Fabio's Remorse (Hell Raiders MC Book 5) (11 page)

20

Fabio

Funeral parlors were fucking miserable places, no matter where they were. This one was no different. The man waiting at the door was the same one who helped with the arrangements, in what looked like the same dark grey suit.

He opened the door and offered his hand. "Mr. Reach." That damn solemn expression got the fuck all over my nerves. "Right this way." His gaze flicked over me, taking in the jeans, boots, dark gray t-shirt, and cut, and his mouth turned even lower with disapproval.

It took everything I had not to make some smartass remark about motherfuckers in cheap suits needing to keep their sour grapes to themselves. Bastard probably already worried I would send them more business. And he could be right about that, starting with him.

Okay, it wasn't just his expression that set my teeth on edge. The whole ritual felt fucked up. Explaining to the kids, mostly Tyler, what they would see and hear seemed like the ultimate wrong. I chose to have the caskets closed, since I had no idea how the kids might react to seeing their parents that way. Hell, I had no idea how
I
would feel.

For the first hour, the kids and I sat there alone. Nicole cried a little, but Tyler was mostly fascinated with the flowers, the rows of chairs, and the piano to one side. When the Family Only time ended, Crank came in.

"You guys feel like going to get something to eat?" He leaned down with a conspiratorial wink. "I asked Ms. Channing to have dinner with me, but she won't unless you're there, too."

Tyler gave an enthusiastic nod, excited at the prospect of dinner, but Nicole shook her head. "If it's okay, I'd like to stay here."

"Sure. Keep Fabio out of trouble for me, okay? He's not all that good at social shit." Crank gave her a gentle fist bump. "I'll check back in a bit."

I hugged her after Crank and Tyler left. "You doing okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It's not easy."

"No, it's sure as hell not." I led her to the front, near the caskets. "These people come in, if it's somebody I should know, make sure to tell me."

"I'll try."

The kid stood by me like a trooper, brave as fuck, greeting people and introducing me to the ones who had no clue Alexis had a brother. Several of her teachers came through, and a couple of friends from school.

"Caleb Reach? Oh my God, I had no idea you were in town. Oh, my. You have changed a
lot.
" The blonde in front of me looked vaguely familiar. "Oh, I'm so sorry, your head must be spinning from poor Alexis' death, you probably don't even remember me, right? Cecile Turner. I was on the cheer squad with Alexis. You tutored me in Spanish, remember?"

Oh yeah, I remembered, all right. "Um, nope, sorry, I really don't remember." Even though she knew I was with Justine, she tried really hard to
repay
me for tutoring her. The day she stripped while conjugating verbs was the day I stopped tutoring her. 

The fake smile of sympathy faded. "Well, I was really sorry to hear what happened." Her sharp gaze flicked over my ink, and clothing. "If you're back in town to stay, you should give my brother a call. He owns a landscaping service, and he's always hiring." The bitchy tone scraped across my raw nerves.

I gave my own fake-ass smile and leaned in close so no one could overhear. "Thanks, sugar, but I don't have time for a second job. I'm dedicated like that, just like other girls never tempted me back in the day." Pissing her off might not be the smart move, but the bitch rubbed me the wrong way. I stepped back and released her hand. "Thanks for coming, Cecile."

She glared at me a few seconds before moving on. I turned to say hello to Mrs. Green, an elementary school teacher who lived a couple of streets over when Alexis and I were growing up. The next couple of hours passed in a blur of faces from the past. A few people came through who I'd have liked to spend a little time catching up with, but it would have to wait.

By the time everyone left, I felt wrung out. No doubt, Nicole felt worse. Despite her bravery, her eyes were reddened and a little swollen, and her face looked drawn. "Let's get out of here and get something to eat."

Poor kid just nodded and took my hand.

The funeral guy stopped us on the way out. "Pardon me, Mr. Reach. One of our services here is to ensure that the close family members of the departed have the appropriate clothing, to properly express their bereavement, during the visitation and service. I couldn't help but notice your attire for this evening seemed a bit casual for the somberness of the occasion. I'm fairly certain we have something that would fit you reasonably well." He spit the whole thing out in one breath, as if expecting to be cut off at any second.

