Embracing Change (13 page)

“What would you like?” Joel turned to her as they stood at the counter. “The coffees are all good and they have the best cakes and muffins.”

Sarah ran her eyes across the display cabinet. “I see what you mean.” She thought for a moment. “The carrot cake looks wonderful, and I’d like a mochaccino please.”

Joel chose a flat white and bran muffin and the young girl promised to bring their order shortly. “Let’s sit outside,” he said. “We’ll grab a table under one of the heaters.”

A few minutes later, sipping hot coffee and munching on cake, Joel turned the conversation back to church. “How did you enjoy the service?”

“It was very different to what I’ve experienced before ... not that I’ve spent much time in church.”

“Different good or different bad?”

“Just ... different. All that stuff about becoming a Christian was new to me. I’ve never heard that before.” Sarah hesitated. “Luke told me the night he died that he’d become a Christian as a teenager. He also said he wanted to start living for God again and that we should go to church together.” She shrugged. “I wasn’t sure what he meant so didn’t pay much attention.”

Joel nodded. “And how do you feel about it now?”

“I’ve always considered myself a Christian, but now it seems I’m not. To tell you the truth, I’m rather confused, but I enjoyed the service. The sermon was really interesting and it felt good being there.”

“I’ve got a spare Bible at home if you’d like it,” Joel offered. “Maybe it would help clarify some things. I can show you where to start reading.”

Sarah fell silent for a moment, wondering if she wanted to pursue this church business. “Alright,” she said at last. “I’d like to read about Job.”

“We can go and pick it up after coffee.”

At midnight Sarah climbed into bed, journal in her hand.
What a different day it’s been. So many new experiences
. She opened to a blank page and began to write.

I went to Joel’s church tonight. I expected a cathedral with hard wooden pews and recited prayers, but found a haven of warmth and spontaneity. I wonder if this is the type of Christianity Luke was referring to? I must admit I’m intrigued, but I’m not about to dive into it without knowing more. Joel gave me a Bible and suggested I read John. I’m interested in Job, so I’ll have a look at both.

Life is so strange sometimes. I never imagined I’d end up reading the Bible in New Zealand.

Chapter Seventeen

I have good days and bad days, but the nights are always hard. Nightmares continue to haunt my sleep, suffocating and tormenting, draining hope and energy from my heart. Will I ever be free of this curse?

From the journal of Sarah Johnson

Friday 6th
June

Sarah twisted, trying to escape from the cruel grip that dragged her back from Luke. Her arms were leaden and heavy, her screams trapped in her throat. “Leave me.” She struggled to get the words out. “I want Luke. Let me go.”

A hand was on her shoulder, gently shaking her. “Sarah, Sarah.”

She pulled her eyes open, terror spilling into the room, shadows crouching in every corner.

“Sarah, you’re having a nightmare.”

As consciousness came back, she realised it was Jade. A faint light filtered through the curtains revealing concern on her face.

“Sorry.” Her voice came out thick and slow.

“Are you alright now? Would you like me to put the light on?”

Sarah pushed herself up. “No, maybe pull the curtains back a little.”

Jade padded softly to the window and separated the fabric folds, allowing a pool of light to leak across the floor, illuminating her white gown and slippers.

“Thank you.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. It’s a recurring thing—connected with the hijacking.” Over the last few weeks, Sarah had shared the bare facts of the experience with Jade.

“Okay.” She perched on the bed. “Do you mind if I pray for you, then?”

Sarah pushed herself further up into a sitting position. “I suppose it can’t do any harm.” She normally stayed awake for hours after a nightmare, afraid to close her eyes and be plunged back into the horror. Back home she would have made a hot chocolate drink or watched some late night TV. Here she couldn’t do that for fear of disturbing the girls.

Jade reached out and took her hand in a firm grip. Her skin was supple and warm and Sarah could almost feel energy pulsing from it as she prayed: “Dear Lord, You know the full pain and terror of what Sarah experienced in South Africa. It’s not something I can fully understand, but I can pray for her. Fill her with your peace tonight and drive all traces of terror far from this house. Let your love and grace and mercy take its place, and help Sarah to go back to sleep.”

As the words flowed, Sarah felt a sense of peace in her soul, a glow that settled upon her and wrapped her like a cocoon, warm and secure. She was almost asleep by the time Jade squeezed her hand softly and tiptoed out of the room.

She awoke the next morning with the same warmth cuddled deep inside.

It’s amazing,
she wrote in her journal.
Last night
I went back to sleep after a particularly vicious nightmare. The only thing I can put it down to is prayer. Joel has prayed for me several times, and now Jade. They’re good people and I think God answers their prayers because of that. I don’t think He would listen to me. I know my heart is still full of anger and no matter how hard I try, I can’t make it go away. I wonder how things would be if Luke was here. He said he wanted us to live as Christians.

She stopped writing for a moment and thought of the Bible sitting on her chest of drawers.

Maybe life would be easier if I could stop hating Dlamini. Joel has shown me verses in the Bible that talk about forgiveness, but I can’t imagine forgiving a murderer. He simply doesn’t deserve it. Joel says forgiveness is a choice, but it doesn’t seem to be one I can make. Dlamini haunts my dreams and thoughts and not a day goes past without me thinking of him.

She closed her journal and powered up her laptop, hoping for an e-mail from home. There was nothing, so she slipped into jeans and a warm shirt before wandering through to the kitchen.

“How did you sleep?” Jade was buttering a plate of toast.

“Perfectly after you prayed. I normally lose hours of sleep after a nightmare.” She took the milk out of the fridge. “Tea or coffee?”

