Everybody Has Those Thoughts So It Doesn't Mean You're Gay (4 page)

“Yes. It would bounce off and go in another direction. The same thing happens when you feel a connection to someone and then you prevent yourself from expressing it with a hug. If you were to put your foot over the hugging hole by saying that it was wrong to feel that, then those feelings are going to bounce off and go somewhere else.

What will happen then is that your brain will go around looking for what it thinks is the next best expression of that feeling. Many times hugging is put into the sexual activity category of our brains, so when your brain can’t attach those close connection feelings with hugging, it sometimes connects it to kissing.

This new connection means that whenever you feel close to someone, instead of wanting to hug them, you now think about kissing them. So if you suddenly feel close to your best friend, you might imagine kissing them.

But if you also try to block any thought you might have of kissing your best friend, your brain will then look for the next best connection. The next best connection could be getting an erection. And there is nothing that you can do to prevent an erection, so that is where it would stay.

All of this can happen simply because you won’t allow yourself to hug someone you feel connected with. And when this happens, you might still like girls just as much as the next guy. The only difference between you and the next guy would be that you also have a couple of unexpected reactions to guys you feel close to.”

“I think I understand what you’re saying. But, how is it that…” Jack couldn’t find the right words. “There are people who are gay, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then if this is how people have gay thoughts, and it doesn’t mean that they’re gay, how can you tell if you are gay?”

“What I described is how gay thoughts can sometimes happen in otherwise straight people. But some people are born with grooves that aren’t as easy to block or change. Sometimes when a boy looks at a boy, or a girl looks at a girl, their brains carry those messages down to a certain part of the brain that releases chemicals that make them feel really good. Those are the people that are born gay. Those boys and girls figure this out about themselves when they are pretty young.

But that is not how it works for the majority of people that have unexpected feelings toward the same sex. It is a little less black and white for the majority of people who have had feelings for a member of the same sex.”

“Are there a lot of people that have unexpected feelings for the same sex?” Jack asked, very interested in the answer.

“Almost half of everyone who has ever lived has had at least one unexpected feeling or thought for a person of the same sex. And the majority of them would also consider themselves to be completely straight.”

“So how do you know what you are?” Jack asked.

“Well, for those that don’t automatically know, it becomes a personal decision about who you want to be considering the feelings that they are having.

There was this guy years ago that studied this topic. His name was Dr. Kinsey and he created a way to help understand unexpected same sex feelings. What he did was he created a scale that you can compare yourself to.

On one side of the scale are people that have never had an unexpected same sex thought or feeling. On the other side of the scale were people that have never had a sexual feeling for people of the opposite sex.

He gave those who have never had an unexpected thought toward the same sex a score of zero, and those that have never had an opposite sex thought a six. Everyone else in the world got a one though five.

A one meant that you had an unexpected thought or feeling about the same sex, but you have never and will never act on it. A two meant that you had an unexpected thought or feeling and have acted on it, but you know that your feelings for the opposite sex are much stronger than your feelings for the same sex.

A three means that you have just as many feelings for the same sex as you do the opposite sex. A four means that you have had many thoughts and feelings for people of the opposite sex, but you have much stronger feelings for those of the same sex.

A five means that you have had unexpected thoughts and feelings about people of the opposite sex, but you would never act on them. And a six means that you have only had thoughts or feelings for people of the same sex.”

“Wow,” Jack said, amazed at what his father had said.

“People are all very different. And one thought or feeling a person has for their friend or a loved one doesn’t make a person gay or straight. In fact, what Dr. Kinsey also learned was that just because you have a score when you are young, doesn’t mean that you will have the same score later in life. He learned that sometimes your score will go up on the scale, and sometimes it will go down.

There is no right place to be on the scale. And anyone that tells you that one score is better than the other, is wrong. If we were all supposed to be the same, then we wouldn’t have all been made so differently. And the fact that we are all different means that our differences are important and good. Got it?”

“Yeah, I do,” Jack replied with a big smile.

“Good,” Jack’s dad said, returning his son’s smile.

