Authors: Candy Darling

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BOOK: Candy Darling

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I don't like to go out with people who do not feel they are my social equals. People that are too nice to me. Tonight I went out with Jeremiah and his friend whatsisname. Jerry met me at Lincoln Center and we had a drink (Irish coffee) at a bar. Then we went back to Lincoln Center (the fountain) and met whatsisname. Then we walked over to take the bus on Broadway and who did go riding by on a bicycle but Bradford Riley. We were programmed to meet, I know it. I knew I would meet him today. Because I am wearing the black skirt and printed blouse. It is the 3rd time he has seen it. The last time was at the premiere of
Barbara
. The time before was the play
Arresties
.

To think I once loved him. I am sitting next to a primitive and there is one sitting across from me. I hate riding with scum and that's just what they are: hard faces and they both have their feet up. Naturally they are scrutinizing me with their hard eyes and talking childish voices. Do I still love Brad? I don't think so, but I do like him as much as I can like any man who is that attractive to me. If he were mine I'm sure I would wear him as proudly as a diamond brooch. I told him to call me.

It is 10 P.M. I am waiting for a phone call from a taxi cab driver I met last night. He was young and very beautiful. I hope he doesn't call. He knew who I was, having seen me on television. He drove us uptown to 42nd street where I dropped Andy Milligan off. Then he took me uptown to 77th between Madison and 5th Ave. where I went to visit Jim and Leonard. I told him (David Spalding) I lived there and gave him the telephone number. I also told him I would be on L.I. and gave him the telephone number here. I told him to call at 10 or 10:30.

As a girl you're entitled to certain hopes, certain needs. You have a right to expect that there will be a special place for you. These feelings are luxuries to me.

Hi Dear,

How are you? I have a new secretaryâhis name is George. He's only 18 years old but very wise. My hair is butter blonde and I have a Carroll Baker look. I love Carroll Baker, don't you? Doesn't everybody? Who doesn't?

I sure wish we all could get together this summer. Remember that loveable cottage on Lake Winnepesaukee? I still remember the people's nameâHorn. It would be just so wonderful if we all could rent it for a week, you and Bob, George and I. What do you think? It's so private and such a beautiful lake. Don't worry about George, he does what
I tell him
! Just like Joan Crawford in
Queen Bee
. In
Mildred Pierce
, in
Harriet Craig
, George and I love Joan Crawford. We saw her in a film called
Berserk
! It was supposed to be a horror film but it was really a laugh riot. Joan owned a circus this time and all these performers were getting killed in gruesome ways. Diana Dors was in it and she was sawed in half. You remember Diana Dors, don't you? England's answer to Jayne Mansfield? Oh, you remember, a real cheap looking tomato with a tremendous bust, platinumized hair, big lips, a hard trashy face. She got hers the day after she was discovered in Joan's boyfriend's trailer, portrayed by some young stud type. Oh, it's a real must-see.

This, I hope, will amuse George.

I'll never forget the night Sandy, George, and I came home from the Sanctuary. When I asked her if I could stay over with George, she said she didn't know where we would all sleep as Gil Gerard was staying over. What can I say? I was stunned. Gil was one of the most gorgeous studs on the set. I mean real A-1 top quality grade A male flesh. I hoped to God he wasn't sleeping the bed but on the sofa. My highest hope was that perhaps since we were coming in so late he would make an excuse to leave early and get dressed and get out. But my hopes were not realized. When we arrived at the apartment somewhere around 6 a.m., Sandy rang the bell cursing him and saying she hoped he hadn't left with the key. I said a silent prayer of thanks. However there was no reason to be thankful. Gil opened the door in nothing but his undershorts displaying a marvelous set of biceps, a deep rippled chest and muscular thick legs covered with a golden brown down. What a majestic sight! What a lump in the throat I got when walking into the apartment. I discovered much to my dismay that gorgeous Gil had been sleeping in the spider's web and would probably continue (after he plunged into Sandy for awhile) I felt. It was useless to hope for Gil and Sandy to just fall off to the land of Nod like a couple of tired children and it was useless. All I could concentrate on for the rest of the morning was the grunting and groaning and the sounds of the bed creaking. Gil left around 9 a.m. I was still too stunned to sleep, being persecuted to capacity. As Mr. Right was going out the door he saw I was not asleep and said goodbye. His face seemed to be saying to me it's really you I love mentally it was all you. But then I am not mentally well.

STARDUSK

When you stroll into a party

and the heads neglect to turn

when you're sipping a Bacardi

and your face begins to burnâ

â¦ that's stardusk

When the dinner's in your honor

but your honor doesn't matter

When you're making a profound statement

and guests begin to chatterâ

â¦ that's stardusk

When the glitter on your eyelids

and your sequins start to tarnish

when pancake fails to do the trick

and the next resort is varnishâ

â¦ that's stardusk

When the spotlight slowly dims

and you're regretting all your sins

when memories that you hold so dear

are all thats left of your career

â¦ that's stardusk

To whom it may concern

By the time you read this I will be gone. Unfortunately before my death I had no desire left for life. Even with all my friends and my career on the upswing I felt too empty to go on in this unreal existence. I am just so bored by everything. You might say bored to death. It may sound ridiculous but is true. I have arranged my own funeral arrangements with a guest list and it is paid for. I would like to say goodbye to Jackie Curtis, I think you're fabulous. Holly, Sam Green a true friend and noble person, Ron Link I'll never forget you, Andy Warhol what can I say, Paul Morrissey, Lennie you know I loved you, Andy you too, Jeremiah don't take it too badly just remember what a bitch I was, Geraldine I guess you saw it coming. Richard Turley & Richard Golub I know I could've been a star but I decided I didn't want it. Manuel, I'm better off now. Terry I love you, Susan I am sorry, did you know I couldn't last I always knew it. I wish I could meet you all again.

Goodbye for Now

Love Always

Candy Darling

Tinkerbell
HI
!

Life is only what you make it.

Sing along and show that you can take it.

Get in the swing and sing, darn ya, sing.

About the Authors

CANDY DARLING (1944â1974), born James Lawrence Slattery, was an iconic actress and performer known for her work in theater and film, including the Andy Warhol movies
Flesh
and
Women in Revolt
. The celebrated Warhol superstar also appeared in
Klute
and
Lady Liberty
alongside Jane Fonda and Sophia Loren, respectively.

Darling died of lymphoma at the age of twenty-nine. Her life is the subject of the acclaimed documentary
Beautiful Darling
, and she is now hailed as a trailblazer for transgender people.

JAMES RASIN is a New Yorkâbased writer and filmmaker. His feature-film directorial debut,
Beautiful Darling: The Life and Times of Candy Darling, Andy Warhol Superstar
, was selected by the Museum of Modern Art and the Film Society of Lincoln Center for inclusion in the 2010 New Directors/New Films program. The movie went on to screen at over thirty major festivals, winning Best Documentary at the 2010 Chicago International Film Festival and Best Film at the 2010 Montenegro Film Festival. It has been shown at theaters and museums around the world.

All rights reserved, including without limitation the right to reproduce this ebook or any portion thereof in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher.

Candy Darling

My Face for the World to See

Candy Says

Words and music by Lou Reed

Some material in this book originally appeared in
Candy Darling
, Hanuman Books, 1992.

Cover design by Mauricio Diaz

ISBN: 978-1-4804-0775-6

This edition published in 2015 by Open Road Integrated Media, Inc.

345 Hudson Street

New York, NY 10014

www.openroadmedia.com