Accidentally Catty (7 page)

She’d just threatened to kill someone, and she’d done it after she’d launched through the air in a triple axel of deadly intent.

Katie’s hands shot up into the space between them in a flash of movement. “Oh, God! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Are you hurt?” She let hesitant hands flutter over him, only to pull them back in a gesture of uncertainty.

He folded his arms, bulging with muscle, behind his head and cocked her a smile full of white teeth. A smile that seemed so strange, coming from a face so roughly hewn and carved from granite. “I have to guess I’ve been much worse off than having a pretty lady like yourself sitting on my chest. So please don’t mock when I again make mention of the fact that the floor’s still just as cold as it was before you came to your senses and opted out of your wish to annihilate me. Though, I suspect, if you keep sitting on top of me, I’ll warm up rather nicely.” He wiggled a raven eyebrow at her and winked, making the jagged scar at the corner of his right eye wrinkle in rakish fashion.

Nina took her by surprise and just in time to save Spanky’s jugular by hauling Katie off him, yanking her upward so fast, her bones creaked in protest. “Kaih. Could we have something to, you know, cover his man-bits? They’re dangling. Ingrid, quit hovering in the corner like some weird-ass voyeur and man up. Make yourself useful, and help Tonto here find a blanket to cover the kid with.”

Kaih looked as though he might challenge Nina’s stab at him until she gave him her special brand of the evil eye. He and a simpering Ingrid scurried out of the room to do Nina’s bidding, wordless.

Nina held out her hand to Spanky, keeping her eyes on his face and pulling him to his feet. He wobbled, but Wanda came to stand on the other side of him, offering him support. He shook his head as though to clear the cobwebs that had surely formed in his tranquilizer-induced brain. His gaze fell on Nina. “Pump iron much?”

Nina’s glance back was amused, judging by the tilt of her eyebrow. “Naked much?”

His handsome face went sheepish as he cast his eyes downward to his impressive southern regions. “That is rather problematic,” he shot back. Very British. Very proper.

Kaih raced back in, Ingrid, less red-eyed now, following close behind. “I got your back, pal. Here.” He shoved one of his old lab coats at Spanky while Ingrid hurled more towels at him and skid over to stand behind Marty.

Wanda helped him into the lab coat, and the stark white material against his olive-toned skin made Katie’s breath hiss in and out once more. Rolling her head on her shoulders to work out her tension, she grappled with the slew of questions she had, forcing herself to ask them one at a time in a logical fashion. “So, Spanky,” she drawled, “who are you, and how did you land on the front steps of my veterinary clinic?”

His eyes darted evasively from one woman to the next. “Uh, I’m Spanky . . . I guess, and I have no idea how I ended up on your steps—or in a cage—or in a room so full of such lovely women.”

Marty preened, hoisting Muffin under her right arm and stroking the dog’s snow-white head. Her sigh was long and wistful. “Did I mention I wish I’d been turned at twenty?”

“You did, Miss America. Now quit with the googly eyes because you’re a long way from twenty, sister, and focus,” Nina ordered. She approached Spanky the way a hunter approached their prey. Well, a hunter who wasn’t even a little worried her prey would startle and make an escape, that is. “Lay off the charming, Kit and Caboodle, and start talking. Now, or I just might bite.”

Spanky’s eyebrow rose with an arrogant slant to it, the right corner of his yummy mouth tilting upward just a little. “You bite?” He mock shivered, shooting her a smoldering gaze. “I find that almost titillating coming from a woman of your beauty.”

He was a real slick Willy, Katie noted. She also noted how charming and well-spoken he was for someone who appeared so young.

Nina leaned into him, letting her lips hover near his chin, covered in dark, sinfully-raspy-when-it-scraped-the-collar-of-the-lab-coat stubble. “I’ll titillate you right into next week if you don’t tell us who you are, and how”—she reached behind her, latching onto Katie’s paw and lunging it in his face like some scary Halloween mask—“she got
this
.You’ve got three seconds.”

Wanda flicked Nina’s nose from over Spanky’s shoulder with the snap of two fingers. “Back up, Sugar Ray, and give the child some room.”

“Child?” Spanky repeated, his tone littered with surprise. Like he didn’t know he was all of thirteen.

“Isn’t that what everyone our age calls someone your age? You know, when you’re prepubescent and we’re not?” Katie muttered more to herself than for public consumption.