Stunned, I just stood there for a few seconds. Anger quickly followed, but Nicole squeezed my hand a little. "Uh, okay, that's good to know. In the future, you might want to consider what's appropriate to you could mean absolutely nothing to the motherfucker you're speaking to."

Rather than stick around to see what he thought of my opinion, I led Nicole on toward the door, and out. With my luck, I would probably be banned from my sister's funeral, or some bullshit. Still, I had no intention of wearing a fucking suit and tie. A dress shirt under my cut was as good as they would get.

Helping my niece climb on the back of my bike ended up far less awkward than I expected. The prospect excited her, and she hopped up with no hesitation after I secured her helmet. The ride to the restaurant went quickly, and Nicole proved to be a natural.

While we waited for our food to come, I took the opportunity to talk to her. "You going to be up for going back to school Monday? I know it's only a few weeks, but I hate for you to miss more than you have already."

"Yeah." She paused for a sip of her water. "I just hope everyone doesn't treat me all weird."

"I hear you. But usually when people do that, it's because they don't know what to say, or what to expect. They'll get over it soon." At least, I hoped they would.

"Well, it sucks. I'm still just me, even if my parents are dead."

I wasn't quite sure what to say to that. "This is true."

Our food came, and I was glad to have that part of the conversation over. I started on my burger, suddenly aware I skipped lunch.

"Can I ask you something?" Nicole pushed her fries around on her plate.

"Of course. What is it?"

"Mom told me why you stayed away, that a girl broke your heart. Do you have a girlfriend now?" Gray eyes watched me expectantly.

Fuck, she knew how to get right down to brass tacks. "No. I'm not involved with anyone."

She nodded a little and took a bite of her burger. "Do you still love her?"

I froze for an instant. Did I still love Justine? Of course I did, on some level. Out of all the questions I had asked myself since reading that fucking letter, I always managed to avoid figuring that one out. "I don't know."

She went on with more questions, but my brain froze on that one. Now that the complete thought presented itself, I couldn't get rid of it. Even as I answered her questions about the Hell Raiders and club life, I searched for the answer. If the chance to be with Justine again ever came along, could I refuse?

Finally, meal finished, we went on home. Crank already had Tyler tucked in and sound asleep. Nicole quickly excused herself to call her friend and go to bed.

"Everything go alright?" Crank handed me a beer.

I let the cold liquid soothe away some of the tension. "Yeah. Lots of people I hadn't seen in years. And the funeral guy offered me clothes." I explained the short conversation, much to Crank's amusement.

"So you going to dress appropriately?" Bastard was enjoying this way too much.

"Fuck no, but I did get a dress shirt to wear under my cut. That's as fancy as I'm going to get." We talked a few more minutes, then Crank headed for bed, leaving me to entertain myself.

Fatigue pulled at my bones, so I fixed my makeshift bed on the sofa. I could have stayed in Alexis' and Simon's room, but I felt weird about that. And since Crank moved into the guest room, here I was. I settled and tried to get comfortable, with no luck.

Probably better for me to be downstairs for the time being, anyway. Sleep was never my best friend, since my first firefight, but being back home added a new dimension to insomnia. And now I ran into Justine twice in one day.

Fuck me. Why the hell did I touch her? Kiss her? No question about it, I was a fucking idiot. Should have just went on my way and ignored her. But no, I had to rub salt in the wound.

The encounter with her on the street kept replaying through my mind. Could I have imagined her response? If I'm honest, yeah, I sure could have. But I didn't think she kissed me like a woman who was fucking another man. If she loved some other man, she should have fucking kneed me in the balls. Right?

My memory went immediately to the hard item that brushed over my ribs just as I released her. A gun? I replayed those few seconds, trying to be sure, but the only thing I remembered for certain was how she felt in my arms again.

