Buried Notes (Brothers of Rock #4) (10 page)

“Except your wedding vows,” Becky
said.

“Becky...”

“I hate being called that.”

“That’s why I’m going to call you
that for the rest of your life.”

“The rest of my life? What world do
you live in? We can’t... this won’t work.”

“You want to divorce me?” Chris
asked, smiling. “We haven’t been married twelve hours yet.”

“You’re a tabloids dream then,
huh?”

Chris’s face dropped. Becky felt
her face flush.

Shit.

She didn’t mean anything by that
comment, but it obviously hit home for Chris. As he started to stare off into
space, Becky bit her lip.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t
mean to say that.”

“No, it’s fine,” Chris said. “It’s
true, right?”

“What’s true?”

“Everything. This is... this is
kind of a nightmare, in a way.”

“Sorry I’m a nightmare.”

“Not you,” Chris said. “Becky,
you’re beautiful. But... I mean, what do we do?”

“I don’t know,” Becky said. “No
offense, but I’m not the celebrity.”

“Celebrity?”

“Chris, they hurried us through the
back door to get up here,” Becky said. “Security had us on an elevator alone
and made sure we wouldn’t be bothered.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Damn.”

Chris sat up. The sheets fell down
to his legs. From Becky’s angle she could see his muscles everywhere. It
certainly wasn’t the right time to get turned on but Becky couldn’t help what
her body wanted.

She touched Chris’s shoulder and
said, “Sorry. I don’t know what to do right now, Chris.”

“You have to go back to Texas,
right?”

“I don’t have to do anything,”
Becky said. “But I’m not going to get in the way of your career or your tour.”

Chris looked at Becky. He opened
his mouth and Becky knew that if he dared to say anything it would be a
complete lie.

“Don’t say anything stupid,” Becky
said. “You’re a rockstar. You’re meant to be on the road. On stage. Enjoying
the life before it all ends.”

“You sound like Johnnie now,” Chris
said.

“I’m just being honest.”

“Okay,” Chris said. He rubbed his
face with his hands. “First things first. We need to eat. We need coffee and
food. Then I’m going to get you out of here without being seen. I want you to
go to your hotel and wait for me, okay?”

“What are you going to do? End
this?”

Becky couldn’t believe the way her
heart suddenly felt when she asked that. It took more might than she expected
to keep herself from tearing up.

“No,” Chris said. “I don’t know.
Just let me talk to someone and get an idea.”

“Okay.”

“Becky, look at me.”

Becky looked at Chris.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he
said. “I really like you, Becky. I mean, I never do this stuff. Okay? I
never...”

Becky kissed him. A simple kiss.
Lips to lips. Two seconds. Done.

“It’s okay,” Becky whispered.

Chris climbed from the bed and
dressed as Becky waited.

Chris didn’t want to hurt Becky,
and she believed that.

The problem was that she was
already hurt. And something told her it was just the beginning.

(12)

For about ten minutes Becky felt
like she was part of some secret Government program. Chris took her out of the
room after a really good - really expensive - breakfast. He opened the door and
looked down the hall left to right. He made sure the hall was clear. At the end
of the hall, at the emergency exit, he knocked on the door. It opened and a security
guard waited for them. The guard let Becky and Chris take the steps and they
took two at a time. It was then Becky started to smile. It felt like they were
sneaking around somewhere like being young and innocent. It had the sudden resemblance
of a summer romance, the hopeless floating in her stomach, the passion in her
eyes, her racing thoughts. Thinking of what happened. Thinking of what she
wanted to keep happening.

At the bottom of the steps, Chris
put his hand to the door but didn’t push.

“Is the alarm going to go off?”
Becky asked.

“Maybe,” Chris said.

He remained in place, staring down
at Becky. She had the urge to shake her head and push by him. There was no need
to do it like this, was there? Becky knew that when Chris opened the door,
everything would change. These were going to be their last seconds together.

“Becky...”

“Don’t,” Becky said. “I don’t want
to do anything that takes away from all this.”

“From what?”

“This,” Becky said. “Sneaking
around a hotel. Marrying a rockstar. Having sex on a tour bus. Being backstage
at a Chasing Cross concert. This is like... a serious fantasy for me. Maybe
this is your everyday life, but not for me.”

“Oh, Becky,” Chris said.

He took his hand off the door. He
stepped towards Becky. She had plenty of room to back up and stop Chris from
touching her. But she didn’t. She felt Chris’s body touch hers. His hands came
next and as they hugged, they kissed.

One last kiss.

A deep kiss.

One that would haunt her dreams for
a long time. It would also be the kiss she’d compare every other kiss to. She
felt bad for any other man who dared to kiss her after that. Nothing would come
close, ever.

“We have to go,” Chris finally said
as the tip of his nose flirted with Becky’s.

