushed into Cade’s mind. “Yeah, I got my transfer to Ohio and I told Melanie we’d buy a house and get married in the fall.”
She shrieked and told everyone to come to the wedding.

Rhett chuckled and rubbed his chin. “It was the night you asked her to move in to keep the property occupied, so to speak.”

While he yanked off his gloves, Cade nodded again. “I wanted her to stay with me. She brought that stupid pink teddy bear for protection. That night we had the fight that tore our relationship apart. She thought I cheated. No clue how she came to that conclusion.” He chuckled without humour and stared at the hard packed dirt under his untied sneakers. It reminded him of the endless miles of cracked sand in Afghanistan. Thinking about the war made his stomach churn. Then again, the situation with Melanie wasn’t much easier to take. He knew exactly why she’d walked away just a few hours before. He wasn’t the man she needed for the rest of her life.

“I remember like it was yesterday.”

Cade looked up. His eyes burned with sweat and unshed tears. Three years of repressed anger and hurt rushed back in a tidal wave. He coughed to clear his throat. “You know something I don’t?”

As Rhett hunched forward, he rested his elbows on his knees. “Mels suspected you and I had a threesome because she saw you go to my room with Anna Metzger. I never ‘fessed up and told her you left before anything happened.”

Cade’s heart plummeted to his toes. “So that’s why she thought I cheated on her with Anna! Melanie said she wasn’t woman enough for me and withdrew all emotion from the relationship.” Rage and emotions he couldn’t name roiled through him. “Why didn’t you tell her I went in there to unclog your fucking toilet? Your omission ruined my life and probably hers, too. Bastard! Everything makes sense.”