Broken Lives (15 page)

“
Alec, I don’t know. I don’t
have the stuff, and I’m not dressed. I’m not really up to
that.” 

“
Emma, we have to eat. You
shower and get ready and James, Raelynn, and I will run to the
store to get what we need.” 

He reaches for his car keys and cell phone
from the counter and starts to walk out the door with James and
Raelynn. 

“
Do you need a grocery
list?” I ask, looking up at him. 

“
That might help,” he says,
laughing.

Alec

On the way to the store, I
make a few phone calls to Cheryl and Millie. I also call Brooke
while I’m at it. Raelynn, James, and I buy everything on the list
plus some. I also buy an extra stockpot to make sure we can cook
everything. James and Raelynn also think we need to buy some
bubbles and coloring books.
Good
idea,
I think to myself. It beats the junk
food we bought the last time we shopped together.
I frequently buy extra while shopping. I once went
to a store to buy milk and came back with a hundred dollars of
groceries — but no milk. However, right now I have a good reason
for buying extra food. 

When we get home and everything is carried in
the house and put away, I take my shower and get dressed. I decide
on a pair of tan cargo pants and a white linen shirt. When I walk
into the kitchen, Emma is standing in front of the refrigerator
with the door open.

“
Alec, I think you bought
too much seafood,” she says, looking at everything in the
refrigerator. 

“
You can never have too much
seafood.”

“
I don’t understand why you
bought so much seafood! You bought twice as much as I put on the
list. There is no way we’ll be able to eat everything.” She closes
the refrigerator door and looks up at me. Even with her makeup on,
her eyes are still red and puffy.

“
I just wanted to make sure
we had enough. You never know when someone will show up to
dinner.” 

Emma and I sit outside on the lanai and watch
as Raelynn and James play with their bubbles, then they play on the
jungle gym for awhile. Emma looks sad and doesn’t say much. I know
she loves me and I also know her heart is broken over the loss of
Max. I can never replace him, and I don’t want to. 

“
Stay here and watch the
kids and I’ll start dinner.” 

“
I’m sorry, Alec. I’m just
not up to cooking today.”

“
I understand, stay here and
I’ll get everything ready.” I bend down and kiss her before walking
away.

I get the food all prepped while playing a
Carrie Underwood CD that was already in the stereo. I look out the
window, and when I see Cheryl, Millie, Gene, and Danny pull in, I
yell for Emma.

“
Emma, can you help me for a
minute?” 

She walks into the room with a somber look on
her face and asks, “What can I do to help?” 

“
Get the door for me,
please.” 

She looks out the door and smiles when she
sees her parents and Max’s parents walking down the sidewalk
carrying containers of food. I stand behind her and watch as Gene
carries a cheesecake and Danny carries a plate of cornbread. I am
happy to see that Max’s parents are smiling.

“
I didn’t know you called
them.” 

“
I know, it’s hard to
celebrate Max’s life without the people who knew him the
best.” 

“
Oh, Alec, this is so
thoughtful of you.” She stands on her tiptoes and hugs
me.

“
I don’t like seeing you so
sad. There isn’t anything I won’t do for you. I hope you know
that.” 

“
I’m sorry, and I do know
that. Thank you so much.”

 “
You’re welcome; now
get the door for them.” 

She smiles and walks away
from me. She greets everyone with a hug as they walk into the
house. They greet me warmly before going to the lanai to see the
kids. When the water boils, I add the potatoes, corn on the cob,
crab legs, and shrimp to the steaming water.
I turn around and see Danny and Cheryl walking in from the
lanai. 

Cheryl walks up to me and says, “Alec, we
want to thank you for doing this. It was very thoughtful of you to
do this for Emma and James and for us.” 

“
No need to thank me. I
don’t like seeing her so sad.” 

“
It is a very hard time for
all of us, but this —” she says, looking around the kitchen at the
steam pots, “— this eases some of the pain. To know that we are all
here celebrating our son’s life and not mourning his
death.” 

“
Thank you, Alec, thank you
for doing this for all of us.” Cheryl reaches up and hugs me before
turning to leave the room.

Danny clears his throat and says, “We love
Emma as if she is our own daughter, and we couldn’t have chosen a
better man, other than Max, for her and James than you. For you to
do this for them on this day says a lot about you. Thank you.” He
reaches his hand out to shake mine. 

I take a step forward and shake his hand
before saying, “Danny, you’re welcome. I love them and there isn’t
anything I wouldn’t do for either of them.” 

“
Since Max can’t be here
with them, I’m glad that you are. You’re a good man,
Alec.” 

“
Thank you, sir. I
appreciate that.” 

Brooke, Brice, and the boys
show up, carrying a bowl of fresh fruit and fruit dip. Danny puts a
CD in and tells everyone this was Max’s favorite band when he was
in high school. Rascal Flatts starts playing and everyone sings
their hit song “Life is a Highway.”
When
the food is done, we all sit outside around the picnic table,
eating, and they share happy memories about Max. 

James sits there and listens intently to the
stories being told about his dad.

Brice says, “Max was so enthusiastic about
the Army. In boot camp, he asked so many questions that our drill
sergeant made him carry around a potted plant for an entire day so
it would replace the oxygen the drill sergeant said he was
wasting.” 

“
That’s my son,” Danny says,
proudly.

“
Brice, I didn’t know that,”
Emma says, laughing. I smile at her because it’s good to see her
smile. 

“
He made me promise not to
tell anyone.” He looks up at the sky and says, “Sorry, buddy, I had
to.” 

Emma smiles at me, holds my hand under the
table, and leans into me. I kiss the top of her head and rub her
back with my free hand. Millie makes a pot of coffee and we have
fresh strawberry cheesecake for dessert. This is another of Max’s
favorites made by his mother. 

