A Constant Reminder (9 page)

The lawn and sidewalk was covered with students in their navy blue caps and gowns. There were a few camera flashes and camcorders mixed in with people holding cell phones and iPad’s up to record the momentous conclusion of the occasion. There were graduates, friends and family everywhere.

Roxanne and Erika posed together in caps and gowns as Roxanne’s mother Margaret snapped pictures under an oak tree. Erika’s family had already taken off for the restaurant. She would meet them there in a few after she finished up with her BFF.

“Okay girls one with the caps off.” Roxanne’s mother ordered.

“You see she didn’t say take off your gown.” Roxanne mumbled for Erika’s ears only. “I’m too damn fat.”

Roxanne and Erika removed their caps and placed then on the grass. Margaret took another picture.

“Mom you finished yet?”

“No no let’s do one without the gowns.”

“Seriously mom. I’m a pig.”

“No you’re pregnant.” Margaret hissed. “Take off the damn gown.”

Erika waved at a student passerby and then she removed her gown. “Take your gown off fatty. Everybody already knows that you’re pregnant.” Erika playfully taunted.

“Yeah right.”

“Come on Roxanne. Just one.” Her mother pleaded.

Erika tossed her gown on the ground beside the tree. “Roxanne take off the gown.” Erika repeated Margaret’s words.

“Okay just one.” Roxanne removed her gown and her pregnant stomach appeared huge in the light of the afternoon. Roxanne glanced to her left to toss her gown to the ground and her eyes met with Quincy’s.

Quincy began walking toward them. Roxanne could see him out the corner of her eye.

“Okay girls say mozzarella.” Margaret chanted.

“Cheese.” Erika shouted as she posed.

Erika smiled widely for the camera. Roxanne smiled halfheartedly. Margaret snapped one picture and then another picture.

Quincy approached Roxanne. Erika walked over to Margaret to give them some privacy.

“Hey congratulations Roxy.”

“Congratulations to you too.” Roxanne stumbled across the words. She wasn’t just pregnant and clumsy. She was also tongued-tied.

“Thanks, thanks...Oh congratulations on the baby thing too. I wanted to tell you that months ago when I found out. But I was pretty rude to you the last time we spoke. So you know.”

“Yeah I was rude to you too. I’m sorry. Hormones I suppose.”

“So when is your baby due?”

“Five weeks.”

“That’s soon.”

“Yeah...I hear you already have a good job?” Roxanne had heard it from big mouth Erika.

“That company I interned with last summer. They hired me.”

“That’s great.”

“You got any plans?”

“Well I plan to drop my load first.” Roxanne rubbed her pregnant belly.

“Good idea.” Quincy chuckled showing all his perfect teeth.

They shared a warm smile. Roxanne palmed her stomach with one hand. She smiled at him to fill the silence.

“Quincy good luck. I mean that.”

“Same to you, with the baby, with everything.” Quincy reached over Roxanne’s stomach to give her a hug followed by kiss on the cheek. Erika watched from the corner of her eyes. She always thought Quincy was fine and Roxanne said he was working with a supersized manhood so she wondered why Roxanne always played him to the left. It was apparent he still had a thing for her even though she was pregnant.

Erika approached Roxanne while Margaret fumbled with the new digital camera she didn’t truly know how to operate. She sopped watching Margaret when she started going through her purse in search of something.

“Woo, I saw that kiss on the cheek.”

“It was more like a peck.” Roxanne rolled her eyes. She wasn’t in the mood.

“Whatever, you know he still likes you right.”

“No he doesn’t. He is dating Keisha. They are a couple now. I know you know that because you’re the one that told me.”

“Girl please. He still likes you.”

“I’m not thinking about him or any guy.”

“Maybe you should.”

“Roxy is about to be a mother.” Margaret’s voice chimed in from out of nowhere. “She doesn’t have time for men. So Erika don’t fill my daughter’s head with that mess. She will have time for these nappy head Negros soon enough.” Margaret rolled her eyes at Erika.

“Why they got to be nappy head?” Erika mumbled to Roxanne for her ears only. “Yo’ mama ig-nant.” Roxanne chuckled at Erika’s true assessment.

“You girls want some gum?” Margaret asked.

“No mom I want food. I’m hungry.”

Erika looked down at Roxanne’s belly. “Tell us something we don’t already know?”

“Stop trying to come for me.”

***

Right on schedule Roxanne went into labor. Her mother drove her to the hospital emergency room. Erika showed up just before it was time for her friend to deliver. Roxanne had been pregnant so long that she was eager to rid herself of her extra load.

Roxanne lay on the table in the birthing room with her mother, Dr. Chase and two nurses. Her labor was long and hard but Roxanne was a trooper.

It took several attempts at pushing until Roxanne was able to deliver her baby naturally. The initial dose of Demerol wasn’t enough to help with the pain so an epidural was inevitable.

Roxanne was first to hold her baby. Her mother was next. Roxanne couldn’t believe how profoundly emotional this had was for her. Her tears were a testament to how much she loved her daughter as soon as she laid eyes on her. The bond was formed long ago but the birth sealed her love for her baby.

Erika refused to hold the baby. She was muttered something about her being too little.

The hospital staff took Roxanne’s newborn and placed her on a nearby table. They checked her vitals and cleaned her off. Roxanne had a direct view of what they were doing. She was exhausted beyond belief but she couldn’t take her eyes off her newborn daughter. A nurse whisked her daughter away for further testing.

Soon Dr. Chase was pushing on Roxanne’s stomach to remove the amniotic sac. After Roxanne was stitched up she had a few sips of water. She tried to eat something but her exhaustion sent her to sleep.