The memory sent my dick surging. It had been way too fucking long. I fisted my hard-on, remembering every detail of what her body felt like for those few seconds when she yielded. She fit my arms even better than before. I could easily imagine carrying her to the parking lot, to where my bike had waited close to the old library. I would lay her over the tank, and fuck the uptight nonsense out of her, until I reminded her how she used to gasp my name when she came for me. And then I would introduce her to all the things we hadn't known to try back then.

It didn't take long, but even after I cleaned up, I couldn't stop thinking about Justine. She'd changed in the years since I held her last. She seemed almost…brittle. As if she bore way too much, and another straw on the camel's back would break her. Over the years, I've spent a lot of time hating her for what she did. Only now did it occur to me to actually wonder at the real reason. The inconsistency of her behavior bothered me, but I could never pursue it any further.

My remark about her not waiting for me offended her enough to make her use violence. The Justine I knew would never have slapped someone. She simply did not possess that kind of aggression. I doubt if she would have even fought back if someone hurt her. That
turn the other cheek
philosophy sparked part of her objection to my enlisting. So why did she slap me? And the old Justine certainly wouldn't have a gun.

After I kissed her, she had no idea who I meant when I asked if
he
kissed her like that. Maybe it didn't last? Did
he
even exist? From the way she melted into me, I had some doubts. But if not, then why dump me that way?

Because, you dumb fuck. She knew that was the one thing guaranteed to make you mad enough to accept her breaking it off.

But that still didn't explain why she dumped me to begin with. Her last letter before that one had the same little countdown thing she always put at the bottom, with the number of days until I came home and we got married. What changed in the few days between letters?

Fuck, sleep was not happening tonight. I learned a long time ago to get up and find something to do, instead of lying there awake and miserable. Sitting up, I pulled on my jeans, then stood to figure out what to do instead of torturing myself. A shit ton of other stuff should be taking up real estate in my head. Like my sister's funeral tomorrow, and her husband's.

But I couldn't get Nicole's question out of my damn head. Did I still love Justine? Yeah, I did.

21

Fabio

A couple hours before we needed to leave the house, I went upstairs to check on Tyler. Knowing he had a long day ahead, I figured he could use a nap. I sure as fuck could. Both of the kids had been quieter today than they had been so far, but that seemed pretty normal to me, considering the circumstances.

As I paused to open Tyler's door, the bathroom door opened and Nicole nearly mowed me down. "Hey, kiddo."

She looked up, tears streaming, and suddenly threw herself into my arms, sobbing.

"Hey, honey, you okay?" I held her and patted her back, totally at a loss. She'd cried off and on since I came, but not like this.

"I-I got m-my
period!
" She ended on a gut wrenching wail.

"Aw,
fuck,
honey." I scooped her up and carried her to her bed and set her down gently. "Do you need anything?"

She sat on her bed, knees drawn up and arms clasped around her abdomen, rocking back and forth, still crying. "I need my
mom.
"

My heart broke for her. "I know, honey." She didn't need to tell me it was her first one. I didn't think she would be so freaked out if she'd had it before. All I knew to do was hold her and let her know I was sorry. After a long time, she calmed a little. "Okay, honey, did your mom have stuff for you to use?"

Gray eyes went wide with alarm, and sudden embarrassment stained her pale cheeks. But she shook her head. "Not yet. Mom said we would play hooky and go get everything when it came." Her faint whisper broke my heart. If ever a girl needed her fucking mom, it was at a time like this. "We were going to have a special day, go for a fancy lunch, get our nails and hair done." The sobs started again.

Well, fuck, yet again. I had no clue what the hell to get for her. Only one person could help now. "I'm going to call my friend Cherry. She'll know what to do." Even if she was on the other side of the world, I knew Cherry would drop everything to help. I took out my phone, dialing.

Cherry answered on the first ring. "Hey, sweetie, I wondered when you were going to call."

Shame filled me for a moment, even as the comfort of Cherry's voice swept over me. "I'm sorry, Cherry. I should have called sooner, but I've been pretty wrapped up here." I took a deep breath for courage. "I have a situation here, and you're the only one I could think of to call."

