Beauty Queen (26 page)
Now, Lil, no one likes a sore loser, Grandpa said.
I certainly am not a sore loser, Elmer! she huffed. Anyway, I am sick and tired of talking about that stupid bingo bash! Its just a silly game! She didnt say anything else for a moment (and wisely, neither did anyone else). Then suddenly, she pivoted in her big bucket seat and peered at Rebecca. Now tell me again about that nice young man with you last evening.
Oh great, here they went. Ah ... you mean Senator Masters?
Grandma was, unfortunately, way too smart for that. Nooo, I mean the nice man who helped you keep my cards when I had that attack of diverticulitis.
Oh. Umm ... Matt Parrish.
Who?
MATT! Grayson shouted helpfully, having discovered that his great-grandparents were hard of hearing. She means Matt, Grayson said to Rebecca, as if she didnt know.
That Matt was such a nice and handsome young man, Grandma said, her smile getting a little too pushy with all its brightness.
Hes just a guy working on Toms campaign, Grandma, Rebecca said. No one to get excited about.
Too late. Grandma was a veteran at prying, and almost wrenched her back trying to see Grayson in the captains seat directly behind her. Do you like him, Boo-boo?
Grayson nodded.
Hes a very nice man, isnt he?
Grayson shrugged. He said I had to quit playing Barbies or theyd call me a girl.
Barbies? Rebecca looked at Grayson, who was bending the arms of his robot to very uncomfortable angles. Grayson, you dont play with Barbies! You dont even have a Barbie! Or a Ken!
I know. He said it anyway.
He was obviously just trying to make conversation, Grandma sniffed. And they would call him a girl, Rebecca. You really shouldnt give him Barbies
I dont
Anyway, you have to admire a man who will try and make friends with a five-year-old boy. Probably means he has a great affinity for children. A man who has an affinity for children is a good candidate for being a solid family man.
Wheres my peanuts? Grandpa asked.
Wheres my gun ? Rebecca thought, and lay down on the couch, watching the little balls on the ends of the curtains swinging above her as she tried to think of three positive affirmations for the day that might possibly help her endure this excruciatingly slow drive to Comfort:
Grandma and Grandpa notwithstanding how annoying theycan be, and what is with this RV anyway?
The Masters Bingo Bash that really did happen, and raised $1600 for charity, thank you very much
Sketch pads and sketch pencils. In a purely artistic sense, of course.
Matt Parrish is also a very pleasant man in case you hadnt noticed, Becky. Grandma added in a singsong
voice, and Rebecca wondered if she could possibly make it all the way to the ranch without throwing herself out onto the pavement. Or perhaps, given the pace Grandpa was going, she could just step out and quietly arrange herself under the tires of this monster thing.
At Blue Cross Ranch,, Aaron Lear heard the motor home the minute it turned into the gate almost a mile away. From the sound of it, he figured that Elmer was running in too low a gear, which didnt surprise him in the least. He wasnt too keen on having the Stantons for the weekend, but as Bonnies very own daughters werent helping him reconcile with their mother, it seemed prudent to stay on the good side of her folks, as much as that pained him Elmer drove him nuts.
On the porch, Aaron groaned aloud at the sight of the RV doing a smooth five miles per hour as it wended its way down the caliche road lined with live oak and pecan trees until it lumbered up into the circular drive. The man could be the poster child of the impractical, for who else but Elmer Stanton would drive a huge RV to a ranch house with more bedrooms than the White House?
But he plastered a smile on his face nonetheless, walked down the limestone steps and onto the flagstones to greet them. His grandson was the first out of the thing, flying forward with shouts of Grandpa! that warmed Aaron all the way down to his toes. He bent down, let the boy run into his arms, grimacing with the pain of it, but lifted him up all the same, holding him tight, clinging to him. Hey, Ranger, he said. Ive missed you.
But the pain was quickly unbearable, and he put the boy down, just as Rebecca elegantly disembarked from the RV, an honor guard of three dogs on her heels. Two of them raced immediately into the front lawn, sniffing trees and bushes. Behind them, a big ugly yellow one wandered out and walked right into a tree in his quest to find the perfect spot to relieve himself.
