A Jar of Hearts (6 page)

He heard her testing and trying out the keys. And when she grew accustomed to the instrument, she began playing one sweet melody after another. But then she grew quiet for a brief while and he perked his ears, wondering why she had stopped.

He ambled back to the living room and saw her sitting upright and frozen in deep thought. She had drifted into a world of her own, unaware of anything else around her. Was she okay? He moved to ask her but her fingers pressed lightly onto the keys again.

He stopped, mesmerized when she began to sing along to her tune.
When did we lose our way? Easier to let it go…Don’t be scared about it, don’t forget it was real…

Her voice was beautiful and yet reflected the pain in her heart. How could he tell her he hadn’t forgotten how real she would always be to him?

He sat gently beside her and she stopped mid-way.

“Don’t stop,” he whispered. “You’re beautiful.”

She pulled her fingers away, clasping them tightly on her lap. “I’d rather you weren’t here.”

“It’s
Do you remember?
by Jarryd James, right?” he said quietly. “I’ll trade off by singing with you.”

She bit her lips as if contemplating his offer and then began playing again.

He closed his eyes, focusing on his breath as he sang
How do I make you stay, when it’s easier to let you go… call me when you made up your mind but you won’t… only love could ever hit this hard… do you remember the way it made you feel?

Sometime in the midst of the song, she joined him as they both drew towards the end chorus in unison. Finally, as one.

They sat silently by each other for a long while. She fiddled with her fingers and he, staring down at them, trying to restrain himself from clasping them.

“I’m ready to go home now,” she said at last.

He turned to her immediately and picked her up, placing her on his lap.

“Do you need to?” she whispered.

He held her close to him, staring into her face. “Yes.”

She put her arms around his nape to brace herself. “And here I was beginning to think you weren’t such a chauvinistic pig after all.”

He sighed and leaned his brow into her shoulders. He didn’t want her to go. He wanted his old life back… with her.

For some reason, she didn’t flinch. Instead, she touched his head lightly and ran her fingers through his hair, making him tremble against her.
Anne
, he groaned inwardly. 

He lifted his head slowly, and she lowered her fingers to his face, tracing it.

“Anne,” he mouthed softly against her finger tips as she caressed his lips.

She stiffened, her face growing grim and stern. Had he said something wrong?

“Can we go home now?” she said.

He stood up quietly, carrying her with him and began to head over towards her house.

The back door snapped opened by a startled Julia.

“James?” she asked with alarm as her eyes drew over to the woman kicking and screaming over his shoulders.

“Let me down! What sort of stupidity is this? Let me down now!”

James clasped her legs tightly before she could throw another nasty kick into his stomach.

“You playing fireman?” Julia teased.

“We might as well,” he grinned. “Where is her bedroom?”

“My bedroom? Why would you want to take me to my bedroom? Julia, tell him to put me down!”

“Up the stairs and to the left,” Julia directed with a smile.

“Julia?” Anne uttered with shock, trying to lift her head as much as she could. “Julia…Julia!”

“Anne?” a little voice interrupted her.

“Ashley? Ashley, knock some sense into your mother and tell her to tell this man to put me down!”

“Hello,” James said. “I’m James.”

“I’m Ashley,” the girl said.

Anne rolled her eyes. “What the heck is this? A meet and greet?”

“What’s wrong with her?” The little girl pointed to Anne.

“A lot,” he grinned. “She’s on the… heavy side,” he whispered out the last words. “I better take her up before she breaks my back.”

“Heavy?! Excuse me?” Anne puffed with disbelief. “Did I ask you to carry me? No! But you insisted anyway, you stubborn ass of a man!”

He skipped up the steps and darted towards her bedroom before she could spurt any more rage in front of Ashley.

“For godsakes, Anne, Ashley can hear you. She is only a little girl.”

“And you are an ass!”

He marched into her room and dropped her onto her bed. She scrambled up in fury to slap him, but he caught her flailing arms, pinning them down as he sat astride her.

“I was bringing you home just fine until you decided to challenge my masculinity,” he said with a wide grin. He was enjoying this fiery side of her.

“You were crawling home! I don’t understand why you needed to carry me when obviously you didn’t have the brawns to do it!”

“You might want to rethink that again,” he said, lifting his brow.

“Or you’ll do what?”

He grabbed her wrist and laid it against his ribs. She clenched her fist tightly, refusing to touch him.

“What do you think you’re doing now?” she growled, trying to snatch her hand away from him.

But he held them firmly against him. “Showing you that you’re wrong about me yet again.”

“Why does it matter what I believe?”

