Every Time We Say Goodbye (12 page)

There had been no repeat of the night they’d shared that passionate kiss in Crown Alley and neither of them had ever referred to it, but their relationship had changed and she took every opportunity to spend as much time with him as possible, amazed at the peace that descended on her when he was near. At first they would simply dawdle after work and talk. Then they started to go for a quick coffee or a drink on the way home, ending with him dropping her at the train station and her thanking him and kissing his cheek. And then one night he’d stopped her from drawing away, looked into her eyes and kissed her on the lips. It was brief but Marianne had found it intensely erotic and couldn’t stop thinking about it. After that, it was a given that if he gave her a lift, they would end up kissing. Marianne was intensely attracted to Rob and she knew he felt the same, but apart from the sexual attraction it was just so good to be around someone so normal, funny and kind. But when he looked at her in a certain way . . . She shivered as she remembered what it was like to drown in those eyes.

It was a cool but bright Saturday the day she finally ended up in Rob’s bed. Dot had taken the children to the zoo, Dominic was slumped in front of the TV watching a football match and Marianne was chopping vegetables. He’d shouted out to her but she hadn’t heard what he’d said; he was probably just looking for more coffee. Well, he could get it himself. He had been impossible all morning and she was furious when he had roared at Andrew to be quiet, scaring the child witless. The next minute he was in the doorway, frowning, one hand to his head.

‘Stop that, I told you my head is splitting.’

‘Oh, for goodness’ sake, don’t be such a drama queen. I’m only making a stew,’ she’d protested, laughing.

‘You’re laughing at me?’

‘No, don’t be silly.’ And then she’d looked up and seen the fury in his face. ‘Sorry, Dominic, I’m nearly finished.’

‘Here, let me finish for you,’ he said, and pulling the knife roughly from her hand he proceeded to hack the vegetables with a vengeance.

‘Dominic!’

‘What’s the problem? You wanted them chopped, didn’t you?’ He was wielding the knife with such abandon that he was in danger of missing the chopping board and hacking into the polished oak worktop.

‘Be careful!’

‘Are you afraid I might hurt myself? Is that it, Marianne?’

‘Yes, yes, of course I am.’ Marianne started to gather up all the mutilated vegetables and put them back on the board.

‘I won’t do that,’ he assured her and brought the knife down perilously close to her fingers.

Marianne gave a yelp of fear and ran for the door, only pausing to grab her car keys. She drove straight to the office. She didn’t know why, though, in hindsight, maybe she did. The weekend was the only time that major changes could be made to the computer systems; there was a good chance that Rob would be there. He was just walking out of the door when she arrived. His face broke into a smile but then he saw her expression and the tears in her eyes.

‘What is it?’ He put his hands on her shoulders and searched her face. ‘What’s happened? Has he done something? Has he hurt you?’

She shook her head. ‘No, he was just shouting and screaming; I was frightened.’

He folded her into his arms. ‘You’re safe now. I was just going home, come with me.’

Marianne hesitated. She knew in her heart where this would lead and despite the fact that she was still trembling with fear she also felt excited.

Rob took her silence as reluctance. ‘You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, darling; I just want to hold you.’

She slipped her hand into his. ‘Let’s go.’

As she’d stood at his window, looking down on the busy shoppers, she’d been conscious of him speeding around the small flat, tidying frantically. Then he’d come and stood beside her, wiping his hands nervously on the back of his jeans. ‘Tea? Coffee?’

She’d turned to face him. ‘No, thanks.’

He looked down into her eyes, cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. Marianne gave herself up to the moment and when he started to walk her towards the bedroom, she didn’t resist. They sank together onto the bed and started to undress each other. When Marianne was down to her bra and pants, Rob drew back to look at her.

‘You’re beautiful,’ he told her, and he continued telling her that for the next hour as he made love to her slowly and gently.

She had thought that she and Dominic enjoyed a relatively good love life before he went off the rails, but her opinion changed after that first time with Rob. Sex with Dominic had been fast, furious, frenzied, and largely silent. It was a completely different story with Rob. For a start he seemed content to just hold and kiss her for the longest time, all the while his eyes feasting on her body, making her feel special and beautiful. And the kisses . . . she sighed at the memory. Rob didn’t have one type of kiss, he had a whole collection and she found it hard to decide which she liked best.