After everything is cleaned up and put away
and the visit is over, Emma, James, Raelynn, and I walk everyone to
the door. We say our goodbyes with smiles and laughter. When the
last car pulls out of the driveway, I close the door and lock
it. 

Emma stands beside me and says, “Thank you. I
haven’t smiled on this day in five years.” 

I wrap my arms around her and kiss her tiny
nose. “It turned out better than I expected.” 

“
I’m sorry about earlier;
you were trying so hard and I should have made more of an
attempt.” 

“
No need to apologize. I’m
just glad it worked out.”

She wraps her arm around me and hugs
me. 

Once the kids are showered and in bed, I walk
past the door and see that James is lying there awake. I walk into
his room and see that Raelynn is already asleep. I quietly kneel
down by his bed and ask, “What’s the matter, buddy?” 

“
I miss my daddy.” He blinks
and a tear slides down his face and lands on the
pillow. 

“
I’m sorry, James. I know
that he misses you, more.” 

“
He tells me in my dreams
that he loves me ever and ever.” I touch his cheek lightly and wipe
his tear away. “Alec, if I can’t have my daddy, I’m berry glad that
I have you.” 

I swallow the lump in my throat before
attempting to speak. “Thank you, James, and I am very glad to have
you, too.” 

Molly

I watch my husband — well, my now ex-husband
— and daughter from a distance. I am truly trying to get better so
I can get back what I once had. My daughter is beautiful and happy.
I have to smile because I know it is because of Alec. He was a
wonderful husband, and he still is a wonderful father to our
daughter. I thank God that she has him as a father. My daughter has
a chance at a wonderful life because of Alec.

I sent Raelynn a birthday
card for her 7
^th
birthday and she wrote me a get-well card back. A
tear slides down my face as I open and then close the card my
daughter made for me. I waited and watched as Alec and Rae went to
the mailbox and mailed something. As soon as the no one was around,
I ran to the mailbox to see what it was. It makes me happy to know
that Alec gave her the card I placed in the mailbox for her. I
thought possibly he would throw it away, but instead, he gave it to
her and told her I was ill. I’m glad he didn’t tell her the ugly
truth about me.

I am startled when I hear voices coming from
their house. I duck behind the steering wheel of the car to hide
out of view as I watch the cars leave their driveway. The light on
the porch turns off and the door closes. It looks like my husband
and daughter are in for the night.

My arms itch and I try to ignore it.

“
Doll, can we go
now?” 

I look over at my only friend, Bobby. “Don’t
you miss that?” 

“
No, Doll, I don’t. You
can’t miss what you refuse to allow yourself to ever think
about.” 

I rub my arms vigorously to try to stop the
needle pricks. I watch as Bobby drinks from the bottle of whiskey.
He also drinks and uses drugs to forget his pain. He has never
shared that part of his life with me, and I have never asked him
about it.

I watch the house a little while longer as I
sob into a Kleenex. I mourn the life I once had, and I mourn for
the person I once was. I have no idea where she is or if I’ll ever
find her again. When I can’t take the sadness any longer and when
the detox symptoms become unbearable, I leave.

Emma

I stand in the doorway of James’ bedroom door
and listen to the conversation between him and Alec. Alec tries to
comfort James, and I notice his tenderness while talking to James
about his father. Alec leans in and hugs James, and then he covers
him up before turning to walk away from him. He sees me and gives
me a sad smile.

We walk hand in hand into our bedroom before
speaking. “Thank you.” It’s the only thing I say.

“
Baby, there is no need to
thank me. I love him and you to the moon and back.” He bends down
to kiss me. 

“
To Jupiter, Mars, and
Saturn and back, too?” I ask him with a smile. 

“
Absolutely, and for ever
and ever.” 

We are two weeks away from
our July 4
^th
party and surprisingly all of the platoon has RSVPed that they
will come. I spoke with the Hampton Inn on University and asked if
they could offer a military discount for the guys and their
families. I explained about Max and how this is a reunion of sorts.
They were happy to offer discounted rooms to the veterans. Hampton
Inn on University even threw in free breakfast coupons during their
stay.

Alec and Brice took the kids roller skating
while I meet with Brooke, mom, Cheryl, and Alec’s mom, Doris, to
finalize the menu. Cheryl is a wonderful party planner, and with
the number of people attending, I’ll need all the help I can get
with the food. Cheryl tells us she went ahead and ordered the flag
banners for the white vinyl fence in the backyard.

I am also happy to see Doris is involved with
this. I want her and John to be here to meet my military family.
Even though I haven’t seen them in years, they were at one time an
important part of my life. 

Once we have all the plans finalized, we
relax and wait for the kids and guys to get home. 

It’s July
3
^rd
, the
night before the platoon party. When Alec and I are in bed, he
asks, “Are you excited to see everyone tomorrow?” 

“
I think I am. I’m more
worried about everything going as it should.” 

“
Baby, you have nothing to
worry about. With everyone pitching in and helping with the food
and drinks, there will be plenty.” 

“
I’m sure you’re right. What
if it’s awkward between us? I haven’t seen them in five years. What
if I don’t know what to say to them?” I look at him and he gives me
his undivided attention. “What if they have changed so much that I
don’t know them anymore?” I sit up straighter in the bed, and Alec
is watching me. 

“
I have never known you to
be so uncertain of anything before. I really think everything will
fall in place like it once was.” I look at her and smooth her hair
from her face. “They were your military family at one time, and
there was a bond holding you all together. I think you’ll be
surprised at how quickly things will fall in
place.” 

“
Thank you, you always know
exactly what to say to put me at ease.” I cuddle into his chest and
he kisses the top of my head. He leaves his mouth there and kisses
me again.

“
I don’t want you to worry
about things you have no control over.” When he says that, it makes
me think he is talking from experience.