*****

5

Jack’s dad returned his focus to his first putt on the final hole. But instead of putting he thought for a second. “Since I know that you were a little distracted before, how about I give you a chance to win it all.”

“Ok,” Jack said, excited to still be able to go home with a win.

“This last hole is winner take all. I’ll putt first. If I sink a hole in one then I am still the champ. If I don’t then you have the chance to win. Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

Jack’s dad leaned over his golf ball gripping his club tightly. This last hole was a long one and a hole in one was nearly impossible. Even so, Jack’s dad gently lined up the putter and gave the ball a whack.

The ball let out a ‘ping’ as it left the club. It bounced off the rubber wall, circled the corner and headed straight for the hole.

Jack watched his possible win disappear before his eyes. As the ball got closer to the hole, Jack’s hopes got smaller. And finally when the ball rimmed around the top of the hole, Jack’s heart sunk.

But an amazing thing happened. The ball was traveling with so much speed that even though the ball circled the rim of the hole, it didn’t drop in. It dipped down into the edge of the hole, but kept on circling until the ball curled back over the rim and popped out.

It was a near perfect shot. Jack had never seen a hole in one on this last hole. This was the closest he’d seen.

 Once the ball left the rim of the cup, it rolled less than a foot away. It would be an easy two putt for his dad. Jack, who had been excited when the ball rimmed out, felt his heart sink again.

“Did you see that putt,” Jack’s dad said excitedly. “There is only one type of putt that could beat that, and you know what type that is.”

“A hole in one,” Jack said sadly.

“That’s right, a hole in one. And I just want to add that there is no shame in coming in second. We had fun and that’s the most important part.”

“We could still tie,” Jack added, trying to feel better about his chances.

“Oh no. I said that I would give you a chance to win, not a chance to tie. If we tie, I win. And like I said, there is no shame in coming second, especially to a licensed kick-buttockogist like me. And don’t worry, there is always next time.”

Jack loved his dad a lot, but one thing that Jack knew about his dad was that he was a sore winner. He knew that his dad would talk about this great putt for the next week. Jack didn’t want that.

So Jack took a good look at all of the grooves in the grass. He lined his ball up to the main one just as his father had. With care he leaned himself over the ball and took a little breath.

With the club just right, he pulled his putter back and heard the ‘ping.’ The ball took the same path as his dad’s. It bounced off of the rubber wall and then curved around the corner. It didn’t have as much speed as his dad’s and the closer it got to the hole, the less likely it looked like it would make it.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion now. Jack watched as the ball eased its way up to the hole. There was definitely not enough speed. In fact, the ball rolled all the way up to the rim of the hole, the very edge of the hole, and then stopped. Jack’s heart dropped to the ground.

Jack felt the breath come out of him. He looked down at his feet and then up at his father, who had a huge grin on his face. The game was over… or so they both thought.

What they didn’t know was what was holding the ball back. If anyone had gotten up close to the ball, not just close, but really close, they would have seen that the only thing holding the ball back was a single blade of artificial grass.

That small fact wouldn’t have made any difference if the mini-golf course was newer, but it wasn’t. This was an old, worn out golf course, and the grass was just as worn.

On a newer course that artificial blade of grass would have held its ground. But on this worn course where the laughing clown often needed fixing and where there were grooves in the grass, the worn blade of grass could not.

After a second, or maybe it was two, that worn blade of grass let go and Jack’s ball, which he had struck just perfectly, fell in the cup. Jack was the new champion.

When Jack saw this, a huge smile crawled across his face. He hesitated for a moment before he looked up at his father because he knew that his dad would be devastated. But when he did look, that wasn’t what he found.

What Jack found was an even bigger smile on his father’s face. Jack didn’t think that his dad could smile any bigger than when he would take home the victory, but somehow his dad had found a way.

Still with his oversized smile, Jack’s dad dropped his putter and walked over to his son. In one move he threw his arms around his son and held him tighter than he had in years. Jack could do nothing but to stand there and hug him back.