Christmas and Forever (4 page)

Liya jerked the coffee pot down with a definitive thud. This was ridiculous. The kiss, yes, she could understand his ire on that issue. It had been a brazen move on her part, and regardless of how innocent her intentions were it never should have occurred. But,
just a receptionist
? Honestly, the stubborn man had to sense the attraction too, on some level––why else would he be jumping through hoops to avoid her lately?

“That’s not true and we both know it.”

Aidan’s large hand kept a death-grip around the ceramic mug, and Liya was surprised it didn’t crumble beneath the pressure. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. If I’ve ever given you the impression…” He blew out a breath, stopped, clenched his jaw, and then continued in a hushed tone. “Don’t do this to me, Liya. Not today.”

So, there was more to this, as she suspected all along. His lack of a denial was the closest to an admission she was going to get out of him today. “Why didn’t you sleep last night?”

He shook his head and released a sound, in between a snort and wonderment. “I don’t understand you. Why do you keep at it with me? I’m not worth the effort. I—”

He was acknowledging her feeling. Her heart raced, slamming against her ribcage in a finely tuned cadence. Did he realize what he was saying or was he too tired and weary to mask his feelings right now? She didn’t care.

Liya angled her head and crushed her lips to his. This kiss. This was the one she would never regret or apologize for.

Before he had a chance to react, she straightened as if nothing had happened. “What kept you up?” she asked casually. “Talk to me, Aidan.”

He brushed a hand across his lips in a subtle movement. “Aidan?”

“Yes,
Aidan
.
Do
you mind?”

His features relaxed. “I don’t mind it. I apologize for what I said earlier about you being just a receptionist.”

“I figured you didn’t mean it. So I’ll let it slide.”

“It’s difficult sometimes. Most days I don’t feel like I should be here. Like I don’t deserve to be here.” He shook his head and issued her a tepid smile. “You don’t know what I’m talking about, do you? Be happy you haven’t experienced a loss in your young life.”

If only he knew. She raised her chin a notch. “What makes you think I haven’t?”

“Who have you lost?” His tone was a mixture of incredulity and challenge.

Her throat constricted. “I lost my younger brother four years ago. It was just the two of us and I basically took care of him from day one. So, yeah I know all about it, Dr. Keegan. Age means shit in the grand scheme of things. Tell that to a kid who just lost both of her parents.”

He replaced the mug on the counter and gave a single nod. “I’m sorry for assuming. You’re right, you can’t tell everything about a person because of their age.”

“Especially if that person doesn’t share their problems.”

The lines around his eyes crinkled as his lips twitched. “You don’t give up, do you?”

She widened her eyes for emphasis. “Never. Those who love me are used to it. You’ll get used to it too.” The second the words skidded from her lips she realized the error in how it could be perceived.

“I mean…” Liya fumbled, tripping over the words. “You know I didn’t mean it the way it sounded, right?”

And just like that, Aidan’s face became impassive. “The patients should be arriving soon. There’s an eight-thirty appointment, correct?”

“All right. I’ll be up front.” The urgency to continue their conversation welled inside her chest. Resignation fluttering through her, Liya returned to her desk up front.

One hour careened into another and another with nary a word from Aidan. By the time lunchtime rolled around, Aidan maintain his staunch silence, all the while tucked away inside his office.

Determined, Liya turned the corner to his small office. How interesting. Not only was he intent on depriving himself of sleep, now starvation was in the plan. Without a doubt he needed her help. She knocked once on the door before slowly pushing it open and sticking her head through the crack. Oblivious to her approach, Aidan sat with his head hung low, deeply engrossed in a medical book.

Liya used the time to study his profile. A day’s worth of hair darkened his jawline. His aquiline nose reminded her of a painting depicting battle-worn Roman soldiers she had seen in an art museum downtown. While she wouldn’t go so far as to place Aidan in the category of hot, he was actually quite handsome in a quiet, unassuming way. Maybe that was the reason she had refused to analyze her feelings and reactions to him up until two months ago. It was impossible to view him as just her boss, when she was so acutely aware of him as a man. A man she was very attracted to, but knew was off limits. Be that as it may, Aidan was a male and she was a female who wanted to experience passion with someone special. And that someone happened to be Aidan Keegan.

