Biker Born: The Lost Souls MC Series (The Lost Souls Series Book 4) (12 page)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Michael

With all the shit going on with the club at the moment, the last thing I need after a three day ride is Kitty is on my back wondering why I don’t want to stick around for long after we’ve had sex. I’ve barely got my jeans on before she’s bitching again.

“Why can’t you love me, Michael?” she asks, sitting up in what I class as our bed no doubt and wraps the sheet around herself.

“Who says I don’t?” I mutter, scrubbing my hands over my face.

“You’ve never said you do.”

I hate these conversations and I hate even more how frequent they are becoming.

“You’re in my bed every night, isn’t that enough?”

“It might be if you were with me too, if you’re not on a run then you’re always checking on golden tits, Rayna.” She spits her name out like venom, intent on looking at nothing but her hands in her lap, “She has her own husband, Michael, and that isn’t you.”

I’m across the room and on the bed as fast as a streak of lightening. Jerking her chin up towards me, I hold on hard to make sure she’s listening very carefully.

“I fuckin’ know that, you ain’t my old lady Kitty, you don’t get to tell me what to do. When Mark’s away it is my job to check on her, especially when she’s carrying my niece or nephew.”

“You still wish it was your son or daughter she is carrying though, don’t you?”

Her eyes are hard as she keeps eye contact with me. Usually I like this about her, not her cold eyes but the way she will hold her own against me. She will always tell me what she thinks, most of the time I don’t have the patience for it, but when most people don’t argue or fight back with me as I am known for my hot temper, it is refreshing when she does but not today and not when it concerns my feelings for Rayna.

“I would shut that fuckin’ hole under your nose if I were you. You don’t have a fuckin’ clue what you’re going on about.”

She jerks her chin out of my hold and pushes me with such force, I fall back.

“Oh I know, Michael. I’ve seen you for six years now. I’ve watched you when she walks into a room and you can’t keep your fucking eyes off her or when you tense up because your brother has his lips on her.”

She’s right. I thought I’d done a better job of hiding it. I got over the fact Mark and Rayna got married a long time ago. I know she loves him and I know she loves me, I also know it isn’t the same kind of love and I’ve dealt with that. I will always love Rayna, she was the first woman to make me feel in my life but she isn’t mine.

I move closer to Kitty and hold her hand.

“What do you want from me, Michael? You keep me around here like an old lady. I’m the one you turn to when you want to talk and I’m the one you come and find first when you come home after a run. Do you realize that? Do you even know how much you’ve made me a part of your life?” she asks, softly, all the coldness gone from her voice.

I wish she would stop fucking being right, it is beginning to piss me off. It is like she can see right through me.

“I’ve waited six years for you to give me something, I can’t wait any longer for you. I want someone who loves me, I want a ring and babies, Michael. I deserve that much.”

“I…”

I should say the three little words she needs to hear but they get stuck in my throat and it feels like I am trying to swallow barbed wire. I jump off the bed and give her what she wants.

“Fine, I’ll marry you, are you happy now?”

In seconds she goes from soft, wanting everything from me to bat shit crazy like the devil himself has possessed her.

First the tears begin to fall one at a time, then like a fucking tidal wave her cheeks are soaked with them. Bouncing off the bed, she flies towards me and beats her fists against my chest.

“You’re such an asshole!” she shrieks in my face.

She gives me a final shove and scatters about picking up her clothes.

“What? I said I’ll marry you. You should be fuckin’ happy, where’s the fuckin’ smiles?”

I guess I haven’t said the right thing because she stops dead still in the middle of the room and stares at me.

I see the moment she’s about to blow and screams the fucking the house down. When she has finished burning her throat up, she launches one of her heels across the room and straight at me. I narrowly manage to escape being hit before she goes for heel number two. This time I have a chance to protect myself, picking the wooden chair up from the corner of the room I raise it to my head and it blocks the second shoe.

“Asshole,” she shrieks a final time, before storming out of the room.

I don’t like her being upset but I thank God she’s gone. Putting the chair back in its place, I finish getting dressed and walk down to the bar.

Not in the mood to talk to anyone I sit beside Pope at the bar. I’m near enough guaranteed no conversation from him.

“Mark still isn’t back, should we be worried?” he asks.

I guess I was wrong this time.

Since Mark’s wedding the feud between the Raging Riders and the Lost Souls has escalated dramatically. Over the last five to six years we have lost five brothers to their guns and they’ve lost seven guys to ours.

All seven Raging Riders have died by my hand for the payback for Benny. We have no less than two prospects man the gates at all times now in case they attempt a drive by again. We won’t be took by surprise a second time.

“If he’s not back by morning, we’ll go looking. He probably got held up somewhere.”

Speaking of which, I’m getting held up here when I should be checking on Rayna.

“I’m gone bro, I’ll see you later.”

Outside is pretty quiet for around here and I enjoy the cool breeze during the short walk to the house.

“Hey Ray, where you at?” I yell, going from room to room finding them all empty.

“Up here.”

I jog up the stairs and find her buried under a pile of baby clothes and blankets in one of the spare rooms they have picked out for the kid.

Her hair is pinned back away from her face and she isn’t wearing a scrap of make-up. I block out her natural beauty and lean against the door frame.

“Can’t you get someone to help you with all this shit?” I ask her.

“Flo was with me but she had to leave, something to do with your girl.”

The way she smirks tells me she has already heard about our fight.

“Shit, that only happened like ten minutes ago. How did you find out?”

