Accidental Love for Three (6 page)

"And the best part—I get to go to Vegas for the annual sales conference next week."

She practically bounced in her seat. Gavin glanced over at Lee, who wore the same expression he did. Things had been crazy at work lately, and there was no way he'd be able to wrangle a few days off to go with her.

"Umm..." Lee said carefully, glancing at Gavin. "I guess I could take a few days off."

"No," Tracey said quietly. "I don't need either of you to come with me. I'm actually looking forward to a few days alone, and besides, I'll be busy the whole time with conference stuff, so I won't be very good company anyway."

Lee stiffened at the words 'a few days alone' the same way he did.

Was having a relationship with them both proving too difficult?

"Don't look at me like that," she said in a mock growl. "You both get time alone to do your own things. I just need a little of the same."

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Accidental Love for Three

43

"Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. Neither of us realized that we were crowding you like that." Lee nodded in agreement.

"It's not like that," she said, shaking her head. "I love every minute I spend with you both, but sometimes it's like I have two separate and very different lives and, well, it's kind of easy to forget who I am." She softened her words with a smile, and he tried to return it at the same time that he mentally kicked his own ass for being such a selfish blockhead. Judging by the look on Lee's face, she was doing much the same.

"Don't do that," Tracey admonished. "Either of you! I love you both, and I love my life, and I love my job. I'm really looking forward to this conference, and I don't want either of you taking time out of your own busy careers to come hold my hand. In case you haven't noticed, I'm fine now. My bruises healed, my teeth are fixed, and I haven't had a nightmare in almost a year. You don't need to hover over me."

Gavin could feel Lee's tension almost as well as he could feel his own. Everything Tracey said was right. They had been hovering over her, both not only anxious for her health but to make their relationships work.

"I'm sorry," they both said at the same time.

Tracey shook her head in exasperation.

"That's the other thing. Neither of you has argued with me in the last eighteen months. Do you realize that? You've both been tip toeing around me like I might break, and I've got to tell you it's making me into a bitch. I get whatever I want, whenever I want it in both relationships, and it's driving me nuts. You both need to tell me to go to hell once in a while."

She said it all with a smile, but Gavin could see that she'd held onto these feelings for some time. How had he and Lee missed such an important problem in their relationships? Simple, he thought ruefully, because neither wanted to give Tracey a reason to leave them for the other.

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44

Rachel Clark

"Trace, I'm sorry. I didn't realize. I promise to not let you get away with being a bitch," Lee said seriously. "I just want you to know that you can tell me anything, especially stuff like this. It's obvious you've been feeling this for some time. Why haven't you said anything until now?"

Tracey shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm not really sure when it started. I just can't shake the feeling that I'm short changing both of you and so I spend every minute I have with one or the other and then get snarky when I don't get everything my way."

Gavin noticed Tracey's hands weren't quite steady when she said everything on her mind. She was as nervous and unsure as he was, and he suspected that Lee was feeling the same. Things had seemed to be going so well and then suddenly, they weren't. It was both comforting and disturbing to realize that he wasn't the only one tasting dissatisfaction with their current arrangement.

* * * *

Lee unlocked the front door and walked into the quiet apartment.

Tracey had been away for three nights, and Gavin had successfully avoided her the entire time. She should be mad, she should demand that he sit down and finish the conversation they'd started the other night, before Tracey's announcement, but something held her back.

She'd been far too comfortable with Tracey's husband lately.

She'd found herself thinking all sorts of silly things as well.

Maybe it was her biological clock ticking or something, but lately she'd been very interested in all things baby.

Two women at her office were in the later stages of pregnancy, and Lee had started to wonder if maybe she was missing out on something. Of course, at the same time she felt really stupid. She was in a wonderful relationship with the woman of her dreams.

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Accidental Love for Three

45

Yes, she'd dated men before and, other than a brief experimental stage with women in college, she'd never been attracted to another woman besides Tracey. She had even considered marriage to her then-boyfriend when Tracey had married Gavin and she'd thought her dreams dashed, but now she was thinking of only one man—her lover's husband.

How did she get to this point? Gavin was an incredible man, so it was no surprise that she had a great deal of respect for him. After all, how many men would love their wives enough to share them with another lover? Lately, though, her feelings for him had morphed into something different, and she'd found herself wondering what it would be like to be held by him, to have his strong arms wrapped around her as his warm hard flesh pounded into her. She'd also caught herself fantasizing about having children with him.

The thrill of excitement that ran down her spine at just the thought of what that man could do to her overwrought nerves also came with a heavy load of guilt. Both Tracey and Gavin deserved more from her.

They'd adjusted their lives to accommodate her dreams, her love and how did she thank them? By lusting after them both.
Just great...

She flopped onto the sofa, uncertain whether she wanted to eat or just fall into bed. She'd been working really hard lately, both in an effort to distract herself and, she admitted silently, so that she could avoid Gavin while Tracey was away.

It felt a little crazy that she couldn't trust herself to be in the same room with him without their shared lover as a chaperone. She couldn't for the life of her figure out when things had gotten so out of control.

She was still flopped on the sofa contemplating the confusing myriad of emotions when the man himself walked in the door. He had his head down as he walked into the room, and he was almost in front of her when he saw her.

"Ugh...Hi," he said clearly uncomfortable. "I thought you'd be asleep by now."

