A Tapless Shoulder (2 page)

Just to
entertain curiosity, I wondered how far I would get if I did go
clamouring about the room like an idiot. I looked around and sized
up the few remaining occupants. There were a young couple, maybe on
a date, on the other side of the bar from me, and then some older
guys sitting on stools at the bar. Yes, there was no doubt about
it; I had waited long enough. Maybe the wait wasn’t to blame, who
knew, I couldn’t put a finger on it even if I tried. I slapped my
hand on the table.
There
,
sobriety test
passed
. I smiled to myself,
and then thought,
LAME
.

Man, was I
right; I was
drunk
, and knew the
sooner I got myself home the better. I suddenly wished Katie was
there with me, right then,
right
on my
lap
, why the hell not, wish
away fish boy, all my thoughts bumped into each other as they
stopped; I had meant “wish boy.”

I met Katie
at a bar. She was much too proper, maybe, to be a one night stand,
so I had to promise her forever. Neither of us was looking to meet
someone, and had just been there as sidekicks to friends that were
looking. We began talking and making fun of our friends, then
anyone and everyone, ourselves included. Eventually, as our friends
went off in cabs, we, jokingly and at the same time, said
“Your place or
mine
.” We had been the
designated drivers, but apparently our jobs had become obsolete. We
went for coffee… the next morning. If I was texting this, I’d add a
little wink right about here… ah, what the hell. ;)

When we
weren’t speaking each other’s thoughts we were laughing
whol
e
heartedly. The perfection of it all, the amazing little
moments; made us feel like the leads in a great love story. It was
so absolutely new and innocent. It hadn’t even occurred to me how
she looked
to
me
, which struck me as the
oddest thing, and a sure sign that there was something special
about her. I’d never had that: where I couldn’t gauge how someone
struck me physically. It was all in our eyes, as though, during our
conversation, our souls were talking and our bodies just happened
to be between us.

At first we
hadn’t a name for what was taking place, just the knowledge that it
was definitely
something
. We watched
it grow until it overtook simply everything. It was amazing just
how quickly it was able to do that. Now it, which we referred to
as,
this
, was a home and a happy life together with
children.

It was with
Katie in mind that I clumsily touched the screen on my phone like
someone else was holding it. I navigated my way to our phone number
while the room flopped itself from side to side like we were on a
waterbed and I nearly yelled at a waitress, as she walked by,
to
stop bloody
moving
. I spoke with Katie.
Told her I would come back with Steve tomorrow and get my car. I
hung up. Not much of the conversation stayed with me and I wondered
if it had gone well.

I was pretty
sure I told her cars were stupid, and wondered why I’d said that
when I was sitting there wishing I had one. It was about then that
the obvious occurred to me. It wasn’t the car I needed; it was the
sobriety I needed to drive it. That collection of logic came
together at such an unfit pace, I wondered if alarm was possibly
mistaken for leaving me there in the arms of my unstable
self.

The moments
were falling so far from one another now; nothing remained
connected to reason. I tried to remember why I was there, and then
wondered where the hell you had run off to, and, truthfully, for a
brief moment, I hoped you were my ride. My phone rang and I looked
at it; at the same time remembering who you were, and why we were
no longer on speaking terms. It was Katie; I answered. She wondered
why I hadn’t called her back. I wondered why I was supposed to. She
told me she’d be leaving very shortly, and stressed sternly to
watch for her.

I began to
think slowly, like thoughts were something I dragged along, that if
whoever had called me
hadn’t
survived
their
thing
, well, I
confided in myself, I probably did not really need them around. It
just seemed to be a no-brainer to not want friends who couldn’t
make it out of bad situations. Had they arrived, they may
have
just narrowly
escaped their demise, and could even
have brought worse with them
to me
. I didn’t need
that. Perhaps it was working out for the best; I mean, I
was
drunk and any cares I had had all fallen wayside. The low
point from where I sat now would have to have been the argument
with myself, which was as much a haze now as the urgent phone
call.
Hell, I didn’t even
care if my wife was furious with me
, I thought recklessly, and then put that thought in a
corner and quietly backed away.