That first time he had very slowly kissed and touched her and talked and smiled, and under his gentle hands she had relaxed and opened herself up to him. Afterwards she lay naked in his arms, not at all self-conscious or embarrassed and feeling more at peace than she had in years. It was as if she’d been holding her breath her entire life and could finally exhale.

She’d sworn it wouldn’t happen again; her life was complicated enough without this but the more unpredictable Dominic became the more she’d turned to Rob; the more she’d come to depend on him. And now it seemed he was about to come back into her life. And despite her concern for her children and money worries, a small flame of hope stirred within her.

Chapter Ten

Helen knocked on the door before going into the bedroom. As she’d expected, her son was out cold despite the fact that she’d called him three times already.

‘It’s eight o’clock, you’re going to be late. Colm! Move it!’ She yanked the duvet off him when he didn’t budge.

He groaned. ‘Okay, okay. I’m coming.’

‘That boy needs to study more and party less,’ she said when she returned to the kitchen where Johnny was working his way through a plate of toast, slathered with butter and marmalade.

‘Ah, sure, he was only at the cinema and he needs to get a break from the studying.’ Johnny reached over to switch on the radio.

Helen frowned as she started to make sandwiches for her son’s lunch. It was all very well being blasé about Colm’s future; yes, he would join the family business, but that wasn’t the secure prospect it had once been. If he was forced to look for work elsewhere he would need a good degree under his belt. He was a clever boy, she had no doubts on that score and, like his dad, he oozed confidence, but sometimes she felt he was too sure of himself and underestimated the hard work that lay ahead. Johnny didn’t understand what she was worrying about and dismissed her fears, but then he seemed very preoccupied at the moment.

Their usual place for talking through business problems was in bed, after they’d made love and she lay curled up in his arms. It had been a couple of weeks since the last time, she realized; that was unusual. She often felt too tired for sex but Johnny reached for her a couple of times a week, and no matter what mood she was in, once his hands and mouth started to explore her body she soon forgot her tiredness. She was no longer the size ten he had married but when he made love to her she felt beautiful and sexy. Perhaps she would make a special effort for him tonight and when he was relaxed she would find out exactly what it was that was bothering him.

‘He’s off out again tonight,’ she said. ‘It’s Fergal Harrison’s birthday party. Why don’t I make us a nice dinner and we could have an early night.’

Johnny looked up absently. ‘Sorry, love?’

‘I said, Colm’s going out tonight and we’ll have the place to ourselves.’ She smiled at him.

‘Oh, sorry, sweetheart; I’ve got to go out. I’ll arrange to pick Colm up afterwards. I don’t like him roaming the streets so late.’

‘Where are you off to on a Friday evening?’ she asked. She couldn’t remember him mentioning a meeting; there certainly wasn’t anything in the diary.

‘I’m going to see Christy.’

‘Ah, okay.’ Helen sat down at the table beside him and poured them both more coffee.

‘How is he?’ she asked.

‘Not good,’ said Johnny. ‘Bev phoned me yesterday. She thinks he’s getting worse; she’s asked me to have a word. I don’t know how long it will take. Sorry, love.’

‘It’s fine. Of course you must go and see him. Will you come home for something to eat first?’

‘No. I’ll go straight from work.’

‘Well, in that case I’ll make a shepherd’s pie and you can have some whatever time you get in.’

‘You’re a darling.’ He drained his cup, leaned over to kiss her hard on the mouth and stood up.

As he made to leave, Colm strolled in, yawning and knotting his school tie. Johnny punched him lightly on the arm. ‘If you get a move on, I’ll drop you off.’

‘Cool.’ Colm dropped two slices of bread into the toaster and poured a glass of orange juice.

‘You should be having something nutritious and filling like cereal,’ Helen told her gangly son; he was far too thin for her liking.

‘He doesn’t have time,’ Johnny protested. ‘Get your stuff together; you can eat in the car.’

‘Go on then,’ Helen sighed. ‘I’ll get the toast.’

‘Thanks, Ma.’

Minutes later she was waving them off, Colm with his bag slung over one shoulder and carrying his toast and the cereal bar she’d pressed into his hand.

‘Don’t forget to send out the invoice to McNally’s,’ Johnny called back to her.