Roxanne woke up to Erika staring down at her. “How long have you been here?” Roxanne mumbled from her dry mouth.

“I just walked in. I just came back. Where’s your baby?”

“The nurse took her so I could eat and get some sleep. I was so tired. I don’t know how long I’ve been sleep.”

“Are you sticking with the same name you picked out?” Erika asked.

“Yeah, she looks like a Morgan.” Roxanne smiled when she thought of her baby.

“Uhhhh, she looks more than that.”

“What’s that mean?” Roxanne sat up in bed. Her body was stiff.

“Seriously?” Erika glanced out the hospital window.

“What are you talking about?” Roxanne wished Erika would stop talking in riddles.

“Girl stop. I know you were drugged but I know you seen your baby.”

Yeah she had seen how incredibly perfect she was. “What?”

“You’re brown and your baby is white as snow.”

“Erika I know what color Morgan is.”

“So you know what that means.”

“Yes I do. But I think it’s messed up that you pick right now to point that out to me. I just had her. She’s my daughter. I don’t care about the…him.”

“Damn I’m sorry. I was just stating the obvious.”

“You know that topic is off limits. I mean it Erika. I’m not ever trying to revisit that, ever again.”

“Okay fine. I’m sorry.”

“I love my baby. I don’t care about how I got her or where she came from. I don’t care.”

“Okay, okay, fine.”

Roxanne rolled her eyes at Erika. She couldn’t believe she said that insensitive thing. It was rude. It was inappropriate. It was how Erika operated, speaking before thinking.

After eighteen hours or labor Erika felt the need to point out the undeniable fact that her newborn baby was half white.

Roxanne was still tired but she felt great after she held her daughter in her arms. It had been a rough nine months. Roxanne had gone long periods of time without even thinking of the rape. Then this cow, Erika waltzes in here telling her something that she already knew. She had eyes, two good ones. She could see her own daughter’s pale milk creamy complexion.

These were the instances that made Roxanne question their friendship. Was Erika a bitch or did she lack common sense? Sure Erika had been there for her but sometimes she wondered what her motives were.

Erika was extremely promiscuous but not one time did Roxanne ever throw it up in her face. She didn’t even turn her nose up when Erika told her she had a threesome with some guy she barely knew and his girlfriend. Why couldn’t Erika be the friend she was to her?

Maybe it was that low rent family she came from. All Erika’s people were loud and opinionated. Being around Erika’s family was too much. She wished Erika would stop being such a killjoy but that probably would never happen. She always could find the negativity in any situation. Maybe Erika just wasn’t happy. Maybe her attitude would change as soon as she found happiness.

Time was the best medicine for the wounds Roxanne had suffered. Roxanne’s mother made life easy for her daughter and her grandchild. Roxanne was allowed to live rent free with her mother and she didn’t have to look for a job until six months after Morgan’s birth. Roxanne survived on her unemployment benefits. She had worked her campus job even after graduation and stopped working only a week before she gave birth.

Things had changed. She had a baby now. She used to be plagued with nightmares. Now she had nightmares of an entirely different kind.

***

Roxanne was fast asleep in her mother’s apartment. Being a new mother made her tired in a way she never felt before. Her fear woke her from her deep sleep. She frantically sat up in bed and looked around the room. She peered over to an empty baby crib. Where was her baby girl?

Panic hit her in her gut. Roxanne hopped out of bed and ran over to the next bedroom in a frantic search for her baby. She spotted her mother Margaret sitting on her bed holding her infant granddaughter in her arms. The relief set in her sternum. She didn’t know what she would do if something happened to Morgan.

Her fear of being attacked was now replaced with her fear of losing her daughter. Her mother had told her these fears were normal for a new mother and they only got worse as your child grew older.

In some way it comforted Roxanne but she knew she couldn’t endure if something happened to her daughter. She just loved her that much.

***

Adam was locked up long enough to accept his fate and the loneliness it would bring. He didn’t know he would have a different visitor today. He had a short list of people who were allowed to visit him.

Daniel had gone as long as he could without visiting his brother. His mother made him feel guilty for not supporting Adam but he truly didn’t want to see his brother behind bars.

His heart ached with the possibility that he could have done something to prevent this. After all he was the older brother. Maybe he just wasn’t there when Adam really needed him. Maybe he failed him in some way or another, a way that just isn’t clear to him at this time.

Daniel sat on one side of the glass partition. Adam walked in on the opposite side and was surprised to see Daniel. Adam had no idea how this would go. He was brave enough to find out. Adam had been a complete dick to Daniel every time they were together.

Adam pulled his chair back and took a seat. They both picked up their phone receivers.

“Hey, how’s it going?” Daniel broke the ice with a question that was obviously stupid but he couldn’t take it back.

“I’m in here.” Adam shrugged. “So it’s going pretty damn terrible.” Adam decided to be honest with Daniel. The heroin made him lie and without it he wanted to live in the truth.

“I’m sorry I haven’t come by to see you before today.”

“You’re here now.”

“I was just studying really hard for finals. Mother told me you were all right so you know.”

“Yeah I know. I get it. You’re busy with your life.”

“Mother said things don’t look that bad for you, since they granted you a separate trial from Anthony Demarco.”

“Yeah I’m trying to stay positive.”

“I’ve been reading the papers. Did you know he’s got a previous conviction for sexual assault?”

“No I didn’t know that when I was hanging with him but my lawyer told me.”

“He raped an underage girl a few years back. He’s a registered sex offender. He’s a real sinister character. He’s been arrested five times.”

“I didn’t know how many.”

“This is just your first offence so they might be lenient, plus Vincent has subpoenaed the counselors at the last rehab you were admitted to. What’s the name of that place?”