She sauntered up to him, all swagger and sashay, noting her head just reached the top of his shoulder. “Forget it. Your age has nothing to do with what you’ve done to me.” She held up her hand. “Explain this. Do it fast before the urge to take your juice box away forever strikes me.”

His sharp jaw clenched in what she’d label a brief moment of horror at the condition of her hand, then his face fell blank in confusion. If he was playing them, he was a better actor than Brad Pitt on his best day. “I’m afraid I don’t understand your question. However, I hope you won’t find me out of line when I ask, and please, don’t by any stretch of the imagination consider me ungrateful for the use of your ‘just like home’
cage
and down-home hospitality, but where the bloody hell am I? And how did I end up, you know, in the emperor’s new clothes?” Spanky glanced down and back up at seven astonished pairs of eyes, meeting their surprised gazes dead-on.

Katie tucked her paw under her armpit, cornering him against the examining table. Her nostrils flared, his unique male scent tangible and fragrant to her nose. She didn’t just smell him, she inhaled every aspect of his scent right down to the bead of sweat she was sure she’d find trickling down his spine if he were still naked. “Who are you?”

His jaw jutted forward, littered with dark stubble and full of defiance. “I find I’m not entirely in love with the tone of your question. I feel cheapened by your evident suspicion.”

“Really?” she spat. “Well, I’m not in love with this!” She shot her hand upward right under his nose again, the rough pads of her paw grazing his hair until it swung back downward in a pendulumlike dash for her side.

Instantly, Spanky took on a look of contrition and winced. “I see your dilemma.”

Her chest heaved while she fought a shriek of indignation. “
You
created my dilemma! Now, who are you and how did you escape Mr. Magoo’s Exotic Animal Zoo?”

He appeared as though he was going to yell right back at her, but instead he paused, clearly in deep thought. Deep groves in his forehead formed in a frown. “You know, it’s the strangest thing . . .” he mumbled, “I can’t seem to remember my name . . . or anything.”

“Maybe it was the tranq, Doc? I did shoot him up pretty good,” Kaih offered.

Katie shook her head. “That wouldn’t make him forget his name. I’m not buying it. Unless . . .” She turned to Wanda. “Didn’t you all say when you’re a paranormal being, your chemistry changes? Nina mentioned it. She said the anesthesia she gave her husband was a general anesthetic, yet he was affected much differently than a human because he’s a vampire.”

Spanky stuck his head between Kaih and Katie, a conciliatory smile on his ruggedly handsome face. “Well, then. It’s clear there are much larger issues at hand here than my nakedness and some silly, old cage. You all obviously have your hands full. I’ll just be on my way while you sort out your . . .” He waved a hand. “Paranormal whatever. Your hospitality was nothing short of grandiose. For that, I thank you kindly.” He made a gesture as though he were tipping the brim of an imaginary hat and attempted to escape.

“No!” Ingrid shouted for the first time since she’d watched the women of OOPS shed their human forms. Her tired eyes began to water. “You can’t leave!”

Spanky’s eyes zeroed in on Ingrid. “Because?”

“Because I fucking said you can’t,” Nina interfered, pushing her way into the mix, poking a finger into his bare chest. “Dude, you ain’t goin’ nowhere until you give up this lame bullshit act about forgetting your name and cough up what we want to know. And trust me when I tell you, I will kick your ass from here to Botswana if you try. Now sit down, and don’t move a single muscle but the one called your tongue.”

Spanky’s nostrils flared, and Katie wasn’t sure if it was in anger at being challenged or with the sheer pleasure of being challenged. “Are your knickers always in such a twist?”

Nina shot him a devious grin. “I’ll wrap my fucking knickers around your fucking head. Now explain. Because I’m beat, and I’d really like to clear this up so my friends here don’t go all ‘Oh, Nina, you’re such an insensitive beast’ on me. I’ll hear that shit all the way home if we don’t get this straightened out. You have no idea what it’s like to have BFFs like this lame bunch nagging the shit out of you because you’re the kind of chick who tells it like it is. So for the last time, speak. Speak fast. Like now, Snagglepuss.”

With a haughty cross of his arms over his chest, he glared at Nina. “Maybe you’re not the one due an explanation, eh? Maybe you owe me one. The one that explains how I landed here—in a cage—with not a stitch of clothing on.” He gave them all a “take that” glare.