‘It went out in yesterday’s post,’ she told him.

‘What a woman!’ He winked at her and climbed into the car and drove away.

Helen smiled before hurrying back inside to tidy up. She had promised to drop into Marianne’s for coffee at eleven and there was much to do first. Once she’d cleaned up the breakfast things and making the beds, she collected the post from the doormat and took it into the small study to read. Along with the usual bills there was a brief note from the solicitor confirming an appointment with Marianne. She slid it into her friend’s file, which seemed to grow thicker every day.

After making some phone calls chasing up money and confirming quotations, Helen turned her attention to her upcoming party. As she scanned her to-do list she was reasonably happy that everything was under control. It was nowhere near as big a production as the parties they’d had in the past but it would still cost a couple of grand. Perhaps that was what was bothering Johnny, she mused. He hadn’t said so. In fact he hadn’t even asked what it was costing, but maybe he would have preferred something more low-key. Helen felt a pang of guilt. She had always organized their social life and Johnny had always been more than happy to let her. She should have been the one to suggest putting off the party until business improved. After all, they had Colm’s eighteenth coming up in a few short months and quite apart from a party, they were planning to present him with a small car and a voucher for driving lessons. Feeling even guiltier at the thought of all that expense, Helen went back through her list, looking for ways to make cuts. She felt happier after she’d reduced the outlay by three hundred euros and quickly getting dressed, she drove the short distance to Howth.

Marianne opened the door looking pale and tired.

‘You look terrible.’ Helen kissed her cheek.

‘Thanks very much,’ Marianne laughed. ‘And good morning to you too!’

‘Well, it’s true; aren’t you sleeping?’ Helen followed her down the hall to the kitchen.

‘I am, but Andrew isn’t. Three nights in a row he’s ended up in bed beside me. I wouldn’t mind but he is such a fidget.’

Dot looked up from her ironing. ‘Hello, love, how are you?’

‘I’m fine thanks; how are you doing?’ Helen went to kiss her noticing that despite Dot’s warm smile, there was still some pain in those lovely green eyes. Marianne had been right not to tell her what Dominic had been up to.

‘Are you all set for the party?’

‘I think so; you’re coming, Dot, aren’t you?’

‘The day I miss a Sheridan do, they’ll be carrying me out the door in a box,’ Dot assured her. ‘I can’t believe that you’ve been married twenty years.’

‘It feels like fifty,’ Helen joked.

‘Tea or coffee, Helen?’

‘Oh, coffee please, Marianne.’

‘Dot?’

‘Nothing for me,’ Dot glanced at the clock. ‘I’m going to pop into town for a while.’ She lifted the pile of ironing in her arms. ‘I’ll just put these away first. Cut some of the fruit cake, Marianne; it’s lovely, even if I do say so myself.’

‘How are things? Any more news?’ Helen whispered when Dot had left them.

‘Nothing. I assume you know Johnny is bringing a guy to see the house tomorrow?’ Marianne folded down the ironing board and put it away.

‘Oh, Marianne.’ Helen wasn’t sure what to say. If there was one thing she, Marianne and Jo understood it was the value of having a place to call your own. It must be tearing her apart having to give that up. ‘I’m sure that it will only be temporary.’

‘Yes.’ Marianne forced a smile.

‘Johnny seems fairly confident that this guy would be a good tenant. Are you definitely going ahead with the move to Kilbarrack?’

‘It would be madness not to; it will save us a fortune.’

‘True. How are you coping?’ Helen asked. Marianne seemed to get thinner every time she saw her. ‘It can’t be easy keeping this latest bombshell from Dot.’

‘It’s not,’ Marianne admitted. ‘But I have to. I’m also going to actively start looking for a job.’

‘What would you like to do?’

‘Do you think I’ll have much choice?’ Marianne laughed as she set two mugs of coffee on the table and fetched Dot’s fruit cake.

‘Maybe not but I think there are always jobs for people with very specific skills, and you did very well managing the installation of that new computer system for Treacy Travel.’

‘And I really enjoyed it, but how many small companies do you think are installing new systems these days?’ Marianne pointed out. ‘It would be great to get some kind of work in that area but I won’t hold my breath; I’m ready to give anything a shot.’