Katie arrived
and I walked toward the car, staggeringly fast, like it was the
same direction my life happened to be moving in at that exact
moment. Our two boys were in their car seats looking bewildered and
excited.
ADVENTURE
, I wanted
to yell at them, but felt it may have been in my best interest to
just keep quiet. I sat in the car for the ride home thinking the
drive might not have seemed so long if I had a better explanation
for what had happened. For some reason I could have sworn I had
more than just “Someone told me to meet them there and I got drunk,
no,
correction
: they
didn’t
show
, so I got drunk.” That last thought I added was apparently
not beneficial at all to my case. The farther I was from everything
the less it all became and the more I wanted to just lie down and
sleep, mostly so I could get even farther away from it
still.

While stopped
at a light, a taxi stopped next to us. I looked over at it and
after a moment laughed.
O
nly then
did it
occur
to me that
I
c
ould have called a taxi to bring me home. I hit my forehead
with the palm of my hand. I looked over at Katie, about to tell her
my revelation, but didn’t when I saw the look on her face. Then I
noticed flashing lights
far
down the road in the direction we
wanted to go. I cleared my throat, “You should turn right up here;
looks like there’s an accident down that way.”

“
YEAH,” Ding
Ding yelled, “they all peed their pants!”

Katie and I
looked at each other and then burst into laughter.

Ding Ding and
I were putting a puzzle together. Knuckle Butt, his younger
brother, slept soundly on the couch behind us. Over and over, I
would hand Ding Ding a piece and he would try to figure out where
to put it. Sometimes, I had to direct his gaze to a particular area
of the puzzle, while other times I’d have to let him know to turn
the piece around, usually telling him, “the other way,” several
times until it was right. Katie worked afternoons at a factory
where they made all sorts of metal shelving, so she was in the
kitchen getting a lunch ready to take with her.

When Ding
Ding tired of the puzzle he asked if we could watch a movie. I got
up from my spot on the floor by the TV to turn it on. As I was
about to press the power button I noticed spots of water on the TV
stand. I looked around, wondering where they had come from, and
then it occurred to me to look up at the window. There was water
all along the trim. I raised the blinds, and more drops of water
fell. My heart began to quicken. It seemed like a disaster was
looming. I had seen commercials for a show about stuff like this; I
may only have
seconds
to react, and I was so terribly
ill-prepared for a disaster. I looked higher up, at the ceiling,
finally piecing it together. I was slow and only wished I was
slower if it meant more time before realizing the roof was leaking.
Ten percent of my mind swore, and it echoed in the other
ninety.

I inspected
the wall; the paint was bubbling up and the trim around the window
pulled away easily.
Holy Q
and the mother effing icebergs of HOLY CRAP,
I thought, and then blurted out, “Fucking shit,
fucking bullshit and hell balls of
fucking
shit
.” There wasn’t
much meaning to either, but is there ever? Katie hissed at me, and
I made a motion with my hand that I intended to mean,
I mixed something up
there
. She shook her head at
me, and I… became confused, and just tried to close the doors on
all things in my head
not
helping the
situation, even as something like frustration ran around kicking
them open. It went on like that for a while.

The water was
running down the wall quicker now from the ceiling. I was furious
and annoyed to no end; I wanted to put something through the
window, climb out, and just go for a walk. I was new to owning a
house. I hadn’t had
things
to really deal
with yet, and if I hadn’t been new at it, I would have just been
bad at it. I hauled the pieces of trim into the darkness of the
garage. My inner dialogue muttered obscenities as I pulled
everything away from the wall: television, stand, the cable box and
game consoles that slid out of their spots in the unit in favour of
staying attached to cables and plugs still in the wall. I was
drastically slow to unplug them and carefully push them each back
into their designated spaces. If I hadn’t; the only other thing I
was capable of doing was lifting them above my head to throw them.
I examined the bottom of the windowsill, directly above the outlet,
where water was pooling, very near to running over the edge. Would
it have simply popped the fuse or blown up a couple thousand
dollars’ worth of stuff too? That had me thinking that if it ever
all went to hell, be it hell came up to us or the sun went to hell
with its head down, I knew I was dumping a pail of water on an
electrical outlet.