"What's wrong, Fabio?" Concern filled her voice. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, it's my niece. She just got her period, and—"

"Let me talk to her." The take charge attitude that kept all the Hell Raiders running along smoothly came out. I handed the phone to Nicole. "Honey, this is my friend, Cherry. She's helped me a lot, and all the club girls go to her for stuff."

Nicole's hand trembled, but she took the phone. "H-hello?"

I held up a hand. "I'm going to check on Tyler while you talk. Call out when you're done." The last place I wanted to be at the moment was listening in on Nicole's end of this conversation. She gave a slight nod, and I retreated.

Tyler lay sprawled on his bed, snoring slightly, still fast asleep. I should probably wake him and get him something to eat, but I'd rather get Nicole's issue settled first. No fucking way I could explain that shit to a five-year old boy.

If Crank wasn't working, I could hand the kid off to him. The bastard didn't really lie when he told Ms. Channing he was a security consultant. He just left shit out. Fucker was scary-smart with computers, and could have taken his pick of government agencies or big companies to work for. Instead, he used his talents for the Hell Raiders when necessary. But the bulk of his work came from individuals who wanted information on other people, or to make sure their own shit stayed well covered.

I pulled Tyler's door closed, and stood there in the hallway, debating what I should do while I waited for Nicole. My gaze went to the door to my sister's room. I hadn't had the balls to go in there yet. I told myself I would wait until the kids went back to school, and take care of it then.

"Fabio?" Nicole's soft voice broke into my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I stopped in her door.

"Cherry wants to talk to you now." She was still curled into a knot on her bed, but the tears seemed to have let up a little.

I took the phone. "Cherry?"

"I'm here, sweetie." Her gentle hug practically came through the line. "I need you to go find some ibuprofen for her. It'll help the cramps. She's going to call her friend Tamara's mom, and ask her to get the things she needs."

A sigh of relief escaped me. "Thank fuck."

"Listen to me, Fabio. Just in case the mom isn't able to help, you need to be ready to go to the store for her."

"Shit." I've never even gone down the fucking tampon aisle at the store. How the fuck do I know what to get?

Cherry chuckled. "You'll survive. Now, I'm going to text you what to get for her. You'll need to make sure it's always available, especially until her cycle settles into a predictable pattern."

The floor refused to swallow me, no matter how hard I wished. "I don't want to know this shit, Cherry."

Bitch chuckled again. "Yeah, sweetie, but you suddenly have a young woman to take care of. This is part of the deal."

For the millionth time, I cussed the driver who killed my sister. "I thought I'd have more time." I talked with Cherry a few more minutes, catching up on what was happening back home. Nicole left, and came back a few minutes later, pale as fuck. "Okay, Cherry, I have to go."

"I know, sweetie. You take care of those precious babies, and try not to embarrass that sweet girl any more than she already is."

"I'll try my damnedest." I ended the call and offered the phone to Nicole.

"I already called Tamara on the house phone." She kept her face down, refusing to look at me. "Her mom is out of town for work."

My phone beeped with an incoming text, right on cue. I took a deep breath and put on my game face. "No worries, honey. I'll go get what you need real quick. Crank's in the guest room, working, if you need anything while I'm gone."

Her face went redder than I imagined possible. "I'm good. I'll wait here."

I turned to go. "Oh, hey, do you know where I can find ibuprofen for you? Cherry said it would help if you get cramps."

She shook her head. "Mom keeps that kind of stuff locked in her room. I don't know where the key is."

"Damn. Okay, I'll pick some up while I'm out." I stopped in to let Crank know I had to go out, then headed for the drug store. Hopefully they had what I needed.

The moment I stepped into the store, I spotted her. Justine waited by the prescription counter. Maybe I should have avoided her, but at the moment, desperation won out.

I approached her carefully. "Justine."

She turned to face me, immediately tensing.

"I'm really sorry for how I acted yesterday." I shrugged. "I know I was an ass."

She just nodded and turned away.