She smiled sadly at him.

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46

Rachel Clark

"Yep, I thought the same thing about you."

He watched her for a moment, seemingly undecided, but then he headed to the armchair and sat down opposite her.

"Working hard?" he asked awkwardly.

"Yep," she answered wondering when their easy camaraderie had vanished. They'd been friends and at times co-conspirators in their relationships with Tracey, but now things were different. Did Gavin sense what she was feeling? Was he worried that she was about to fuck up everything for the three of them?

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, genuine concern in his tone.

She nodded, not trusting her voice. Of course he was the perfect mixture of strong alpha and sensitive beta male, Tracey wouldn't have fallen for him so hard if he hadn't been, but why did she also have to find that so darn appealing? They were friends, nothing more. She had to get over these ridiculous feelings.

He must've seen something in her eyes, must've sensed something that she was feeling because he moved onto the lounge and gathered her in his arms.

"Lee, please tell me? Maybe I can help, just give me a chance."

Well, that just did it. If she wasn't head over heels, hopelessly in love with him already, she would've swooned at his feet and begged him to love her, but she'd been fighting this attraction for a while now, so she somehow found the strength to resist.

"I'm just tired," she said quietly.

He set her aside as he looked into her eyes questioningly.

"Shit, Lee, no way would you let me get away with an answer like that. What's really going on?"

Lee smiled sadly. She had let him get away with that answer but only once and only a few days ago.

"I'm sorry, Gavin. I'm just really confused right now."

"Confused how?"

"You know I love Tracey with all my heart, right?"

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Accidental Love for Three

47

He nodded, his breath catching in his lungs as his imagination filled in ideas of where this conversation might be heading. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear what was next. If she confessed to the same longings, then, right now, they were both in a heap of trouble.

She shrugged again.

"Lately, I don't know, I can't really explain it, but I've been feeling like something's missing. Like I'm happy with what I've got, but I want more anyway."

Gavin shuddered at her words, all too aware that he'd described his own feelings in much the same way. He tried to appear calm and interested but unaffected by her words.

"That's okay, Lee," he said carefully. "We're all human. It's in our nature to want more."

"I know," she said, the sound so forlorn that he dragged her back into his embrace. He couldn't sit here and do nothing when the woman most important to his wife was hurting so much. No way was he admitting that he needed to hold her as much as she needed to be held.

He rocked them both gently as she gave in to the tears she'd been trying to hold back. She clung to him then, a gentle soul seeking warmth from the storm of her own confused emotions. They stayed that way for a long time, simply holding each other.

"Gavin," she said against his chest once the tears stopped. "Have you ever thought about having children?"

He smiled. Yes, he'd thought about them more and more lately.

He'd love to have a couple of children running around the apartment.

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48

Rachel Clark

He'd even gone as far as to consider buying a house, somewhere with a big yard where the kids could play and he could build them a treehouse. The problem with his dreams was that the children weren't all Tracey's. In his imagination, he could see Lee swollen with his child as well.

Damn, they really should not be having this conversation!

Gavin moved abruptly, pulling away from Lee and standing up.

"Have you eaten?" he asked desperately trying to change the subject.

She eyed him warily, obviously noticing his distress.

"Gavin, it's okay. I haven't even discussed babies with Tracey. She might not be interested now that her career is taking off."

Gavin winced. He hadn't really thought about that. He and Tracey had discussed children before her accident, but hadn't said anything since. He'd been so worried about getting her back to full health and then sorting out their unusual relationship that he hadn't said anything to her. He'd kept all of his baby thoughts to himself.

He rubbed his hand tiredly down his face.

"I suppose you might be right," he said glumly as he turned to leave the room.

"But you've thought about them, too."

* * * *

She'd felt the shiver that pulsed through him when she mentioned children. At first, she'd considered it a sign of distaste, a sign that he didn't want children, but when he'd catapulted off the lounge, she'd seen the look on his face.

Hope.

He wanted children as much as she did. She was absolutely sure of it.

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Accidental Love for Three

49

He turned to face her, opening and closing his mouth several times before he spoke. It was obvious that he chose his words carefully.

"Yes, I want children. I have for a long time now, but it's never seemed like a good time to bring it up."

"Will you talk to Tracey?" she asked almost holding her breath.

"About babies? Probably not."

"Why?" she asked quietly, unsure if she wanted to know the answer.

"Can we just drop this for now?"

"No," she said stubbornly. "I want an answer. Why won't you talk to Tracey?"

She knew she was asking a lot, knew that it really wasn't her business, but something inside pushed her to get his response. He was sad and hurting and she wanted to know why. She could see that her insistence was starting to annoy him. Good. She might get some honest answers now.

He marched back into the room, getting angrier with every step.

He stopped in front of her and bent over so that he was staring directly into her eyes.

"Fine. You want an answer, here you go." He stared at her a moment longer, waiting for her to back down. When she didn't he leaned in closer and rasped next to her ear.

"I won't mention it to Tracey because she's not the only one I dream of having my children." He grabbed her then, hauling her to him as he roughly claimed her mouth. He kissed her with all his pent up frustration and anger, claiming her mouth in a way no other had.

He held her tightly and groaned as she kissed him back.

The kiss softened then, a sensual assault on her unresisting lips.

His tongue sought entry to her heat and she opened willingly, sucking at his tongue, nipping at it with her teeth.