Katie stood
back and tried to survey the damage. Ding Ding kept asking me what
I was doing. “I’m just trying to fix the… window or wall or roof,
maybe the house.” He didn’t understand why I had moved everything,
and kept repeating that the television needed batteries. I assured
him it didn’t need batteries and looked pleadingly at Katie. Any
other time I would have happily agreed with him, “Yup, needs
batteries,” but I needed this one tiny thing more than him, as I
was in the moment mentally undressed; only the latest fashion for
the trendiest of idiots.

“
Come on,”
she said firmly, “give Daddy some room so he can fix
it.”

“
I don’t know what to do. Is it just running from the roof
and into the house all of a sudden for no reason? I think, I just…”
I stuttered, “I have to see what it looks like and figure out
something. I don’t know.” I shook my head, and stood staring at her
for a moment. “There’s probably a ton of ice up there. Let’s get my
dad over here, we’ll pour some drinks,” I said like I was
serious.
SLAM! One door
shuts. WHOOSH! Another opens.
Who could know, maybe I was serious.
Boys, want to see your parents get drunk, and
your mother punch a lamp out from under its shade?
Even with that thought it still
seemed like a reasonable possibility. While she was doing that I
could start a fight with the roof.
Either you or I are going down!

Katie looked
at me, unimpressed, seeing me contemplating way too much for her
liking. “Um, now is not the time to be a smart ass.”

“
BLAG, BUH,
SNAFFOO,” I hollered loudly with my head thrown back, “nothing
smart about that,” I said snappily and tossed another piece of trim
aside.

I looked at
the ceiling, then back at Katie. “Sorry, I just… I, well, you
know,” I sighed and then shrugged. “You can’t go to work. You need
to be here, you need to watch these guys, right? We can’t leave
this, I don’t think. And my head is killing me from stupid last
night.” I could feel Ding Ding staring up at me, reminding me of
his presence, which was good as I would have been swearing every
other word, had he not been there. I retrieved a hooded sweatshirt
from the closet and put a hat on. Winter had just begun its slow
fade, and the sun was again bright and warm. The snow and ice on
the roof must have been melting too quickly and now that water was
somehow coming into the house.

Out on the
front porch, the water was running steadily from the roof over the
eaves where it was leaking inside. The ice looked to be still quite
thick and I wondered if I’d returned the axe I had once borrowed
from my dad. The ice had to be at least three inches thick; I would
have had to bring the sun closer if I wanted to be rid of that
anytime soon. I went back into the house. Katie was sitting on the
couch in tears and with the phone in hand, which confused me. I
assumed she’d be only a moment so I waited.

“
No, I don’t know what else to do,” she said softly, “it’s
not like I want this to be happening and don’t want to come to
work. It’s just, we’re having a bit of an emergency, yes, I know,
but we need to deal with it
now
, and call whoever
to do whatever needs to be done. I don’t… we don’t even know what
we need to do or should be doing, I can’t just leave my husband
here with two little kids to watch and a leaking roof.” Katie
looked at me as though the last thing that could have gone wrong
just had. My eyes widened and my mouth fell open; she was
being
pressured
to find an
alternative to missing work. This new anger of mine had been made
with a deeper foundation and reinforced where the old anger fell
apart. Had
fate
just sent me a text, pretty sure it
would have read:
Your house
is falling apart AND I’m introducing an idiot of epic proportions.
LOL.