She snuck another peek at him before hurrying out of the clinic and meandering through the plaza to a nearby Chinese restaurant.

Liya popped back into the clinic and down the corridor to Aidan’s office. Her eyes bulged, threatening to pop out of their sockets. He was exactly as she’d left him, except this time he was scribbling notes in a book, laid out beside the heavy text he had been reading.

She rapped her knuckles against the door, coughing loudly when he didn’t look up. “Aidan?”

“Whatever it is, it has to wait,” he snapped.

Liya shrank backward, stunned at his tone. His head remained in the book. “I bought lunch for us.” She held up the bag, waving it in the air.

His head rose, confusion sketched across his features as if he just recognized she was standing there. His eyes softened before he lowered his head once more. “I’m not hungry. You go on and eat.”

Ignoring him, Liya strutted into the room and closed the door. She gritted her teeth and padded over to his desk. “I think today might very well be my last day, after you hear what I have to say.”

A muscle ticked at the corner of his eyes. He slammed the book shut. “What exactly is it you have to say?”

Liya drew in a rush of air. “You miss your wife so much, you’re trying to work yourself into an early grave. Maybe so you can be with her.” There was no stopping her now. “I like this job, but if you feel you have to fire me, then so be it. I’m not going to remain silent any longer. You’re a wonderful man, Aidan. I’m sure your wife was wonderful too, or else you wouldn’t be hurting so much.”

She bunched her fists to keep from reaching out to him. A man like Aidan would only view it as weakness if he allowed himself to be comforted by her. “Is this what you think she’d want from you? You’re alive. It’s such a tremendous gift. Please don’t close yourself off from being happy again.”

He laughed scornfully. “And just who am I supposed to be happy with? Look at me. I don’t feel like a wonderful man, Liya. I feel like someone who should have been dead and buried years ago.”

She shook her head at him slowly. “You don’t mean that.”

Aidan let out a ragged breath and closed his eyes. When he spoke, his tone was so quiet with an air of defeat that made her heart splinter into a million pieces for him.

“I’m not a young man anymore. I don’t even know if I’d have anything to offer to someone.”

Liya had never seen him or anyone so broken. And he was laying it all out in front of her. Her fingers itched to enfold Aidan and whisper into his ear how much she valued and wanted him. She couldn’t. Now wasn’t the right time. She had to be strong for him. “You’re right about one thing,” she said calmly. “You definitely won’t have anything to offer if you think women are attracted to skin and bones. Which you will be soon, at the rate you’re going.” She dropped the bag in his lap. “Eat. I’ll be up front.” One hand on the door, Liya spun around to peer at him. “Don’t forget my offer from last week, okay?”

“I won’t, Liya. Thank you. Again.”

****

Aidan pushed away the empty box of chicken lo mein. His stomach was full, thanks to Liya, who it seemed was more in tune with his body than he himself. He didn’t understand her. She was a pretty young girl and yet she spent most of her days concentrating on him at the clinic. It made no sense, and furthermore, he doubted he was her type.

He looked at the discarded box and heard himself snapping at her less than an hour ago. Shameful. A fresh wave of anger broke to the surface at his treatment of her. He massaged a crease in his temple, hating the turn of his thoughts, always leading back to Liya. No more. He allowed his gaze to trail upward until it landed on the picture of him and Sarah. He missed her so much, which made his interactions with Liya all the more disconcerting. The voluptuous girl confused him and roused emotions he thought were long dead and buried, with Sarah and their daughter. He didn’t want to feel this way, especially when he knew Liya wasn’t going out of her way to flirt with him, but instead was the type of person who cared about others, maybe too much so.

Still, there was a lot to be said for having such attention from a woman, and it turned out Aidan Keegan was just like any other man—weak and unable to resist the lure of a nubile female. Moreso when said female was soft, fleshy and dripped sensuality with every swish of her shapely hips and rounded bottom, which were more than a handful. Even worse yet: when said female seemed oblivious to her own charms. Aidan looked down at his groin and no surprise, saw an erection there. He curled his lips and forced himself to relive the moment he had lost everything. That had to work, to calm the unfaithful thing swelling within the confines of his briefs.