“I know,” Becky said. “You’re the
one who’s going to miss your ride. Not me.”

Chris smiled. “Fuck, you are so
amazing.”

“So I’ve heard.”

Chris backed up and crashed into
the door. The red light above it lit up but no alarm went off.

Outside, Becky saw two cabs
waiting. She got into one and Chris got into the other. As if the situation
couldn’t possibly feel anymore heartbreaking, both cabs drove in opposite
directions, like some kind of cruel omen for what was to come.

Once at her hotel, Becky hurried to
call her friends. The bride-to-be had landed thirty minutes ago and was on her
way. The rest of the wedding party was set to arrive by two in the afternoon.
The plan was for all the ladies to meet for drinks, get their nails done, and
get giddy over the wedding. Becky had been looking forward to it all. That was,
until she got married herself.

She actually had been thinking
about one of the groomsmen for a little while before Chris barged into her life
and changed everything she knew. Robbie was cute, promised to be fun for a
night or two in Vegas, but not so much anymore. Beyond the boundaries of
marriage, Becky had no urge for any other person what so ever.

Marriage.

The word hit her again and again,
harder each time.

Marriage.

Becky talked to Stephanie, the
bride-to-be, who was already under three tons of self induced stress. They
didn’t have her hotel room ready and it was too hot in Nevada for her liking.
Something told Becky that was just the start of dealing with the bride but
Becky ended the call and left her cell phone on the bed while she showered.

There was nothing like a good hotel
shower. The unlimited use of hot water, not to mention the nice jacuzzi tucked
away in the corner that she had to test out. That test turned into a half hour
of relaxation, her eyes shut most of the time, replaying her night with Chris
again and again. It started with the real facts and events and then slowly
shifted gears elsewhere. It bothered Becky that no matter how hard she tried to
be tough and strong on her own, she was still a sucker for romance and she was
able to fall for someone she didn’t know.

The proof besides the thoughts in
her mind was still on her finger.

She lifted her left hand out of the
water and stared at the diamond ring.

She shook her head.

It was like something she’d read in
some a magazine. Ironically, that may be where her future was heading.

Becky got out of the hot, bubbling
water. She let it drain and went back to the shower. Before getting in she took
the ring off.

She never put it back on again.

After showering and dressing, she
called Abby and Jess, two of the other bridesmaids. Abby had a long layover in
Texas, of all places, and would be there soon. Jess had landed and was in a cab
on her way to the hotel. Jess and Becky would be in the same hotel. The rest of
the wedding party would be scattered elsewhere. Becky didn’t understand why
Stephanie didn’t get a block of rooms in the same hotel, but she knew better
than to question anything about the wedding.

Sitting around and waiting for
something to happen started to drain Becky. And it only got worse when she
walked to her hotel window and looked down at beautiful Las Vegas. So many
people. Each one with their own story, their own life. How many people lived
here? How many people were on vacation? How many people were trying to pick up
the pieces of what they lost the night before? Or how many people were reveling
in a world of success thanks to a hot night at the tables?

It was almost too much to think
about, but it was definitely better than thinking about her marriage to Chris.

The knock at her door came about
ten minutes later, as she studied the hotel’s menu, considering ordering
something small as a quick lunch before meeting with everyone for their
ladies day
in Vegas.

Becky opened the door and Chris stared
at her. He was in fresh clothing. Black jeans and a white t-shirt. Like a
rusted arrow to her heart. He was something beyond sexy.

“Am I allowed in?” Chris asked.

“Of course,” Becky said and backed
up.

Chris stepped in and moved by Becky
without touching her. It was something so small and subtle, but it hurt her.
Chris let out a long sigh and turned around.

“I’m glad this room is nice,” Chris
said. “Comfy.”

“Nothing like last night,” Becky
said.

“Yeah. I’m going to take hell for
that one. That room cost a little over a thousand dollars.”

“Shit,” Becky said.

“No big deal. Band expense.”

Chris smiled and Becky forced
herself to do so too. His eyes started to wander and when he raised an eyebrow
Becky looked down and realized she had left the diamond ring in the bathroom.

“You already took the ring off,”
Chris said.

“No. Yes. I needed a shower...”

“That’s okay,” Chris said. “Becky,
I don’t know where to start with this. Okay?”

“With this?”

“Well, us. This situation we’re
in.”

Situation.

It wasn’t a marriage anymore. It
was a situation.

That hurt too but it was something
Becky had to accept.

“We’re leaving in about an hour,”
Chris said. “I had to tell my band manager about what happened last night. But
he keeps his mouth shut, especially when it comes to money issues.”

“Is this a money issue?”

“It could be,” Chris said. He
swallowed hard and sighed again. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this.”

“Say what? You want a divorce?
Chris, come on...”

“I want to stay married,” Chris
said.