"Wait, Justine, can you help me?" I explained quickly. "You don't owe me anything, of course, but I'm kind of lost on this. My friend Cherry talked to her—"

"Of course I'll help, Caleb…Fabio." She went straight to the right area, glanced through the confusing array of packages, then handed me one. "Here. These will work."

"Thanks." I felt like a fucking idiot, and had no idea what to say. "I uh…"

Her mouth hardened to a thin line for a moment. "Give me your phone."

Surprised, I handed it over.

"I'm giving you my number. If your niece needs anything else, you can call me. I'm sure your girlfriend is capable, but if she isn't here, someone nearby might be of more help." She keyed her number in and handed the phone back.

Shock kept me silent for a minute while her words sank in. "Thank you, Justine. Cherry isn't my girlfriend. She's more like a mom to all the Raiders."

"Oh. Okay." The pharmacist called her name. "I have to go."

I nodded. "Yeah, me too. Thank you again." I pushed the encounter to the back of my mind to examine later, found the ibuprofen, paid, and hurried back to the house.

With the female crisis dealt with, I woke Tyler and gave him a snack. Shit, I needed to go to the fucking grocery store, too. I found a moment to text Justine, though.

Fabio here. Wanted 2 b sure u had my #. Thx again. If u need anything, call.

She probably wouldn't reply or anything, but I needed her to know I appreciated her help. Without her, confronted with so many choices, I would have been forced to ask a clerk, since I needed to hurry. Not like I wanted to read all those different packages, anyway.

The time to get ready came, and I checked in on Nicole on my way to help Tyler get dressed. "You doing okay, honey?"

"Yeah. Thank you." Her shy hug touched something within me I never dreamed might exist. I already knew I would do anything for these kids, but having her know it meant a lot.

I stroked her dark head. "We need to get ready. It'll be time to leave soon."

She nodded. "I know."

I dropped a little kiss to the top of her head and sent her to get dressed. I hurried and changed shirts, leaving the top button of the dress shirt open. The ordeal ahead would be rough enough, without strangling myself with a fucking shirt.

It took some convincing, but I finally got Tyler into the dress clothes I found in his closet. He fidgeted with the cuffs of his light blue shirt, and then tugged at his pants, face scrunched up in discomfort.

"What's wrong?"

"Hurts my
peeen-iss
but Mommy says I shouldn't say it unless it's 'mergentery." He tugged some more, then tried to stuff his hand down his pants.

Panic started to set in. "Where?"

He pointed to his crotch, tugging at the pants some more.

Shit. Just my luck. When the kid said peeen-iss he really did mean penis. I unbuttoned him. "Okay, reach in and straighten out your underwear. That'll help." At least, I hoped it would.

By the time we got poor Tyler's penis sorted, it was time to leave. Crank came down, dressed the same as me, and bleary-eyed from hours spent staring at a screen.

The visitation before the funerals went about the same as last night. The steady stream of people who knew Alexis and Simon through work, or kids wore me out. Not long before time for everyone to take a seat, an elderly woman approached, supported on either side by teenage boy.

The old lady stopped in front of me, peered up through her thick glasses, and nodded. "You'd be Alexis' brother, huh? You taking over them kids?"

What the hell? "Yes, ma'am."

"Good. I raised enough grandkids already." She went on her way, stopping by the caskets for a minute, then over to sit in the front row.

"That's Dad's grandma," Nicole informed me. "She's a mean old bitch."

I probably should have scolded her for cursing, but I couldn't bring myself to. It seemed like a fair assessment of the old girl.

At the funeral guy's cue, I led the kids to our seats. There for an instant, I thought I saw Justine in the back, but I couldn't go find out right then. The preacher's service dragged on forever, even if he didn't actually know Alexis and Simon. That pissed me off, but I sat through it.

Nicole shed a few tears, but Tyler mostly just squirmed in his seat. After a bit, he took a little car out of his pocket and started pushing it around. Little smuggler. I managed to catch Crank's eye, and he came and quietly led Tyler away. The kid shouldn't have to sit through a long, boring sermon just because he had the bad luck for his parents to die.