He leaned down into her ear, his cheek brushing against hers, his cologne infusing the air about her.  She went rigid as he whispered, “It matters.”

She released her clenched fingers, touching his skin cautiously as if it would burn her. Her eyes were closed, her hands trembling as she ran her palm over his muscular abdomen, feeling him. He looked down on her, his body growing hard from her touch. The tip of his nose caressed hers and his lips almost met her beautiful mouth. What was she doing to him?

He had to break her spell on him or he’d be too indecent to face the two women waiting downstairs.

He leapt off her. “You should get a bath,” he said in a gruff voice.

“Argh!” she screamed. “You are the most uncouth bastard I’ve ever met in my life! And believe me, I’ve met a few.”

“Either way, you should get that bath,” he said almost with a chuckle.

“Get out of my room!” she yelled, throwing a pillow at him. “And don’t you ever speak to me again!”

He bounced down the stairs cheerily. He hadn’t been filled with such life in a long time.

“How is she?” Julia asked. She was in the kitchen alone with no sign of her daughter around.

“She is fine. She’s taking a bath.” He smiled. “I’m sorry about the shocking entrance. She hurt her feet while walking on coral and I thought it would be best if I carried her back.”

“Thank you. It was kind of you to do that.”

“She didn’t make it easy,” he said with a small laugh.

“I can imagine. She can be quite adamant about what she wants.” She shuffled uneasily at her feet. “I guess I owe you an apology as well. I thought you were quite the jerk when I met you at first.”

“It’s okay. I think I deserved it.”

She scrunched her lips as if in deep thought. “Perhaps, you can help her,” she muttered almost to herself.

“I’m sorry?” He arched an eyebrow.

“This is the first I have seen her so alive in two years, James. You saw how stubborn she can get. But no one has been able to achieve what you managed in just a few hours. Everyone else unfortunately relents to everything she wants to do. Even her own father. But you…” She shook her head. “That’s why you could help her.”

He swallowed. He was the cause of all her pain. How could he forgive himself?  “What do you want me to do?”

“Be her friend. Date her if you can. I believe if you can make her feel worthy of her life, she will want to live again.”

“But Julia…”

She rubbed her brow. “I know. It’s crazy.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry I put you on the spot. I shouldn’t have asked you something like that. I don’t know what came over me. But seeing her so full of life gave me hope. It’s been hard watching her hurt each day that I was prepared of paying you just to take her out. I still am if you are willing. I handle her money from her father and I would be able to offer you something generous.”

“Don’t you think that she wouldn’t appreciate you doing this?”

“It’s a desperate situation. I doubt her father would mind it either. Considering the way she disappeared this morning and the rightful mess she turned up in, I can only assume she was bad when you found her.”

He put his hands into his pockets and leaned against the kitchen bench. Remembering how he had found her in that corner of the beach huddled and dirty, made his heart ache all over again. It was the weakest he had ever seen of her.

“What about her boyfriend? I saw a man with her last night while she was playing her violin. That was her boyfriend, right?” he asked slowly.

“That was Nicholas Bradley.” She let out a long sigh. “Nicholas has long been in love with Anne, but Anne refuses to treat him more than just a friend. You see… Anne is still in love with her dead boyfriend and until she can heal and move past his death, I’m afraid she will begin to lose all interest in living again.”

His jaw twitched. Only he could be blamed for her anguish.

“I can understand why,” the housekeeper continued sadly. “That girl lives in a world of her own. We can’t see hers and she can’t see ours. I can’t blame her for feeling she is all alone in everything she is going through.”

He had to fix this. He did this and he would have to do something about it. The pits of his stomach balled. He wished he was truly dead to not have to find her suffering like this. But he was alive and he could teach her to move on. A job such as his came with great risk. As far as he knew he could die anytime at the hands of Juan, a senseless drive-by or even Mark. What would happen to her then? He would never have this chance again to ensure she would be strong enough to press on living.

Besides, there was no guarantee Mark would live up to his promise and let him go free once The Pacheco mission was done. As far as the FBI was concerned, Mark’s team did not exist. Only a handful of superior officers who had delegated Mark with the mission of ending the drug war in San Diego knew about him but he could never trust them either to live up to their side of the bargain. No, his past sins would always be his shackles around his ankles.

“Fine,” he said with a pretentious tired puff. “How much are you willing to pay me?” After all, he had to have a credible reason to do this.

“You will?” She clapped her hands in joy. “Really? Oh, thank you! Thank you so much.”