“Tea please.” Jade stopped buttering and looked across at Sarah. “Have
you
ever tried praying?”

“I don’t think God would listen to me.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m a mixed-up mess.”

“None of us are perfect, Sarah.” She offered her some toast in exchange for tea. “You mustn’t be so hard on yourself. Try praying if the nightmares come again, and if you don’t want to, please call me. I’ll pray for you anytime—even if it’s in the middle of the night.”

“You’re a good friend,” Sarah said. “I really appreciated you coming through.”

Chapter Eighteen

I’ve been in Christchurch four months now. Joel visits most weeks but has been away on a working trip. In the meantime, winter has set in and days are short, nights long and cold.

From the journal of Sarah Johnson

Saturday 5th July

Jade bounced into the house after church a few weeks later. “Have you ever tried skiing, Sarah?”

“Nope, never. In fact I’ve only seen snow once.”

“Does it snow in South Africa?”

“In certain areas. The Drakensburg is one of them and the midlands sometimes get a covering. When I was a teenager, they had a heavy overnight fall in Mooi River which is about three hours from Johannesburg. Dad booked a room for the night and drove us down there.” She smiled, memories washing over her. “It was incredible. We played in it all day; built snowmen, had snowball fights and slid down banks on bits of plastic.”

“That settles it,” said Jade.

“Settles what?”

“You’re coming on the church skiing trip next weekend. I’ll borrow some gear for you, and the entrance fee includes ski hire and a lesson.”

Sarah thought for a moment. “That actually sounds like a great idea.”

“The church has hired a bus and we’re going up to Mount Hutt. It’s an excellent ski field and reasonably close to Christchurch. You’ll love it.”

The following Saturday the four girls piled into Mandy’s car and drove to the church. The bus was parked on the road and surrounded by young people carrying bags and jackets, skis and snowboards.

“Come on!” Jade grabbed her stuff from the car and pulled Sarah’s sleeve. “Let’s get a seat near the front so we can watch the views. The scenery is amazing.” They merged into the mob, Jade greeting people as they went and introducing a couple of them to Sarah. Eventually they made their way onto the bus and collapsed into seats about a third of the way back.

Sarah had just stowed her bag when she saw Joel climbing the steps. He waved at them before choosing a seat on the left. Mandy followed behind and dropped into the seat next to him. She was wearing black ski pants that showed off her slender legs and a turquoise thermal top. Her hair was fastened up on top, perfect curls adding to her height. Sarah watched Joel smile as he turned to look at her, watched as they laughed together. She was surprised at the force of the jealousy that swept across her.

“Good morning, wonderful people.”

Sarah recognised Brad, the leader of the twenties group that Joel was part of.

“We’re all set for an incredible day of skiing—apparently the weather up there is perfect at the moment. Thank you all for coming, and enjoy the ride. When we reach Mount Hutt, I’ll give you more details about what’s happening.”

“This is the way to Arthur’s Pass,” Sarah commented to Jade, recognising some of the little towns.

“That’s right. We’ll branch off at Darfield to get to Mount Hutt—it’s also part of the Southern Alps. The distance is only ninety kilometres but it takes as many minutes to get there because of the roads.”

About an hour into the journey the bus started climbing through hilly country, and as they turned a corner Sarah caught her breath at the change of scenery. The valley below them was blanketed in white, and snow-drenched forests lined steep mountain faces. “This is awesome!” She pulled out her camera and took a few shots through the window.

“There’s Mount Hutt village.” Jade pointed to a clump of buildings below them. “We’ll drive down into it and then up again to Mount Hutt itself.”

Sarah kept her eyes fixed on the scenery as they descended into the valley, captivated by the snow that lay in unbroken swathes, glittering as the sun reflected off tiny crystals. Sharp icicles hung off fences and wooden posts were capped with mounds of snow.

“Fresh snow from last night,” Jade said. “You can see no one’s walked in it yet. The ski slopes should be perfect.”

After driving through the main street of the village they began the ascent to the ski fields, stopping in a designated area along the way so the driver could put chains on the wheels. The car park was a mess of sludge and brown mud and Sarah felt sorry for those who were prone besides their vehicles, looping chains around their tyres. The air was frigid, and frozen fingers were struggling with cold metal that was difficult to fit, even in warmer conditions.

From there on, the scenery grew more and more spectacular as the driver manoeuvered around hairpin bends and up steep inclines. On the left, the mountains fell sharply down to icy valleys and on the right, snowy faces rose to meet clouds that hung thick and white. Every so often they would pass a patch of forest and the vibrations of the bus would cause snow to fall from the trees. As they dumped their load, the branches would spring back, splattering snow everywhere.

Sarah turned to Jade. “It’s like being in a different world. I absolutely love it.”

The only blot on her horizon was the way Mandy giggled and leaned into Joel as she talked non-stop to him.

In the final stretch before reaching the ski field, the road was particularly treacherous and the driver hugged the mountainside, moving slowly and carefully through layers of fog. “This is scary,” Jade whispered. “We’re so high up and can hardly see where we’re going.” Eventually the bus broke through the cloud layer and brilliant sunshine flooded the landscape. “There’s Mount Hutt!” She grabbed Sarah’s arm. “Isn’t it amazing?”

The bus driver navigated the last few loops to the car park and then Brad took control again. “Welcome to Mount Hutt. As promised, the weather is perfect and we’re going to have a fantastic day. Marty will go ahead and get the group tickets and tags. In the meantime, feel free to unload your equipment but don’t leave the immediate area of the bus.”