“You and Mark aren’t the only ones with spies around here, I have my ways,” she tells me, coyly, tapping the space beside her on the floor.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks, as I move to sit next to her.

Not really but out of everyone, the only one I would talk to is her.

“I fucked up, I honestly don’t know how to do this with her,” I admit.

“You’re not the only one who doesn’t know, sometimes your brother doesn’t have a clue either and we’ve been married for six years now.”

That surprises me, I was sure that Mark couldn’t do no wrong in her eyes.

“Do you think I should marry her?”

I’m not asking for her permission, I value her opinion and I trust it more than I do my own most of the time, especially when it comes to shit about women and their ever consuming feelings. She also has a talent for seeing every angle of a situation.

“Michael,” she scolds, “You have to make that decision yourself, no one else.”

“I know,” I sigh heavily, “She wants a ring and babies, the whole fuckin’ lot.”

“What do you want? It’s as simple as that, if you love her and want to treat her right till the day you die then marry her. If you can imagine her not being in your life and it doesn’t hurt you then don’t marry her.”

She returns to folding the clothes and I sit contemplating what the fuck I want. I won’t ever be pushed into doing something I don’t want to do. I love the fact that my life is free.

Fierce jealousy zips through my veins thinking about Kitty being touched by anyone but me. I never classed my feelings as love with Kitty as they have always been overshadowed by Rayna.

The woman sitting beside me preparing the clothes for her unborn baby fathered by my brother is the one woman I’ll never have and I have found peace with that a while ago.

I don’t blame Kitty for losing her shit with me tonight. I have found myself living the same routine, expecting her to flow through life with me and not ask for more.

She has become a part of my life and being pushed I can finally see the bigger picture. It is true I like my life free, but no other woman makes me feel anything apart from Kitty.

Pushing to my feet I bend and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. I know what I have to do and better yet, I know what I want to do.

“I’m gonna go, are you okay here on your own?”

She looks up and laughs.

“I’ll be fine, you go and tell Mark it will nice to see him when he eventually gets back.”

“Will do.”

Leaving her in the house I can feel a door closing on everything I thought I wanted, under my nose this whole time or rather in my bed all this time is a woman who loves me like I wanted from someone else and now it is time I completely move on and concentrate on myself.

I scan the lot as I head for the clubhouse and see Mark’s bike still isn’t back, my trust in him to look out for himself and knowing he can take anyone out without breaking sweat is the only thing stopping me from sending a few guys out to look for him tonight. Like I told Pope, if he isn’t back by morning then we’ll head out in numbers and search high and low until we track him down.

The atmosphere inside the clubhouse will never get old, the music, cigarette smoke hanging in the air, the smell of liquor and the guys content and chilling out enjoying the women and the camaraderie between each other.

My plan was to have a hard shot of whiskey before I track down Kitty, but as soon as I was through the door Flo comes out of the bathrooms and waves me over.

“She’s really upset in there,” she tells me, before skittering off to the bar.

In the past I would have left her to shit talk about me to the other girls and only return when she had calmed down, this time however, shit is getting sorted and neither of us is running away.

Pushing open the door I find her surrounded by three of the whores coddling her and assuring her everything will be okay.

“Get out.”

All three of them jump and run out leaving Kitty and I alone. Her cheeks are damp with tears and her black make-up is streaming down her face. Grabbing a bunch of paper towels from the wall I turn the tap on and drench the towels. She watches me silently and uses her sleeve to swipe across her nose. She doesn’t move when I approach and hold her face in one of my hands. I clean her cheeks until her face is free from smudged blackness.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Is this you apologizing?” she asks, her voice is thick with emotion.

“Yeah, I suppose it is,” I say, trying to remember the last time I apologized to anyone. I can’t.

“Carry on then.”

I throw the dirty towels in the trash and grab dry ones and carry on wiping her face. Her eyes are wide watching me, waiting for me to speak.

“You’re right. I’ve made you a part of my life and I don’t regret it. You want me to say I love you and I do, I love you Kit. I know I should’ve told you by now but I’m not that guy. I’ve shown you I’ve loved you for a while now, I don’t say sweet sentiments, I show you them. Haven’t I looked after you for years now? I haven’t been with anyone else but you, you’ve been my girl and we both know it without having to say it, don’t we?”

Fresh tears fall from her eyes and I wipe them away for her too. I can feel her lean into me as I kiss her forehead softly. She nods and I carry on,

“I do love Rayna…”

“I knew it,” she cuts in, shouting and pushing her hands against me to force me back. I stand my ground and remain where I want to be.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Kit. Let me finish will ya,” I bellow, grabbing her flying wrists and keeping them secure and away from my face.

“I love her like my sister, she’s my family. Mark and I don’t have anyone else, everyone here is all we’ve got and I’ll be damned if I don’t look after what’s mine.”

My tone is heavy with demanding and urgency that she understands.

“What happens now?” she asks.

“Now, I’m going to put a ring on your finger and make you happy. Not because it will shut you up but because I know you will walk away from me and I don’t want to lose you. Then I’m going to fill your belly full of babies and we’ll make our own family, something only we share.”

I was only expecting one reaction and the one I got wasn’t it. As soon as I stopped talking and she had taken in what I had said, her forehead flopped against me and she began crying.

“Fuck babe, you’re beginning to cry too damn much,” I mutter, wrapping my arms around her and holding tight.

“Shut up, I’m crying because I’m happy. Only you could propose in a bathroom and make it feel like a candle lit dinner,” she giggles.