“You really don’t remember anything that happened today? Anything?” Ingrid squeaked, the tremble of a quiver in her question.

Katie frowned, cocking her head in Ingrid’s direction, only to find when she met her eyes, Ingrid looked away. “Okay. I guess it’s time for the reality check you all gave me. Buckle up, and hold on tight. Here’s how it went down, Spanky. You showed up on the front steps of my clinic tonight. We found you, Ingrid, my receptionist, and Kaih, my intern, after we all went to Ed’s for dinner—and you didn’t look like this.” She swept her good hand along his bulky body.

“So you did take my clothes off. Naughty ladies, the lot of you, eh?” he teased, a raven eyebrow cocked arrogantly.

Katie sighed, ragged and exasperated. The day was beginning to take its toll, and it didn’t look like it was going to end any time soon. “No. We didn’t take your clothes because you didn’t have any clothes because
cougars
don’t wear clothes. Yes, that’s what I said.
Cougars.
When Ingrid, Kaih, and myself found you, you were a big kitty cat who was passed out. We didn’t know if you were injured, so we brought you in here to examine you. Because I’m a veterinarian, and that’s what I do when I think an animal’s in distress. I diagnose. We figured you came from Mr. Magoo’s down the road because, really, where else would you have come from? Mr. Magoo runs the exotic animal park. All you had on was a collar that we took off so I could get a closer look at you. The collar identified you as Spanky.” Katie went to the countertop and held it up, letting the big copper medallion swing in the harsh glare of the examining room lights. “Look familiar?”

Spanky squinted his eyes and pursed his luscious lips. “Sadly, no.”

“Right.” Katie gave him a curt nod. “So we dragged you in here and hoisted you up on the table. As we did, you jerked and your paw”—she held up her very own paw with a grunt for the effort—“one just like this, scratched my arm. We then put you in a cage to protect you from harm after sedating you, and but two hours later, I had a paw, too. Oh, and these teeth. Another two hours later, after the OOPS team of shifters showed up, we came back in here to check up on you, and hopefully figure this out. You
are
the man with all the answers. Instead, we found you were no longer a cougar. You’d changed into a big, strapping boy, er, man, er . . . whatever. In closing,
you
did this to me. That means you have to fix it. You’re a half man, half cougar or shapeshifter, I believe is the terminology, according to the OOPS team. So I think the explaining part of this conversation is on you. Ball’s in your court,
Spanky
,” she grated.

Spanky’s beautiful, unlined eyes grew hooded, clouding with suspicion. “I don’t think I want to play whatever game your ball involves. You women are bloody mental. Now I suggest you all move out of my way and let me leave, or I’ll move you myself,” he growled, low and threatening.

“Hold on there, Zac Efron.” Wanda stood in his path. “Here’s how it’s going to be, young man. You’re not going anywhere, and I do mean anywhere. Don’t test me. You do not want to try my patience. I’m ugly when provoked, and I’m not talking just my temper, pal. I don’t know what kind of game you think you’re playing by pretending you don’t know
who
you are, or for that matter, what you are, but by all that’s holy, I’m darn tired. It’s been a long day and my feet hurt. If you rub me the wrong way, I can’t promise you won’t lose a limb. So if you don’t want me to go all werevamp on you, sit
down
!” she roared.

“Ohhhh,” Nina taunted close to Spanky’s angry face. “It’s on, brother. Werevamp versus cougar. Let the games begin. I love the scent of impending death in the air,” Nina cackled, taking a deep, mocking whiff of him to display her threat only to frown in confusion. “Uh, Wanda?”

Wanda huffed, her chest heaving with impatience. “Nina?”

“Hold up on the smackdown.”

“Reason?”

“Something’s just not right. I can smell it. Lemme read his mind.”

“Did you just say you were going to read his mind?” Katie squawked.

“Yeah, blondie, that’s what I said. Just another magical, mystical vampiric power. I can fly, too. Crazy, right? Now just be quiet. I’m still learning this shit, and it takes concentration.” Wanda backed away, allowing Nina space.

Nina grabbed Spanky’s chin, tightening her grip when he attempted to defiantly pull away. Her eyes pierced his, making his jaw go slack and his blue eyes hazy and dull. Her own charcoal black eyes went wide. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“What’s wrong?” Katie asked.

“He’s totally telling the truth. He has no clue what the fuck we’re talking about. Goddamn it. This is gonna take forever. I should have brought a change of underwear.”