Rebecca seemed to think nothing of it, just kept walking
toward Aaron, smiling that deep smile of hers that reminded him so much of Bonnie. Hey, baby, he said, reaching for her.
Hi, Dad. She hugged him, then held him at arms length. You look good!
He didnt look good and he felt like shit. Thanks. So do you. Except youre too skinny
Daa-ad! She released him and sighed, sounding just like Bonnie did when she was irritated with him. Aaron ignored it, turned toward Lil.
She threw her arms around him in a painful bear hug. Oh, Aaron, it does my heart good to see you looking well, she said, grasping his shoulders and squeezing tightly.
Thanks, Lil, he said, dragging his hand across the sheen of perspiration on his brow.
Well, he sure dont look any worse for the wear, Elmer said behind Lil, squinting up at Aaron. I always knew youd beat it, he said with a broad grin as he extended his hand in greeting. Youre too damn mean to die.
Aaron could only smile he hadnt found the guts to tell his family that it was back, had crept into him when he wasnt looking and sunk its tentacles to root in him again. I had Lucha make some iced tea, he said, and gestured toward the big porch where several groupings of furniture were placed beneath ceiling fans turning at a lazy spring pace. Aaron followed the others, biting down so no one would see how it pained him.
They sat awhile, Elmer and Lil boring him to tears with the intimate details of the bingo something-or-other Rebecca had thrown the night before. He wanted desperately to ask about Bonnie, wanted to know what she was doing, if she was happy, if there was anything he could do or say to make her listen to him one last time. But he couldnt find his opening in Lils endless chatter, and idly watched Grayson on the lawn, playing with the dogs. The boy looked so much like him (hed always thought that Bonnie said he looked like Bud, but the kid looked like his grandpa), and now Aaron wondered if Grayson would
remember him at all. Would any of them really remember him? Or would their memories of him fade away over time, like the wallpaper in his mothers kitchen, fade so badly that no one would remember his original color?
After a dinner of prime rib Dad always insisted on the
bestthey all went their separate ways while waiting for Robin and Jake to arrive from Houston. Grayson was upstairs with Grandpa, hunkered down over a video game. Grandma had gone in to take a soaking bath, and Dad had disappeared into his office with the excuse that he needed to make a few calls.
Finally free of what was feeling a little like an ever-present family, Rebecca escaped outside, to the east side of the huge, six-thousand-square-foot ranch house, sat on a porch swing with Frank, Bean, and Tater forming a living, but exhausted, dog shield around her feet.
It was the first clear moment shed had all day to think, to try to make sense of all the thoughts about Matt that were jumbling around and crowding her mind. Unfortunately, she didnt get very farshe heard the screen door open behind her and glanced over her shoulder; it was Dad walking slowly toward her, a newspaper beneath his arm. He motioned for her to scoot over, then stepped over the dogs to sit next to her. Bean instantly adjusted so that he could prop his head against Dads leg.
What the hell is wrong with that dog? Dad asked, pushing him off his leg. Unfazed, Bean patiently resumed his position.
Who knows? Rebecca said. Old and warped, I think.
Dad smiled a little. That ol dog doesnt know old and warped. He dropped the paper onto his lap, lifted his baseball cap, and ran his palm over the top of his head. His hair had come back coarse and gray and thin after the chemo. Hed been in remission for six months now, so she was surprised it hadnt grown in more than it had.
Dad put his cap back on, smiled at her. So hows that
campaign going for you? Whats he running for, again?
Lieutenant governor.
Ah, Dad said, nodding thoughtfully. A big gun. Too bad hes a Democrat. I might actually be interested otherwise. So hows it going?
Pretty well, she said cautiously. Im learning a lot and meeting new people. Lots of people, really.
Learning anything useful? Or is this all about meeting new people?
The tone in his voice quashed her hope for a pleasant conversationshed been around thirty-two years now, and knew damn well questions like that never had a correct response. Im doing this for a lot of reasons. Mostly to experience new things and learn where my talents lie. Just like The Unqualified Applicant says.
Your talents lie in raising my grandson, Dad said gruffly, and in the dark, Rebecca rolled her eyes. Dont forget hes been through a lot.