The harrowing sound of metal clashing against metal echoed in his eardrums. Sarah’s blood-curling screams drowned out everything else, weakening his arousal. Good. Liya Emerson could never compete with those memories. Those memories were his weapons against the hold she tried to have on him.

With that thought in mind, Aidan reached across his desk for the cell phone he had placed on silent. Aware of the two missed calls from his former in-laws, Aidan forced himself to return the call. They were awaiting confirmation that he’d dine with them for yet another Christmas. For fourteen years, he and Sarah had spent every single holiday with her family. His own parents had passed away when he was a child and he was grateful for how readily the Delacroix’s had taken him in as one of their own after he and Sarah began dating, but being there year after year in the mournful atmosphere was taxing on him. His heart no longer wanted it, couldn’t take it. He had to let them know this year was the beginning of change. On the second ring, the rusty voice of Simon Delacroix could be heard issuing a greeting.

“Aidan. Nice to hear from you.”

Aidan grimaced. He knew the man was being genuine and it stung to think of hurting his in-laws. “I apologize for not calling before, Simon.”

Mr. Delacroix brushed him off. “No problem, Aid. I know you’re busy. How’s that clinic of yours running, anyway? Heard you’ve doing a heap of good in the area.”

“It’s going fine. Thanks for asking. It’s not just me, however. Everyone’s been putting in a lot of hours to make it work.”

Booming laughter vibrated through the phone. “Modest to a fault. You’re the best doctor in the whole damn state, Aidan, and my son-in-law. Hell, yes, you should be proud and take some credit. In fact I was just telling a buddy of mine about this clinic you’ve opened. Not a lot of people would go into that area. Those people should be lucky to have you.”

Aidan ground his teeth. He felt uncomfortable, always had when his in-laws spoke about his work. The Delacroix’s made him seem like he was making a sacrifice when he mentioned to them the clinic he wanted to open. He knew they were proud of him, had been and supported him every step of the way long before he graduated medical school and before he and Sarah were married, but he also knew his career and accomplishments were used as conversation piece around the Delacroix’s friends and acquaintances.

“Well, “ Aidan continued. “Like I said, everyone’s putting in a lot of effort.”

“Anyway, Aidan. I wanted to know what time you’ll be arriving on Christmas. The missus and I will be at a friend’s house and wanted to make sure we’d be home for your arrival.”

Aidan pondered for a moment the best way to tell the only family he had left that after so many years he no longer felt comfortable being around them.

“I’m sorry, Simon.” Better to be straightforward. “I’m not going to make it down to Concord this holiday.”

A pronounced silence crackled through the other end of the line. He hoped his father-in-law hadn’t taken offense. “I think this year, I want, need to be alone. Your family’s always been so gracious and supportive, I hope there’s no hard feelings on this.”

The seconds ticked by before Simon answered, his voice stilted. “There’s none, Aidan. We know you loved our daughter. If you need some time to spend the holidays alone, that’s on you. I don’t understand it, but I have to respect your choice. I only wish you’d keep in mind that Sarah might have wanted you to spend it with us. Keep the tradition alive.”

His gut tightened. The man knew how to hit at him and was purposely making a tough decision even harder for him. Aidan shifted the phone at his ear and raked his vision upward to the framed picture high on the wall across the office. Guilt assailed him with the force of a hundred knives. Simon was right. He wasn’t thinking about Sarah. He was thinking only of himself. He wound his hand around the cell phone, his throat constricting. He should say something, tell Simon he had changed his mind, but God help him there was an even stronger voice in his head telling him he needed to remain unwavering on this.

A sharp knock registered at the door. Aidan watched as the door swung open. Liya stood at the threshold, brows drawn together. He lifted his gaze an inch. Their eyes connected. Goosebumps dotted his skin. He knew without a doubt she sensed the turmoil inside him. In that moment Aidan recognized the voice urging him to stay strong. It was the betrayer, that lonely and despondent part of him grappling for a fresh start: The part that wished to make new memories, and lessen the pain thriving within his heart.