His eyes were shut as Becky’s jaw
almost hit the floor. She let a few seconds pass before asking him to say it
again.

Chris opened his eyes and looked at
her. “I want to stay married, with some conditions of course.”

“Some conditions?” Becky asked.
“Wow, talk about making a situation feel ugly and full of regret.”

“No,” Chris said. “No. That’s not
it. Just, listen, okay? Dammit, I hate this so much, Becky. I don’t want to put
you in an uncomfortable position.”

“Like marrying me and then calling
it a situation with conditions?”

“I deserve that,” Chris said.

He walked towards the kitchen area
and sat on a barstool at the counter that led to the kitchen.

“This is hard for me,” Chris said.
“I’m serious. I really like you, Becky. Like you enough to marry you? I don’t
know. I’m not getting into that right now. The bottom line is that I have an
album coming out soon. And a major tour. The biggest tour of our careers so
far.”

“Congrats,” Becky said.

“Thanks. If the tour kicks off and
there’s... drama...”

“You’re worried about your image,”
Becky whispered.

“The band,” Chris said. “Okay? The
papers would love this story. Big time rockstar gets married in Vegas. Divorced
the next day. It would be everywhere. You know how things go, right?”

“I’ve thought about it,” Becky
said.

“And for you,” Chris said. He stood
up. “I’d hate to see people following you around, bothering you. Your picture
plastered everywhere. Magazines. Online.”

“You’re worried about me?” Becky
said.

“I know I sound like an ass right
now...”

“Keep going,” Becky said.

The urge to cry came to her again.
She couldn’t figure out why.

“I’m trying to figure out a way to
make everyone happy,” Chris said. “Okay?”

“So you don’t want my picture on
the magazines?”

“Becky, I don’t care about me,”
Chris said. “I’d just hate to see a new album drop and have it be over looked
because of this. There’s four other guys in Chasing Cross and a full crew of
people who make their living with the band.” Chris put his hand out and closed
his eyes. “Fuck. I sound like Peter right now. I’m sorry.”

“No. Don’t be sorry. You’re being
honest. This is all somehow my fault. My burden to carry.”

“It’s not,” Chris said. “At all.”

Chris began to pace. He paused at
the window for a second then kept walking.

“What else do you have to say to me
right now?” Becky asked. “Believe it or not I do have plans here in Vegas that
don’t include you.”

“It’s simple,” Chris said. “You
make the decision. If you want to end this, then we end it. I swear to you I
will try to keep it as quiet as possible. But I’m sure you know how that will
end up.”

“And if I go along with this idea?”

“We stay as is,” Chris said. “It’s
our little secret.”

“Marriage as a secret,” Becky said.
She turned her head. The tears were right there, ready to spill.

“Not forever,” Chris said. “I mean,
I don’t mean it to sound like that.”

“I think you’ve made your point,”
Becky said.

“Please look at me.”

Becky didn’t want to but she did.
Maybe the tears would do something to Chris. What, Becky didn’t know. But it
had to do something. Chris was almost on top of her a second later, wiping the
tears off her cheeks.

“I hate this,” Chris whispered.
“Can’t you just come to California with me? Can’t we just be married?”

“No,” Becky whispered. “You know
that.”

“I know.”

Becky stared into Chris’s eyes and
understood him. His words were shit but he didn’t mean harm by them. The
reality of the words were what sucked the most. But Chris was right.

“Just so you know,” Chris said,
“full disclosure here. You could make a fortune with this.”

“Money?”

“Sure. Magazines would pay a ton to
hear about what happened.”

“I would never,” Becky said. The
thought never crossed her mind. She couldn’t be that kind of person.

“You’re amazing for this,” Chris
said.

“I don’t know what I am right now,”
Becky said.

Chris leaned in and kissed Becky’s
forehead. “I have to go.”

“I know.”

“Can we keep in touch?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good
idea,” Becky said. “Do you really think this will ever become something? You’re
going to tour the world, have tons of women...”

“Don’t think like that.”

“I am,” Becky said. She pushed away
from Chris. “This is the reality of it. I’ll keep my mouth shut, for you, for
your band. Because I did this, too. I got drunk. I got married, too.”

“No. Let’s just end it then. I’m
not going to leave with you feeling like this.”

“It’s too late,” Becky said. “No matter
what happens now... I feel how I feel.”

“I feel it too,” Chris said.

“I’m sure you do.”

Becky walked to the door and opened
it. That was Chris’s sign to get the hell out. Chris walked to the door. He
left the room and turned. Becky couldn’t take the sight of it anymore. She
didn’t know what to do. The lines between right and wrong were so blurry she
felt blind.

“If you ever find someone,” Chris
said. “Please just do it. Okay? Don’t give everything up because of me...”

Becky nodded.

But it was too late.

She already felt like she had given
so much up. And that included her heart.