Like she hadnt? I know he has been through a lot, she said wearily, feeling like shed had this conversation a million times before. But so have I, Dad.
I know you have, and Im not criticizing. But youre my daughter and I have been trying to get through to all you girls that you need to learn whats important
Yes, Dad, I knowthats what I am trying to do!
Come on! No youre not! he scoffed. Youre trying to find a feel-good fix. But these are precious years for Grayson, Rebecca. Dont do what I did and squander them, because trust me, you cant get them back.
I am not squandering them, she said, with equal exasperation. Just because I dont do it your way
You think you arent, but I know that of all my girls, you are the one afraid of... of life. So afraid that you wont stand out there on your own. You think you have to have a man do it for you
What in Gods name are you talking about? Rebecca exploded. I am standing out there on my own! I am living alone with my son
You got another nanny.
Shes not a nanny! She helps me out a few hours each week so I have a little free time to explore who I am. You may not care, but I sort of lost me in all that mess!
Is that right? Youre just doing all this to find Rebecca? he asked, taunting her, then opened the paper, turned several pages. So youre not looking for some man to take care of you, is that right? Rebecca jerked her gaze to him. Dad pointed at the paper. Because you sure look like youre involved with this clown!
Confused, she leaned over to see what Dad was seeing in the paper, and he was more than happy to show her he held it up, pointed to the three pictures. They were all of Tom at the bingo bash, with the whole crew in the background. But there was one of Tom, holding up a bingo sheet, and directly behind him were her and Matt, looking at each other. No gazing at each other. Rebecca grabbed the paper from his hand and stared at it. Impossible. Impossible! That picture looked like there was something between them, something
I dont care what it looks like, she said angrily.
I dont care, either, Dad said, and uncharacteristically patted her knee. I dont care if you get yourself a boyfriend, Rebecca. Youre only human, and a woman like you? I imagine you cant beat em off with a stick. All I am trying to say is, dont make the same mistakes again.
She lowered the paper and glared at him. You think I want to make mistakes? You think I havent learned a thing or two?
I dont want you to latch on to some guy you think is going to save you. Or keep you. I never really understood what it was with Bud, frankly.
Give me a little credit, Dad! she cried. I dont latch on to men who are going to save me! Or keep me! I was with Bud because in the beginning I loved him!
I give you more credit than you could possibly know, he said, infuriatingly calm. But I know you, honey, and I know you married Bud out of some perverse fear. It was obvious to the entire state of Texas what he was after, but you just couldnt or wouldnt see it. Oh no, were in love,
you said. Dad shook his head. The sad truth is men are dogs. And there are a whole lot of them out there who see a woman like you and they want only one thing, whatever the cost. But only you can decide what the price is.
This was nothing new, really. What was new was that she was sick to death of his criticism and visualized stuffing a sock down his throat. Is that all you think anyone sees? Just the outside of me? she seethed.
I think thats all you let them see.
The remark stunned her; she should have been incensed, should have marched off the ranch like Robin did the time Dad had told her to quit seeing Jake, but honestly, she heard a hard clang of truth in his statement that left her feeling numb. She abruptly stood up, stepped over the dogs, and walked to the porch railing.
Im just trying to help, Dad added.
You have a strange way of helping, she said sorrowfully. You could be a lot more helpful if you would ask about what I was doing on the campaign, tell me how I might use it to find a job, she said. It would be helpful if you would think about what / want, what / feel, what / think instead of what you think I should do. And it would be a whole lot healthier if you saw me as an adult, not a twelve-year-old girl, maybe took some interest in what Ive been doing
Of course I do! he scoffed.
No, you dont, Dad. You were obviously bored with the bingo
That was bingo, for Chrissakes! he angrily shot back.
It was a fund-raiser that / put together! / did it!
Tell you what, Dad said through clenched teeth. The next time you have something you want to show me, you just give me a call. Did you ever think to do that? Pick up the phone and call your old man? Show him what youre so proud of?
Oh, I will, Dad, you can count
Whats that? he abruptly asked, interrupting her. Was that a car? I think Robbies here, he said, coming to his feet and tripping over Bean. Goddamn dog! he snapped as he