He smiled and lowered his head. His heart was racing inside of him, and his palms were growing wet from his nervousness. He was going to spend more time with Anne… probably even have the chance to kiss her. To love her all over again. He didn’t know if this was going to be a wise decision. Actually, he didn’t care. Juan would probably kill him for it and so could Mark. But he couldn’t walk away from her- not now, not when he knew she was suffering because of him.

“How much?” Julia asked through her tears.

“A hundred… two hundred,” he replied with a shrug. He didn’t want the woman feeling burdened over this.

“But that is… too minimal.” She lowered her eyes as she mentally calculated the costs.

He smiled. “Trust me; it wouldn’t take long at all. I’m an expert. She will be ready for a brand new life after only a few dates with me.”

“You sound so sure of yourself,” she uttered with disbelief.

He laughed. “Let’s leave it at a hundred. Otherwise, you’re welcome to pay me an amount you are more comfortable with.”

She let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you, James”

He ambled out into the back deck to find Ashley sitting on the floor, dangling her legs out the side.

“Hey,” he said. “You’re by yourself.”

She shrugged. “I usually am. Are you going home?”

“Yeah.” He frowned. “Is something the matter?”

“No… not really.”

He glanced at the afternoon sun. He should be going home, but yet he was here lingering about Anne’s house.

He sighed and sat down slowly beside her. She glanced across at him curiously.

“I thought I could keep you company for a while. Is that okay?” he asked.

“I suppose,” she said quietly.

They turned towards the ocean, watching its waves gather and then break along the shore. Two young boys passed a ball to each other as they ran along the beach. Their German shepherd jumped gleefully with them, trying as much to be a part of their game. At one instance, they dropped the ball and the dog chased after it.

The two boys shouted in horror, “Boxer, no! Don’t bite it!”

It was a funny merry-go-round as the boys raced after the dog and the dog after the ball. James let out a little chuckle at the sight.

“Do you have a dog?” Ashley asked, amusement from the scene lighting up her beautiful large brown eyes.

“No.”

“Oh,” she muttered and turned back to the boys again.

He noticed she had returned to her silent self. “What about you? Do you have one?” he asked in an attempt to cajole her into a conversation.

“No,” she replied in a low, disheartened voice. “Mom said I can’t have one. She won’t have one in the house because it might make a mess and Anne wouldn’t be able to see it when it does. We’d have to keep it outside but Mom can’t afford a kennel just yet.”

“Hmm… that’s a problem then.” He curled his lips in deep thought. “What if I built you one, would your mom allow one then?”

She widened her eyes with hope. “Really?”

“Yeah. It shouldn’t take me more than a couple of days to put one up. What kind of dog do you want?”

“I want a golden retriever,” she replied eagerly.

“That’s a beautiful dog.” He nodded. “I know they love water and so it just might be perfect for a place like this.”

“Would you really build a kennel for me?” she asked again guardedly, trying to reaffirm herself about his offer.

“Only if your mother allows you that dog.” He smiled. “How about you go and ask her and let me know what she says?”

“I’ll do that now!” She leapt out of her spot and bounded off into the house.

James stood up and leaned against the railings, waiting for them. What would Julia think? He was already interfering into Anne’s life and now he was meddling with theirs? But he couldn’t leave the little girl whimpering after a dog when only a kennel stood in her way of getting her wish.

“James,” Julia said as she stepped onto the verandah, followed by a suddenly zestful Ashley almost knocking into her. Julia licked her lips unsurely. “Ashley said you offered to build her a dog kennel.”

“It’s true, Mom!” Ashley interrupted excitedly. “He did!”

“Ashley, I’m talking,” her mother scolded. But it failed to curb the girl’s excitement as she bounced between them, looking up at James eagerly to attest her claim.

He ruffled her hair fondly. “I did.”

“But James… I can’t afford to pay you for the kennel,” Julia said hesitantly.

“I am willing to do it for free so long as Ashley agrees to lend me her dog to play with now and then.” He grinned at the girl beaming brightly beside him.

“Yes!” she let out with a squeal.

“But the cost of the material…” Julia started again.

“I have some lying about my house. I could use it to build Ashley a decent doghouse she might actually be proud of.”

“James, I don’t know what to say.”Julia pressed her palms together and close to tearing up.

“Does that mean that Ashley will get her dog?”

“Yes,” she laughed aloud.

“Yes!” Ashley cried, high-fiving James’ raised palm.

He grinned. What a difference a day made. He had held the woman he loved in his arms, made two beautiful friends and surprisingly, he was feeling worthy of his life again.

But the sun was setting in its oceanic horizon and would most likely engulf his happiness along with it in those dark waves. He let out a long breath of air. There was no certainty in the life he lived.